Snapedom

Thanks for replying. :)

I...really want to just give in and agree with this. Except that somehow, something is still missing just a little bit for me. And maybe it's not anything that speculation and meta and discussion will completely cure. I think that, for me, there is not a visceral sense in the text that Lily *really did* care deeply about Severus for years even after their arrival at Hogwarts, and that Severus wrecked a still-viable friendship. Even with my rose-colored Lily-reading glasses on, she comes across a bit too cold at certain points, to me, and certain things are just missing, in that way you can't quite put into words.

That is, your explanation is coherent and rational and well-presented and very convincing for the most part...but when I read the text, I still have to force it just a little bit on certain points, like this one. And I guess I feel that if JKR truly intended us to *have* that real, unambiguous sense that this was how it was...I think she failed to communicate as well as she could have. The very fact that we need to spend how many hours and virtual pages hammering it out indicates to me that it is still far too ambiguously written for many people to see that something like your and sailorlum's readings was intended. Even if it is Severus trying to show Harry how he wrecked the friendship (I can buy that, yes), JKR has failed to completely convince me of the long-term viability of that friendship otherwise. The very beginning, foundational piece of that arc "friendship - miscommunication - further miscommunication - fuckup - end" is not quite solidly their for me, I guess. It's like the trick step on the staircase that only looks real (is how it feels to me - I'm just trying to give a sense of what's missing for me personally).

Up to a point, yes, I read Lily as caring about him, but I think that it didn't get beyond that childish friendship of early on, and Lily would have started to grow distant from him no matter what Severus realistically did - that is, short of totally altering his personality and magically - hah - making up for his lack of social skills and all, to suddenly understand Lily's issues and be able to respond appropriately.

I suppose I can't quite see it entirely as 'the tragedy of Severus wrecking this wonderful friendship' alone. Elements of that, yes, I don't think he was the creepy pathetic loser he can be painted as, and I certainly think that that is *his* view of the situation (i.e. 'it's all my fault, if only I hadn't been stupid everything would have worked out fine'). But I think the friendship was always a bit more important to him than it was to her, and what happened was he threw a giant monkey wrench into the works of a machine that was already starting to slow down and malfunction. Tragic to a degree still, yes, but I don't see the friendship lasting much longer even if he hadn't fucked up. (At least this way, horrible as it is, enabled Severus eventually to really grow morally and do some truly selfless things - if it had ended differently, with Severus bitter at Lily, who's to say what would have happened?)