Jason Richards (leothedetective) wrote in supernextdoor, @ 2012-04-24 12:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | 10.05.11, chloe, chloe and jason, jason |
You're Not Completely Happy
Who: Chloe and Jason
What: Awkward conversation late at night
When: Wednesday Midnight
Where: Richards’ Home
Warning: Language
Jason was stiff, tired and the scratches he had over most of his arms and back were already starting to itch. The ones on his neck were the worst, since every time he scratched at it, he reopened the scabs. Not that he was complaining. God no. He also hadn’t felt this relaxed in years. Well, until he pulled into the driveway and remembered he had to face his daughters now.
He was being stupid. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He and Justice were adults, they were allowed to have sex if they wanted. His daughters were fine, Chloe had made sure her sister ate and even if things hadn’t gone the way they did, he might not have gotten home until now because he fell asleep at his damned desk trying to muddle through his murder case that was coming up nothing but dead ends.
But in a way he had. Jason was well aware how the pride dynamic worked. The same instinct that made his daughters band together even when they didn’t agree most of the time to take care of each other, demanded that if another female was brought into the picture, they got a chance to at least check out the addition before they had to deal with her on a regular basis. Which was where he’d screwed up and possibly big time.
Scrubbing his hands down his face, he hoped Chloe had gone to bed and they could do this when he had some sleep and wasn’t in shock from his own behavior. He’d never had such a primal reaction to any woman, and it was disturbing him. Yeah, he was an aggressive alpha male, but that had just been...he couldn’t even describe it.
Grabbing his duffel, he headed inside. Sure enough, his oldest daughter was asleep on the couch. She looked so sweet and innocent, and it reminded him of every other time he’d come home late when he was working. Even when her mother was still alive, Chloe would wait. It was one of the few arguments he and Jen had had consistently. He’d never liked the idea of his daughter sitting by the window like she was afraid he’d never come home. Jen insisted trying to make her sleep in her own bed was a battle not worth fighting. He hadn’t learned how right his wife was until after she’d died and his own efforts to make his princess sleep before he came home from work had ended completely futilely.
“Hey,” he murmured, knowing just speaking in low normal tones would wake up his daughter. Jason wasn’t even certain how much he should say, what he shouldn’t say, if he should just pass it off until he could bring Justice home for the girls to meet before he admitted to anything. He was confused and in shock .
Chloe's eyes fluttered open and she yawned a little, shifting on the sofa to face her father whose hair was damp. She knew then that he had definitely been on a date. A date that required washing the scent of the woman off of him. He'd had sex. She wasn't sure how she felt about all of that, but she knew better than yelling and screaming at him, even if her heart was telling her to. She'd promised him that she wasn't going to fight with Charlie or at least try not to and starting a big mess of a confrontation wasn't going to be keeping that promise. "Hi, Daddy." she murmured, her voice soft from sleep as she sat up on the sofa.
At least he'd decided to wake her up. He could have just walked by and not dealt with the situation. Treating her like a child wouldn't have helped in the slightest so she respected him that much more for treating her like an adult instead. Likely this wasn't easy for him. "Guess I was right." she murmured, though there was no angry tone in her voice.
That was one way of putting it. In all honesty, if he’d come home bloody, with his shirt in tatters, mud and dirt caking everything and reeking of sex and a strange female, Chloe probably would have woken the house in her surprise and anger. Jason had come home injured before, he had a dangerous job after all, but none of his girls had ever seen him bloodied and beaten up, because it would have upset them too much. He wasn’t going to start now, even when he’d found someone he really wanted to know better.
Her comment got a strained laugh out of Jason as he all but collapsed in his chair. “Yeah, you were right,” he admitted reluctantly. “I didn’t intend for it to go that direction, but it did. Sorry I’m so late.” He was grateful she wasn’t screaming at him, flinging accusations or guilt tripping him. That was what he’d been expecting. This was much easier to deal with in the frazzled state his mind was in.
"It's okay." she told him, getting up from the sofa and shuffling over to his chair, climbing into his lap like she often did. She was getting too tall and leggy for it really, but that hardly stopped the girl. She buried her face in against his chest and let out a little sigh. "So you really like her, huh?" she questioned, though she didn't look up at her father just yet. "Might not want to let Charlie know about this until she's met her." she added, offhandedly. She and her sister might be constantly at each other's throats, but Chloe knew the other girl better than she likely assumed. No doubt she'd take this much worse.
She was his daughter. She never got too big to sit in his lap and cuddle. Especially since they were big cats, demonstrative affection was just part of it. As soon as Chloe climbed in his lap, Jason wrapped his arms around her. Yeah, she was as tall as he was, but she was still his little girl, dammit. It was times like this when she reminded him the most of her mother. Jen was calm and sweet, not afraid to stand up to him or censure him, but understanding and level headed. Which was comforting and terrifying at the same time. Someday, some guy was going to grow the balls to pursue her. While he wanted her to be happy, to know love the way he had, Jason was always going to worry about her ending up in the same mess he and her mother had because of that kind of love.
“Yeah, I think I do,” he admitted. “I’ve seen her around, but never really sat down and talked to her before tonight. She’s a were owl, so I noticed her, but not this way.” Okay, so much for lying about how long he’d known Justice. Oh well, the way he was telling it actually made it sound like it had happened the way it had. “She’s a lot like me. Hell, she’s living my worst nightmare right now. Her teenage son knocked up his girlfriend and she’s dealing with that.” Which probably meant the last thing she needed was a relationship. Dammit.
He sighed when she said not to mention anything to Charlie until she met Justice. “I know, I broke a rule,” he admitted. It wasn’t really a rule, but he knew better. “I’m sorry for getting carried away too. You know me, I do that.” It was his nature. “Once I’ve solved this damned case, I will bring her over and you all can sniff her out. I think you’ll like her, she’s nice.” Okay, nice was the wrong word. Entirely. Justice was fierce and determined and practical. But she was also obviously a good person. “I just don’t want you all closing in on her to devour her because I forgot my head for a bit there.”
Chloe wasn't sure that she liked the fact that he didn't really know the woman before hopping into bed with her, but she kept that opinion to herself. At least he'd spoken to her before or seen her around and she wasn't just some random hussy. She trusted her father's judgement, even if she didn't always agree with it.
It was difficult to hear him talk about liking another woman when she still remembered her mother quite vividly. The thought of him being with someone else and moving on would really cement the fact that her mother wasn't ever coming back. Sure, she knew it was impossible and that she was gone for good, but that didn't mean that she'd wanted to truly believe or accept it. It made her heart ache to think about her even in the happiest of context.
"She sounds lovely." she breathed. "I won't say anything." It was nice to have a secret between just the two of them because it didn't happen often. She might have been daddy's little girl, but Charlie took after him the most and was closer to him, at least in Chloe's opinion. She thought that had a lot to do with why they fought so much. It wasn't fair that Charlie was so good at sports and doing boy things. Chloe just couldn't seem to be that sort of girl, no matter how much she might have secretly wanted to be.
"It's not fair for you to not get a life." she told him. "Mama wouldn't have wanted that." He'd already given up so much for not only herself but for the other girls as well. She really didn't think she had any right to stomp her feet and tell him not to date anyone. Her mother would have wanted him to move on and ten years was a damn long time. He was still young and he'd done nothing but raise children his whole damned life.
No, Justice wasn’t just some random woman. She was a co-worker, which made it even more complicated in some ways. She didn’t work in his department, so technically there was no rules against it. They’d get some flak. But he was kicking himself for not being more curious. Part of it was because she was a woman and the stigma it would have brought on her. Which was now a reality. Jesus.
“Thanks, princess,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “I won’t take too long bringing her around. This case is just going nowhere fast, which means I have to keep my head in the game until it’s solved.” The timing of this kind of sucked.
Jason went quiet when Chloe said her mother wouldn’t have wanted him to do what he did. “I know,” he said. “She-” He looked away for a minute. “She told me that when she was dying.” He didn’t have many secrets with his daughters, but he had plenty he’d kept from them, especially regarding their mother’s death. He had coped with the whole thing but throwing himself into work and raising the girls. He didn’t talk about Jen much. Which was probably unfair to the girls, since they never really got to know her. Hell, he’d never really got to know her. They’d only been together for seven or eight years when she died.
“Thanks,” he murmured softly, not wanting think about his wife. Ten years was a long time and while he’d never claim to have gotten over her, that chapter of his life was closed. “This was not nearly as bad as I was expecting. When did you get so grown up on me?”
"Guess that means a lot more long nights, huh?" she questioned. She thought next time he was out late she'd have to get some more pillows to put on the sofa because her back was aching a little from the position she had been laying in.
The words 'when she was dying' certainly didn't help Chloe to keep her head about her. She'd been trying very hard not to get emotional about her mother, but ten years hadn't healed the wound and even the utterance of her name or her death ripped it open again and all that pain flooded forward to the front of her mind. She held her breath, not wanting him to know she was upset and practically in tears at the thought of her mother's tragic death, but there was little she'd be able to hide from the man, especially when she was sitting in his lap.
"Guess it just happened." she whispered, her voice cracking a little. "You've already given up your whole life because of me, I can't ask you not to date this woman if she makes you happy."
Yeah, this was the other reason he didn’t talk about Jen, especially her death. Chloe hadn’t ever gotten over losing her mother. Part of that was probably his fault, since he’d never even looked for someone to help fill that void. In trying to do it all himself, he’d probably deprived them all of something they needed. He wrapped his arms around Chloe tighter, murring softly as he pressed his face against her soft curls. “You are my life, princess,” he reminded her. “You and your sisters. But you aren’t going to need me forever and you know I’ll be a complete mess by myself with no one to fuss over.”
God, that was the scariest reality he was facing. In six or seven years, they’d all be gone. To college or jobs or whatever else they decided. What the hell was he going to do without them?
"I'll always need you." she corrected him. She knew that to be a true and certain fact. It didn't matter how old she got, she was always going to need her father. He was the most important person in her life, the first man that she ever loved, and she knew well and good that no one would ever be able to change that.
Jason let out a pained sound. Now his eyes stung. Dammit. “You know that’s not I what meant,” he rumbled softly. “Someday, you will leave, just like your sisters. Because that’s how this works.” Yeah, this was not helping him keep it together any. “And you know I won’t know what to do with myself then.”
The sound he made certainly didn't help her keep from crying. Her eyes had already been watering and when she looked up at him and saw the pained expression on his face, she lost the ability to keep her tears at bay. "I'm not going anywhere now." she told him, curling into her father a little bit more.
And now he felt guilty for even thinking about it. “Yeah, sorry,” he muttered. Now he was back to rock and a hard place. Crap. “Just thinking ahead. I do that.” Maybe it was too soon. Maybe none of them were ready for a change like this. Jason felt more torn than ever. He wanted to see Justice, but not at the expense of his daughters. He was all they had. He knew that was part of the reason they were so possessive and jealous. Because they’d already lost their mother.
“I think it would have been better if you yelled at me and called me names,” he joked quietly. “I don’t have to do this if it will hurt you girls.” He would survive a little longer. He didn’t even know if Justice wanted anything more than she’d gotten from him. He wanted to find out, but not if it’d make the mess that was his home life even worse.
She shook her head a little and wiped her fingers across her face, just beneath her eyes, in hopes of getting rid of the trace of tears. Putting on her best smile for her father, she drew in a deep breath. "Seeing you happy could never hurt me." she told him. "I want you to have a life. I want you to do whatever grow-ups do and I want you to be able to go on dates and just be... you. I want you to be Jason Richards every once in awhile and not be stuck in the rut of being nothing but 'Daddy'." That was about as simple as she could have explained it. She loved him and wanted him to be happy even if that meant bringing another woman around.
“I am happy,” he protested. “What makes you think I’m not happy?” Okay, even he didn’t completely believe that. He wasn’t unhappy unless the girls were bickering or he had a bad day at work. “Yeah, there’s one problem with that, princess. I don’t know how to be anything else. This is who I’ve been since I was your age.” Which was a frightening thought and yet another reason he wanted more for her. “I am not complaining. I just-” He let out a long breath. “I have no clue what I am doing and all I am worried about is screwing everything up. Which is basically how I felt when I found out your mother was pregnant. This is not a good feeling.”
"You're not completely happy." she told him. "You're content in your safety, that's not the same thing. Routine isn't happiness. You love us, I know that, I'm not dim enough to think that you don't, but that doesn't mean that you don't wish for more than just the same old routine." She lifted her head to look at him again, her hand coming up to cup his face. "You didn't screw everything up though." she reminded him. "You are the best daddy ever. The only one I'd ever want. If she's smart, she'll like you just as much as you like her and if she's not then she's not good enough for you anyways."
“It’s not that,” he said. “It’s just-” Yeah, he’d just gotten smack across the face with the fact he’d been ignoring for years. He was lonely and not going to be able to hide from it by making excuses about work and his children forever. “There is nothing routine about living with you three,” he countered pointedly. It felt good to hear her call him the best daddy ever, especially after hearing regularly how he was ruining her life. He knew she hadn’t meant it, but it was just one of those things parents didn’t take well.
“She’s had a bad time with guys,” he told his daughter honestly. “She told me straight out she doesn’t trust men, and she has good reason not to. I’m not even sure she’ll let me in if I try.” Which sucked. Because it meant more time pursuing Justice to convince her he meant it and less time home with his girls. “She’s not a bad person. She’s just spent too much time around the wrong kind of guys. Being a female cop doesn’t help.”
"Point taken." she smiled. They certainly could be quite the bunch when they all got riled up. Mornings were ridiculous. Fights were even worse than that. She sometimes told him that he ruined her life, often during those fights, but she knew that she wasn't serious. It was just a teenager thing and she loved him more than she could have said. He'd taken care of her, he'd sucked it up after her mother had died and he'd never really given himself the chance to grieve.
His words about Justice just made her more certain that her father was a good and decent man. He truly cared for this woman and what she'd been through. It also made Chloe feel pretty bad for her. "Maybe you should let me talk to her." she smiled. "I guarantee by the end of that, she'll think you're just as awesome as me." How could she not? Her daddy was spectacular. All her friends thought so, a bit too much honestly. "I'd rather have you dating someone than not because at least then I could have sleepovers." she commented.
Jason scoffed at that. “I am already asking my teenage daughter for dating advice,” he pointed out wryly. “I am not quite insane enough to let you try to sell me to her. That’ll look stupidly contrived. I don’t want to con her, I want to show her we’re not all unreliable assholes who only think with our dicks.” Okay, yeah, still talking to his teenage daughter. “Sorry, that was crude.” Even if it probably was what Justice thought of men in general.
He laughed when she talked about sleepovers. “That is not going to make your friends stop checking me out, princess,” he told her with a groan. Jason didn’t want to think about what a bunch of oversexed teenage girls would do if he was in the house with his girlfriend when they were having a sleepover. “Okay, so I will be able to escape it,” he amended. “This might actually work.”
"Just ask her out." Chloe told him. "Invite her over for dinner or something. If she's been treated crappy, you gotta make up for all of it." It was stupid, but it was girl logic. "You pretty much have to pay for all the shitty things that guys have done to her in the past." Then she realized she'd let the curse slip and flushed. "Crappy things." she amended. "Once she realizes you're a good guy, she'll come around. She probably already really likes you. At least I'd hope so, keeping you out so late."
Oh good. Trying to make up for a lifetime of assholes. He appreciated her amending her language, but it was about the truth. “I am not paying for what other men have done to her,” he grumbled. “I will show her how she should have been treated, but I am not going to be punished for something I didn’t do.”
Like she couldn’t see the marks. There were nail marks on his jaw even. “Yeah, I hope so too,” he muttered. “I am definitely bringing her over for dinner as soon as I can swing it. I’ll talk to your sister tomorrow after she gets home from school, so I can warn her about having someone I’m interested in.” Hopefully Charlie would listen before she freaked out. “Usually it’s easier to talk to her than you. When they hell did things get turned upside down?” Okay, so he and Charlie didn’t talk, but communicated well. Somehow, he had a bad feeling something was going to get lost in the translation this time.
"Well you're right, you shouldn't have to." Chloe agreed. "But it might take her some time to realize you're not like all the rest." She was sure Justice would come to her senses. A good man was hard to come by, even as a teenager Chloe knew that much. "Because I actually like the thought of dating?" she responded about the roles switching up between herself and her sister. "I wish you plenty of luck with that one. I have to work tomorrow." she reminded him. "Won't be off until seven if you guys want to just wait and have a late dinner."
Jason knew that, but hearing Chloe say it was basically giving him permission to spend some time doing so. Bless her. He kissed her forehead in thanks. He scoffed at that. “Charlie’s in for a rough wake up call,” he admitted. “She’s going to get hit like I did with your mother. And not know what to do. Hopefully, I won’t be working a murder at the time.” It was really hard to catch stuff like this and be there when he was working for days on end. “Keep an eye on her for me until I get this case finished. I know she can be a pain, but she’s too like me for her own good.”
He shook his head. “I got this one,” he assured her. “I know how to talk to your sister. I just know she’s not going to like the topic. Maybe if I feed her junk food first, she’ll be less likely to try to shred me with guilt.” Charlie was used to being daddy’s favorite and had just gotten used to having him around for all of her games. He’d have to think of a way to juggle everything.
"Good luck all the same." Chloe said with a smile. "I want all the details when I get home." She hoped that Charlie wouldn't react too badly about the whole situation. "Just don't let Charlie's reaction discourage you, okay?"
“Well, you can be a pain in the ass too,” he reminded Chloe. “But you’re too like your mother for my own good.” He still dreaded the day a guy really got hung up on her. Not because he didn’t want her to be happy, he was just as jealous and possessive as his daughters were.
He heaved out a long breath. “I’ll try not to,” he said. “Gracie will be the hardest. I’m sure she already feels ignored and left behind, this won’t help any. And she never says anything.” They all needed to stop treating Grace like a baby. But it was a hard habit to break.
"Gracie just likes to be quiet." she shrugged. "I'm gonna spend more time with her. I should have been doing that more anyways." she admitted. "But all that can wait until tomorrow. You look like you could get some sleep." And she had school in the morning, not to mention work. Fun.
Jason gave his oldest daughter a look. “You are not her mother, Chloe,” he reminded her. “If anybody needs to step up and try to get Grace out of her shell, it’s me.” It was his job, and even though Chloe had basically raised her youngest sister, didn’t make it her responsibility. “Yeah, I have to be up early and organize a search for the crime scene Justice and I found tonight.” He looked at her. “I was actually working until the last couple hours. We cheated. So now I have to make sure it gets found the old fashioned way.” Which was annoying but he could do it. He’d done it before. “Go to bed, princess. I love you.” He pressed another kiss to her brow. “Thanks for being more grown up about this than I am. I needed that.”
"I know I'm not." she told him. "But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't spend a day or two with her just doing girly stuff with her or taking her to the movies every once in awhile." She still intended to do just that. "I love you too, Daddy." she said, wrapping her arms around his neck for a tight hug. "Thanks for waking me up and not sneaking off to your room." she smiled, reluctantly releasing him and slipping off of his lap.
“Girly would be good,” he admitted. Grace needed someone to do girly things with. He sighed. “You’re almost an adult,” he said grimly. “I have to start accepting the fact, whether I like it or not.” Now he really needed to just pass out until tomorrow. He waited until Chloe was all the way upstairs to haul himself out of his chair. Sitting there with her in his lap had made his legs go numb in protest from being overworked earlier and he didn’t want her to see him walking so stiffly. He’d be fine in the morning, but it just wasn’t something he wanted to deal with now. Sleep now, figure out this mess in the morning. Yes.