Loki (hamrammr) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2013-02-01 21:00:00 |
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Annie didn’t know where she was, when she was, anything really. It was as if she’d been knocked out, but that was impossible, she hadn’t slept since she died. The last time everything had sort of, stopped, like that since she’d hit the bottom of the stairs in the house in Bristol. It was funny, but after she died, she really started to live. Then the last few months had happened. Falling in love with Mitchell had taught her what love really was, so much more than being with Owen ever had, and she had lost that when they’d barely begun. She had rediscovered her zest for life with the birth of Eve, but plunged back into darkness with the loss of her two best friends, George and Nina. She had kept herself from coming apart by becoming a surrogate mother to Eve. Her head swam, a strange feeling. Where was Eve? Shit. “Eve? Eve?!” --- Mitchell’s world was soaked with darkness. Everything was grey and cold since Annie had died. Grief had ripped him apart and emptiness was what remained. He tried to pick himself up. He tried. Mostly for Ira and Maryanne. Mostly for Ira. He owed him. Fuck, he would owe him forever and forever was a long time when vampires were concerned. The cigarette butt hit the ground and Mitchell grinded it with his heels. He sighed and pushed himself off the stone that had served as a substitute chair. He would check on Ira and then he would go and hide in the woods. No pitying faces or Maryanne’s guilty one. He didn’t want to deal with humans or anyone else. Boots clicked on the ground as he walked the empty streets. Empty shells that were once the homes of families and life itself lined the streets, glaring down at the vampire with hollow eyes.. Mitchell swallowed, his eyebrows twitched as his mood spiraled downwards. One dark thought followed the other. It was a tradition, he was so used to being caught in his own dark world that it nearly provided a sort of hurtful comfort. But the spiral ended soon. Ears that were too sharp for a human picked up words spoken by a voice he would recognise everywhere. Annie. That was her. Why was she screaming Eve’s name? “Annie?” The reply came automatically. Even without a heartbeat, nervousness shot through his body, adrenaline reaching out to set his whole body on alarm. His feet began to move. He couldn’t think. He just needed to fucking see her. She wasn’t his Annie. No, he doubted she would be. She wouldn’t scream for Eve if she was. But god, her face – he needed to see her face again. --- Annie spun around at the sound of a voice, a voice she was sure she was never going to hear again. A voice she’d heard in her head a thousand times, a presence she’d wanted, needed to have beside her every second since she lost him. He was the hole in her heart, the space that had been unfilled for her whole life, and she had only got to have him for a short time, too short. If her heart had still been beating she was sure it would have stopped. “Mitchell?” Annie called, emotion tearing through her voice, as if she couldn’t quite believe it. She heard him all the time, and until she saw him she wouldn’t be able to believe it. That she wasn’t alone. She craned her neck, looking for his slim, slightly mussed form, glad she couldn’t breath, because if she could take a breath, she’d have been holding it for so long she’d have gone purple and passed out by now. “Mitchell?!” She shouted so loud she felt she might fly apart from it. ---------- Annie. That was Annie. That was definitely Annie. His breathing starting to pick up as feet carried him down the street. Faster and faster. Maybe… could it be… could he dare…? “Annie, where the fuck…?” His question was answered before it was fully asked. He looked down a side street and there she was. Perfect and beautiful. Just like she had always been, like he remembered her. He shut his eyes. To keep himself from running. She wasn’t his. She wasn’t fucking his! “You…” It was a pathetic attempt. A conversation he couldn’t lead. Words that didn’t want to leave his mouth. ---- Annie looked at him, her dark eyes filling with tears. She moved towards him, trying to control the urge to cry. The way he had looked at her, or rather didn’t. Why was he closing his eyes? Did he not want to see her? Just for the moment she didn’t care. She had to be near him, had to prove to herself that he was real. “Mitchell?” She knew her voice was shaking, that she was giving away her emotional state. She moved to him, reaching out to touch his face. “Mitchell?” Annie repeated softly, the word almost a whisper, as if she didn’t dare say it loud in case it blew him back out of her world. ---------- “Hey...” Mitchell whispered with a husky voice. The touches, her voice, her face - it was all too much and at the same time not enough. He leaned into her touch, just one extra millimeter that suddenly seemed to make all the differences. “How... where have you been?” he asked, his voice thick with emotions. His eyes flickered to hers for a second before he looked away again. This was torture. Bittersweet torture. ---- “Watching almost everyone I’ve ever loved die.” Annie said softly, she couldn’t keep the tears that were in her eyes out of her voice. “You,George, Nina, all gone...and if I’m imagining you being here again...then someone’s really sick...which...well, our life maybe they are.” Annie tangled her fingers in his dark hair and leaned into him, her chin crumpling as words didn’t seem enough. “Mitchell? I...Please someones not fucking with me and you’re here....” Even the fact that she’d sworn should have told him how shaken she was. --- “Shh,” Mitchell said softly. “It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He pulled Annie into a tight embrace, something he had done so many times, whenever she felt uncomfortable, awkward or insecure. He had been there and he would be there now. And then the tears came, tears he hadn’t allowed for the past few weeks or at least not enough. He had cried. Silently and alone but the big breakdown was yet to come. He shut his eyes again as he pressed Annie’s body against him. Not now. She was confused and hurt and he would give everything to make her feel better. “They are here. George, Nina. Eve as well. We are all here.” And then there was another Annie as well. But it didn’t matter now. Nothing mattered besides her. --- “I saw it, George staked you...he had to...to save you...I understood, I was never angry with him... OK I was, but I got...I saw...I watched...and...I think I died inside too.” Annie murmured, sinking into him as he pulled her closer, one hand still in his hair, the other curled into his shirt, as if she didn’t dare to let him go. She leaned back to look at him, her fingers moving from his hair to wipe the tears from his pale face. “I wanted to save you, like you saved me...but I couldn’t...I never thought I’d ever...” She coughed as a sob rose in her throat. Annie leaned into him again, resting her forehead against his. “I love you, John Mitchell.” --- “I… god,” he stuttered. He wanted to return the words but this wasn’t his Annie. He felt like he would betray her if he said it now. “I’m not him. Well, I AM him but I’m not from that time. I didn’t screw up,” he said and stopped before the last letter was fully pronounced. He had screwed up, just a few days ago but not like that. It had been an inhuman situation. There was a reason for him to fail and if there was a reason it meant that it wouldn’t happen again. That he could stay clean. “This place here, it’s a different world,” he said as he released her slowly from his grip. He didn’t let go of her, not completely. But it was easier to explain things this way. “Random people appear here. People from other worlds, different times… it’s strange and full of magic.” The last word was coughed out with a frown on his face. --- “I don’t care what it is.” Annie said softly, almost flinching as she realised he hadn’t returned her words of love. There was something different about him, such sadness in him. She took a step back from him, regathering the strength she’d been forced to tap into when her world fell apart and she became the carer for the one thing she never thought she’d have. A child. Whoever this Michell was, she knew who she was, Annie Sawyer...someone’s mother...almost. “You didn’t screw up...I did...I just didn’t realise until too late, what I was asking...doing...” Annie said softly, dropping her head so she didn’t have to look at him and biting back the words ‘I’m not surprised you don’t love me any more’. “Is it terrible that the only thing I want to do is make tea...it’s comforting.” --- Mitchell smiled at the stubbornness she displayed. It was so utterly her. God, how he missed her dickhead. And she usually got what she wanted. Only when he had been in a foul mood, had he had the ability to say ‘no’ to her. Putting up a good fight, hell yes! But he usually ended up giving in anyway. It had become quite the routine. “No, Annie. Don’t! You are not responsible for the mistakes I made. All you ever did was to make me a better person.” Without her everything would have been worse. He needed her. “You make me want to be someone better.” Someone that could compare to her. He knew that he would never ever be able to be that person but he gave his best. Fought and struggled to himself in control and to not hurt her. --- Annie half scoffed. “Make you a better person? I don’t know which time you’re from, but in mine, you’re dead, you all are...and just for a little while, I thought I was going to give up, but I couldn’t because there were still people that needed me.” She cast her mind back to Hal and Tom, hoping they were getting on OK without her, what with the still being at each others throats stage most of the time. “Times...versions...I know I said I didn’t care, but I do...everyone’s here...is Owen here? Because well, him being in prison opened my door...and I’m don’t want another door.” Her tone softened, back to something closer to her usual, gentle voice. “You were always good enough for me...bit of a prat for leaving things as long as you did, but always good enough.” Annie glanced around them. “Where are we anyway? I was at home, in Honolulu Heights and then...if I wasn’t a ghost, I’d have said I passed out.” She took the time to look at him again. She thought she’d memorised everything about his face, but with no pictures, she realised she’d forgotten so much about him. “I really missed you.” ---- Mitchell listened intently. He tried to keep track of all the questions but they were a lot and then the last sentence came and half of them were forgotten again. He cupped her chin with his right hand, carefully stroking her cheek with a feathery touch as if she was a delicate thing that needed to be handled with care and could break any minute. And she was, at this moment. She had lost them all and she seemed so broken. Annie had always been something soft in his eyes “Yeah. I missed you too. You have no idea how much I missed you.” It had only been a few weeks but it already felt like a lifetime. “And no, Owen isn’t here.” And if he would show up, he would make sure that Annie wouldn’t know that he was around. “And where we are… we have no idea. It’s an island. There are a lot of strange things on it. A lot of strange things are happening. I’ve been here for a couple of months now.” --- “Months...” Annie leaned into his touch, sighing softly. It felt like it had been forever since he touched her, since anyone had really. She had over their time together been used to him being different than her few human lovers, used to him not breathing, not hearing his heartbeat as she lay with her head on his chest. She barely felt the coolness of his skin, and even she only had a reflection if she concentrated. She had fallen in love with all of him, man and monster, and she’d always known that no matter how long she existed she would love him. “I want to know...I need to know” Annie murmured. “I need to get my head around all of this...you said you came from a different time...when did you come from?” She needed to know he really was her Mitchell, the man she loved, and who loved her back. --- “I got kidnapped… by… a weird magical psychopathy train.” His tone made clear that he thought it as ridiculous as it sounded. “That was shortly after George killed Herrick. Well, not properly killed him but ripped him apart.” He paused shortly. “I spent a few months there. I met another you, another George, Nina. Cutler, Hal, Daisy. And then I made pooof and ended up here. I didn’t even get to climb through a fucking wardrobe,” he stated dryly. “Or went through a big magical door, something with a bit more finesse to it, you know. It was all a bit uncreative.” He shook his head as if it were the biggest disappointment of his life. “You just cannot trust in magical objects these days anymore. It’s a tragedy.” He smiled down at her, all teasing gone from his face. That was really Annie who stood in front of him. He still couldn’t believe it. --- Annie’s face split into a smile as he talked about the others that were there. The idea of getting George and Nina back, of seeing Hal again, because for all his stubborn reliance on routine she had begun to like him much more when he’d begun to relax. “Tom?” Annie asked softly. She’d liked the young werewolf, who she’d felt the need to mother almost as much as she had tiny Eve. “And magic doors never bring anything good...we all know this.” She replied smiling. Then again, what hadn’t he done, not gone into purgatory for her yet, not fallen in love with her yet as far as she knew, which was perhaps why he hadn’t reacted when she said it and not died. She looked up at his smiling face, his eyes intense, maybe just him being there was enough, he had fallen in love with her once, perhaps he would again. --- “Yeah, I think he’s here. I haven’t heard of him in a while…” Mitchell said, trailing off. Alex was another case, her big mouth was all over the network. “Shall I show you around?” he asked all of a sudden. “I’ve got a pub, you know.” Pride stole into his voice. He loved the place. It was full of life and people all the time. It was the most popular place on the island and it was his. He wasn’t a shadow anymore that just watched while other people lived. He was a part of everything, just how it should always have been. --- “I’ll talk to him I suppose...he needs someone to take care of him, even if he doesn’t think he does, McNair didn’t let him have a life, and then he just...got one and he doesn’t know what to do with it.” Annie said softly, not really considering that he might not even know her. Annie beamed as he told her he had a pub and hugged him without thinking of how he might feel about it. “Of course I want you to show me around...and I have to see your pub, I can be a barmaid again.” She leaned away from him. “I’m so proud of you.” --- Mitchell acknowledged her first words with a nod. He didn’t particularly want to talk about Annie’s need to look after another man. He didn’t know Tom, only talked to him shortly, but Annie was his. “Yes, right, your dream job. You sure you don’t want to be a cleaner instead? The toilets could need some scrubbing,” he said a teasing tone. He added a flirty wink and then turned around. “This way…” --- “Cheeky.” Annie shot back, moving to take his arm as she followed him. She needed to be close to him, to keep hold of him in case he disappeared on her again. “I’m just offering to help you, but if you have a barmaid you like better...” She teased softly. Things were seeming to settle with him and she didn’t want to ruin it by voicing how worried she was about those she’d apparently left behind. “So, you have...lots of friends here?” Annie hedged, worried about the possibility of being pushed out of his life. --- Mitchell was oblivious to her worries. All that mattered was that she was here. He was so happy and it didn’t leave any room for sadness. “I’ve actually got a barmaid but you are always welcome to help out. And yeah, I’ve got loads of friends. I’ve recently won a beauty contest as well.” Consisting of two people. But those were just details. “I’m very high up the friend lists.” --- Annie couldn’t help but giggle as he mentioned a beauty contest. “Who else was competing?” She asked, laughter in her tone. She was glad he was happy here, but she couldn’t help the flash of jealousy that passed through her, followed by worry, being around the wrong people tended to be bad for him. He didn’t belong to her, as much as she wanted him to. “There are lists for friends?” She asked bemused. ---- He narrowed his eyes shortly in thought as he pondered about the best way to put it. “Oh, you know three other guys. Not ugly either.” Damon Salvatore, Damon Salvatore and Damon Salvatore. And he’d only sent the text message for his own amusement. But again, those were details. “It was very serious business,” he added deadpan. “Sure, they are huge.” The by Annie unoccupied arm was used to demonstrate just how huge these made up lists were. --- “Well, we both know how handsome you are...OK you might not remember, no reflection and everything.” Annie knew she was babbling a bit, trying to cover her continuing jealousy. She was used to dealing with the very long life he’d had before her, with all of its thousand intricacies, people, lovers, but the idea of it continuing so blithely without her around, while she was grieving her adoptive family and fighting to raise Eve in a community that pretty much wanted her dead, upset her more than she’d like. “Well maybe I’ll have to start making my own friends, while I’m here.” She teased, keeping her tone light. --- “Yeah, I am,” he simply said. He could have pointed out that he had been human for a bit, that he knew his reflection and that someone who looked just like him was running around. But he would leave these news for later. “Are we suddenly not good enough for you anymore?” he said, still teasingly. But then his face sobered up all of a sudden. She needed to know. She would find out anyway and it would be better if it was through him then through everyone else. “I mentioned that there was another you. You – she died a few weeks ago. She turned human and she was killed. I miss her so much. We all do. We’ve been together for almost a year.” He couldn’t look into her direction. It was hard talking about his loss while another Annie was standing right next to him. She wasn’t her but he wanted her to be her so much. He needed her to be her. --- Annie felt a tightness in her chest, a pain that she had no longer thought herself capable of, she had grieved so much, suffered so much that she had thought there was no more pain left in her, but it rose again, tearing at her. Telling her she was a replacement. “Turned human?...I’m dead...I’m...I’m...” She wasn’t sure how, or even why, but she felt sick. It wasn’t as if he’d been with someone else, cheated on her, but him and this...other her...had had a year that she’d never had with him. “But I’m not dead...even when I wanted to be I couldn’t cross over, because people needed me...I’m here...I might not be her, but I’m here and I don’t know what that means to you at the moment.” She pulled away from him, feeling a second wave of grief wash over her. They were all here, living and laughing and loving without her. Or with her...but not. She couldn’t process, couldn’t think. “After...all I wanted was you...and you...” She couldn’t get her head around how she felt. Annie felt tears on her cheeks. Why was she crying? She barely knew, but it felt like losing him again. ----- Mitchell stopped walking. “Hey, shhh,” he whispered and pulled her into a hug. Fact was that he had just as much of a clue as Annie had. “I have no idea. I loved her. We’ve been through so much together.” The train and now here. So many painful and so many happy memories. So many shared moments. “When we met – the other you – when we met on the train, she told me that I wasn’t her Mitchell. But I guess I became him. Eventually. I guess I became more hers when the me from her world ever was.” He was silent for a second and let go of her again so that he could look properly at her. “You can’t replace her. No one can. But-“ He bit his lip shortly. “- I need you. Without you I screw up.” --- Annie couldn’t help herself, she leaned into his hug, screwing her hands up against his chest to create a barrier between them. “And I loved him, where I came from, he- my you- loved me, we loved each other, and I can’t...” She looked at him, not sobbing, crying quietly, her dark eyes very lost. “...What if I’m not enough like her? I can’t lose you again...I just can’t...and I don’t know if I’ll be enough...I was with my you, when you really screwed up, killed eleven people, losing me bought you back, and I have to...know...if...we can do this...I’ll always be there for you...I’ve watched you, screw up, kill, just screw, and I’ll still be there, because I love you...you’re part of my soul...and I need you too...for there to be a point.” --- Mitchell opened his mouth just to shut it again. He couldn’t hurt her. But it felt wrong to just move on like that. He couldn’t move on. He had changed, she had changed. The Annie that stood in front of him was not the one Nina had buried. But she was still Annie in the very basic sense. And he needed her. “What would you want me to do?” he asked, pushing the responsibility away from him. “If it had been you that died?” --- “I would have expected you not to use me as an excuse to screw up...I knew you Mitchell, I know you’re capable of loving me, because you have...twice apparently, and maybe you can again, but I had to grow up when you died, all of you...I could probably fall in love with you again...if you want to get to know me again.” Annie said softly. “I want to get to know you, to know if you’re still the brave, wonderful, person I loved.” ---- Mitchell’s eyes narrowed as he tried to find the answer to his question in her words. He couldn’t. She had avoided the answer completely. Brilliant! “I… I do want to get to know you. But I don’t want to forget about her.” He didn’t want a year to mean nothing at all. They had been through too much to just replace it. ---- “I don’t want you to forget about her!” Annie shot back. “If you were willing to just forget about her, then I wouldn’t want to get to know you...I’ll never forget mine either...the man who walked into purgatory for me.” Annie put her hands on her hips. “We’ll go back to what we can both remember...being best friends and see what happens.” --- Mitchell smiled. A true and genuine smile. “Yeah. Yes, I would really like that, Miss Sawyer.” His voice was soft but confident and his eyes sparkled brightly. See what happens. It’s what they had done on the train and it had worked out perfectly. --- Annie looked at him, watching something change in him, watching him almost become himself again as he smiled. “So would I...but anyway, before we got all deep, you were going to show me around...show me your pub?” She murmured, returning his smile. --- The frown that twitched on his face at her unfinished question soon vanished and was replaced with a sparkle in his eyes. “Yeah, prepare yourself to be amazed,” Mitchell said deadpan. He dragged the words out in a manner that suggested that they were about to visit a second Taj Mahal. --- Annie grinned, teasing him by practicing her amazed faces in his direction. “OK so after everything we’ve seen, what’s in this place that’s amazing?” She replied, forgetting that he’d missed her exorcism and his own massacre. |