Steven Rogers (ex_stevengro92) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2018-04-16 01:51:00 |
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No matter how much Steven tried, he couldn’t get Bucky to go home, even for a few minutes. They’d made it so he could use the showers in the medbay and Mouse kept bringing him food. Steven had even set up a cot in the room, though he knew that Bucky would only sleep if someone else was in the room as well. He could understand where the kid was coming from. He didn’t really want to leave either but he couldn’t just stay at the hospital with Stacey at home with the baby by herself. And Stacey wanted to visit their son as well. Steven hadn’t been getting much sleep lately. He was currently sitting in a chair by the bed while Bucky dozed on the cot. He’d been doing a lot of sketching lately. Mainly designing different tattoos. He fully intended to open a shop since all of his equipment had shown up in their apartment. It was just a matter of finding a space. He stretched a bit and rubbed his eyes and then his whole body went stiff, just staring as he noticed the change in the heart monitor. It was a bit of a flutter at first, something that could be explained by the arrhythmia, but then the ominous continuous beep that indicated his son’s heart was no longer beating. “No! No no no no no.” He was immediately on his feet and starting chest compressions. His medical training kicking in and overpowering his fear for his son’s life. ----- Bucky hadn’t been sleeping well. He tried to get a few hours here and there but it was never a real deep sleep. He was too on edge, waiting for any kind of change, hoping to hear Steve’s voice but bracing for that unmistakable long tone. Which is why when he first heard it he didn’t think it was real. He just thought it was another one of his nightmares. But when he heard Steven moving too, heard him panicking, he woke up quickly. He got to his feet and rushed to the other side of the bed, grabbing one of Steve’s hands and putting his other one on one of his cheeks. “Baby no, no, you can’t.” he cried, patting Steve’s cheek. He didn’t even think to realize he was probably getting in the way. Clint had been out getting some food for Bucky and Steven. He had been doing his best to stay out of the way. He was worried about Steve, there was no way he wouldn’t be, but he knew the other two men needed to be there more. And if he could help by keeping all of the visitors healthy, that’s what he would do. When he got back and heard the commotion the bag of food was abandoned on the nearest flat surface and he rushed in to the room too. He realized quickly the seriousness of what was going on and snapped in to action. He rushed over and pushed an emergency call button above the bed before taking hold of each of Bucky’s hands and pulling him away as gently as he could, though it wasn’t particularly gentle. Bucky struggled, tears falling down his face freely. He didn’t want to move. He needed to be there. He needed Steve. “Nononono.” he cried, tugging at Clint’s hold. But Clint held tight, eventually crossing Bucky’s arms across his middle and holding his back to his own chest. “C’mon Bucky. I know. But you gotta stay out of the way. You gotta let them help him.” ----- Steven just continued the chest compressions, trying hard to hold it together. “Come on…” He whispered over and over again. “Lucas, I need you to call Henry.” The doctor had to be out of the office if he wasn’t in the room yet after Clint pushed the button. “Already did, he’s on the way.” The AI said. “Thanks.” Steven was pretty sure he was doing some kind of damage to his son’s chest but the compressions needed to happen to have any chance of saving him. It felt like forever before Henry came into the room and started to work immediately. “How long?” Henry asked as he looked over the readings from the computer. “I don’t….I’m not sure.” Steven hadn’t even thought to look at the clock. Henry nodded and then went to another part of the medbay, coming back with a tray and something that looked like a small suitcase. He picked up a syringe and injected it directly into the IV. ----- Bucky had eventually given in and turned in Clint’s arms, crying in to his chest as the steady tone from the heart monitor went on and on. He couldn’t really hear the doctor or Steven, or understand anything they were doing, that sound just ringing through his head. Clint held him tight, watching everything, he had tears in his own eyes too but he wouldn’t let them fall. He needed to be there for Bucky now. “Come on kid. You can do this. Come on, don’t give up.” he whispered under his breath, cupping Bucky’s head in to his shoulder so his son wouldn’t look up and see anything. ----- When the injection didn’t do anything, Henry put the case on the bed. He’d wanted to avoid it, but they didn’t have a choice. Steven had to fight with everything he had to keep from crying. He was needed just then. He heard the familiar tone of the defibrillator charging up. “Clear.” Henry said as soon as the machine was charged. Steven moved back and Henry shocked Steve. Steven visibly cringed as his son came up off the bed. When Henry moved away, he started the compressions once again. “Come on, Steve. Please…” His voice was shaking as he said it. ----- Clint knew what was coming. He saw the paddles and knew it wouldn’t be pleasant. He moved the hand from the back of Bucky’s head, pressing one of his ears to his chest, covering the other with his own hand while the machine charged. When Henry shocked Steve, Bucky could hear it anyway. He was grateful that Clint had protected him, he wouldn’t have thought to look away but now that it felt like he could he closed his eyes tight and cried harder. ----- Steven moved back every time Henry said clear. After the second time, he stopped even trying to keep the tears at bay. The longer it took for them to get him back, the worse the chances that they actually would. Each time Henry would shock Steve, Steven would immediately move in with the compressions after. Henry gave Steve another injection. He silently prayed as he worked. He didn’t want to lose a patient, especially not with all of this additional technology. Steven moved back once more as Henry yelled clear and shocked Steve again. This time, there was a response. The long flat line tone changed to a steady, regular beep. Steven took his son’s hand. “That’s my boy.” He was shaking and crying and just glad that they’d gotten him back. Henry continued to stare at the readouts, completely confused. Something was bothering him and he wasn’t quite sure what it was. ----- Clint let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding when the other two men managed to get a heartbeat back. “Thank god.” He whispered and waited a few moments, wanting to be sure it would last before he let Bucky go. Bucky hadn’t stopped crying, despite the relief that rushed through him, he was still terrified that something would go wrong again. As soon as Clint let him go he rushed back to the bed, cupping either side of his face and kissing his forehead. “Please be okay.” he whispered, sniffling. He knew enough to know that someone who had been gone that long might not be alright. ----- Henry just continued to stare at the readout for a moment. “Lucas, can you pull up a side by side of the readings before and after the event?” It was the nicest way he could say it. The readouts appeared on the wall behind Steve’s bed and Henry stepped closer. “Doc? What’s going on?” Steven moved over to stand beside Henry. “This.” Henry pointed at the top read out. “Is his EKG before. See the irregularities?” Steven nodded as he looked at it. His eyes went wide when it finally clicked. “That….it’s normal.” He pointed to the bottom, and current, reading. “It’s actually normal.” ---- Bucky mostly ignored what was going on in the room, he was just staring at Steve, gently pushing his hair back into place. But once Steven went to look at the readouts too, he looked up. “What do you mean it’s normal?” he asked softly, his voice a little rough. Clint stay back again, but he was looking at the readouts too, saw the same things the other two did. “The wish worked.” he said softly. ----- Steven smiled. “It really worked.” He nodded and then turned to Bucky. “He’s going to be okay.” Henry just kept staring at the readouts, not even close to celebrating yet. He wasn’t happy with some of the other vital signs. “Lucas, I need a detailed scan of Steve’s heart, as detailed as possible.” “Of course, Dr. Morgan.” After a moment, the image appeared on the screen and Henry sighed softly. ---- Then why isn’t he waking up?” Bucky asked Steven, a little bit of nerves and desperation in his voice. He was still beyond scared. He looked back to Steve and carefully pressed the adhesive to the feeding tube back against his cheek where it had pulled up a bit in the commotion. Dr. Henry’s reaction to the new scans didn’t help his nerves much. “What’s going on?” ----- Henry went over to the wall and actually started flipping through different readings. “I need to run a few tests.” He went over and grabbed a vial, taking a blood sample from the stint in the back of Steve’s hand. “I’ll be right back.” Steven furrowed his brow as Henry kept looking through the readouts. He didn’t like the way the doctor was reacting. He didn’t understand the readouts himself so he couldn’t really figure out what was going on. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” He forced a smile as he looked at Bucky. ----- Bucky wanted to be reassured by Steven’s words but it was hard. Especially with Steve still unresponsive and Henry acting the way he was. Clint moved closer, rubbing Bucky’s back, “We’ll figure it out.” he told him. Bucky nodded a little but looked back to Steve, brushing his fingers through his hair a little bit again. ----- Henry came back a few minutes later and looked through the readouts one more time. “His heart is working perfectly. A little too perfectly.” He pointed at one part of the readout. “The rest of him is having a hard time handling the new heart.” He sighed heavily. “What do you mean?” Steven hadn’t had any problems when his heart had been fixed. “I mean that he has the potential for kidney failure, and his blood pressure is significantly different from before. He’s not even remotely close to out of the woods just yet.” He sighed again. “I’m going to have to put him on dialysis temporarily until we can stabilize him.” ---- Bucky let out a soft whimpering noise and let his head hang, leaning his forehead on to Steve’s. “What did you do Steve?” he whispered, sighing softly and crying again. Clint just sighed too and rubbed at Bucky’s back again, letting him have his time now, before he’d have to move again. ----- Steven shook his head. He was definitely in denial at the moment. “No, that can’t be right.” He just kept shaking his head. “His heart is fine, that’s supposed to be it, isn’t it? I mean….it can’t be that cruel.” He started pacing. Henry hated this part of his job. He wanted to be able to only give good news, but there was no mistaking it. “I’m sorry. I’m going to do everything I can to try to help him.” He then looks at Bucky. “I’m going to need you to leave the room for a moment. You can stand right outside.” ---- Bucky looked up at that, “Why? Can’t I just stay out of the way?” his voice was shaky, desperate. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to not be there if something went wrong. Clint sighed and held on to one of Bucky’s shoulders. “It’ll be alright Buck. We won’t go far, you’ll be able to hear everything.” He knew he wouldn’t be able to, his hearing aids worked well enough when he was in the room but once there was something like a wall or door between him and the noise, he only got muffled bits and pieces. But he wouldn’t make Bucky go alone and he knew that if the doctor was asking him to leave, there had to be a reason. ----- Steven looked at Henry for a moment and then looked at Bucky. “We’ll all go outside, okay? Just right outside the door. It’ll be okay.” He didn’t want to leave, either, but he also didn’t want to see what Henry might have to do to his son just to try to keep him alive. He motioned for Bucky and Clint to go ahead of him as he walked toward the door. ---- Bucky was still reluctant, wiping at his face and leaning in to kiss Steve’s forehead again. “I love you okay?” he whispered, sniffling, “Please don’t give up.” He lingered there until Clint gave his shoulder a squeeze and forced himself to walk out the door, his father right behind him. ----- Steven began to pace as soon as they were out of the room, chewing on his thumbnail as he did. The wish worked, everything was supposed to be fine now. Henry worked quickly, setting up the dialysis and drawing a little more blood for some more tests. The whole process took about twenty minutes before he let them back into the room. The dialysis machine wasn’t nearly as big as the ones back on earth, but it was still obvious and had added a few more tubes and wires to Steve’s small frame. ---- Bucky didn’t make it far from the door, leaning in to the wall next to it for a minute before he slid down, his arms on his knees and head in his hands. He didn’t know how he was going to handle this. How he would survive if it all went wrong. He had barely been able to start coping with the idea that he’d have less than a decade and a half to be married to Steve before losing him but now he was trying to deal with the possibility that it would be less than two months. Clint hated to see it, all of it. Everything that happened with Steve, the toll it was taking on his son, on Steven. He didn’t want to imagine being in either of their positions. When Henry came back out and Bucky rushed to stand up Clint nodded but stay where he’d been sitting in one of the chairs, “I’ll be right out here. You go.” He needed some time to himself, to process it all without worrying Bucky any more. Bucky nodded and went in to the room, his face falling a little bit when he saw Steve. More and more of him seemed to be lost to machines and tubes and equipment every day. He couldn’t help the thoughts that came to him then. How long was he supposed to let this go on? How long would Steve want to be left like this? Only alive because of medicines and machinery. He just closed his eyes for a minute, took a deep breath and went back to the bed, pulling one of the chairs to the side of it, and reaching out to very carefully hold one of Steve’s hands. ----- Steven stood by the other side of the bed, just staring down at his son. He kept silently praying that this would all turn out okay. There was a tiny part of him that feared Steve would never get better. That this would be his life. And he didn’t think that he would want that. But he shook that thought away. He had to be positive. Henry checked a few more readouts before stepping to the end of the bed. “He’s going to need a transfusion. I’ll contact the others and see if they’re willing to help.” Having multiple versions of the same person on the station did help in that situation at least. “You can take my blood.” Steven looked up at Henry. They were identical after all. The same blood ran through his veins, literally. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” Henry actually bit his lip then. “What do you mean that won’t be possible?” Steven was starting to get angry. “He’s my son and I’m going to help him any way I can.” It was almost a visible change. “I can’t safely draw your blood, Steven. Not enough to help. You don’t weigh enough.” The rules were put in place for a reason. And someone of Steve’s height and weight just couldn’t safely donate blood. “This is bullshit!” He didn’t curse often but this time he didn’t hold back. He started pacing again. ----- Bucky was listening to the conversation, and he felt bad that Steven felt so useless. He understood that. He wished so much that he could do more too. But even if they’d been the same blood type, taking from one of the other Steve’s would always be safer. He didn’t interrupt Steven at all, he let him get angry, but pulled out his phone too. It was only a minute before he put it down again. “Steve is on his way.” he told the other two, his voice having gone soft, a bit monotone, like he’d run out of emotion. He’d decided quickly that he’d be the best option. Stevie wasn’t technically the same person as the others, and the other Steve was big enough and healed fast enough that they could take as much as they wanted without having to worry. ----- Steven just kept pacing, his arms crossed over his chest. He wanted to scream at Henry, to demand that he be allowed to help but he knew the doctor just wanted what was best for everyone. It just made him so angry that he actually couldn’t do anything. Henry nodded at Bucky’s words. “Thank you for contacting him.” He made sure to keep an eye on Steve’s vitals just in case something changed quickly. He didn’t want this to turn out to be a temporary situation. ---- Bucky just nodded, laying his head down on the bed next to Steve, still holding his hand, being careful of all of the wires and tubes. He was tired. Lost. He didn’t really know what to do anymore and just felt so helpless. Steve ran to the medbay, it was the fastest way for him to get here. He didn’t know what had happened, Bucky’s texts had only told him that they needed blood and if he could help he was going to do it. He nodded to Clint in the hall and put a hand on his shoulder briefly before stepping in to the room too. “Hey.” he greet, quietly. Even without knowing much about medical science, he could tell something big had happened. There was more equipment than he remembered and he could feel the mood of the room had shifted. “What do I need to do?” ----- “He needs blood. A lot of it.” Henry said as he moved a chair closer to the bed. “I don't normally recommend this but the fastest way would be to hook you up directly.” He knew about Steve's healing ability so the idea didn't worry him as much as it normally would. Steven just got out of the way and went back to biting on his thumbnail. He still hated that all he could do was watch. Henry moved around the room, getting everything ready. He explained the situation s little better as he did. ----- Steve nodded and sat in the chair, pulling up his shirt sleeve. He wasn’t worried, he had lost plenty of blood before and kept going, he could handle this. He worried, hearing about the younger man’s new prognosis, but hoped this could help. Bucky just kept his head on the bed, eyes closed and praying, despite the fact that he wasn’t sure he could believe anymore. ---- Steven went around and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, just trying to be of some kind of comfort, since he couldn’t do much else. Henry nodded and put on a pair of gloves before getting everything ready. He was thankful that Steve’s veins were easily found, though the smaller man’s were a little more difficult. One more tube added to the small frame. He tried to hide his sigh but wasn’t sure he was successful. “This will help.” He nodded. All they could do now was wait. ----- Steve barely noticed the doctor putting the line in. A needle like that didn’t seem to be worth worrying over after some of the injuries he’d gotten over the years. He sat still as the blood was drawn, not wanting to accidentally disturb the needed in the other man’s arm, and just watched the scene around him, his heart heavy and hoping this would work. Bucky briefly glanced up to Steven when he felt the hand on his shoulder, reaching up with his own free one to cover it briefly before he lay back down. He didn’t even notice it was happening, but before the transfusion had even finished Bucky fell back asleep, body and mind just too exhausted to keep up anymore. ----- Steven watched for a few moments, then ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to get coffee.” He hated just standing there doing nothing. He nodded to Steve before leaving the room. Henry kept his eyes on the various vitals signs displayed on the wall. He was definitely improving, but Henry noticed that the EEG remained the same. Steve’s health was improving but he wasn’t waking up. Once his blood pressure was in a safe range, Henry unhooked the transfusion equipment. “He’s doing a lot better now. It won’t be long before I can take him off the dialysis as well.” He would keep it another hour or so just to be safe. ----- “You should try and get something to eat too.” Steve mentioned, having seen the food that had been abandoned in the hall and figured at least some of it had been meant for Steven. After that though, Steve was quiet until Henry as done, not wanting to wake Bucky. He knew the kid must have needed it desperately if he was falling asleep like that. He nodded with the doctor’s words. “Honestly, what do you think?” he asked softly, now that Bucky was sleeping and Steven was out of the room. ----- Henry took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked at the young man laying on the bed. “I don’t know.” He shook his head. “His heart is stronger than the rest of him. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He went over to look at the readouts on the wall again. “Only time will tell how he handles this. And….if he even wakes up.” Henry looked down at Bucky and then back to Steve. “They may need to make a very difficult decision.” ----- Steve sighed heavily. Part of him had known it was always a possibility, that Steve was lucky enough to be alive as long as he had been, but seeing it actually happening was still heartbreaking. Especially knowing that if he hadn’t been lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time, if he hadn’t had so many people support him, that he could be there too. “I hope it doesn’t come to that.” he said, defeated and looking at Bucky. He couldn’t imagine having to cope with that, especially not as a teenager. “Is there anything else I can do?” he asked, “You can take more blood to store for later maybe?” ----- “I hope it doesn’t as well.” He really didn’t want to think about that possibility. Henry nodded at Steve’s suggestion. “I’ll do that. Just to be safe.” He checked the readouts one last time. “I would also recommend praying.” He looked at Steve. Henry was sure that many were already doing that. “Right now, only time will tell.” ---- Steve nodded. “We’ve had candles lit since it happened. Even the kids have said a few.” He knew that, with everything he had seen, the world they lived in, maybe it was all useless, but he couldn’t help believing. Hoping there was something out there watching out for them. And it helped in a lot of ways too, to feel like they were doing something. “Thank you, for working so hard to help him. Even before this.” Steve said a few minutes later, “I know they might not be saying it yet,” he glanced at Bucky, “but they’re grateful too.” ----- Henry nodded again. He was about to say something when Steven came back in with two cups of coffee, holding one out to each man. “Thought you could use some, too.” He cleared his throat. It was obvious he’d spent at least a little time crying while he was gone. ------ |