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Tweak says, "I'm sorry, Chocolates!"

sweetmelodykiss (sweetmelodykiss) wrote in snape_potter,
@ 2007-09-11 21:52:00

Entry tags:

ficlet, rating: pg, sweetmelodykiss

Watching You, Watching me
Title: Watching You, Watching Me
Author: Sweet Melody
Pairing: Snape/Potter
Rating: PG
Category: Drabble, Soppiness
Summary: Two corresponding points of view
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
Word Count: 287

A/N: I'm only sorry I can't sketch. I think it would make a pretty picture.

http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snape_obsessed/

Harry liked to draw Severus sleeping. Severus was beautiful when asleep, always to Harry, but asleep he was in a category unto himself. His lashes brushed his cheek, frown lines melted away, hair fanned out across his pillow -- Harry couldn't keep his pencil still. Severus asleep was like looking at an exotic creature, too mysterious for this world, too good for the tortures he'd suffered.

Harry skated his pencil over the page, sketching quickly before dawn broke over Severus face and he lost the moment.

The first hint of light slid through the window of their little cottage, despite the drawn curtains. Harry put his pencil down and wrapped his arms around his lover.

Sometimes Harry appreciated insomnia.

~~~~~~

It's his smile, you think. The way it lights up his face, turns him from that awkward, shy boy who didn't know where his place in the world was, to an imperfect, shining angel who makes things inside of you ache and burn until all that matters in this life is him.

Harry, he’s your angel and savior. It's the way his perfect mouth, that sweet bottom lip full and moist, curves. The way his jewel like eyes grow even lighter and the room brightens from that brief glimpse of perfection. It's the way he sighs in his sleep and pulls you closer.

It's in the way your heart aches, but it doesn't matter because when he smiles you feel it in the deepest part of your soul, and you want to be a beacon of light for him too. Maybe, most of all, it's how when he looks at you, with that brilliant smile, eyes shining, you can believe that maybe you are that, and more, for him.

Finished

(Post a new comment)

	jadzia7667 2007-09-12 02:11 am UTC (link)
	This is gorgeous! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	sweetmelodykiss 2007-09-12 02:41 am UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! (Reply to this) (Parent)

slashpine
2007-09-12 03:07 am UTC (link)

Oh, very lovely!

These together are like the epilogue to a beautiful - no, a perfect - story. How can such short pieces yield such a feeling of contentment? I dunno what it is, but you sure have it!

Okay, here's some of it:

I really like all the concrete verbs in the first one: brushed, melted, fanned, skated his pencil, sketching quickly, light slid through, wrapped his arms around, appreciated.

In the second part, I see language that is more reactive, yet equally concrete. In each statement, Severus's feelings are linked first to his observation of Harry, then Harry's actions, and then Severus's feelings. This captures Severus's essential character by emphasizing both his habit of precise observation and his penchant for silent reflection. By linking these through Harry, you create a lovely arc that shows how deeply he's affected by Harry, quietly but keenly aware of him, and even waking up centered on him.

The contrast in language between their POV's is not just fun to read, but beautifully expressive of their individuality. By putting them together, you show how perfectly they complement each other. Bravo!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	sweetmelodykiss 2007-09-12 03:24 am UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! (Reply to this) (Parent)