Entry tags:

back to hogwarts, rating: pg

Back to Hogwarts: FIC: The Visitor
Title: The Visitor
Author: emerald_dragon8
Other pairings/threesome: Snape/Harry, Harry/Ginny
Rating: PG
Word count: 1,800
Warning(s): (highlight for spoilers) *Character death*
Summary: When Potter visits, it is never for long.
A/N: My never ending thanks to curia_regis for her helpful, fast, last-minute, AWESOME beta skills! Also thanks to the mods for being lovely!

The Visitor

" . . .suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape."
- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

When Potter visits, it is never for long. He can't take much time away from work, or from his family.

It is late at night when he arrives the first time. Snape is sleeping and Potter wakes him. His face is a mess, as if he's been crying, and he gives Snape a shaky smile.

"I didn't know where else to go," he says, and his voice cracks. He looks younger than his thirty years, but tired, and broken. "Everyone else is asleep." Snape doesn't bother pointing out that he was asleep, too. Nearly ten vicious insults pass across the surface of Snape's mind, but his curiosity gets the best of him and he holds it in. He stares at Potter as he makes himself at home in a comfortable armchair. And somehow he ends up close to Snape, and Snape can see the little scar next to his nose, and the fine lines in the corners of his eyes. He takes his glasses off and runs a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited more," he says.

"You're apologising for not forcing your presence upon me at two-thirty in the morning. What a twisted concept of manners you have, Mr. Potter," Snape responds, and thinks he sees this shadow of a smile on Potter's face.

They have not spoken since just after the war, when Potter mumbled a grudging apology to him and stalked off without another word. As he looks at the clock and his eyes try to drift shut, Snape thinks he could have gone another twelve years and more without seeing Potter.

"You were in love with my mother," Potter says, and Snape blinks. The question is in Potter's voice, and he doesn't look at Snape when he says it.

Snape confirms with a sharp "yes" but says nothing else. There's no point in denying it, after all Potter's seen.

"How did you know?" Potter asks and Snape's jaw clenches.

"You are married, Potter. Surely you know the basic mechanics of…" Snape can't bring himself to say the word love. "That."

"I don't know about that anymore," Potter admits, and suddenly Snape knows why Potter didn't have anywhere else to go.

"You are asking me to tell you whether you love your wife," Snape confirms, and Potter gives out a shaky laugh and buries his face in his hands.

"I don't know, Snape."

"It would have been polite to work out the purpose of your visit before waking me at a ridiculous hour of the morning."

"I know, you're right, I'm sorry. I don’t know why I'm here, it's so absurd, but I needed to see someone and I was at this pub, and there was this bloke who reminded me of you, kind of. And, well, I thought maybe you'd listen to me and tell me what an idiot I was, and I'd believe you. Ginny and I…We had this fight, this stupid fight, I don't even know what it was about, and she asked me if I was happy, and I said I didn't know. And then Gin said she didn't think that I was, and how could I not be, because she gave me everything. And she's right, Professor."

"You may call me Severus, Potter. I have not been your Professor for a very long time."

"That's all you have to say?" Potter asks, finally looking back at Snape, who gives a subtle shrug of his shoulders.

"I am not a marital counsellor, Potter. I have never been married. Nor do I have any interest in the workings of your marriage. Yes, that is all I have to say. You're even more of a fool than I thought if you thought I'd discuss your marriage," he says, and the word marriage sounds like bile on Snape's tongue. Snape's lips are pressed tightly together, and Potter looks away from him again, a flush spreading over his cheeks.

"Fair enough then," Potter says. "Mind if I stay here for a bit, though? Don't really fancy going home right now. Might pop 'round and visit James in the morning. See how he's doing."

"You may stay," Snape says, and regrets it less than a minute later. Potter smiles at him, but it is a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Perhaps you should speak to a professional, Potter," Snape suggests. Potter shakes his head, and leans it against the back of the chair.

"This is comfy," he says, and Snape ignores him. They sit in silence until early morning, and Potter yawns several times, and grunts occasionally, but he does not fall asleep, and he does not speak. At six, he thanks Snape for allowing him to be there, and slips out, presumably to the Gryffindor dorms and his son. Snape allows himself another hour of sleep.

It is the strangest encounter Snape has ever had, and he wonders if Potter was drunk. And then he wonders if Potter will even remember.

* * * * *
It is three weeks before he sees Potter again. This time, it is at the far more respectable hour of eight in the evening. They encounter each other in the Great Hall, and Potter looks surprised to see him.

"I was coming to see you," Potter tells him.

"Lucky me."

"Sorry, could we talk, maybe?" Potter asks, and he looks haggard, like he hasn't shaved in a week. His hair is greasy and his clothes, Auror robes over black pants and a white shirt, are dishevelled.

"I suppose," Snape says, and leads him to a quiet classroom.

"I don't think I love her," Potter says once he is seated.

"I see."

"I don't know what to do."

"I don't know what you want me to do, Potter," Snape says.

"I know, I'm sorry. I think I just…I need to talk. I need to say it out loud and then maybe I'll realise it's silly and I'm crazy and I do love her and…" he trails off

"How long has it been since you've seen her?"

"Three days. I've been sleeping at the Leaky, I told her I needed to be out for an assignment. I…what happened, Snape?"

"Potter, I can't offer you any answers. I won't offer you sympathy."

Potter nodded slightly. "Can we stay here, though?"

Snape doesn't respond, but he doesn't leave, either.

* * * * *
He comes back again. And again. He doesn't speak about his wife again. Doesn't speak about much, really. He sometimes asks Snape about his life, about his childhood.

Sometimes Snape answers.

* * * * *
"I told her I wanted a divorce, and she laughed at me. Thought I was joking. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was serious," Potter tells him one day, and Snape doesn't know how to respond. He never knows how to respond. They sit in these dark classrooms and Potter talks and Snape doesn't know what to say to Potter or how to say it.

Potter doesn't seem to expect a response, and looks out the window with a forlorn expression. He looks quite the cliché, dark hair falling over his eyes.

"You need a haircut," Snape tells him, and Potter laughs.

* * * * *
"This castle really is beautiful," Harry tells him, as if this is new information. "I understand why you wouldn't want to leave."

"I once wished for nothing more than to leave these walls," Snape tells him. "I don't think I ever will, now."

"I think, sometimes, about asking Minerva if I can come back. Teach something, Merlin knows what."

"Perhaps you should."

"Ginny would never stand for it," Potter says with a wistful smile. "She loves London."

Snape doesn't respond. London has always struck Snape as noisy, too noisy. Snape likes quiet. Potter seems to, as well. Snape can't imagine Potter liking London.

* * * * *
"I keep wishing that I'll wake up and be eighteen again," Potter says.

"Mmm," Snape says.

"Are you listening?" Potter asks.

"Yes, but unfortunately my time manipulating abilities have been failing me lately so I doubt I'll be of much assistance."

Potter laughs, but it is a hollow laugh. "Ginny wants another baby," he says.

"And?"

"I told her I was too busy at work to help her, and I'd feel bad otherwise," he admits.

"Was it the truth?"

"You know it isn't."

"I know nothing of your work schedule, Potter."

"Will you teach me Potions?" Potter says suddenly, and Snape blinks.

Potter has surprised him, surprised him so much that Snape allows the yes to escape his mouth before he can stop it.

* * * * *
"No, no, I said slice, Potter, not dice."

"Oh, bollocks, sorry," Potter says, and tosses the useless shrivelfig into the waste bin beside him.

They are preparing a simple Pepper-Up potion, and Snape is frustrated at Potter but Potter seems to be enjoying himself. Snape hasn't seen him smile like this in a long time.

And then Potter stands to get his next ingredient, and he passes Snape closely. He's very close and Snape can see that little pale scar again, not the famous one, but the one that is Harry, not Boy Who Lived. Snape wonders when he started seeing Harry.

* * * * *
"I wish I'd known you before."

"Potter, you knew me, you hated me," Snape responds, but doesn't look at Harry.

"I didn't know you, I knew what I thought you were."

"I am that man, Potter. Don't fool yourself otherwise."

"I wish we could try it again. Go back to the start. "

"When you were eleven," Snape says.

"We'd get Voldemort before he could hurt anyone, and maybe I wouldn't have married Ginny, and maybe it would be okay."

"It is okay, Potter."

Potter nods, but doesn't come back for three months.

* * * * *
Snape eventually tells Potter to stop visiting. He's a distraction, Snape tells him. He's boring, Snape's had enough.

(he hasn't)

It's not important, Harry- no, he's Potter, he's always been Potter, says.

(it is)

"I don't even know why I come here."

(you do)

* * * * *
Potter comes back one last time. He's forty now, and Snape hasn't seen him in eight years.

"Hi," Potter says.

Snape doesn't respond.

(I missed you.)

"We're moving to France," Potter tells him. "Ginny's had enough of England."

"Au revoir," Snape says, and can hear the (stupid, foolish) bitterness in his voice.

Potter doesn't respond.

* * * * *
The canvas is cracked and peeling now, in the painting tucked up in the far corner of the office. Minerva visits occasionally, and sees Albus there often, speaking to the man within. For a while, many years ago, he'd had a visitor, in person. And he'd be all over the castle, followed by the boy (always a boy to her), and for a while, he'd looked happy. The painted skin had appeared a little less sallow, and the strong jaw clenched a little less, and the black eyes didn't appear so empty.

The castle offered one small comfort to him. When Minerva moved from her painting to visit with the Fat Lady guarding her old tower, she saw the statue of Harry Potter, erected after his death, smile broadly, and the portrait of Severus Snape scowl just a little less.



-end-