Snapedom

And I surely cannot be the only Snape fan out there who doesn't regard Lily as a bitch.

No, you are not. I don't see her as a bitch; I see her as an ordinary girl. Nevertheless I interpret her behaviour much like Oryx does and it disappoints me, personally. I am aware that most of this disappointment stems from the high expectations by sources other than book canon, but that's the way it is. I don't like her, personal opinion, not objective judgement on her moral character. I can see her as a generally nice, even good person and still don't like her or want her as a friend. Some of the things she says to Severus are pushing every single button on my standards of friendship and that is not misogynic, because I hold boys/men to the same standards.

just don't think that whole thing is ... written very well, on reflection. I can see what JKR was trying to do, but it sort of fails in the execution.

Agreed, but canon is what is printed and IMHO we cannot a fictional by the way her author wanted her to write, if she had been able to.