InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm THE KING!!"

Steve Rogers (captainhandsome) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-08-29 06:53:00

Entry tags:

steve rogers (mcu), tony stark (mcu)

Who: Steve Rogers and Tony Stark
What: Epic terrible things
Where: Steve's Gym
When: After this

Steve's head felt like it was going to split down the middle. It was almost an overload of information and it was confusing, trying to rectify what had been with with what was now. All of a sudden there was years there, years he remembered living that when he'd woken up this morning hadn't been there. The support group, the world without Bucky and everyone he cared for so deeply. All that time spent with Natasha, slowly going insane trying to fix it. Going back in time, seeing Peggy and not being able to speak to her. The suffering, the battle, the loss and then the victory.

But at what cost?

It all crammed itself into his awareness, a tragedy that he could do nothing about because it was done and here he was simply remembering. There was that rushing sound in his ears, the sound of far away gunfire and the world got blurry at the edges. Trauma seeped into reality and Steve sat on the edge of the elevated boxing ring, his hands shaking.

He wanted to move, to yell, to do something but nothing came. Steve felt the world shift, a sting as his knees hit the ground and he reached out toward Tony's face. Only to have it turn to dust, blowing away with a soft breeze. He knew he wasn't there, they weren't there but knowing and seeing and what he felt were all such different things. Like how he always heard gunfire, even if there wasn't always a gun. It played from a memory, back when he'd still practically been a boy.

Steve's nails dug into the wood of the floor, splintering under the pressure. Morgan and Pepper and a life left behind, it was all too much and then on top of it all? Steve had been the one to ask him to come back, had practically sacrificed him. Guilt and grief coiled in his gut until he was sure he was going to be sick and all the while the soft sound of gunfire tickled his ear.

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allaboutego
2019-09-02 01:31 am UTC (link)

Of course Tony loved Pepper. She was his best friend. It wouldn't be fair to call their eventual marriage one of convenience, because that was leaving out important details. But it wasn't exactly wrong, either. They were wrapped up in each other, because they'd been there at the beginning -- and who could possibly have been able to deal with the shit that they had? Tony, unwisely, had assumed no one at all.

Steve wasn't the only one who couldn't get his head out of his ass. Although after Siberia, it hadn't seemed stupid to drop his pipe-dream and move on with his life.

Morgan was still a point of contention for him. The thought of her made him genuinely sad almost as much as it made him happy. He'd framed that picture that had shown up for Steve -- had it sitting front and center on his desk in his workshop and every time he looked at it, it made his chest hurt. He wouldn't ever really be able to get over that. But he was slowly coming to terms with the fact that some version of him got that, and maybe that was enough. He got the knowledge. So Tony only smiled and took the comfort as it was given. Maybe it was so -- Tony would never really be Howard. But he had left early, and that wasn't going to change.

"I have a family here," he said softly, pulling back a little too until their eyes met. It felt important. "You and Gwen. Nebula. Tell me it looks good on me here." Not because he wanted compliments, but because he wanted Steve to focus on the present.

"A support group, huh?"

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captainhandsome
2019-09-02 11:54 pm UTC (link)

It was easier to think of Tony's family as just something that wasn't there, never would be there. But they existed, somewhere in time and Steve wasn't ever going to deprive the man he loved of that if it came up. He'd hope that maybe there would be a place for him there, that maybe Step Dad could be something he might earn. But it was almost too good, too special to think about. Like looking right into the sun. If he dreamed about it, it might destroy him if he didn't get it.

Steve's heart clenched, but this time in a good way and he nodded as he stroked his temple. "It looks good on you here, too," he agreed. Because seeing Tony with Gwen, Steve could see what a great dad he was and those two had a bond that was incredible to watch grow.

"People were grieving, they needed something to help," Steve shrugged. "I guess I was grieving too, but not just for what Thanos took, but for everything." Steve had felt like he needed to bring everyone back, that it was his job and he'd never had been able to settle or be happy. "I tried to make a life for myself, but nothing stuck," he admitted after a pause.

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allaboutego
2019-09-03 10:04 pm UTC (link)

Tony wanted Steve to be a part of that -- of what Tony was going to have some day, even if it wasn't normal or wasn't a piece that fit like most normally did. Steve deserved a family too, and somehow, miraculously, Tony ended up having one. He'd share. Because Steve had been part of his family for a long time now anyway. Even if they'd taken breaks, gotten into arguments. It was water under the bridge now.

"Because you're here," he said, firm. "I wouldn't be half as good at it without you, not right now." Maybe never, although he'd heard a lot of good about Morgan. Pepper's doing, no doubt. Still, he leaned in, pressed his nose to the curve of Steve's jawline.

"I -- it sucks. It does. That it was hard. And that you didn't feel like you had anyone. That's. I don't know Steve. Do you think we can change things? Or that we'll even have the opportunity to try?" All of that -- it felt like something to be avoided in the future.

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captainhandsome
2019-09-05 02:26 am UTC (link)

Steve wanted to be a part of Tony's future. A big part, a far bigger part than he remembered being. Now that he'd had this? The idea of going back, of watching Tony be happy with someone else might actually destroy him. Maybe things could be different, maybe the future could be different for them. Or maybe this was what they had now and selfishly Steve wasn't mad about that. There was a lot of things missing, but they had each other and he was hooked on that.

Tony's nose pressed to his jaw and Steve wanted to curl around him, envelop him completely until neither of them had to be alone again. It wasn't the first time Steve worried that the intensity of how he felt bordered a little on too much. But that was the thing about Steve, he loved hard and he'd burn the darn world down if he needed to.

"I- I don't know," and wasn't that the truth? Even with all this new knowledge, even knowing what had happened and going back in time and where they all ended up? He didn't feel like he actually knew anything at all. "It wasn't so bad, Nat and I, we made do and I had people, I didn't just sit at home and pine for you." Much.

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allaboutego
2019-09-05 03:13 am UTC (link)

This place wasn't good for everyone, but the longer Tony stayed, the less he wanted to go. And he certainly wasn't mad about being here. Sure, he missed creature comforts and Chinese delivery at 3 am, but not enough to trade in what he had here in order to get it. He'd live in this roadless little town forever if it meant he got to keep what he'd found.

Too much wasn't a thing that bothered Tony, who was yes occasionally forgetful or distracted or working but when he wasn't he wasn't exactly without his own level of clinginess. In terms of love, too much was the best option because the alternative was a mediocre just enough or, even worse, a not enough. This was good. They were good. Even if they did seem to end up facing entirely too many undue hardships.

"But you must have a little," he said, "I need to know there was a little pining. Just like -- eight percent. Back ground pining. I'm kidding. Obviously. Look. I'm sorry it was -- I'm sorry. But if you or I ever go back -- we've got this. Don't take no for an answer. Conspire with Pepper if you've got to."

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captainhandsome
2019-09-05 03:20 am UTC (link)

As time went on Steve knew leaving here would be the hardest thing he'd ever done. Because here? Here he had things he'd never dreamed of letting himself have. He and Bucky were good, they'd been so brutally honest and they were closer now as a result. The connections he'd built with people were open and honest and Steve wasn't about to let go of Tony without a fight.

"I was seeing a guy, looked a little like you, tragic right?" Steve said with a huff. But it was tragic and he'd been pining, of course he had. "Conspire with your wife? About how desperately in love with you I am?" Steve asked and skeptical seemed like an understatement. He'd been scared of Pepper since always, because he was a smart man and he knew scary when he saw it.

But talking about that was still a somewhat lighter topic than Tony's untimely death and Steve's desire to join him, so he'd take it.

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allaboutego
2019-09-05 03:33 am UTC (link)

Yeah. No one wanted to talk about death. Even less people wanted to talk about having no desire to go on living. That was, somehow, far more depressing. And Tony hated them both. Those topics shouldn't have been about them. He didn't want to put Steve's face on a picture like that. Not even a little.

"Very tragic," Tony agreed, but mostly because he hated the idea of Steve dating someone else. Like, ever. How dare he? "And yes. Absolutely conspire with my wife about how you're desperately in love with me. I don't think you understand how incredible useful it is having Pepper Potts in your corner, Steven."

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captainhandsome
2019-09-05 12:54 pm UTC (link)

It seemed so impossible now, dating anyone else in a world where there was a Tony. When no one else could compare, when no one else would ever measure up. But they hadn't then either. Cruel though it had been maybe to be with someone simply to not be alone, Steve had hoped in time he might feel about him the way he felt about Tony. He hadn't. He nuzzled Tony's cheek and mouthed at his jaw, breathing in the smell of him.

"What and you think she'd want to be in my corner?" Steve asked and obviously he was surprised. It had seemed impossible at the time, now Steve remembered it. Tony had been married, they'd been finished and so broken and he'd been broken over it watching him first with his family and then losing him altogether.

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allaboutego
2019-09-05 08:12 pm UTC (link)

Tony shifted again, because as much as he was into the idea of sitting in Steve's lap (who wouldn't be?) it was less comfortable than one might think when it also involved the hard floors of the gym. He tilted his head back a little, stealing a kiss that might have been meant for his jaw and feeling zero remorse over it. "Gotta get up," he murmured, because if they were gonna have some more cuddle time or something similar he might have preferred it at their place, on a bed or a couch.

"Yeah. I think she'd be in your corner. One hundred percent. Well. Forty eight percent until you actively apologized about the whole -- you know. Siberia thing. But then one hundred percent, sure."

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captainhandsome
2019-09-08 12:10 pm UTC (link)

Steve didn't want to move, he didn't want Tony to move. Not ever. If they could just stay, maybe the future would never come and they'd never have to worry about any of this. They could just be together and that was all Steve wanted. But they had to move, the ground was just getting harder and Tony wasn't comfortable anymore and as much as Steve wanted to hold onto him he'd have to trust that if he let him go now he'd get him back later.

He helped Tony up before he got to his feet as well, brushing off the residual dust on his trousers. "So Pepper, you love her, she loves you but?" Steve needed to know a little bit more, maybe for peace of mind or maybe because he'd go crazy if he didn't.

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allaboutego
2019-09-08 08:59 pm UTC (link)

Getting off of the floor and letting someone go completely were two different things, Tony would argue. In this instance, they barely stopped touching -- not when Steve helped him up and then Tony reached for his hand the second he was standing too.

He wasn't sure if it counted as being clingy when they both were, really.

"Yes," Tony agreed to the first part of the question. "We love each other. I'm not -- no one is disputing that. But it's kind of like..." He frowned, considering it. "Platonic soulmate?" Not that Tony hadn't slept with her. Not that there wasn't physical attraction, but they were both pretty aware that they were better when they weren't doing those things. "Platonic soulmates? Which, I know. Kinda cheesy but it's the best way to describe it."

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captainhandsome
2019-09-09 12:25 am UTC (link)

Clingy was good, there wasn't anyone there, it was just them and Steve liked clingy when it was Tony. It was certainly returned, Steve taking his hand and entwining their fingers.

Steve hadn't really considered that their marriage was one of love and togetherness but not like what the two of them shared. Because there was nothing platonic about them, there never had been really even if they'd been better at pretending. Tony made him weak at the knees, he always would.

So maybe even in the world they'd come from, there was a chance for them. Maybe things could be different and Tony could survive and they could be everything they'd supposed to be. Steve leaned down to kiss him, his arm snaking around his waist, maybe to show a display that was nothing but platonic or maybe because kissing Tony was his favourite. "Maybe I'll get a chance to tell her then."

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allaboutego
2019-09-09 02:02 am UTC (link)

Hand holding. It was such a weird thing, really. Tony had never really been interested in it before -- he liked having his hands free for -- using his phone. Or gesturing or... whatever else. But he liked holding Steve's hand. That was definitely a thing.

Apparently his description worked, or Steve liked it because then they were kissing and Tony liked that a hell of a lot too (of course) and he was up on his toes to give as good as he was getting for as long as possible. Definitely not platonic. Oh, they could be friends, but not in the same way he and Pepper were. Now that he had Steve, really had him, there was no going back.

"Maybe you should," he agreed and then shot Steve an amused glance. "Just so long as you're aware -- like everyone is -- that if you do something you don't like, she'll absolutely end you."

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captainhandsome
2019-09-09 12:30 pm UTC (link)

It was still a lot, too much really, for all of that to come back to him at once. The heartbreak of the future, but just the sheer amount of time that had passed. Steve felt older, the weight on his shoulders a little heavier, like maybe there was an extra line or two on his face. There were people he remembered now, people who meant something to him and years and years of a life lived. Or not lived, depending on how you looked at it.

Tony pushed up on his toes and Steve felt that curl of heat in him, that only he could make him feel. There was a tiny hope now, that if they got back, things could be different, he could make it different.

"She's terrifying," Steve said and he meant it. There were some things you just didn't mess with and Pepper Potts was right at the top of that list. It was why it had seemed so unimaginable that he could touch what they had, the family they'd built. But here was Tony telling him that maybe, maybe he could.

"Let's go home," he said as he lifted Tony's hand, brushing a soft kiss over his knuckles.

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