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Are you fucking Sirius? (beingsirius) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-07-19 19:30:00

Entry tags:

remus lupin, sirius black

Who: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black
What: Recovery
Where: Their house
When: Day after werewolf shenanigans
Rating: Lowish? Probably? Listen, I don’t know.

The night hadn’t gone spectacularly. It really hadn’t. Sirius hadn’t been strong or well enough to keep Moony to the small spot of woods, and there’d been no doors to go through. The result had been — hectic. And violent.

It hadn’t been the worst either, but that meant too little in the grand scheme of things, particularly when Sirius had had to sit up against a metal box the whole night, worrying about just what Remus would be doing to himself in there. He didn’t sleep. Of course he hadn’t. Not until the next day, after Stark had come and opened the box (or, more accurately, banished it from existence), helped get everyone home in the pieces they were in, stayed around while Sirius went to work with the best healing spells in his arsenal (and blimey, having magic back completely was nice) and then only hovered long enough for Sirius to tell him to go away.

Whatever had gone down the week or so before felt like it was over and Sirius felt — less like he wanted to throw up due to some sort of bug and only because he was anxious. It was a nice change, feeling like himself again. Hopefully everyone else in town felt similarly. But they weren’t his main concern and never really had been. He’d worry about that later. For now, it was about being there for Moony, curling up next to him and waiting in a half doze.

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beingsirius
2019-07-20 08:48 pm UTC (link)

Well of course he was going to downplay it a bit. He wasn't about to tell Remus that he'd gone around wrestling with all the town members, or that he'd played weird frisbee with the lesser Corn Chip. Mostly because Sirius didn't think it was important. None of them had gotten hurt beyond some bruises (even if, maybe, some had deserved it in Sirius' opinion) and no one blamed Remus at all. So what did it matter?

"Relax," he said to Remus, chiding slightly. Because getting tense now was only bound to hurt, and there was no point in it. "Moony bit her in the shoulder, but it was all -- electronics? No flesh. Just metal bits and all." Even now after living here for some months, Sirius wasn't super understanding of those things. He liked the technologies, but couldn't identify the parts. "She's fine," he repeated. Because she'd seemed that way, anyhow. She'd been standing upright and talking to her people afterward.

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lonewolfen
2019-07-22 09:07 pm UTC (link)

It mattered to Remus because despite what anyone else felt or thought, he held himself responsible for all of it. He felt responsible that anyone had to even know about his situation, let alone deal with it. Putting everyone in a dangerous state, where they could be injured or worse was his fault simply because he was there. No one else might blame him, but Remus would always feel accountable. He was grateful, though, that the people in town didn't seem to hold it against him. They accepted what was, rallied, and came together. He just hated that he was the cause of it.

Hearing that Moony had actually bitten someone was horrifying. It was something he feared, exactly what he'd been worried about. Robot-type or not, she was still someone. Even if it meant she wouldn't suffer the same consequences as anyone human, that didn't make it okay. What if he'd done damage beyond repair? "Oh, god," he said, almost as though he'd not even heard Sirius say that she was fine. His eyes welled up. "I bit someone. I hurt -- I hurt her." He was devastated, and the shame he felt was etched all into his features. "I have to find her -- " He tried to shift to get up but it hurt, Merlin it hurt, where he'd been shot and a few nasty gashes that were still magically mending in his legs and arms. "I have to apologize. Unless, she doesn't want to see me -- of course she wouldn't." He was working himself up into a bit of a panic attack, his shoulders trembling a little as the tears spilled out of the corners of his eyes.

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beingsirius
2019-07-24 02:42 am UTC (link)

"No--nope--Remus," Sirius was usually better at this, he thought. Maybe because Moony didn't usually bite anyone. The last time that it'd felt this bad (almost) had been Sirius' fault, for the most part. And even now he didn't think that Snape was nearly as important as the Robot-lady.

He moved quick though, pulling Remus into his arms and keeping them both still and very firmly in the bed. "Stop that, you're going to hurt yourself and go all nervy and you don't have to. She'll keep until tomorrow and she'll see you."

Sirius didn't actually know that, but he was going to say it now anyway, to make Remus feel better. Because if he couldn't even slightly manage that, he didn't know what the point of himself was just now.

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lonewolfen
2019-07-24 01:45 pm UTC (link)

Remus went rigid at first when Sirius took hold of him. His knee-jerk reaction, his immediate response was that what the wolf -- what he had done was unforgivable. He could not, in that moment, foresee any sort of redemption for biting someone. It was the lowest, most despicable thing he could've done no matter who the receiver was.

He'd heard Sirius, that the woman he'd bitten was okay, that she wouldn't be turned into a werewolf, and those were good things. But they didn't outweigh the bad. Not yet. This was too fresh, and Remus was feeling too raw to really listen to the logic and reason he usually clung to in most situations.

His fingers clutched and held onto the material of Sirius' shirt as he cried against his shoulder. "I'm a monster," he stammered out. "How can you stand to comfort me like this? How can you even look at me? I don't deserve it. I deserve the torches, the pitch forks."

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beingsirius
2019-07-25 12:10 am UTC (link)

This was always the worst part, Sirius thought. Not because Remus was crying and it bothered him that he was. But because he was crying and it bothered Sirius that he couldn't do anything to fix it. Nothing except be there, and he never really knew if that was enough. It certainly didn't feel like it.

Still, he threaded his fingers through Remus' hair and kissed at the top of his head and wherever else he could reach without making them move a ton.

"No you're not. You're Remus Lupin, town librarian and movie projector extraordinaire. You're helpful and kind and basically smarter than everyone else and I love you like bloody crazy. Don't doubt me, it's rude you know."

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lonewolfen
2019-07-25 12:53 am UTC (link)

Remus knew that Sirius felt helpless and well -- the feeling was mutual. He didn't want Sirius to have to carry the burden of comforting him when there wasn't much to be done about it. Remus was sad and ashamed and there really wasn't anything to be done about it. He was likely going to feel that way for a long time, even if he hid it behind his mild mannered temperament and kind smile.

He'd warned Sirius of what it took to be his friend back when they were children, what it meant and what he would have to put up with. He'd given him an out more than once, even tried to shut him out so he couldn't get too close. Remus wondered if he should've tried harder, so Sirius wouldn't have to deal with all of this.

And Merlin, there he was, being more loyal to him than the dog he faithfully turned into every month to try to keep him safe and from hurting himself. Much like people didn't deserve dogs, Remus didn't think he deserved Sirius. "I love you too," he said softly. "So much." He clutched onto him a little tighter. "You're so good to me, Sirius. I'd be lost without you."

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beingsirius
2019-07-25 04:00 pm UTC (link)

Sirius would take no warning -- not then and certainly not now. No amount of stress or occasionally helpless feelings would have made him take back what they had and what he'd given and what he wanted to continue giving.

Remus was his, and that wasn't something that was ever going to change -- he wouldn't let it.

So if he had to take a little bad with the good, it was fine. Remus did it with him too; put up with his ego and his childishness and his refusal to face some topics and inability to sit still for any period of time.

"Course you would," he said, pressing a loud, loud kiss on Remus' cheek to try and lighten the mood just a little bit. "So quit trying to lose me."

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lonewolfen
2019-07-25 06:51 pm UTC (link)

Remus had often felt undeserving, and for so long had questioned why anyone, let alone people as amazing as -- well, at least as amazing as Sirius and James were -- would want to have to put up with all that came along with being best mates with a werewolf. But they'd never wavered. Sirius, especially, had always been by his side through everything.

They'd always been able to balance each other to the point that each side of their proverbial scale remained level. They countered where they needed to, and they were similar where they needed to be. They were able to bring out the best (and unfortunately the worst) in each other, balance what needed to be but without stifling the other to grow or be themselves. It was rather remarkable, and always had been.

"Promise," he whispered, and hugged him tight.

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