InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Sometimes. I wet myself..."

Matthew Morgan (minorvariation) wrote in simmerdim,
@ 2010-06-22 23:22:00

Current mood:	excited
Entry tags:	andrew, david, kamal, matthew

attn: Kamal
True to his word, Matthew shows up at the coffee shop the next day to meet Kamal there. This time it only takes one Xanax, and no beer at all, and he even makes sure the cigarette smell is cleaned off him before he arrives. Admittedly he didn't sleep last night, and had a bit of a panic attack at David, but by noon he's presentable and his heart rate is only a quarter again what it should be instead of twice.

He looks around hopefully, a bit of a half-smile on his lips.

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	minorvariation 2010-06-28 01:44 am UTC (link)
	"Great! Glad you made it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-06-28 02:23 am UTC (link)
	"How was your show? You had a show last night?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-06-28 04:58 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah. Quiet. Nothing special. Andy's missing, got himself pissed and wandered off somewhere." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-06-29 01:23 am UTC (link)
	"I take it this isn't unusual, given that you don't seem too overly concerned." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

minorvariation
2010-06-29 02:24 am UTC (link)

"He's always drunk when we play, sometimes he stays around afterwards, sometimes not." Matthew shrugs. He doesn't have the best relationship with Andy, especially given Andy's propensity to say things that make his anxiety worse. The fact that Andy was the one with him when he tried to commit suicide only makes everything that much worse. "He'll come back after a while. You an only?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-06-30 03:38 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah. Just me and my parents, that's it." Kamal's not sure how to react about the comment on Andy's drinking, so he just lets it go. "They're always after me for grandkids, I swear to you. It's their revenge for me being away all the time." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-06-30 03:46 am UTC (link)
	That's probably best. Matthew, distracted, laughs. "That's how they do it. Mine, they have six kids, I don't get singled out much." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-06-30 03:56 am UTC (link)
	"They're probably over and done with spoiling children, at that point. My parents, it's not out of their system yet." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-06-30 04:23 am UTC (link)
	"No doubt." He glances up from under his lashes. "Will you disappoint them, d'you think?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-07-01 01:14 am UTC (link)
	"It's looking that way, yeah. I mean, haven't really put myself on that path, you know?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-07-01 02:04 am UTC (link)
	"Oh, I know." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

quietsmile
2010-07-01 02:12 am UTC (link)

Kamal smiles a bit, tentative. Neither of them have brought up what they're doing, or what this is, and it's easy to second guess yourself. He's been out for awhile, but on the other hand, he's never really been a part of the gay community, per se, which can make things fraught, now and then.

But, on the other hand, he's beginning to trust that he's getting a feel for Matthew's thoughts.

"Yeah, but your parents have a stable full of sons. Surely someone will give them a grandchild eventually, they must figure."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-07-01 03:02 am UTC (link)
	Matthew sighs and rakes his hair. "Maybe David, or Greig. But me, I never live up to what people are expectin'." He shakes his head. "God, sorry. You see why I need me coffee," smiling faintly at Kamal. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-07-01 03:31 am UTC (link)
	"Well, there's something to be said for not letting other people's expectations run your life, you know?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-07-01 03:48 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah. You're right." A pause, and Matthew, spurred by that comment, takes a breath and says, "Yeah. Uh, actually, I was wonderin'--the coffee's good, but would you--maybe next week, not right away, not unless it suits you--would you think of taking dinner with me?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-07-01 04:00 am UTC (link)
	Kamal exhales, and says, "I would love to, but next week's a bit far out for me. How's tomorrow night for you? Or lunch, if that's easier?" The thing is, he feels like he's running out of time, oddly, and he doesn't want to miss his chance. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-07-01 04:17 am UTC (link)
	"To-morrow. Yeah. Is that all right?" The corner of his mouth quirks in a questioning smile. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	quietsmile 2010-07-01 04:29 am UTC (link)
	"It's brilliant. Absolutely. You have a place in mind already?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-07-01 04:36 am UTC (link)
	"We've gone out a bit since we came, I'm starting to get a feel for what's good." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ina_chinashop 2010-07-01 04:44 am UTC (link)
	At which point they are abruptly interrupted by a large hand clapping down on Matthew's shoulder, and Andy's bleary, hungover face looming into view. "Hey, what're you doing? You on a fucken date?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	minorvariation 2010-07-01 04:50 am UTC (link)
	Matthew flinches and huddles into his jacket, effectively shutting down; the blossoming of a smile that he was flashing at Kamal disappears, and his gaze flicks elsewhere. "'S just coffee," in a low voice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ina_chinashop 2010-07-01 04:57 am UTC (link)
	Andy squints at Kamal. "Oh, yeah, you're the one Greig's got taking photos, yeah? Waste o' money, all those do-overs just because Matty wants to put his dick in you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

quietsmile
2010-07-03 06:18 pm UTC (link)

Kamal's expression shifts into a much more neutral form of pleasantness. It's the same expression he uses for assholes on the street and for 12-year-olds with AK-47s when he's out in the field.

His voice is even, respectful and not condescending, but closed off: "Your older brother hired me, yes. I believe he mentioned that the posters were a bit outdated since your youngest brother had a growth spurt."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ina_chinashop 2010-07-04 04:42 pm UTC (link)
	Andy laughs. "Yeah, he's a little weed, that one." He's still half draped over Matthew's shoulder, leaning heavily. He tugs on Matthew's high collar, chosen--like all his wardrobe--to hide the scar from his suicide attempt, and grins at him lopsidedly. "Hey, Matty, this guy gonna take you home to-night? I thought you were savin' it for marriage, lassie." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

minorvariation
2010-07-04 04:46 pm UTC (link)

Matthew has completely changed from five minutes earlier. He's doing his best to turn invisible, focusing himself inward, tuning everything else out, his gaze lowered so he won't make eye contact, his posture not so much neutral as like a dog with its tail between its legs: I'm not important, I won't challenge you, don't look at me, don't think about me.

"'S just coffee," lowly.