InsaneJournal

This was her third attempt. The first one had had her staring at the walls of the mansion for quite some time but she hadn’t gone past them. The second was a quick apparate in, a panic attack and a quick disapparate. She couldn’t do it. It was too much of a risk and there was too much at stake. Too much hope.

This was number three and she was determined to pull through. She apparated to the stables. Little steps were still steps. The mansion was nothing she was ready to go to. She looked around, carefully inspecting every object. She poked at things, turned them over, pushed them to the side. Some of them had been forgotten over the time with no memory traces left to recover; others sparked a sense of familiarity and then there were the ones she almost dropped because she remembered. She remembered being there, she remembered playing with them. She remembered not being scared. It was the original trip down memory lane, one you could only be a part of if you grew up in a place like this.

Now and then, she glanced at the door. She wanted to go to the mansion, wanted to get it over with but whenever she thought about it she was rooted to the spot. Her legs seemed too heavy, her mind frozen with inability. Eventually, the thought crept in that her mom would know. She didn’t know how much she would know but she would know that someone was here. That would be a good test, wouldn’t it? Let her come here. That would show that she wasn’t something else, wouldn’t it? She let this thought lull her. It meant she could keep frozen.

---

Laura had known Gen for who she was, when James had come home with her scent on him. She didn’t know why nothing was said, why she was staying away, but she respected her beloved charge. There was a reason, she was sure, and didn’t doubt that it was a good one. Hoped that whatever it was that it wouldn’t keep her away for good.

It wasn’t until she’d caught her scent twice close to the mansion, that she knew an attempt was being made. Whether it was an attempt to find a place to live, or to seek somewhere familiar, she didn’t know. But the third time she’d caught it… it seemed to linger. But it didn’t get closer, and she stretched her senses to see what she could garner from the visit.

Curiosity got the better of her. And rather than stay away, Laura crept toward the stable. Quiet as she could be, at least until she was steps from the large door. She didn’t want to frighten Gen. So she purposely began to make the noises someone normal might make. Being sure that the door squeaked as she pushed it open. “Hello?”

---

As so often when someone tried to prepare herself for a frightening event, Gen jumped when it finally happened. She fumbled for her wand and pointed it at the intruder. It was her. She wanted to scream, to run for her, to hug her. But instead she stood there like a deer caught in headlights.

“Hi,” she said weakly. Rapid breaths escaped her lungs as she stared at the woman who had become her mother.

---

All those emotions that rambled around like one of those little toys they had that seemed to roll everywhere and anywhere all on it’s own. Laura wasn’t going to move farther though. Face to face was enough. At least it was for her, until Gen wanted to advance things. She didn’t want to frighten her away.

Awkwardly she did lean forward just a little. “Are you okay?” She still wasn’t very good at small talk. But she was trying. And that was important, right?

---

She did not want to say that she wasn’t. She did not think of herself as not okay - had not thought of herself... tense, it was important. The happiness, the ease, it put things into perspective and showed her in what a world she really lived.

“I don’t know,” she croaked quietly. She wanted to break down. Cry and be the child that was comforted by her mom.

---

The croak… Laura’s face softened. Glancing back at the large facade of the mansion behind her, she nodded toward it. “There is chocolate milk, inside. I have not made cookies, but there is cookie dough that is uncooked. It is a comfort food with some.” She held out her hand. Letting Gen come to her, if she wanted. Like she were a scared rabbit.

She knew how hard it was to not know, one way or another, if you were okay. She didn’t know what she’d gone through, but knew it was bad if she couldn’t come home.

---

Cookie dough. Gen’s eyes widened. Cookies. Freshly made cookies. It needed ovens. Eggs. And… she didn’t even know, it’s been too long.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know if this is real.” There was this voice inside her that wanted to be convinced. It was shackled with doubt and fear. But it ripped at its manacles.

---

“I never told you? Even He cannot get into this place without setting off alarms.” Though she didn’t know if that was absolutely true, she had never scented him within the confines of the school. And she had been tracking his movements for weeks now.

But how much did that dreadful creature know? Surely Gen had seen her cut, and seen her heal, how fast it would happen. Laura slid out one of her claws, not all the way just far enough that she could run it along the outside of her arm. Holding it so that her charge could see the flesh stitch together seconds later. “I am me.”

---

Yes, she knew that she could heal. But so did he. She looked at her sternly, a deep frown on her face. “Or you are not… or maybe it is all in my head,” she said. “I cannot know.”

This was a mistake, wasn’t it? Whenever she came close to believing something, a wall build up and paranoia smashed her hopes and dreams. “This is too good. It cannot be real.”

---

Laura cut her eyes toward the Spire and hissed violently. She would fillet him for putting that sort of fear in her daughter’s head. The rage that rumbled inside her made her want to go and tear that tower down brick by brick, stone by stone. “I will make sure he regrets what he has done.”

But not tonight. She would simply have to step up her game. “He is afraid of me. I smell it. I do not know why. But I will make him regret it slowly. I promise you that.”

---

Fear. It was a lovely thought that he feared anything. He wanted to believe it. He wanted to imagine that some of their struggles at least had him flinching. But he had never shown any sign of it. “He does not fear us. He killed you. He killed most people.” She shook her head in desperation. Her fingers curled into a fist as anger at this monster flooded through her. It was a familiar feeling. “He does not need to fear anyone.”

---

“I will kill him first.” Laura took a slow sniff of her. “You were not here before.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. People who had been there multiple times in the timeline had a smell to them. “This is your first time coming back?” It was better to ask. Just to be sure. “I know how to kill him so that he cannot come back. So that he will bleed and bleed.” It was what she was made for, after all. To kill those that thought themselves unkillable.

But she shook herself. It was not the plan. Not yet. “First I will take care of you. I promised you would be safe. I will never go back on that promise.” Not as long as she could. She held her hand out again. “I am sure I can find other things to eat, besides cookie dough.”

---

The shake of her head was vehement. Like a fight she put up and indeed it was exactly that. A battle that could only rage within herself. “Or I might not be back. This might not be real.”

She did not say anything else, terrified that she would give in and that reality would come crashing in the walls of this fairytale if she finally believed it true.

---

“If it is not real, what will it hurt? Sometimes, when things are bad, you need a little good. Even if it is only a dream.” It was hard not to choke on those words. For her voice not to crack. She had cared for this young woman since she was little more than an infant. Her happiness trumped her own. If she needed to bleed for it to happen, then she would happily bleed.

“Would you prefer pancakes? I can make them with the faces if you like.” Right then Laura would gladly rip out her own heart, just to make Gen’s life better.

---

Slowly, the wand hand sank. There was something in her mom’s voice, in her features, in her attitude that stripped her defenses. If this was not real, there was nothing she could do. If it was, then there was nothing she needed to do. She tucked at her sleeves.

“It will. It hurts if it is taken away again. I can survive -” She pauses as she struggled to find the right word. “- my life because I am used to it. But if I get used to this - to happiness - and have to go back, it will destroy me.”

---

“But we all need a happy place. It is what kept me from being only a monster. It is a place you can go when things are at their hardest, and you have time to close your eyes.” Laura took that step forward when she lowered the wand. And when she toyed with her sleeves. The need to comfort the girl she still was clawed at her.

“If you go back, if things get bad. I want you to be able to close your eyes, and think of sitting at the table, feeling safe. Being safe.” Because there wasn’t a soul that could cross into that yard that meant them harm. Not without being blasted to bits. And even if they did… they would have her to contend with.

---

Gen shook her head, fighting the will to give in. “Not being safe is easier if you don’t remember. I have spent my times yearning and wanting and griefing. I can’t go back again…” There was a pleading tone in her voice. Don’t tempt me! I might give in!

A break from it would bring it all back. She could not allow herself to be used to something good. If this actually, was something good.

---

She wasn’t safe. That struck a chord sharper than anything else would have with her. Laura wasn’t one to fall into fits of sorrow, not here. But unspilled tears lined her lower lashes. “You are back. This is home. I cannot prove it anymore than I already have…” She drew out the last word slowly as something did come to mind. “Did Nick come with you?” There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she wouldn’t like the answer if she asked why. But she knew by scent alone that he was not on the island, beyond his younger self.

They were both little. Playing up in their playroom. Safe as anyone could be in this place.

---

Gen froze at the question. She did not want to answer it. The young woman could see how her words affected the person she thought of as her mother. “No.” She shook her head. “He couldn’t.” She averted her eyes as tension built inside of her. The word ‘dead’ was too much to say.

---

Laura nodded slowly. That was how it was. Not always all came at once. If the Sullys were anything to go by. “The young you, and he, are just inside. In their playroom.” Or what had been her play room. She glanced behind her. Her face going blank for a moment as she listened to the pair. Reassuring herself that they were alright, and content to play together in their room.

---

Not for long… A malicious voice whispered in her head. The young witch sucked in a sharp breath. “The Spire - the attack… everything turned bad afterwards. It all went wrong,” she said. It was her attempt to change things. Her family needed to stay alive - if this was indeed her family. She just needed to do something.

---

She turned back toward Gen. Her face no longer blank, her eyes narrowed. Not because of what she said. Or anything like that, but the possibility of something going wrong. “Tell me everything.” If this place was not proof of many alternatives, Laura would still believe a change was possible. The future was never etched in stone, she had been told that once.
---

Gen hesitated. Not because she did not want to share her knowledge, but because she was unsure of it. “I don’t know that much about the actual attack. It’s been a long time ago. I was very little. There were creatures, huge creatures. His magic... our... your... it just wasn’t enough. Many died. Eventually, people drew back. And then he started to hunt everyone down. First the strong ones and the people involved. He got James.” The image did not leave her mind. It was a video that started playing over and over again. “Eventually, he got you too.” She paused shortly. “There is nothing we can do. Survival is all there is.”

---

“What of the girl?” Laura didn’t know where she hid. She only caught whiffs of her scent every now and then. And even when she did, it wasn’t enough to track her by. Laura knew what was at stake now. James. The kids. Everyone else on the island. They needed a better strategy. Something foolproof. They needed more information…

Her face softened a little. “We will do better this time, I swear it.” If she had to carve out the Man’s heart out herself, she would do it.

---

A shrug. Her eyes still strayed. She felt like she let her mom down. She could have been better prepared. “I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone ever contacted her afterwards, eventually, there was no way. The phones have been dead for a while now. However, we believe that she might be dead. New people have stopped showing up regularly.”