sg_pollux (sg_pollux) wrote in supergleerpg, @ 2012-02-02 21:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | !type: thread, -2012: february, character: castor stuart, character: pollux stuart |
Thread: Gemini Twins Talking.
WHO: Castor and Pollux
WHEN: Thursday 2-2-2012
WHERE: McKinley High
WHAT: The Gemini Twins talk about this and that
WARNINGS: Gemini Twin oddness, mentions of substance abuse and mentions of violence.
Pol needed to see his brother. He couldn't keep avoiding him. Thankfully most of the marks were faded, nothing too obvious would be shown. He sighed, running a hand through his shaggy blond hair. Time to face the music of his radio silence to his twin. He blinked to the outside of the school where he knew Cas should be heading out of class.
"My heart." He said softly in their language as he watched the other boy round the corner.
Cas was still irritable, twitchy. It wasn’t as bad as it had been after... Azimio’s attack. Or. Well whatever you wanted to call it. It had gotten better after his night with Dave but it just wasn’t ending and he didn’t know what was wrong. He was headed into class looking tired and irritable when he heard the twin language. Or at least, his name which was the same thing. Pol just had a way of saying it which let him know it was Twin and not English.
He paused just around the corner and out of sight. He could’ve kept walking... He didn’t. He turned around and stepped back around to face Pollux. Cas’s eyes were a little hollow and he couldn’t help the way his hands balled into fists. He wanted to punch his twin square in the mouth and it took a lot of restraint not to do it. “You... You bastard.”
Cas did not look right. He didn't look right at all. Pol instantly stepped forward to touch Cas. His brother was upset, he wanted to hold him. There was nothing more powerful then that need. His hands went to Cas' side. "I'm sorry."
He twitched a bit more when Pol touched him and part of him realized that he did not want to be touched right now. The night with Dave had sort of been a fluke, something desperate to ground him but it hadn’t worked. “Sorry? You’re SORRY?” Cas hissed and without really thinking about it, he was swinging his fist at his twin’s face growling as he did it. And there wasn’t a sign of Tree-Man...
Pol reared back, the blow landing easily on his jaw. He stared, disbelieve etched into his face. Tree-man had tried to kill him, that he would expect but this... This was Cas, his Cas. "You hit me..." It wasn't a state of affairs that should have even been possible. Cas never used violence. It had never touched him even in this horrible place.
"My heart... You hit me?" The pain couldn't make this real. "Why...?"
“Why? WHY?! AFTER EVERYTHING you won’t even tell me when you get hurt! I have to find out from fucking Jacob’s blog! Had to find out you’re taking my blows from Azimio. Well. He won’t be doing that anymore. Dave and I took care of it. So don’t come to me expecting me to be feeling sympathetic or happy to see you. You may not have lied to my face but avoiding me is just the same.” And with that he turned on his heels and started to stalk away.
"YOU WHAT!" He finally snapped back into active ability to process what Cas was saying. It sounded an awful lot like Cas had picked a fight with the gorilla. "He was gunning for you! I was protecting you!"
“I didn’t ask for your protection! Considering I made the fucker piss his pants in terror, I really don’t need your protection.” Cas shifted his backpack, ducking his head like he expected something to get thrown at him from behind. What the fuck ever. “And now he’ll be down and out for awhile. It’s been taken care of. We didn’t need you to get your ass beat for us.”
There was no way he was letting Cas walk off. Not now. "You hurt him. You beat him up? Why would you do that! Man-Mountain I expect it from but.... I was trying to keep you from ever having to."
He was shaking a little and holding back angry tears, “Because he hurt you! That’s why! Because he’s an arrogant, idiotic bastard and he deserved it! And if he ever fucking does it again, I’m going to break his fucking knees so he can’t ever play sports again. Dave busted his ankle so he might already be out.”
Pol tried again, he knew it was a bad idea, but Cas was crying! Even if tears didn't fall he could see them. He touched Cas' arm this time. "I thought he'd be satisfied, he'd get the anger out and then stop... I thought I could solve it without... I'm so sorry My Heart."
Cas jerked away and curled in on himself. None of that. God he hated himself... Wait - that wasn’t what he meant. “He’ll never stop... But now maybe he’ll think twice about who he hurts... He even threatened Olivia. But he won’t do it. And if he does... He knows the consequences.” He turned his gaze on Pollux and glared, “You lied. After everything, you lied. I can’t trust you...”
"I didn't lie." The pain of what Cas had to do burned hot in Pol's chest. Everything they'd ever been taught was ripping apart around them. The shreds of it were scattering with no way to stitch them back together. "I didn't want you hurt over my choice of how to protect you... Which means I can't be.... upset over yours."
“As I said. Not telling me is just as good as lying.” Right now Cas really didn’t want to repeat himself but apparently he was going to be forced to. “You didn’t even ask me what I wanted. You just assumed. I’m not asking for your forgiveness... I did what was necessary.”
"What do you want?" Pol couldn't think of a thing he could say to make this better. It was yet another failure. Another time he'd let Cas down trying to protect him. He wondered when he'd ever have the right answer.
“You’re the one who approached me, Pollux. Not the other way around. It’s you who wants something, clearly.” He hated having to be the clear thinker but it kept happening more and more often and it was driving him insane. His head was constantly foggy and pounding with pain...
"I want to be near you. I... want to let you help me. It was stupid to think I could do everything on my own." Pol had Jadyn and Quinn to thank for the revelation.
Castor laughed miserably, “Oh now you want to be near me. After the secrets and lies. After we tried to fix everything only to have you turn around and just... do it all again. I never had to ask myself this before, you know, but all I want to know is how can I trust you? I forgave everything... I don’t know if I can do it again.” He shook his head, scratching at his arms a little and still twitching a bit. Then he sort of figured out what was wrong with him. Not only was he guilty but things had gotten so stressful that he was jonesing. Majorly.
"Because I love you. Because everything I did was for love of you." Pol was always going to be the villain to Castor wasn't he? Always going to be the one doing wrong. "What should I have done Cas? Kill the man? Fight back? Run away and let him find you?"
“No C--Pol. I don’t expect you to kill,” he’d slipped up bad there and he wasn’t even sure where that had come from. How could he possibly talk to himself after all? “But I can fight my own battles. I can take my lumps. I’ve learned that much... You should know I have. I’m not a baby anymore.” And something in Cas’s voice died making that all too true in that moment.
"No... you're not." He took a breath, trying to bring together his mind's view of his happy brother and a man who could beat up another living being. "I... can see you're not. I'm learning too. To live here. Learning to fight because we have to. I just never wanted you hurt. Ever."
“It’s not living. It’s dying. Out here, it’s dying.” Cas shook his head and curled in on himself a little. How could this possibly be living? He couldn’t see it. All he could see was the pain and despair and the hurt. Everywhere. Gods he needed something to take his mind off of it. “I have to go,” he muttered, “I have someone I need to see...” Yeah, his dealer.
"Wait.... Cas please." He gulped, trying to fight that pain knowing his brother had lost hope. "There's a place that isn't dying. Let me show you."
“No! I told you! I have someone I need to see!” Now Cas was starting to sweat even though he hadn’t been doing anything really and his arms tightened around himself a little more.
"Your dealer? Cas you're sweating." Dave's campaign against drugs was well known to him. "Come with me, away from this. No homophobia, none of it. Please Cas. We can ride this out together."
“There’s no place like that! And even if there were, you make it sound like we’d go there forever and I can’t! I just. I can’t. I can’t,” Cas was scratching harder at his arms and it was likely only the fact that he had long sleeves on that was keeping him from doing himself hard.
"So you'll take no escape but drugs? We can go for now, hell we can go forever. We'll take Man-Mountain. For a day, a weekend, some small jolt of time to recover from this dying world. I've made it for that for us. Try it... I'll deliver you right to your damned dealer if it doesn't." He stuck his hand out.
“I can’t just leave! I have things I have to be doing, classes to take, things to study. I’ve fucked up so much that I can’t ditch - don’t you get it? I’m failing all my classes. I’m trying to catch up and fix it. How am I supposed to keep up with everyone else when they all leave? I can’t go.” It wasn’t really an excuse. He was still incredibly worried about his future so Cas was trying to fix it so he wouldn’t have to worry...
Pol listened. Classes, studying, graduation. They weren't important to him. The only reason he wasn't completely screwed was most of the teachers were friends or children of friends with Betsy and George and heard about his illness. Even that wouldn't save him in the end. "Fine. I'll stay until you have time. If you don't have some escape you will break down."
But they were to Cas... Dave was going to go to college. He didn’t want to be left behind but he was going to be. “Too late. I think I already did,” he muttered, shaking his head. Their parents would be so ashamed of him and he knew it.
Pol had failed again. Cas.. He was right. Attacking and getting violent was a huge sign of a breakdown. "I'm still staying with you. No matter what happened. Or will happen. I..." His mind raced with ways to make it better. "How do I help?"
“You can’t! Not until you stop lying to me! You’re like... Fucking pathological about it. It’s ridiculous. Every time I turn around there’s a new lie.” God he wanted to be gone so bad. He didn’t want to be having this conversation anymore...
"Fine. No lies." He took a step back, the anger he saw enough to make him move away. "You can fight your own battles.... I'm here if you want me to be."
“I want you to be. Really. I wouldn’t so... invested in trying to get you to stop lying if I didn’t. I let you rip seeds out of me, Pol,” he smiled sadly and ran his hands up and down his arms. Fuck, he was cold and there were ghosts of aches left behind.
"Any time. I'm going to do everything in my power to help. Including stopping trying to think for you." He gave a soft sad smile. "Can I hug you?"
Castor bit the inside of his upper lip, taking off a tiny bit of skin on the inside but how would Pol know. “Yeah. Hugs are good. Hugs are nice.”
"Cool." He wrapped his arms around his brother, holding the boy close. "I love you my heart."
Cas settled against Pollux, hiding his face in his twin’s neck, “I love you... I miss you. My heart hurts so much.” He sniffled softly.
Pol smoothed his hands down Cas' back. "Mine too. I've been trying to make friends, trying to find a Man-mountain..." He would never stop believing that most of Cas' love went to Dave. "I've found friends but nothing like you. My heart I miss you. I'm building a home... I know ours was destroyed but I'm trying."
Cas snorted in amusement. Pol wasn’t really the type for a love like Dave and Cas’s... he was fairly certain of that. But in this moment, he realized something... His love for Pol had changed. He wasn’t at all finding it difficult to keep himself distanced to just brotherly affection. And in that he felt like part of him died. “It’ll never be the same... Things have changed too much.”
Pol pressed his eyes shut tight. He could feel the hot tears beginning. "What now? Do I watch you leave with him? Are we going to become like all other people here? So very distant from each other all the time. Families that don't even touch each other for a hug, siblings who find a lover and then moves cross country. Are we going to be long distance calls and birthday cards? Is that what it is now my heart?"
“I can’t see the future. Ask Rachel.” That was a terrible answer and Cas knew it. He sighed heavily, nuzzling his twin’s shoulder, “I don’t know, silly boy. But you’re the one who keeps yourself from me. I’m always here. You just make excuses.”
"No excuses then. We'll be near... I have things I've been wanting to tell you." He wanted to share everything, the farm house, Quinn, Eoin, the illness of George. He pulled a snide little smile. "This means I have to go to class doesn't it?"
“Then why haven’t you? I’ve been around...” Cas just shook his head a little... As for class, “You should’ve been going anyway.” There was nothing wrong with school, damn it.
Pol stuck out his tongue. "Schools boring. I'll suffer through it. I'll catch you up on everything after our last class."