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Tweak says, "Missy bigwords"

Steve "Fight Me" Rogers (_onyourleft_) wrote in somerealityrpg,
@ 2020-08-13 11:34:00

Entry tags:

active: darcy lewis, active: steve rogers

Who: Steve Rogers and Darcy Lewis
What: Hitting things is better than feeling them
When: Evening
Where: The gym where he works
Warnings: None really, some feels
Status: Closed/incomplete

Once the last person had left, Steve set about packing up the equipment from the class. Teaching people how to box wasn’t something he’d ever imagined himself doing, but he’d come to quite enjoy running the classes. He preferred the one on one lessons, but he knew some people preferred the social aspect of the bigger groups.

Leaving the smaller room ready for the next class, he walked into the main area of the gym to the bag hanging near the corner. Most of the lights were off now that everyone was gone, but he didn’t mind that. He preferred the quiet. He didn’t mind sharing an apartment with others, and he wouldn’t trade having Bucky back in his life for the world, but sometimes he needed the space.

With each hit, he could imagine the memories being knocked from his mind, pushed back where they belonged. He was tired of feeling so caught up in the past. It was harder here. He knew Tony wanted peace, wanted to keep his family safe and not fight any more. He couldn’t begrudge him for that. But it wasn’t the same for Steve. He didn’t have that. Didn’t even know if he wanted it, or could have it. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He’d been ready to take the stones back and then...well, then he’d started thinking about seeing Peggy in her office. Of that photo on her desk.

But could he do it? He’d never quite been able to forget Ultron’s words. He knew there was no denying the truth behind them. The fact he was struggling so much in a place that was for the most part so quiet was testament to that. It didn't matter, though. He was here now. He'd just have to make his peace with that. The irony of that thought almost made him laugh aloud. Hadn't he been the one to tell people you had to move on? What a hypocrite.

With each punch against the unyielding surface of the bag he felt a little better, letting it swing back to meet him, falling into a familiar rhythm.

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-13 02:14 pm UTC (link)

"Wise decision." His own expression closelg mirrored hers at that admission. He'd seen her eat, after all. Even if he had helped finish off her breakfast more than once already.

The steadiness of her gaze was enough for the tension he'd pushed out by sheer force creep its way back in. That look said she could see right through him. Then again, if she couldn't, he wasn't about to try and deny it anyway. Even if he did feel like an idiot for how he'd been feeling. Wasn't that all done with, now?

"No," he admitted finally, for lack of anything more profound to say. "I don't think it is." How did you explain to someone something as pathetic as not knowing what you were supposed to do when there wasn't something to fight for?

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halflistening
2020-08-14 01:21 am UTC (link)

Darcy nodded, looking away then. She didn't need to stare him down to get him to talk. At least she didn't think she did. She thought maybe he just needed opportunity and a friendly ear who didn't judge, even if talking about himself wasn't something he was super comfortable with.

She gave it a beat before she looked back at him. "You know it's okay to not be okay with that, right? All things considered, I don't think there's a person here who would blame you for not being okay all the time." She threw a small smile in his direction. "I'm frequently not okay myself."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 01:38 am UTC (link)

He nodded at that, though his focus was on the bag still resting in his lap, and the twisted strap. It was easier than looking at her, honestly. He knew that made him a coward, but then he’d never been all that good at this sort of thing. “I know,” he agreed. “But not being okay with something is a little easier if you know what to do about it.”

When things were going south, he usually had a plan, a way to get things back under his control. A way to set them right again. With this, he had nothing. And that was probably the hardest part of the whole thing.

He looked up at her, expression softening when she said she wasn’t always okay. “This place isn’t exactly easy on anyone.” And he had no more right than anyone else to be letting it get to him. Setting the bag aside, he smiled. “Anyway. I’ll figure it out.”

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halflistening
2020-08-14 02:11 am UTC (link)

Darcy shifted so she was more beside Steve than facing him, settling in at his side. She nudged him with her shoulder, watching his face carefully again. She had an inkling that no matter what she said, he would be hard-pressed to believe her. He was of that generation that was so determined to not accept help unless they were in dire straits. And it broke her heart. It really did. Because things didn't have to be that way.

"It's a good thing you don't have to figure it out all on your own then. Because you have friends here. And I don't just mean Bucky and Tony and whoever else." She meant to give him another nudge but ended up just kind of leaning against him so he could feel the pressure of her arm and the warmth of her skin. "There are people here who care about you a lot, Steve. For who you are and not like... what you can do."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 02:24 am UTC (link)

He didn’t respond right away. Not when she spoke. Not when she nudged his shoulder, and leaned against his side. Though the action made him smile again, the expression fond. She was a good friend, and he counted himself lucky to be able to call her that.

“You’re right,” he eventually acknowledged her point. “I do.” Some pretty great people, as it happened. “But honestly, Darce. I’m okay. This is just…” He shrugged this time. He didn’t want to say it was par for the course, or less than others had to deal with. Because he got the feeling he knew exactly how she’d respond.

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halflistening
2020-08-14 07:25 am UTC (link)

There was a time to push and a time to not push. Darcy was usually someone who was very much a full speed ahead kind of girl... She paused though. Sometimes being pushy as all get out worked but sometimes a softer touch worked better. She had a feeling that this might be one of those times.

So she nodded, staying where she was pressed against his side. "As long as you know that if you're ever less than okay that you don't have to be not okay alone. And that my door is always open, no matter what." She smiled then, looking hopeful. "Especially if you just feel like hanging out."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 07:38 am UTC (link)

He was incredibly appreciative that she seemed to be erring on the side of ‘less is more’. He’d encountered the more direct side of Darcy Lewis before. And whilst he would hate to have to ask her to let the subject drop, he didn’t know that talking it out any further would do any good. Despite her assurances otherwise, he knew this was something he had to figure out on his own.

“I know,” he assured. “And I promise to take full advantage of that if you promise to do the same.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders, giving a brief squeeze in what passed for an embrace given the way they were sitting, though he kept a hand on her shoulder afterwards. “Anyway, I thought running counted as hanging out?” His tone was lighter with the question.

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halflistening
2020-08-14 07:45 am UTC (link)

Steve seemed a little lighter, she thought. Or at least slightly less burdened. Maybe it was just a show for her benefit, and if it was, well, there wasn't a whole lot she could do about it really. Steve was a big boy (snerk) and she'd offered what she could. Like, short of a blow job. Which was now in her head.

Why was her brain such an asshole sometimes?

She slipped her arm around his waist to return the hug, smiling a little brighter as she leaned in and stayed there. He was surprisingly cozy. "Does torture technically count as hanging out? I don't think so. In fact, I think the Geneva Conventions have rules against that sort of hanging out."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 07:55 am UTC (link)

That made him laugh openly. And okay, he might have been brushing her off a little, but there was nothing insincere in that response. He’d simply much rather not dwell on what had been weighing so heavily on him, and this was a way to get around that.

“Oh no. No way, Lewis. You can’t pull the Geneva Conventions line on the guy who fought in a war. Nice try.” The Geneva Conventions. Honestly. He shook his head a little, bemused. “And anyway. What about the breakfasts? They count as hanging out, surely.”

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