"Not by myself." He tried to keep his breathing slow and even. Keeping his eyes closed tight. "I couldn't do it on my own. I needed help. If they hadn't....I mean....if the others..." It was too much. He couldn't keep it back anymore.
"I can't...I can't do this..." He moved away from her quickly, sitting up on the side of the bed. His whole body was shaking and he was panting a bit. He got up and started to leave. He needed some fresh air. To be outside. Everything felt like it was closing in. Before he got halfway between the bed and the door, his knees buckled.