James Buchanan Barnes (dzheymsbyuken) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2016-05-10 02:07:00 |
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James couldn’t sleep. Laura was out and the twins were asleep. He lay in bed with his eyes closed, but he was wide awake. After about an hour, he gave up and got up, grabbing his phone. He walked through the mansion, making sure that he wouldn’t wake up the twins before he dialed Steve’s number. He paced as the phone rang. ------ Steve kept his phone on silent and under his pillow at nights. It was a carryover from some of his not-so-good days where sometimes he needed to talk to someone late or he worried that something would happen that he could help and that he'd miss it. When he felt the vibration he was quick to wake and move it before anyone else noticed. He slid out of the bed carefully and then out of the room, tugging on a robe. “Bucky?” he answered, despite the phone reading James. He wasn't sure how much the other man remembered but between what Peggy had told him and the memories suddenly in his head he had a feeling they'd have at least a few overlapping recent experiences. He'd thought about contacting him a soon as he realized what had happened but he hadn't wanted to push. “Is everything alright?” ------ James allowed a small smile at Steve’s greeting when he answered. He cleared his throat before answering. “Just….can’t sleep.” His voice was soft. “Not even really sure why.” Though he had a little bit of an idea. ----- “That's-yeah, I get that.” Steve's sleep, while it came and he was grateful, had been fitful. He kept tossing and turning and waking up with every nightmare he had of the fights with Tony going badly. “I remember it.” he admit softly, moving around his home until he could quietly pad down the stairs and sit on the couch. “Everything with Wakanda and Tony and the Accords.” ------ James sighed softly. “I….was actually kind of hoping you would remember. Though only a little bit.” He just kept pacing. “Wanda’s going to help me. Help get Hydra out of my head.” He bit his lip. He didn’t feel like anyone he cared about was safe as long as the programming was still there. ----- “You think that will work?” he asked, his voice going a little bit hopeful; he leaned forward, his elbow resting on his leg as he held the phone to his ear. “I wish I'd thought of that sooner.” he added a moment later. ------ “I don’t know.” He shook his head even though he knew Steve couldn’t see him. Rather than just pacing in the hall, he started going to the kitchen. Maybe some tea would help. “Can’t think of everything, Steve. Some of us have to help come up with ideas.” He chuckled softly. “We’re putting together a lot of safeguards in case something goes wrong.” ---- Steve smiled a little. He knew the man he was talking to wasn't the same as the one he left asleep in their bed but he was closer. There was so much more of his friend there than there had been only a few weeks ago. At least in his mind, he didn't know if James had just gotten memories like he had or lived it like Wanda. “I'm glad, just got you back. And I'm not entirely sure she could really handle hurting anyone else right now.” he told him, smile evident in his voice. “I really hope it works Buck.” ------ “I hope so, too.” He looked around the kitchen once he got in there. “I’m going to put you on speaker, okay?” He pushed the button and set the phone down on the counter, going about making some tea. “I remembered being here. When I was back there. But it was like a dream. A very realistic dream, but still a dream.” He set the kettle in the sink and just looked at it for a minute. “I’m going to have to heat the water up in the microwave.” He moved closer to the phone. “Don’t tell Peggy.” ----- “I don't even want to face the wrath of telling her I let you.” Steve joked softly. “I thought it was a dream too, it had to be.” he let out a dry, sarcastic chuckle, “Y’know, there was no way I could have Peggy and Bucky and a family - reality had never been that kind to us.” It was something between a joke and something he truly believed but he wasn't sure which. ------ He went around the kitchen and got a mug, filling it with water and putting it on the microwave. “There was no way I’d have Laura and the twins.” He cleared his throat. “I could barely keep in contact with you without causing problems.” He winced when the microwave beeped. “Don’t remember that thing being that loud.” ----- “Though I guess this place comes with issues too.” Steve sighed a little, “Like whether or not Tony will remember and if he doesn't, what will happen when he finds out.” He didn't really want to think about it, but he figured it was inevitable. Someone would tell him or he'd see a movie or something else would let him in that they were hiding something and he wasn't sure if that would make it all worse. It did last time he'd kept from telling him something important. He chuckled softly, “It's always louder when you want to keep quiet.” ------ “Peggy suggested talking to Tony about my arm. I couldn’t tell her that I….don’t trust him.” He cleared his throat. “I’m afraid to go anywhere near him.” He certainly didn’t want to get into another fight with the man. “And I haven’t been able to tell Laura how I got hurt. I know she’ll go after him even if he doesn’t know what’s going on.” --------- “Do you want the arm?” Steve asked. It was something he’d never had the chance to ask, whether Bucky actually liked having the arm that Hydra had given him or if it was something he’d have been happier without. “I think…” he paused, leaning back into the couch and closing his eyes, “we’ll probably have to approach it carefully. Slowly. If we do tell them.” ------ “I….don’t know.” James sighed heavily. He turned the speaker off and propped the phone between his chin and his shoulder as he picked up the glass of tea. Trying to take a sip caused the phone to drop, but not before he heard what Steve said. “Shit, hold on.” He put the phone back on speaker and set it on the counter. “We’re going to have to tell him, though. And hope he doesn’t try to kill me again.” ----- “I think if we do it sooner rather than later might be better. And it might not be as bad now y’know, he’s not already so worn down and strung out and angry at us.” Steve hoped so at least, but he knew finding out from someone else or finding out that they’d kept it from him would just make it worse. “Maybe.” ------ James sipped his tea and sighed again. “Couldn’t get away with doing it over the phone, could we?” He made a face. “Probably best to tell him when he’s alone.” ---- Steve chuckled softly. “Yeah, I’m not sure that’s really something he’d take well to.” Tony was a technophile yes, but some things were really best done in person. “But, if things go badly or you y’know, don’t actually want an arm like that, there are other options. Something in between what you had and nothing.” Steve suggested, some part of him needing to make sure he was asked what James wanted, since he was fairly sure it was something he hadn’t been asked since 1942. ------ “I’ll tell him.” He said softly, not even really sure the phone picked it up. “Hope made an offer a while back, said she could regrow the arm. But she also said it hurts a lot and Laura recommended against it.” He sipped his tea. “And given how much Laura can handle, the fact that she says it’s too much pain……” ------- Steve heard it, sighing softly. “You don’t have to do it alone Bucky. I...could have told him.” Steve didn’t know why he hadn’t. He wanted to keep James safe, didn’t want to poke old wounds that Tony didn’t need poked, but he still knew he should have and it was more than anything his own cowardice that kept him from it. “But there’s other magic. Some kind of prosthetic that works like a real arm would. Or just a normal one, without magic or super-technologies. You’ve got options.” ------ “So he can punch us both?” He tried to make it sound like a joke but wasn’t sure it did. “If we didn’t have to tell him I killed his parents then maybe Tony could help. Not sure he’ll be willing to, though.” He cleared his throat. “For now, I’m dealing with it. Relearning how to do a lot of stuff.” ------ “Hey, if he can punch us both that’s half what you’d get on your own. It’d be like old times.” Steve joked softly, it was easier to keep this conversation light, than let it dissolve into something depressing. “He might, this is a different Tony.” Steve was hopeful but clearly unsure. “If you need help you know you can come to us.” he offered, sure his wife or husband would be just as willing as he was. ------ “You just can’t say no to a fight, can you?” James laughed. “I’ll let you know. The twins are actually being very helpful. Or as helpful as three year olds can be, anyway. They’re trying.” He sipped his tea again. “And Laura when I’m not too stubborn to let her help.” ---- “Have I ever?” the grin could almost be heard in Steve’s voice as he spoke. He smiled a little bit, glad that, at least here, Bucky could have some semblance of family, of love. “Something tells me that isn’t often.” he commented, his own experience with Bucky’s stubbornness telling him he wouldn’t be asking often. Not that he was one to talk much there. ------ James just laughed and shook his head. “Sometimes she kind of has to force me to let her help.” He finished off his cup of tea and put the mug in the sink. “I’ve already gotten very adept and buttoning one handed.” He smirked a little. “And unclasping a bra.” ---- Steve chuckled softly. “You would.” he teased a tiny bit, though he didn’t blame him. Steve had gone straight to Bucky and Peggy when he woke up back here, needing comfort and reassurance, both physical and mental. “But I’m glad you’re figuring it out.” ------ “She’s still trying to learn how to deal with the charm.” He chuckled. “I’m a little more Bucky and a little less James.” He knew he’d never be completely back to being like Steve’s husband, but he was definitely closer. “And apparently Bucky is her weakness.” ----- “I think Bucky is a not-so-uncommon weakness around here.” he commented, using his foot to tug a footstool over so he could lean back and relax a little bit more. ------ “Bucky is a charming bastard so….” He laughed. He picked up the phone and took it into the sitting room nearest the kitchen, stretching out on the couch there. He kept the phone on speaker and rested it on his chest. “Think that’s part of why you kept forgiving me whenever I would get us into trouble.” -------- “Well, that and ‘cause you did the same when it was me getting us into it.” Steve chuckled, leaning back and closing his eyes again, relaxed in the quiet of the house, talking to his friend. “Though it may have been why Ma always let it go.” ------ “She was either a very forgiving woman or was very blind to my bad influence.” He laughed, then sighed. “Carla was pretty great, too.” He remembered, and missed, his adopted mother more than he had previously. ------ Steve shook his head a little even though no one was around to see it. “I don’t think so. I think she just knew I was gonna get in trouble anyway and was glad there was someone there to look out for me.” Bucky had gotten his back more times than he could have counted and he probably wouldn’t have even made it to the war, never mind out of it, if they hadn’t been friends. “She was a good one, yeah.” he smiled a little, glad that James had those memories, even if it wasn’t always an amazing feeling. ------ “I remember those cookies she used to make all the time. The house always smelled like cookies. And you’d shove some in your pockets when you thought she wasn’t looking.” He chuckled. “She always knew, you know?” ------ “Yeah. I figured it out eventually. She used to always give me two or three napkins and find some excuse to leave the room for a minute.” Steve reminisced a little. “But I think she knew it’d be easier for me if we both pretended to not know. Me and Ma never could afford much sugar back then, pretty sure Carla figured that one out early.” ------ “It was really hard to get past your pride sometimes.” He chuckled. “Only way I could get you to spend the night is if I gave you chores to do.” He sighed, though it wasn’t a sad one. “You got really good at shining shoes.” ------ Steve laughed softly, his voice taking on a lighter tone, one that didn’t carry the weight of the years between him and the memories, “Remember the time you wanted me to stay two nights in a row ‘cause Ma was sick and you didn’t want me to catch it? All the chores were done so you asked if I’d help you sweep the yard.” He was getting caught up in the memories, the light, easier times that they managed despite the world being stacked against them. “And then you went all mopey that there was only one broom and said we had to take turns but by the time your turn was up it was too dark to do anything else.” ----- James laughed as well, nodding. “Too dark for you to go home, too.” He chuckled. “So mission accomplished, I guess.” He shifted on the couch a little. “I remember Carla’s niece…...god what was her name? She had the overbite and the freckles. Kept following you around like a lost puppy whenever they’d come over for dinner.” ----- “Judy.” Steve chuckled. “Woulda been fine if she wasn’t three years younger and always tryin’ to get me to put on her dresses and join her ‘girls only’ club.” Steve laughed again. “I think she just wanted to be able to kick you out of the way but probably not the best way to do it.” ------ James laughed again, shaking his head. “But you would have been such a pretty girl, Steve.” The smirk was pretty evident in his tone. “I bet she would have done your makeup, too.” ------ “Hell yeah I do. But I wouldn’t talk too much there.” Steve teased, having seen his Bucky in a dress before. James was a little broader but he still imagined it wouldn’t be as far a stretch as the other man might think. “Though I probably would have let her if it hadn’t meant she could make you leave.” ------ “She really didn’t like me very much.” He sighed again. “I don’t even know why.” ----- “I think it was ‘cause she had a crush on me and I wouldn’t leave you alone.” Steve admit, “Probably figured you were the reason I didn’t pay much attention to her.” ------ “Would she have been wrong if that was the case?” He asked. “You and I were pretty much attached at the hip every time we were less than 10 feet apart.” He chuckled. ----- “No, she was definitely right about that.” Steve shook his head again, “I was kind of an idiot not to realize I was in love with you.” he sighed a little but it wasn’t sad or tired, more amused with himself. ------ “Takes one to know one.” He replied softly. He covered a rather noisy yawn. “Look at that. Talking to you has made me tired.” He chuckled. ------ “I really don’t think it’s the first time you’ve said that to me.” Steve said, his voice a little bit deadpan. “Go to sleep Buck, we’ll still be here in the morning.” his tone went kinder now before he yawned a little bit himself. ------ “Don’t be surprised if you get a phone call verifying that.” He shifted the phone from his chest to the coffee table before sitting up. He turned the speaker off and held the phone to his ear as he walked down the hall. “Night, Steve.” There was actually a bit of affection in those two simple words. ------ “Never would. Not here.” Steve told him. He had a list in his mind, all the names he checked his phone for at least twice a day, usually when he woke up and before bed, like a ritual. He knew it was all too easy to lose people in this place and he didn’t want to be surprised. Steve stood up too, when he heard the motion on the other end of the line, “Night Bucky.” |