my_sam_dean (my_sam_dean) wrote in t_31_bang, @ 2008-10-10 00:36:00 |
|
|||
Title: The Beginning -- What Could Have Been
Author's Name: my_sam_dean
Disclaimer: I own nothiing Supernatural. This is fictional. No money is being made.
Warnings: None, or does schmoop count?
Ratings: R
Summary: Jess and Sam meet and move in together.
Author's Note: How I think Sam's life may have gone if Jess hadn't died.
Sam and Jess had just left the cafeteria. What passed for food at Stanford was atrocious but at least good conversation made it easier to ignore the taste while they ate it. They had met the second week of school. Sam had been cruising across campus, reading a book and Jess was too petite to be seen over the top of his book. As a result, their books went flying.
Sam's face turned red as he tried to stammer out a proper apology. Jess just laughed as they sorted out their books. Sam was uninjured but Jess had a skinned knee. He helped her over to the medical center even though she swore she could make it there on her own. He was taken in by her smile, laugh and carefree attitude. She fell for the gentle giant who wore his heart on his sleeve. Heck of a first date, if you could call it that.
Their official date was to the cafeteria. That's not much better than how they met. Maybe their first date off campus would be better . . .
The dorms were loud and they needed to escape. The tossed on their sneakers and headed outside. Jess hooked her arm around Sam's and they went on a walk. Sam learned to slow down his pace because his stride covered much more ground than Jess's'.
They found some diners and fast-food restaurants not far from campus along with pizza places. A grocery store with food, newspapers, stamps and envelopes, snacks and other personal necessities that a student might need. There was an old movie theater that was only open Saturdays and Sundays. Jess jotted down the number so they could call for more information. It looked like a step back in time from the outside. They could only imagine the beautiful architecture on the inside.
On the way back, Jess began to shiver.
"Are you cold?"
"N-Not bad," she replied.
Sam took his coat off and put it around her shoulders. It went way down her thighs.
"I don't want you to get cold," she protested.
"I wore other layers underneath," Sam showed her his three other shirts. "I'll be fine for the time it takes to get back. Besides, I like how it looks on you."
"Really?" Jess did a spin and smiled up at him.
"Yeah." Sam put his hands on her waist and pulled her close. He pressed his lips to hers hesitantly at first until she responded and reached for his biceps. It was just gentle and soft. Sam moved away first and cleared his throat. "I guess we should be getting back. Our roommates might be wondering where we are."
"I think mine is out for the night." Jess thought for a minute. "Or else she was bringing her date back to the dorm. In that case, eww, I'll be trying to sleep with my iPod on."
"Mine will probably be there. Along with his closest friends and a keg. Ever had fifteen guys crammed in a dorm room when they're drunk and sweaty? It isn't pretty. Then there's the puking and other aftermath to deal with. I'm going to try for a different roommate next year. I just don't think we're compatible."
"This would be mine." Jess said as she stopped in front of a dorm and reluctantly gave Sam his jacket back. "Call me if it's too unbearable."
"Same for you. Good night."
"Good night. I'll call you tomorrow so we can make plans."
"Sounds good." Sam watched her make it safely into her dorm before continuing to his dorm. As he approached the door, he was surprised that there was no blaring music. He entered to find just his roommate in their room.
"Andy. What are you up to tonight?"
"One of the guys turns 21 at midnight so we're taking him out for his power hour and then drinking in his room so he doesn't have so far to crawl when he's feeling lousy. Looks like you can get a good night's sleep or come with."
"I've been blasted with homework. I'd love to hear how it goes, though. Wish him a happy birthday from me though."
"Will do. Looks like it's time to go up and get the birthday boy all nervous about the horrendous drinks we're going to make him drink when we take him out."
"Try to go easy on him."
"Why would I do that?"
"In a couple years, you'll be twenty-one. Payback's a bitch."
"I've been using my fake ID for so long now. Drinking won't be remotely new when I turn twenty-one."
Sam just watched him walk out the door before cracking open his first book. It was a very thick book with small print. He doubted there were many pictures. Just what had he gotten himself into? Could he really do college or was it just a pipe dream?
After a few months of playing the 'Whose Roommate is Home?" game to spend time together, many evening walks and goodnight kisses, Jess had some news after calling home.
"I have a great idea, Sam."
"Oh, yeah?"
"It's not something we've talked about, so I don't know what you'll think."
"What is it?"
"I was talking to my folks, and they said they would pay for me to live off-campus," Jess was chewing her lip.
"Oh. How far will you be off-campus?" Sam's first thought was that he didn't have a car so if her place wasn't in walking distance, he'd have to hope it was a place she could walk to..
"I don't know. We haven't started looking yet." Jess took a breath before continuing. "We're supposed to meet them for dinner tomorrow night."
"Okay . . . " Sam was going through his wardrobe in his head.
"I told them I wanted you to move in with me," Jess's voice got softer and softer until Sam had to lean down to hear her at the end.
"Oh!" He couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.
"We'd get a place with two bedrooms so that there'd be no pressure--What do you think? We could just move over Christmas break."
"I'm here on scholarship, Jess. I don't have the money to pay for a place." Sam's face turned red. "Maybe I could get more hours on nights and weekends. I think the student union office was looking for help."
"Then I'd never see you, Sam. My folks are well-to-do. They'd pay for the apartment and whatever else we'd need."
"You don't even know if they'll remotely like me."
"Yes, I do. They will because I do." Jess took Sam's hands in her smaller ones. "So you don't think I'd be an awful roommate?"
"I think you'd be an awesome roommate," Sam gathered Jess into his arms. He kissed the top of her head. "At the risk of sounding like a girl though, I have nothing to wear to impress your folks. Can you help me find something?"
"Sure. We can go shopping right after class. You just need a dress shirt and tie, Hon. I'm just wearing jeans and a dressy shirt."
"Anything I should know about them?"
Jess told Sam about her parents and told him that dinner would go fine. Sam worried about it. Even after dinner, he was concerned about how it had went.
When Jess's mother called to tell her that they would pay for Jess's apartment, she also told Jess that she'd feel better if Sam was staying with her. She said Sam had an honest face and that she and Jess's father felt Jess would be safer if Sam was there.
Sam was jittery and Jess was excited when they looked at places close to campus. Jess found one that she loved. Sam had to agree that it was nice.
Jess arranged for the cash they needed to furnish their apartment. Sam, who had been raised to find bargains, took Jess to second hand stores to find what they needed. Jess enjoyed their outings and that each item that they found was unique.
Her parents found they liked Sam more and more when he wasn't interested in money. Jess had told her mother about her treasures and interesting finds and the antique or second hand stores. They had insisted on buying Jess and Sam new beds, though. Jess decorated one bedroom to Sam's taste and one to hers.
After hauling up all the boxes and thanking their friends who helped them with the furniture, Sam and Jess collapsed on the couch.
"At least it all fits," Jess sighed.
"We didn't have much in our dorms. I think you threw together a beautiful home, Jess."
She laughed. "It isn't even set up yet."
"We can just unpack the bathroom and bedroom for now. The rest of this will fall together in the morning."
"Really?" She looked up at Sam.
"Yeah. Doesn't a shower sound good?"
"Heavenly."
"Go ahead. I'll find the towels and set them out for you."
Jess kissed him. "That's why I'm dating you, Sam. You spoil me."
"You still need to find the soap and shampoo."
"There's one box in the bathroom that I packed that all in. Consider it found."
Sam began opening boxes until he found the towels. He knocked on the bathroom door. When Jess called for him to come in, Sam replied, "I'll put your towels here on the vanity. Is two bath towels enough?"
"Thanks, Sam. I'll be right out so you can get cleaned up."
"Oh, no hurry. Take your time."
Sam closed the bathroom door and brought his bag and a couple boxes in his room. He and Jess had necked somewhat but had never removed any clothing. He felt odd putting his belongings in another room but didn't feel that he should be in Jess's room, either.
In his duffel, he kept the few weapons and books on the supernatural that he owned. He wrapped them in an old sweat suit and pushed the bag, along with all signs of his secrets, all the way under his bed. Satisfied that it was hidden, he made his bed and put his clothes in the closet.
"Sam?" Jess was standing in his doorway. "Did you want in the shower?"
"Yeah, I was just getting a head start on tomorrow," Sam flashed her a smile.
Fresh out of the shower, Sam joined Jess on the couch. "Want me to hook up the TV and VCR? We could watch a movie."
"No. I'm tired." Jess laid her head on Sam's shoulder. "I was just waiting up for you."
Sam put his arm around her and thought about how they fit together perfectly.
"I know we have two bedrooms," Jess told Sam without looking at him. "I'm not suggesting anything more, but I'd rest easier if you were next to me. Does that make me a wimp?"
"No. It makes you human, Jess. Should I check the front door and then help you make the bed?"
She gave him a small smile. He walked through the kitchen to make sure the deadbolt and chain was locked before helping Jess get linens on her bed.
Sam shut off the light and slid in beside Jess. It was awkward. Not the first time he'd been awkward around Jess, but definitely the most uncomfortable.
She moved closer and laid her head on his chest. "Is this okay?" she asked as she put her hand over his heart.
Sam put an arm around her. "It's better than okay." They took a few moments to settle in.
"Why did you move in with me?" Jess asked Sam.
He rubbed her back and replied, "Because you asked me to and I wanted to be more to you than someone you just went on walks with and had to sneak around the dorms with."
"It was getting old. I wanted to know more about you and found myself thinking about you whenever I wasn't with you."
"Nice to know I'm not the only one."
Sam laid there in silence while he thought of a way to carefully word what he had to say. "Remember how I've never talked about my family or my life in general before Stanford?"
"Yes."
"Please don't ask me to change that, because I can't. I also have some items from my past that I have hidden in a duffel bag in my room. Can I trust you not to open it?"
"Of course you can, but only on one condition."
"What's that?"
"If you ever want to talk the past, come to me instead of someone else. I can understand keeping something locked away but it would hurt me if others knew more about you than I did."
"You're the first and only person I would talk to, Jess. No questions about my family?"
"Nope. You don't have one. That's why you're alone over the holidays and should come home with me."
"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea."
"Why not? You've met my parents before."
"I don't know if I could face your dad knowing that I slept with you. I don't have a poker face, Jess. I think he'd know."
"We are just sleeping, Sam."
"I know."
***
Sam woke up to the sound of Jess humming a song and making breakfast. He could see her when she stood by the sink, still in her pajamas. He just watched her moving along to the song in her head. It made him smile.
When his stomach began to growl, he climbed out of bed and ventured to see if Jess could use any help. She looked so dang cute so he greeted her by putting his arms behind her and holding her close. "Mmm. Smells good. What's for breakfast?"
"I'll handle breakfast, you find the dishes and set the table. I think they are in that box over there."
"Sure, you don't even feed me before you put me to work," Sam groaned and he moved toward the box.
"You poor baby," Jess pouted her lips. Sam turned around and just had to kiss her. "You've been kissed. Now back to work."
"Okay," Sam went to work with no complaints.
He unpacked the box and put the items they needed on the table. By the time he was done, Jess had finished bacon and eggs. They both had eaten bacon and eggs before, but it tasted better when it was eaten in a place of their own.
***
They stretched out on the couch, amid the maze of boxes, full from breakfast and sleepy. Jess's lids drooped first. Sam pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and covered them up.
"We gotta unpack," Jess mumbled.
"Not right now. Let's just do this." Sam didn't get any further argument from Jess because she was already asleep.
***
Jess was setting up the kitchen when Sam woke up.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Half hour or so. Not too long."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You looked so cute curled up like that. I just couldn't disturb you."
"So where do you want me to start?"
"Living room. Arrange the furniture and television. I can help with the end tables and lamps. It will be wonderful by the time we're done."
"I'm sure it will."
They worked, kicking up dust and sneezing. Jess had a bandana holding her hair back. Sam was using one as a headband. By the time they were done, they were sweaty, sticky and filthy. Sam vacuumed when all the boxers were unpacked and Jess dusted. Once the apartment smelled clean again, it felt like home.
After showers, they felt so much better. Sam insisted on taking Jess out to a sit-down dinner. "You're so sweet." Jessica took Sam's arm and smiled up at him.
Sam was moving into his first actual home. It definitely required a celebration.
***
"Why do you like steak so much?" Jess asked Sam at the restaurant.
"We rarely got them when we were growing up. I crave a steak every now and then. How is your chicken?"
"Delicious. We're away from the noise and chaos. I like the peace and quiet."
"Same here. Our apartment seemed quiet last night. Nothing disturbed my sleep."
Jess agreed. "It's so much quieter than the dorms. No doors slamming in the middle of the night."
"Or drunken people puking, singing, or chattering away."
"So you don't plan to ply me with liquor and take advantage of me?"
Sam gave her a small grin and shook his head. "But I think you already knew that."
"I did," Jess blushed.
Going out happened to be a wonderful idea. They were able to burn off some steam after working hard all day. A couple of their friends happened to show up and they pulled their tables together so they could talk.
"I had a wonderful time," Jess said as they approached their apartment. "We should make sure we still go out on dates, even though we live together."
"I could handle that. Just no chick flicks, please!"
"I don't even really like chick flicks." Jess scrunched her face up.
Sam laughed at her. She loved that sound.
***
Sam in his boxers, Jess in her boy shorts and cami, they laid in bed making plans for their future. Sam's hand rubbed Jess's back, slowly inching her top up without even realizing it. Jess laid her head on Sam's chest and traced lines over his muscles.
"What do you think life will be like after college? When you're done with Law School and I'm a nurse?"
Sam thought for a moment. "Well, we could move out of here or we could stay. I think we'd feel kinda old hanging around college kids. We would probably move to a cozy, affordable house. It would have to have a large yard and several bedrooms."
"For all our children to sleep and play." Sam could feel Jess's smile against his chest.
"We'd have to get one of those porch swings that you're so fond of."
"That sounds like a dream to me."
"We can do it, Jess. As long as we work toward it every day, we can have that life that we want."
"How many kids do you want?" she whispered.
Sam shrugged. "I was leaving that up to you. It depends on how you feel during pregnancy. If you have a difficult time, one might be enough for you, and that is fine by me."
"Are you against adopting?"
"No. I could love any child, biology doesn't matter."
"Good. Nice to know we have that option if pregnancy scares the hell out of me."
"My first concern is you." Sam kissed her forehead.
Jess moved in closer and Sam pulled the blankets higher before they fell asleep.
***
The warm sunshine woke them up.
"Guess it's time to get back to the real world," Sam said as he stretched.
"You know, this is our home. We shouldn't let the problems of the world out there make there way past our front door. This should be a sanctuary for us."
"That is an amazing idea, Jess. Can I still bitch about law classes?"
"Yes. That has to do with you and not just the world out there."
"I guess I'm doing the living room."
"I'll do the kitchen. If I find any bugs or critters, it's your job to kill 'em."
"I'm the designated bug killer now?" Sam smiled.
"You damn well better believe it. I'm not going near those gross things and I want them out of my house."
"Okay, okay." Sam held up his hands in mock surrender. "I promise to kill any vermin or insects that you find."
That said, they went back to work.
***
Sam didn't have much to unpack from his dorm room. Jess had more because she was a girl and some items her parents brought from home. Their place still looked half-done but that would make it easier to clean. Besides, with how Jess fell in love with the antique shop around the corner, Sam had the feeling they could be inquiring more items on a regular basis.
***
Jess's parents decided to visit Sam and Jess over Christmas. Sam was convinced it was just to check on them to make sure that they weren't starving and had a clean place to live with all the necessities. Jess was thrilled to be able to show her home to them.
"Hey, Jess," Sam asked on night after supper before Christmas. "Have you ever cooked a Turkey for Christmas?"
"No. I'm hoping my mother will be here early enough so that I can just turn her loose in our kitchen and then I can just assist."
"Jess-"
"I know. It's awful of me. I just don't want to admit to my mom that I can't cook."
"You don't want them to find out when they get here and are expecting Christmas dinner that you can't provide them one. Maybe ask your folks if they'd like to go out for dinner. Some restaurants have Christmas dinner. That way, they can just relax and visit while they're here."
"Where are you going to sleep?"
"The couch," Sam replied. "They can have my bed. They'll be more comfortable there."
"But, I'm used to having you near when I sleep. What am I supposed to do?" She did her best pout.
"You'll just have to suck it up, little girl. I don't want your dad knowing I'm sleeping with you. It's bad enough he knows that I am living here."
"Okay. I suppose."
"I can't believe I'm not freaking out at the idea of having two days with your parents in our home."
"It's just shock, honey." Jess patted his arm and smiled. "The hysteria and dread aren't too far behind."
***
Jess had a blast finding a table top tree and decorations. Sam went with her to hold her back from making too many purchases. Their apartment was only so big. They also went Christmas shopping.
Jess's parents had decided that visiting them at the apartment was a wonderful idea. They could visit longer, have dinner at a restaurant, and no clean up afterwards. Sam and Jess were trying to think of interesting places to show them while they were in town.
The true test came when there was a knock on the door. "Merry Christmas!" her dad was the first one in when Jess opened the door. His arms were full of presents. Jess took the gifts from him so he could get his coat off. "Jared, it's nice to see you."
Mrs. Moore came through the door as soon as her husband moved to the side. Her arms held baked goods. "Merry Christmas, Jared. Can you put these in the kitchen for me? I brought some special treats and don't want to break them."
"Sure," Sam told her as he took them and set them on the counter. "You didn't have to do that, but thank you."
"It isn't the holidays without baked goods," she insisted.
"I baked some this year," Jess told her. "Now we'll just have more variety."
"That's my girl," Jess's mom gave her a hug. "First Christmas in your own place and you didn't forget the baking."
"My, your apartment is very open," Mr. Moore said to Sam as he looked around.
"The entry, kitchen, eating area and living room is one big area. It's just the bedrooms and bathroom that are separate. Did you want me to show you to your room so you can set your bags down?"
Mr. Moore followed him into the room that they'd made up for Sam. "Isn't this your room?" he asked Sam.
"I'll just sleep on the couch. It's no big deal. We have extra bedding."
"Are you sure? We don't want to put you out. We could go to a motel."
"That would be silly. We invited you as our guests. We're not going to send family to a motel."
"Only if you're sure."
Sam nodded and went back to the kitchen as he heard Mr. Moore opening up their suitcases. "I showed Mr. Moore your room. Just let us know if you need anything."
"That is so sweet of the two of you. Where will you sleep?"
"I'll be on the couch. I've always wanted to wait up for Santa."
Jess and her mom laughed. Jess gave Sam a hug.
Sam and Mr. Moore got acquainted in the living room while Jess and her mom made supper. Luckily they had four chairs for their table. Conversation flowed easily between the four of them. There was no arguing or hurt feelings. Sam wondered if all normal families had meals like that.
Mr. Moore and Sam were on kitchen cleanup since they didn't cook. Mr. Moore was very hesitant to do any of it while Sam just flew along. "You seem to have a knack for this," Mr. Moore told him.
"No. I'm just used to either cooking or cleaning. The quicker we get it done the more time we have with friends."
"Good work ethic. My opinion of you keeps getting better and better."
Sam just smiled back at him.
***
Sam didn't sleep much on Christmas Eve. The couch wasn't long enough to accommodate his body, but he was used to having his feet hang over. What was keeping him up had to do with Christmases past. He couldn't remember one that didn't include weapons of some sort. Bobby and Pastor Jim always seemed to know that Sam was different and would rather get a book that wasn't about hunting or the supernatural as a gift. They tried to buy him the classics, and he loved them for it.
***
Christmas morning, Jess and Sam made hot chocolate peppermint sticks. That was one tradition that Sam remembered from his childhood that he could carry on. Jess's folks seemed pleasantly surprised by Sam's tradition that he shared with them. They knew he either didn't have any family left or had a good reason to have cut them out of his life. The fact that he had shared his one tradition with them made them feel like he had accepted him.
They had a pleasant meal at the restaurant with no dishes or kitchen cleanup afterwards. All the baked goodies were spread out on the kitchen table. They were difficult to resist, and not something that Sam was used to.
When Mr. and Mrs. Moore left, Sam felt that they had truly enjoyed themselves. There was a flurry of hugs and goodbyes at the door. Once the door was closed, Jess asked Sam what he had thought about their Christmas.
"I really liked it, Jess. I've never had a Christmas like that before. It was nice to have some of the traditional things."
"I could really get into hot chocolate with peppermint sticks on cold days. We might have to keep a stock of those on hand."
"You won't get any argument from me," Sam replied. "I have a insatiable sweet-tooth."
Jess led Sam into the living room so they could cuddle on the couch and watch 'The Christmas Story' all over again. As long as Jess could lean back against Sam's chest and he could wrap his arms around her, they were as happy and content as could be.
Sam shut off the bedside lamp and watched Jess in the shadows. She grabbed her shirt at the hem and tugged it over her head. Sam sighed as he saw her stretch in the moonlight. Jess was such a beautiful being. There were times when just a movement or a look would send his mind reeling.
Jess slid in under the sheets, curled up by Sam's side. He ran his thumb up and down her arm. "Your skin is so soft."
"I like this." Jess burrowed further under the covers and closer to Sam. As her fingers drifted across his chest and the scars there, she whispered, "I know I said I'd never ask about your life before college, and I still won't. For my own peace of mind, I just need to know if these scars are from someone hurting you."
Sam had his fingers tangled in her long hair. "No, Jess. No one hurt me."
"Are you mad that I asked?"
"You asked out of concern and that big heart of yours. How could I be mad?"
"Love you, Sam."
"Love you, too."
Long after Jess was asleep, Sam wondered where the rest of his family might be. Did they even stop hunting to acknowledge Christmas? Were they together or had they gone their separate ways? He hoped they had gone to Bobby's or Pastor Jim's. As his eyes drifted shut and his mind began to wander, he knew he'd never know.
***
The rest of their break was low-key. They picked up their books for the next semester. They became couch potatoes, loving every minute they had together until they had to get back to school and Sam's work.
Jess made some big meals and put them in smaller containers in the freezer. Fast and easy to heat up for college students on the go.
A cup on the counter was for quarters to feed the washer and dryer.
The paper that was held to the fridge by a magnet was for whatever they were running low on. They soon learned that if a specific toiletry item was needed, it was a good idea to send an empty package to the store. It made it so much easier to come home with the right purchase and then everyone was happy.
Living together was something new for Sam and Jess, but it was the best move for them. They were lucky enough to find each other in a world that could use more happiness. Sam got his normal life that he dreamed of, house in the suburbs and kids. He named his son Dean.