The Losers
Richie did not love the key. It felt heavy and important and not in a good way and Richie didn't know how the fuck they kept getting into situations like this -- the kind where everything they did was a lead up to something awful and murderous. Richie really didn't fucking want shit like that. He wanted bad jokes and excessive amounts of domestic bliss. This was all bullshit and it was so tiring.
"Our child would be a goddamned delight, Kaspbrak. She'd have your big-ass eyes and my sense of humor and would become the most well-liked person in the history of ever." Obviously their inexplicable alternate reality child was a girl. Richie refused to think about which one of them would be though, because he was just too fucking gay to even imagine a woman in a relationship these days. "It's mostly just a shame she can't pronounce her own last name because some fuckwad added silent letters."
They were going up to that room. Neither of them wanted to, but wandering around waiting for not-delightful children to show up and murder them seemed bad too. When they were back by the elevator, Richie hit the up button, and then waited -- a little unnerved that the doors didn't just open immediately because hadn't they been the last ones to use this thing, anyway?
"If you get stabbed again," Richie said, mildly, "I'm going to have to start assuming you're just a collector with a really bad hobby."