Who? Fem!Hem and Abi and Charlie Where? Hemingway's apartment When? Backdated, yesterday evening What? Hemingway's female and freaking out. Rating? The kids there, but possible references to abusive childhood Open? No
Hemingway's reaction to his sudden femininity was not measured and calm, it had been messy and out of all proportion to what was actually happening. He'd felt hot and cold all at once, a tightness in his chest, a gasping, aching, shaking that he only added up to being a panic attack once the dizziness and shaking came into play. Then it was more familiar, it felt more like the thought of war, the memory of Italy.
But it wasn't war, it was womanhood. His childhood came back in flashes and sparks of memories, things that he'd tried his best to forget, overcome, excuse- he hated his mother, and he knew that she hated him in return, but he rarely thought directly about it. Remembering now, it made his skin crawl, the twisted fantasies, the secrets, the selfishness of it all. Masculinity had been a sort of self-assertion, a rebellion, a denial of everything she tried to do-
And his father was a coward, never standing up to her, never speaking out, letting her get away with it for so long- and when he was to go to school, they cut his hair and changed his clothes and expected him to know what it was to be a boy now-
His father's confusing chastising, his mother's strange whispers and secret desires, don't tell him, he won't understand, you're my beautiful little girl, you're mine-
As much as he didn't want Abi to see him, he also knew that if he was left to his own devices for much longer, he would go insane. He couldn't cope anymore. And if Charlie was with her, he would be forced to keep it together, and that was a good thing.
His own clothes hung too loose and swamped the now smaller frame. His former tears and panic were probably obvious, he was pale and trembling a little despite being a bit more in control of himself now. He felt lost and a little afraid, strangely- but it would be okay. It would be temporary.