InsaneJournal

In the first few weeks things with Dean were hard.  At times they felt impossible.  Lisa couldn’t, for all she tried, understand what he had seen, what he had experienced.  But Castiel could and, honestly, that was enough.  There was some inevitable jealousy but she reminded herself that no other living being could understand what Dean had been through. 

With time she welcomed Castiel’s presence, his help, because when her shoulders became too laden with tears and she ached from sitting all night with Dean holding her too tight, Castiel would take over.  When she needed to get Ben to school, Castiel was there.  She thought she might never understand any more than that.  But it was enough.  Until she saw them together.

Out of respect or jealously or because she just couldn’t understand how someone can have any kind of relationship with an Angel, Lisa kept her distance.  She was pretty sure having your blood boil and wanting to slap an angel was one of those things you shouldn’t do, regardless of what Dean said.  So she found reasons and ways to not be around.  Until one morning she left her purse at home, returning to collect it she found them together in the living room.

Dean had collapsed against Castiel, she could tell from his face.  Defeat in Dean’s slumped shoulders as he rested the entire weight of his body and mind on Castiel’s smaller frame. 

All Lisa could feel was pleased; to see Castiel holding Dean up despite the crushing weight of all his pain and heartache.  Dean’s hands were clenched in fists, crumpling and twisting the fabric of Castiel’s coat as he buried his face into the crook of Castiel’s neck.  They fit together perfectly. 

The curve of Castiel’s neck as it extended to become shoulder welcomed Dean in, the trench coat moving under his grip as silent tears soaked into the navy jacket beneath.  Castiel raised his arms, wrapping them around Dean’s shoulders with reassuring strength.

Dean’s hands unclenched the moment Castiel’s arms were around him.  He slowly slid his arms around Castiel’s waist and Dean held to him like a vice.  Lisa winced at the thought but Castiel barely blinked, his hands moving in reassuring circles against Dean’s back. 

In the moment that Castiel carefully turned his face to Dean, eyes closing reverently as he drew his face along Dean’s cheek and kissed him softly, Lisa fell in love with Castiel.  She watched how carefully he kissed Dean, reassuring words whispered against lips that smiled gratefully. 

Lisa loved Castiel in a way Dean might never understand, for the angelic being within.  She loved how completely and selflessly he cared for Dean, how he watched over him – how he cared for both of them. 

Waking with Dean’s arms around her and Castiel’s watchful eyes on them made her feel invulnerable.  

Watching how Castiel peeled Dean’s hand from a bottle of Jack and moved the firm grip to his waist made her flare with pride.

Castiel was there to catch her - strong arms and silent reassurance when she’d stop, tired and hopeless, swearing through a haze of tears that she couldn’t continue. 

She loved him with quiet smiles and gentle kisses, grateful sighs and carefree laughter.  For Dean, for herself and for the glorious being that made them complete.