InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "What happened to the fidler?"

Stan the Man (stanbyme) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2020-02-20 20:36:00

Entry tags:

richie tozier, stanley uris

WHO: Stan and Richie
WHAT: Just two guys being dudes
WHERE: Their house
WHEN: Tonight

Just when Stan felt like he'd been getting a hang on this place it went and did something to reassure him that no, he was severely mistaken he was not at all in a position to have any sort of handle on this place and that he really ought to just stop trying to pretend that he did. Which was of course where the issue was for him. Because Stan was the sort of person that liked order, he liked cleanliness, he liked to have a modicum of control over his life, it was a little bit of why he'd done what he'd done to end up here in the first place. To be the one to choose, to do it himself and not allow it to happen some other way, because he knew it would have and then his friends would have had to deal with the fall out of that.

But now he was here, and well he wasn't having thoughts that suggested maybe he needed to take drastic moves again to get away from it all, to save anyone. But he was struggling with it all, trying to figure out how to keep his legs under him and his wits about him as best he could. Which was why he stuck so close to his Losers.

Maybe he'd figure out how to change that, how to be better about it. Maybe not. It was hard to say really, but what was never hard was being around them. Stan couldn't believe he'd spent so long without them, not remembering who they'd been or how vital they had once been to him. But he had a chance now to fix that, to make it right and be better with them, and that was something to hold on to tightly now that he had it again.

"Richie," Stan groaned as he threw himself down beside him, leaning heavily into his side with a huff. "Entertain me," He pressed, not that he actually expected anything spectacular out of Richie in that moment, as much as he just wanted a little bit of his attention before he went off to bother one of the others. Maybe Eddie.

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trashmouthloser
2020-03-01 02:49 am UTC (link)

Oh. There it was. Stan was having an existential crisis on him. Richie felt -- well. Somewhere between sympathetic and also maybe a little annoyed -- no. Mad. A little mad about it. Because between Stan offing himself and Eddie dying back home, Richie wouldn't have ever been able to get back to any kind of plan in life. Everything would have been a void. And it wouldn't have been the kind of void that opened up to new, exciting places either.

Fuck, even if they weren't talking about Richie, it was hard to focus on the fact that like ... Stan wouldn't have been alive to keep up with his life goals or whatever the fuck back home, either.

He tapped at his knee, fingers bouncing, and then his knee bouncing and he let out a little huff of a breath. "Better here than back home," he said eventually, because that was true. Because at least here he had the people he'd lost, and he had Bev even if all the Losers weren't here. And sure he didn't have his career anymore, or his house with the pool or even the opportunity to just get in his car and drive, or a place to go to shop aimlessly or whatever when he was having a bad day. But he felt like the reward was bigger than the sacrifice. "I mean, shit. I'm getting married, dude. So I guess, no. I don't feel all that lost." And then, because he was Richie, and he had no fucking filter at all, he narrowed his eyes at Stan. "Do I need to put the sharp objects away again?"

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stanbyme
2020-03-01 04:02 am UTC (link)

"Yeah," Stan agreed because well - it wasn't really about comparing here to there, well not really. Because there wasn't actually an option anymore, he'd seen to that. But it wasn't really what he was trying to say right now either, all of it was kind of strange and complex in a bad sort of way and came out even worse as he tried to make any kind of sense of it. Which was kind of the opposite of what he wanted to do when he'd sat down with Richie in the first place.

"No, no I guess that makes sense. That's good, I mean." And he wanted that to be the case for Richie too, he didn't want the rest of them to be feeling like there was nothing but a void out ahead of them. "I don't -" He started and stopped and shook his head, "No it's not like that I just am trying to figure this out. To make some kind of sense out of it. I don't want to ..." It was difficult to talk around something like this but Stan wasn't sure he could manage to talk about it either.

"I'm not going to do anything like that again, I'm just confused I guess." He sighed. "I don't know," Because that was the thing wasn't it? He'd done the deed already and there wasn't supposed to be anything else after that, but now there was and it was even more shapeless than he'd expected it to be. The afterlife was complicated.

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trashmouthloser
2020-03-05 01:47 am UTC (link)

Okay, well. At least there was that. It'd been a goddamned nightmare trying to play it cool all while stashing away any utensils sharper than a butter knife. He really didn't want to have to do it again, or make Stan feel uncomfortable for shit like that either.

But he had had to ask. That was a thing. And Richie wasn't well known for not just saying shit that was on his mind, so apparently it worked out for the both of them now. Sort of. Stan was still being weird and Richie wasn't any kind of good with stuff like that. This town needed a therapist or something.

"Okay," he decided on finally. "How do I help?"

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stanbyme
2020-03-08 10:14 pm UTC (link)

"No, I mean - I don't need you to do anything I guess I just wanted to say it out loud," He admitted with a sigh sinking down a little bit lower trying to decide what exactly had come over him and why he'd decided this was how he wanted to spend his time that afternoon rather than just poking at Richie until he managed to get enough entertainment out of him to satisfy the part of his mind that itched for something more.

"You know? Sometimes you just have to say a thing to be able to make it make sense. Not that this makes any sense, but I feel like maybe I've got a little bit more of a handle on it now than it had on me." So that was something really, better than keeping it all inside and then letting it be one more something in a pile of somethings that would overwhelm him somewhere down the line.

"Sorry," He added after a few beats, "For just letting all that out at you. Normally I'd uh - well Patty was a really good listener." He said trying to explain it a little bit.

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