InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Put your legs up"

Steve Rogers (captainhandsome) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-05-09 14:00:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes (mcu), steve rogers (mcu)

Who: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes
What: A Talk.
When: Evening
Where: Bucky's
Rating: Look. I don't know what's happening up in here, hold onto your butts.

It could never be said that Steve Rogers was a fool. He was good at people, he was quick to understand them. But with the people he knew? Well Steve might have been an expert. He spoke fluent Natasha and could speak Bucky's facial expressions near flawlessly. Tony was- well that was more complicated. But he knew when something was happening with his makeshift wayward family and he knew when there was something he wasn't being told. It wasn't anyone's responsibility to fill him in, mind you, people were entitled to their lives and their secrets. But Bucky was. Well. Bucky was different and he was Steve's business.

Natasha's arrival had rocked them all. But what he hadn't expected was for it to rock Bucky. Because they didn't know each other that well. Or so he'd thought. But Steve was wrong, she'd called him James and thought he hadn't noticed. Steve always noticed. Maybe not having a life made you more aware of everyone elses, or something.

That night in the bar he'd watched Tony and Bucky argue and he'd let it go, let them figure it out for themselves and in time, well they'd talk in time. Steve had been telling himself that since they were fourteen years old. Because it was easy, it meant keeping him and them as it was and it meant not losing him, not any part of him.

You couldnm't lose something that wasn't yours.

It was dark when Steve finished his run, because he was at the point where he was running three times a day to burn off all that nervous energy. He showered quick and then changed, his feet already carrying him before his head caught up. Steve knocked on Bucky's doorframe, leaning against it as he crossed his arms. "Hey you."

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Goodbye, love.

sgt_barnesjb
2019-05-17 10:40 am UTC (link)

When they were much younger, Bucky used to be a regular fixture down at the local dancing hall. He was always taking girls out to dance. Actually, he usually just showed up and there were plenty of ladies already there hoping he'd ask them to be his girl that night. It was typically a good time, but it was never great. It was never want he really wanted, or who he wanted to be dancing with. Even when he slipped into those more discreet, secret clubs for men he never found actual satisfaction. That had always been because the one person he wanted to share all of his dances with, all of his kisses and most intimate moments, had been living with him in their shoebox apartment in Brooklyn. Like Steve, he'd waited a century for this. Now he had it, but he couldn't have it forever.

There was a meshing of conflicting emotions coursing through him and fighting each other in his heart. Hold on tight, never let go, you need this too much. Push him away, run back into the house and never come out because this is too much. Bucky swayed slowly with Steve, and as they moved he kept the one hand at the back of his head while the other loosened its grip on his shirt to splay across his back. He'd wanted this so much, but it was devastating knowing they were having to talk about how they were going to move on while they were doing it.

"I don't want you to go away completely," he assured him. But he did need time. He did need space. Bucky was going to have to let go of a lot. He was also going to have to get used to the idea of being around Steve and not let himself wonder about things anymore. Even though they'd never acted on their feelings until sort of right now, he'd always had hope about it, and now that had to be put to rest. His heart was broken, but he didn't think it was beyond repair. It just hurt like hell, and coming back from it wasn't going to be easy. And for the first time in all his life, it was something he couldn't do with Steve. That in of itself was hard enough.

"We'll figure it out, Stevie," he whispered, having brought his cheek to rest against Steve's. "It's going to take time, but we'll figure it out." Because they couldn't lose each other. They just had to learn to adjust to change; changes they both were making, how to walk beside each other even if they took different sides of the fork in their otherwise joined paths in life.

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Goodbye.

captainhandsome
2019-05-19 08:20 am UTC (link)

Bucky had dragged Steve to enough dances and he'd had enough girls give him a vague once over to know he hadn't wanted to be there. He'd told himself he was waiting for someone special, but the truth was the one he'd wanted to dance with, well that would have caused a scene. Not only that it would have been dangerous for the both of them. But he went sometimes, pretending it wasn't just because he wanted to watch Bucky move to the music and hope maybe his friend would come home alone with him. But on the nights that he didn't he'd come home late, smelling of someone else and his heart had broken time and time again. But in that moment, they had that first dance, Bucky's body warm and solid and alive.

There were tears in his eyes and he blinked them slowly away, focusing on the sway of their dance. Bucky held him like a lover, which they'd never got to be and Steve held him right back. He could almost picture it, how it would be, even though they both knew that it never could.

Together they could relearn how to be a family, to be brothers and love one another in a way that was healthier. They'd led each other on for too long, Bucky loved Natasha and Steve, well he'd made his choice. "Good because that's never going to happen."

Steve left Bucky's hand on the back of his neck, but took his other to rest on his chest, moving it to cover his heart. "We always do," he said softly. They'd come back to life for each other time and time again, being strong and getting through this couldn't possibly be as hard as that. Steve didn't know how long they stood there dancing, minutes or hours, holding each other, lips brushed together and holding tight until they were finally ready to let go.

But he'd never forget it.

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