Commander Elyssa Shepard (commander_shep) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2018-12-09 03:21:00 |
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Shepard. What are you doing? Why are you stalling? Why were you able to go against synthetic lifeforms that could have very well fry you alive, and almost did, but you can't face what's behind that very elegant looking fancy door? Why does the very thought of what could be behind it make you want to reach for the strongest liquor you can find? All those questions and more flooded her mind. Why was she afraid to find out what was behind that door? But she knew all the answers. She just didn't want to face them. She'd been out of the life for four years. Had that made her soft? Shepard lay on the floor, her booted feet upon a seat, as she stare upside down at the surprisingly threatening door. A bottle of unopened booze beside her head. Over the past few hours she had gone from almost touching the door knob, to almost walking away, to pacing back and forth in front of it, to nearly kicking it open... to where she was right now. She didn't like not knowing. But she also didn't know her hearts desire. There was far too much doubt. Why couldn't things be simple? And why weren't they? What the fuck did she care what other people thought about her? Wouldn't the people who mattered most not judge, no matter what she saw? What her heart sank into? And those that would judge her... Did she even really care about what they thought anymore anyway? "Fuck yes, of course you do, because you're a moron, and a glutton for punishment." |