By Snape!
It's all the fault of the Random Technobabble Generator. A plot bunny attacked me while I was innocently minding my own business, and it was a rabid one, I had to give in.
Initially, I thought it might fit in loosely with the 'Snape flies' snape100 challenge of this week, but it's turned out pure crack. I can't post this anywhere but here, but if it gets a chuckle out of you, so much the better. Here goes:
By Snape!
“Captain, the Anti-Phaser wards were broken, what do we do?”
“Snape’s nose! We’re in trouble. Commander, randomize the activation-circuitry of the faulty Floo-transference-beam.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Bridge to Potioneering!”
“What is it, Al?”
“We will need to reconfigure the malfunctioning replication-system.”
“But we’re out of Boomslang Skin!”
“I don’t care. Do something! By Snape’s nostrils, we’re lost if you don’t!”
“Captain, the Vol-ongs war-owl is hailing.”
“On the Pensieve.”
“Resistance is futile. We will Imperio you!”
“I have his owl in Blasting-Range, captain.”
“Confringo!
“By Snape, that will get you an Order-of-Severus, Commander. A perfect hit.”