Cady Heron (differentcolor) wrote in tell_a_tale, @ 2008-04-11 06:36:00 |
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Entry tags: | autumn harding, player: lindsay |
Who: Autumn Harding [Horse of a Different Color]
What: Her state of mind right now. Character Development.
When: After this
Where: Her apartment
Rating: R for nudity, but nothing sexual. Obviously?
Status: Complete Narrative.
Yes, Autumn was crying now.
She had actually done a decent job lately, just making herself busy by cleaning her apartment meticulously and watching movies. No romance, nor did they have any semblance of it in them. She was smart enough to not do that to herself right now.
Not smart enough to avoid journals though. Rylee had been trying to get a hold of her, and Rylee needed her. Autumn needed Rylee. But at this point, Autumn didn't know what to do. She would get nothing but a tongue lashing from Rylee should she break down and call her, and not only that, but she wouldn't know at all what to say. Both of them were being stubborn, and both of them were being selfish. And Autumn realized how detrimental her little escapade was getting, should the people she need the most, Rylee, Ty, and her brother and sister, Tevin and Spring, decide to reach out to her. She wouldn't know the first thing to say, or the first thing to do, to get things back the way they were.
She needed a shower. She needed to cleanse herself of this crying and all around horrible feeling in the bottom of her stomach that was making her so self-deprecating. She walked into the bathroom, avoiding looking in the mirror at her eyes that she knew would be red and puffy. Those usually pretty, happy blue eyes where going to show nothing but sadness and hopelessness. She shed her clothes slowly, and placed them on her counter next to her towel. She opened the glass door, and closed it behind her before turning the silver faucets to start the water rushing down.
...And it didn't help. Because all her mind was thinking of was what got her to this point of exile in the first place. She couldn't help but relate to Rylee. She needed someone to be there for her right now. The four people she cared about right now, the nearest and dearest to her, didn't seem to care. Not to her. But now that she was looking at it, she knew Micah cared about Rylee. He loved her. Yet he was acting like he hadn't cared either. She knew deep down that everyone she was distancing herself the most from cared. But the point was, they didn't notice when she needed them the most. She needed to know at that moment that they cared.
She couldn't control her knees as they pretty much gave, causing her to sink to the cold, wet floor of the shower. She must have looked like she just got shot in the chest. She slowly brought her legs out from underneath her, and curled them up to her chest, the water just rushing over her head as she began to cry harder. She hugged her knees close to her, her shoulders starting to shake.
She hated that she needed them too. She was off to prove she didn't need them, and it was like it all went to waste. Shane had said she relied on people entirely too much, and she didn't want people thinking that about her. Especially if that someone was Ty. She never wanted him to think that she wasn't a strong person, but she feared that that was how he viewed her. The fragile little girl that he had to save all the time. Just another inconvenience to him. She dropped her head, resting her forehead on her knees as she just simply started sobbing.
She stayed like that for a while, just crying and crying, until her water started to run cold. She finally composed herself enough to stand up and turn off the water, her crying beginning to slow. She grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her before grabbing her dirty clothes. She walked through her room, through the kitchen, to the door leading to her washer and dryer, tossing those clothes in the washer. She wiped the last of her tears away, and closed the door.
She walked back into her room, but on shorts and a sports bra, and climbed into bed. She turned her head to look at the clock. Two in the morning. What did her mom always do when she was upset? Listen to music. INXS. She opened up her laptop and put it next to her on the bed. She opened her music player, and she had an INXS playlist already made. She pressed repeat, and shuffle, so that it could keep playing if she fell asleep. She laid her head down on her pillow and stared at the ceiling as the first song started playing.
And that song happened to be "By My Side." She started singing along with Michael Hutchence softly with the first verse.