"I probably should make the effort to try to learn," he said. "Dodgy heart," he added by way of explanation. He doubted an inability to relax was helping.
He smiled a little at the touch to his hand, and gave him an uncertain nod. "I suppose I thought it would be easier by now," he told him. "Oh, no, no, I know. I never thought any different, I know it didn't change anything, it was never a secret. I just mean- that even though I know he wouldn't mind, I- find it difficult to get past. Just wanting him," he admitted.