InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "gimme your tots."

Steve "Fight Me" Rogers (_onyourleft_) wrote in somerealityrpg,
@ 2020-08-13 11:34:00

Entry tags:

active: darcy lewis, active: steve rogers

Who: Steve Rogers and Darcy Lewis
What: Hitting things is better than feeling them
When: Evening
Where: The gym where he works
Warnings: None really, some feels
Status: Closed/incomplete

Once the last person had left, Steve set about packing up the equipment from the class. Teaching people how to box wasn’t something he’d ever imagined himself doing, but he’d come to quite enjoy running the classes. He preferred the one on one lessons, but he knew some people preferred the social aspect of the bigger groups.

Leaving the smaller room ready for the next class, he walked into the main area of the gym to the bag hanging near the corner. Most of the lights were off now that everyone was gone, but he didn’t mind that. He preferred the quiet. He didn’t mind sharing an apartment with others, and he wouldn’t trade having Bucky back in his life for the world, but sometimes he needed the space.

With each hit, he could imagine the memories being knocked from his mind, pushed back where they belonged. He was tired of feeling so caught up in the past. It was harder here. He knew Tony wanted peace, wanted to keep his family safe and not fight any more. He couldn’t begrudge him for that. But it wasn’t the same for Steve. He didn’t have that. Didn’t even know if he wanted it, or could have it. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He’d been ready to take the stones back and then...well, then he’d started thinking about seeing Peggy in her office. Of that photo on her desk.

But could he do it? He’d never quite been able to forget Ultron’s words. He knew there was no denying the truth behind them. The fact he was struggling so much in a place that was for the most part so quiet was testament to that. It didn't matter, though. He was here now. He'd just have to make his peace with that. The irony of that thought almost made him laugh aloud. Hadn't he been the one to tell people you had to move on? What a hypocrite.

With each punch against the unyielding surface of the bag he felt a little better, letting it swing back to meet him, falling into a familiar rhythm.

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halflistening
2020-08-13 02:02 am UTC (link)

It had been a trying day. Not for her, so much, but for people Darcy cared about. For Five. For Tony. For Thor. And, honestly... her heart hurt for them. It sucked so hard when people you had built a new life with, whatever that looked like, disappeared and she'd been in this crazy place long enough to see it more than once. It was a break up, in every possible sense, but with no closure. There wasn't even a chance at closure most of the time, because even if the people who'd left showed back up, there was no guarantee they'd remember you. Maybe that was why her heart hurt for her friends.

She'd had a few moments with Five earlier in the day. He was not a touchy-feely kind of guy, but had he accepted that she was a touchy-feely kind of girl months and months earlier, so it hadn't taken much to convince him to let her give him a hug. She hoped he felt better afterwards, but she wasn't sure. Things were so weird for him, like, in general, but he had more siblings around him now than she'd ever seen before, and between Vanya and their other sister Allison, she was sure he'd be in good hands. Or at least good enough hands that she wouldn't have to worry about him too much. He was her friend. She was going to worry no matter what.

After that, she'd gone out for a breath of fresh air herself and maybe a little walk. Walking was good. As much as she bitched about it, activity in general was good too. It helped clear her head and keep her focus and if someone had told her that she'd feel that way even a week ago, she would have called them crazy. Darcy was re-entering the building with a paper bag from a bakery down the block swinging from her hand when she heard the deep, rhythmic pounding of someone working a heavy bag. It didn't take a genius to figure out who it likely was. A glance at the clock told her that the days classes had been over for a while, so she wasn't surprised by the emptiness that greeted her when she pushed open the doors and followed the sound.

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-13 02:26 am UTC (link)

It was easy to lose track of time this way. He could have been there minutes or hours and barely noticed the difference. It was a lot darker outside now, he could tell by the lengthening shadows across the floor. He wondered if he’d ever end up in a situation like Tony and Thor had, today. If any of the people he loved would be sent home. He knew it had happened to him more than once. Or a previous version of him, anyway. Not that he remembered. He remembered the look on Bucky’s face when he’d first seen him, though. That overwhelming look of relief. He couldn’t begin to imagine the pain of losing his friend again. Or maybe he just didn’t want to.

His concentration was only broken when he heard soft footfalls entering the gym. He didn’t immediately stop though, figuring it was someone else here to enjoy the relative quiet of the space at night.

When he didn’t hear the familiar sounds of someone using any of the equipment though he finally paused, glancing over his shoulder to see who it was. He was a little surprised to see Darcy standing there. Now that she was voluntarily joining him for runs in the morning, he figured she’d be rebelling against any other kind of physical activity, with the way she played up the complaints.

“Hey,” he greeted, reaching for the small towel draped over his bag. “You’re here late.”

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halflistening
2020-08-13 11:42 am UTC (link)

"I was about to say the same thing to you," she said with a smile. Darcy made her way over to a bench near Steve and took a seat, dropping her bag of bagels and schmear on the gym floor. "I could hear you from the lobby. Not that I knew it was you. I could hear someone in here. Thought I'd peek in and see what was up."

It was the line, she thought. The line slowly forming between Steve's brows that showed he'd been frowning more lately. Inexplicably, because Darcy certainly had no idea what he was getting out of the deal, Steve had become a dear friend. He laughed at her stupid jokes and encouraged her to do her best. And no matter how much she'd happily objectify him in private (because seriously, the man was straight up gorgeous and she was only human), it was that solid core of actually caring that made her want to spend more and more time in his presence. He was just good without being a goody-two-shoes. The world needed more of that. But that line between his brows kept drawing her attention and she wanted to do what she could to help ease whatever was causing it.

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-13 12:00 pm UTC (link)

He tossed the towel back on his bag once he’d wiped the sweat from his face, beginning to unwrap the tape from his knuckles. “I only just got done with a class...” he explained, finally glancing out through the windows, “...recently.” He had to chuckle at himself. “Guess it’s a bit later than I thought.” He’d been at it a bit longer than he’d intended, but then he thought maybe he felt tired enough to maybe get some sleep tonight, so it was a trade off.

“Curiosity keeping you from dinner?” He nodded at the bag she’d set down, tucking the now unwound tape into his bag. He could feel the ache in his knuckles already fading. He liked the feeling, it was something tangible. Familiar. “I should head back soon, myself. I think I told Buck I’d cook.” Then again, knowing he and Diana they’d possibly already eaten.

He sat beside her on the bench, pulling his bag onto his lap to zip it up, twisting the strap where it had gotten tangled. “I figured after this morning you’d be sending someone else out to get your dinner.” The ghost of a smirk crossed his face.

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halflistening
2020-08-13 12:10 pm UTC (link)

She laughed at the smirk, tucking one leg under the other so she could twist in his direction on the bench. "Oh, I definitely ordered in. Delivery is a God-send." But then she shrugged. "I needed some fresh air. Figured I'd take a walk, get some bagels for tomorrow that I might even share with Sam." At least she'd probably share them. It all depended on how hungry she was that night.

She didn't want to push, because she'd seen (mostly on TV, but whatever) what happened when people pushed Steve Rogers too far... But maybe she could nudge him a little. Test the waters. "Everything okay with you? It seemed a little like something was eating at you." And had been. For a while.

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-13 12:23 pm UTC (link)

“It’s a nice time for it.” Much as he loved his morning runs, he liked getting outside around this time of day himself. When the sun had pretty much disappeared and all the sharper edges were softened by the fading light. It was enough to make him want to draw again. It had been too long since he’d done that, probably. He smiled when she said she might share them with Sam. “Ten bucks says he ends up eating toast.”

It would have been easy to brush off her question, maybe change the subject. But God help him, he’d never figured out how to lie to someone. Especially someone he cared about. And Darcy had fallen headlong into that category without him even realising it.

“Yeah, I'm good. It makes for a good distraction,” he explained of how he'd spent the last few hours. “It’s been pretty quiet around here lately.” Brief interlude as an eleven year old aside, anyway. He didn’t know if that explained anything, but he didn’t really know that he could, or would, be able to say much more.

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halflistening
2020-08-13 01:58 pm UTC (link)

"I am not taking that bet, because I will probably lose," she grinned. Chances were really good that she'd eat most of the bagels she'd picked up sometime in the night. Her appetite, which she would never call 'dainty', had grown since she started running with Steve.

"Something tells me that quiet isn't something you come by often." Darcy watched Steve's face as she spoke, kept an eye on the way he held his shoulders. One of the things she liked about him, and there were a lot, was how honest he was. The man couldn't seem to lie, not with his words or his face, or his body language. He might try to tell some version of the truth, but the whole story was just below the surface. "Maybe it's not something you're completely comfortable in anymore."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-13 02:14 pm UTC (link)

"Wise decision." His own expression closelg mirrored hers at that admission. He'd seen her eat, after all. Even if he had helped finish off her breakfast more than once already.

The steadiness of her gaze was enough for the tension he'd pushed out by sheer force creep its way back in. That look said she could see right through him. Then again, if she couldn't, he wasn't about to try and deny it anyway. Even if he did feel like an idiot for how he'd been feeling. Wasn't that all done with, now?

"No," he admitted finally, for lack of anything more profound to say. "I don't think it is." How did you explain to someone something as pathetic as not knowing what you were supposed to do when there wasn't something to fight for?

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halflistening
2020-08-14 01:21 am UTC (link)

Darcy nodded, looking away then. She didn't need to stare him down to get him to talk. At least she didn't think she did. She thought maybe he just needed opportunity and a friendly ear who didn't judge, even if talking about himself wasn't something he was super comfortable with.

She gave it a beat before she looked back at him. "You know it's okay to not be okay with that, right? All things considered, I don't think there's a person here who would blame you for not being okay all the time." She threw a small smile in his direction. "I'm frequently not okay myself."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 01:38 am UTC (link)

He nodded at that, though his focus was on the bag still resting in his lap, and the twisted strap. It was easier than looking at her, honestly. He knew that made him a coward, but then he’d never been all that good at this sort of thing. “I know,” he agreed. “But not being okay with something is a little easier if you know what to do about it.”

When things were going south, he usually had a plan, a way to get things back under his control. A way to set them right again. With this, he had nothing. And that was probably the hardest part of the whole thing.

He looked up at her, expression softening when she said she wasn’t always okay. “This place isn’t exactly easy on anyone.” And he had no more right than anyone else to be letting it get to him. Setting the bag aside, he smiled. “Anyway. I’ll figure it out.”

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halflistening
2020-08-14 02:11 am UTC (link)

Darcy shifted so she was more beside Steve than facing him, settling in at his side. She nudged him with her shoulder, watching his face carefully again. She had an inkling that no matter what she said, he would be hard-pressed to believe her. He was of that generation that was so determined to not accept help unless they were in dire straits. And it broke her heart. It really did. Because things didn't have to be that way.

"It's a good thing you don't have to figure it out all on your own then. Because you have friends here. And I don't just mean Bucky and Tony and whoever else." She meant to give him another nudge but ended up just kind of leaning against him so he could feel the pressure of her arm and the warmth of her skin. "There are people here who care about you a lot, Steve. For who you are and not like... what you can do."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 02:24 am UTC (link)

He didn’t respond right away. Not when she spoke. Not when she nudged his shoulder, and leaned against his side. Though the action made him smile again, the expression fond. She was a good friend, and he counted himself lucky to be able to call her that.

“You’re right,” he eventually acknowledged her point. “I do.” Some pretty great people, as it happened. “But honestly, Darce. I’m okay. This is just…” He shrugged this time. He didn’t want to say it was par for the course, or less than others had to deal with. Because he got the feeling he knew exactly how she’d respond.

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halflistening
2020-08-14 07:25 am UTC (link)

There was a time to push and a time to not push. Darcy was usually someone who was very much a full speed ahead kind of girl... She paused though. Sometimes being pushy as all get out worked but sometimes a softer touch worked better. She had a feeling that this might be one of those times.

So she nodded, staying where she was pressed against his side. "As long as you know that if you're ever less than okay that you don't have to be not okay alone. And that my door is always open, no matter what." She smiled then, looking hopeful. "Especially if you just feel like hanging out."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 07:38 am UTC (link)

He was incredibly appreciative that she seemed to be erring on the side of ‘less is more’. He’d encountered the more direct side of Darcy Lewis before. And whilst he would hate to have to ask her to let the subject drop, he didn’t know that talking it out any further would do any good. Despite her assurances otherwise, he knew this was something he had to figure out on his own.

“I know,” he assured. “And I promise to take full advantage of that if you promise to do the same.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders, giving a brief squeeze in what passed for an embrace given the way they were sitting, though he kept a hand on her shoulder afterwards. “Anyway, I thought running counted as hanging out?” His tone was lighter with the question.

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halflistening
2020-08-14 07:45 am UTC (link)

Steve seemed a little lighter, she thought. Or at least slightly less burdened. Maybe it was just a show for her benefit, and if it was, well, there wasn't a whole lot she could do about it really. Steve was a big boy (snerk) and she'd offered what she could. Like, short of a blow job. Which was now in her head.

Why was her brain such an asshole sometimes?

She slipped her arm around his waist to return the hug, smiling a little brighter as she leaned in and stayed there. He was surprisingly cozy. "Does torture technically count as hanging out? I don't think so. In fact, I think the Geneva Conventions have rules against that sort of hanging out."

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_onyourleft_
2020-08-14 07:55 am UTC (link)

That made him laugh openly. And okay, he might have been brushing her off a little, but there was nothing insincere in that response. He’d simply much rather not dwell on what had been weighing so heavily on him, and this was a way to get around that.

“Oh no. No way, Lewis. You can’t pull the Geneva Conventions line on the guy who fought in a war. Nice try.” The Geneva Conventions. Honestly. He shook his head a little, bemused. “And anyway. What about the breakfasts? They count as hanging out, surely.”

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