Bring me the nastiest colours known to humanity (blpaintchart) wrote in talesoflore, @ 2008-10-28 12:20:00 |
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Can you fathom the way a werewolf’s mind works?
Got your eye on a lovely lycanthrope, but not quite sure whether the two of you are made for each other?
Well, try our handy quiz to discover if you’ll hit it off before you attempt to go kit off with each other!
Q1. Lycanthropy is:
a) A swotty word for ‘wolfy’.
b) Unimportant if you really, really love somebody.
c) A good excuse to do bugger-all one night per month.
Q2. Your werewolf comes home exhausted after a hard day at work. You suggest:
a) Some drinks and then some sex.
b) Some chocolate and then some sex.
c) Some sex involving bondage gear, mild torture, and various foodstuffs. And for dessert; chocolate, drinks, and then some more sex.
Q3. The best thing about the night of a full moon is:
a) Running around outside, chasing rabbits.
b) Having time alone to practice my house-keeping spells.
c) An animated rug to keep my feet warm.
Q4. The worst thing about the night of a full moon is:
a) Fleas.
b) Feeling lonely.
c) How prone that damn rug is to shedding.
Q5. What do you get for the werewolf who has everything?
a) Nothing. He’s already got everything, right?
b) Some fashionable knitwear, and a comedy ‘naked lady’ apron.
c) Leather boots, corsetry, blindfold, gag, and handcuffs. Then flip a coin to see which of you will model them.
Q6. You would recognise a werewolf immediately because:
a) He’s the only one who can outpace me during a hunt for small mammals.
b) Is it something about the snout shape and tufted tail?
c) Strength, stamina and feral abandon. I refuse to divulge the details.
Q7. Your werewolf wants to take you on a hot date. You:
a) Get plastered, drag him out nightclubbing, and grab a kebab on your way home.
b) Book a table at a cosy Bistro you know.
c) Lock the doors, close off the floo, pour some wine and unlock the case of specialist equipment that you’ve been saving for a very particular occasion.
Q8. Summer holidays are coming up. You start looking at brochures for:
a) A nudist resort.
b) A romantic beach getaway.
c) No need to bother. You’ll use the same discreet dungeon as last year.
Q9. Happiness is:
a) Being with your mates; drinking, laughing, and invariably ending the night with the biscuit game!
b) Managing to silence his objections. We’re getting married! Whee!
c) Happiness? Sorry, don’t understand the question.
Q10. Your werewolf suggests sharing a home with a younger person. Who does he obviously have in mind?
a) My godson of course. What a laugh- it’d be just like the old days!
b) He wants to make a baby!
c) Regulus Black. Admittedly, the dark magic required to raise him from the dead will be immensely difficult and dangerous, and has the potential to land us both in Azkabhan, but, if I remember correctly, he will be well worth the effort. Mmmmm.
Q11. Werewolves have a notoriously crap dress sense. How would you deal with this?
a) Do they? I’ve never noticed.
b) You see, it’s not about how they look from the outside, it’s who they are on the inside that is important.
c) Strip him. A simple collar and lead will be far easier on the eye.
Q12. And, finally, what is your werewolf’s ideal choice of pet?
a) Easy; a black dog! Part-time, of course.
b) I don’t think it’s a good idea to have pets around a small baby.
c) That bloody sloth. Like him, it’s hairy, gormless but good-natured. And, also like him, it can hang from a suitable fixture indefinitely.
Answers:
Mostly A’s: Oh dear. I suppose it’s time to break the news to you; this isn’t 1979 anymore! We know you love your lycanthrope, and the two of you have always been great mates, but time passes, things move on, and behaving like a couple of schoolboys with the occasional bit of balls-touching naughtiness might not be the best approach to a long-term relationship. Remember that werewolves tend to get a bit grey and creaky around the age of forty. Don’t fret, though; with your good looks and your well-stocked booze cabinet, you’ll have no trouble finding boys or gals who want to show you a boisterous time!
Mostly B’s: Blimey, you’ve got it bad, eh? You’re the kind of person who thinks that they would like nothing better than to settle down with a werewolf and get to work on raising a cuddly litter or two! Sounds great, eh? Wrong! You’re a young, bright, accident-prone bundle of cheekiness and fun and you shouldn’t be chasing lycanthropes as they tend to be too old, too poor, too badly-dressed and too batting-for-the-wrong-team for your needs. Start thinking realistically; you’d be better off sitting in a corner and making your hair go mousey brown- at least until a strapping Weasley comes along!
Mostly C’s: Sarcasm, misanthropy and sadism. For most people, these are slightly sinister words. For you, they are a way of life! And, contrary to popular opinion, it’s this dark, sour, argumentative side that makes you a perfect companion for a cheerful, optimistic, pleasant lycanthrope. There are so many interests the two of you share, from the intellectual and academic, to the frighteningly extreme end of the erotic spectrum. If you two had a coat of arms, the motto would be ‘Comfy Slippers and Kinky Sex.’ Sounds heavenly! Got room for a visitor?