InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "pourquoi?"

Michael Guerin [Roswell NM] (ineverlookaway) wrote in somerealityrpg,
@ 2019-10-12 12:08:00

Entry tags:

inactive: michael guerin

Alex Manes & Michael Guerin

What: Talking
Where: Apt 4-C
When: Saturday
Warnings: Likely angst and such
Status: Closed, Incomplete

It wasn't that Michael forgot he sent that voice message to Alex, but he had pushed it out of his mind. If he'd thought about it, he would have tried to recall it, delete it, pretend it never existed. But the fact was, he'd thought he was going to die, and he didn't want to die without telling Alex how he felt. But then he hadn't died, he'd talked to Jacen and he'd gotten some kind of mental boost that gave him a resurgence, and he'd found Liz and Max inside that damn maze, and he'd lived another day. It didn't negate what he'd said to Alex, but it also didn't negate the fact his relationship with Alex was an absolute train wreck.

The last time he'd seen Alex before he'd come to Goodland, he'd essentially blown him off. Not intentionally, though given half a chance he probably would have done it intentionally, but he really couldn't stay and talk right then. And then, when he could have and should have gone back to see Alex, he'd sauntered into The Wild Pony instead. He'd avoided Alex when Alex arrived in Goodland, and then the damn corn maze kept him from having to see the man. There were no more excuses, though, and Michael realised he owed Alex a face to face after that voice mail.

It was going to go one of two ways, and both possible outcomes terrified Michael. He loved Alex, that was irrefutable. But he hated himself, so how could he give Alex what he deserved? He couldn't. And that killed him inside, because Alex deserved so much more than Michael felt he could give, and it wasn't fair.

Michael drew a breath, his mangled left hand shoved in his pocket, and knocked on the door to 4-C with his good hand. It took everything in him to stay right there, to wait for Alex to open the door. But as much as he wanted to cut tail and run, he also wanted to throw himself against Alex and kiss the hell out of him the moment that door opened.

CODE BY

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lifesawar
2019-10-19 07:11 pm UTC (link)

"I heard the stories from some of the people I help outside the maze." He stated when he came back, handing over a beer and sipping at his own. He had a good idea what he would have seen in that maze. He lived his nightmares nearly every night, he didn't need to relive them while he was awake.

"I'm sorry you went through that. No one should have to." Alex could still hear the pain and hopelessness in Michael's voice from that message. All he wanted to do was hold Michael and keep him safe from everything the man's been through.

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ineverlookaway
2019-10-20 06:35 pm UTC (link)

Michael shrugged. "It was mostly Noah," he said. The worst had been feeling Max leave Goodland. The emptiness he'd felt, and the despair that had caused him to bash his hand for the familiarity of the pain. But then Max had come back, and Michael had been able to find him, and Liz too.

And really, the worst part about seeing Noah in the maze, at least for Michael, had been the fact the fucking specter hadn't been able to give him any more information than he'd given in life. Michael still knew nothing about where he came from. He was still, and would probably always be, raw about that. He'd once said love was the worst thing that ever happened to him, and he believed that to a point because the love he felt for Alex tore his apart, heart and soul, every moment of every day. But the now knowing was far worse.

Especially since there was no way to find out the information he desperately needed to have, and Alex was right in front of him. All he had to do was reach out and grab him. He wanted nothing more. But he held back, because he still felt Alex deserved better than what Michael could give him.

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