InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Hey Stud. You want to dance?"

Stan the Man (stanbyme) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-11-09 14:00:00

Entry tags:

eddie kaspbrack, stanley uris

Who: Stan and Eddie
What: Just two bros without the hot tub
Where: The Losers House
When: Today

Things in the house were just a little bit.... tense, Stan thought. Or maybe it had just been a passing thing, he hoped that had been all it was. He didn't like the idea of there being any more tension than this place had all on its own. His walk with Eddie earlier had been nice too - just the two of them for a little while, while Stan just sort of rambled a bit, about birds and the quite frankly intensely exciting prospect of finding some sort of undiscovered specimen here in this place.

He hadn't found anything like that then, and Eddie had gone off to finish his walk on his own eventually - but Stan thought maybe in time he might find something.

Today though was about the state of things, about Eddie and making sure he was okay, about getting the same sort of time with him that he'd gotten with Richie too. He'd teased that he loved Richie best but the truth was he loved them both in an intense sort of way that was hard to put into words. It left him feeling a little bit the way he had on his wedding day, saying his wedding vows, only these were his childhood friends that he thought he'd never get to see again so it all felt maybe a little bit more intense and a little bit harder to really wrap his head around.

Still he'd try. For them.

"Richie is worried that you might try and form a new FDA in this place." Stan didn't really need an excuse to launch right into a conversation, particularly when he thought he might need to draw his friend out a bit. So he was doing just that. "I think he's probably just worried about the prospect of losing out on free pizza. You know what this place really needs?" Stan continued on, "A movie theater - I haven't been in ... I can't even remember the last time I've been."

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stanbyme
2019-11-28 04:42 am UTC (link)

"Trust me, you make all of this work for you," Stan was quick to promise Eddie when he started to compare himself to the others. But that had never been the way they'd worked even when they'd been younger, they'd all been unique, bringing their own troubles and fears and strengths to the group and Stan refused to believe it wasn't the same now that they were grown. They were all unique and they didn't need to start comparing themselves one to another. Eddie was plenty hot, Stan could see that much without having to be told, though he'd tell Eddie the same if it came down to it.

Stan wasn't sure if he'd ended up amazing or not, not for sure - but he'd had a good life. He'd worked hard and he'd built up something from nothing, without the help of anyone other than Patty. But they'd built up something amazing together, so maybe he could count himself among their amazing members. "It is strange, I'd seen some of Richie actually, I didn't realize it at the time - but it was all just - it was weird, the way we still managed to drift toward one another despite everything." The forgetting was the worst part of it all, how much had been taken from them depriving them of their biggest strength. He had a feeling there were times they all could have used a bit of that during the course of their lives.

"All I had to do was hear Mike's voice and it all came back." He admitted quietly, Mike didn't even have to tell him, he'd known it the second he'd answered the call that had come. He shivered at the memory of it, pushing it aside so he didn't start thinking about what had come after.

Not here, where he had Eddie pressed against him and they were safe he didn't have to think about all of that. But he couldn't help it, especially now, knowing a little more about what had happened and what he should have been there to help stop. And though he heard everything Eddie said he couldn't help the way that knowledge weighed on him. "We swore." He said it softly, his voice thick with emotion that he was trying to keep a tight reign on. "I promised I'd come back." The scar had come back and it was a reminder of what they'd done and what they'd promised when the time came and he'd broken that promise. "I should have been there." He should have been brave, for Eddie and for Richie, and Bev, and Ben, and Mike, and for Bill. He should have been brave enough for them. And even with that guilt weighing on him Stan knew he wouldn't have been any good to them, he'd made that choice because he'd known that - that he would only get them hurt and he did it because he loved them. The same as Eddie. "I - I would do it again though." He said after a moment, the truth of it settling some small piece of that guilt. "If it meant I wasn't holding you back." And that's why he'd done it in the first place, he would have only hurt them.

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ekaspbrak
2019-11-28 09:06 pm UTC (link)

There were years apart to make up for. Walking into Jade of the Orient and seeing Bill and Mike, watching the others as they found their way in. Watching Richie eventually wander in (in the most annoying way possible). Well, he was pretty sure he'd done a pretty good job of repressing everything. Of repressing who he was. He could focus on the fact that he was married to a woman and tell himself that that made everything better. Seeing the other Losers again, however, brought all of that bubbling back to the surface. They were all hot and it was entirely possible that Eddie had spent a good half hour in a gay panic as he took them all in. There may have been some of that still lingering and that was why he was comparing himself to the other Losers. Or maybe it was just Stan because Stan hadn't been there before. Eddie hadn't had a chance to see just how hot Stan had grown up and panic over that. Even if that panicking was taking the form of being warm and comfortable in the other's arms. He chuckled and shook his head at the compliment though. "Shut up, Stanley." He said, voice warm and smile just a little shy at that.

It didn't matter if Stan thought he was amazing. Eddie thought the other man was amazing. Eddie let out a hum and nodded. "Yeah." He said softly. "They were all household names and I just... I never connected any of it to myself. Never connected them to myself." But he had been drawn to Richie. He'd watched the man's specials with an odd sort of pride in spite of telling everyone who'd listen that Richie wasn't funny. It was the same with Bill's books. He hated the ending, complained about them, but he'd still read them. He'd buy every single book and, occasionally, just stare at the author's picture on the dust cover. Something inside of him had still known in a way. Had still realized that he loved these people and that these faces were ones he should hold onto.

None of it had actually connected until that call from Mike. "I just looked up on my caller ID and saw the name of the town." He said softly. "Derry. It all came flooding back in this rush." It had to be the town that held the magic. Maybe he wouldn't have remembered if Mike had just started with his name. He didn't want to think about it. They didn't have to.

Eddie frowned at Stan's words, reaching up to touch the side of his face. Richie no longer had his scar. Eddie had seen the other man's hands enough to realize that it was gone now. Eddie's scar was still there. Still standing out on his hand as a reminder of the promise they made. That hand touched the side of Stan's face, thumb stroking along his cheekbone as he tried to comfort the other. As he made Stan look at him. "We didn't think any less of you once we remembered you. We just... god, Stan, we just fucking missed you." And, okay, maybe he teared up a little at the memory but that was okay. "None of us wanted you to force yourself into that situation again." He said softly. Hearing that he would do it again wasn't a comforting thought but, he assumed, neither was the thought of Eddie dying for them. So he didn't like it but he understood. The sacrifices they made were out of love for these people who meant the world to them. These people they loved more than they could ever love themselves. He nodded and pulled Stan down into a tighter hug so he could press a kiss to his hair. "Just not here." He said softly. "Neither of us are allowed to die here. You aren't allowed to leave me or Richie."

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stanbyme
2019-11-30 07:24 am UTC (link)

Stan could only grin when he managed to get Eddie to use his full name and not some variation on it that he was always so fond of using whenever he was referring to him. It was a small victory perhaps, but one that Stan was only too happy to take.

"I know what you mean." He agreed, it hadn't been fair to realize that - that those people he'd seen and read and heard about were the people he cared about most and he just didn't remember it at the time. Things could have been so different. Their lives would have been so many other things. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it might have been but he knew things would have turned out differently. All he really knew was that they all would have been a lot closer together if they'd known.

But there wasn't anything any of them could do about it now. It was just unfair and they were all going to have to live with that - or ... well whatever it was he was doing now. Second living?

He nodded when Eddie told him what it had been like for him, seeing the name of the town and the memories coming back to him. He'd heard Mike's voice and that had been it for him - all of it was back, he'd known without Mike even telling him and he knew before the call was over what he was going to do.

Eddie was too good, Stan had known that all his life but he was reminded of that now with Eddie promising him that all they had done was miss him when they head what he'd done. "None of us should have been forced into it." He said with no small amount of bitterness, that town that place it wasn't right for a bunch of kids to have to fight off that thing, anymore than it was right that any of them should have had to go back to face it a second time. But the rest of them had done it - they'd been brave and strong enough to do what Stan hadn't. "We're not doing it again," He agreed, leaning into Eddie, he'd done it once before and maybe he'd have done it again if he thought it was all that would save his friends, but he got a feeling that sort of thing wouldn't be necessary in a place like this. "I'm not going anywhere. Not now that I've found you." He promised, he wasn't going to leave them. He couldn't.

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ekaspbrak
2019-12-03 11:55 pm UTC (link)

Stan was right. None of them should've been forced into it and, maybe, if Derry had been a better place, if the adults had cared more, if the Denbroughs had been better parents or just fucking there for Bill they wouldn't have been. Bill probably blamed himself for their deaths the way he'd blamed himself for Georgie and that hurt and it sucked because he could never tell the other man just how stupid he was for thinking that. How offended he was that he could think of their sacrifices as anything but a choice they had both made for the people they loved the most. "You're right, but... I think I would've done that again too." He said after a moment's worth of thought.

There was a lot he would've changed about that summer. He wouldn't have wanted to go back in and he sure as shit wouldn't try to get Stan to come along. They were all allowed to make their own choices on that one without judgement. If the situation called for it though he would join them all over again. Broken arm, near death experience, psycho mom and all. "I wouldn't ask you to do it though and I would try screaming some sense into Bill's parents first. Fuck them."

They didn't have to worry about being flung back in time and having to do the whole thing over again. This place didn't work that way. When they ended up kids here they got to run around in the relative safety of Starklandia. It was much better than trying to argue their way out of stomping through grey water and fighting off the nightmare clowns that would, eventually, kill them.

He wrapped his arms a little tighter around Stan as the other leaned against him, just wanting to cling to him. To hold him like he didn't quite believe the other wouldn't disappear on him. "You better not." He murmured. "I love you so much but I'll kick your ass if even think about leaving me again." He doubted he and Richie could ever go back to the way things had been. To a world where they had never got the chance to meet and talk to and just cling to their friend. "I won't go anywhere either. Someone has to take care of the two of you."

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