InsaneJournal

the killing moon
Who: Remus Lupin
When: Evening, night of 1964 July 24
Where: His room in the Welcome Center
What: Remus is forced to obey the full moon's call.
Rating/status: PG/closed.

“Repello Muggletum,” he said -- and that was the last of it.

As Remus backed away from the door leading out to the Center’s hallway, he checked the Charms he had placed upon it, making sure there was enough to keep him hidden and keep his visitors away. He ran through an ever-changing list he had prepared in his head and hoped he hadn’t left anything out. The more important ones were at least cast successfully...but he couldn’t help but think they were not enough.

Have faith, Remus, he sighed to himself as he placed his wand carefully on his empty desk and began to undo the buttons of his top. His fingers were already tingling and in the silence, he realized how much harder it was to breathe since he last noticed. At that moment, he was tempted to just drop method and begin the wait...but estranged in a foreign city with little help to look forward to, he knew he would have to look after himself.

He hadn’t been out of his room for a few days already, not even to eat although he hadn’t felt hunger since. It was probably a warm summer evening if the previous ones were anything to go by but dressed in only his bare skin, it was like a cold winter’s night for him. This must be different, he thought, seeing as the last time had only been about twenty days ago -- barely even a month had passed. His eyelids were getting heavier as he placed his clothes at the foot of his bed; beside the neat pile was an unfinished moon chart he had begun during his better days.

Remus sighed heavily as he returned to the floor and sat with the dresser against his back, pulling his white legs up to hold tight with his shaking arms. He coughed deeply as he perched his chin on his knees. It was incredible. Just some weeks ago, these nights have become nothing to him but...a chore. “One of those nights,” he often liked to put it. It was so much easier, then. He had friends to help him hide, setup his charms, make him at least enjoy the experience. Now, he had no one but himself and no one to count on but himself...and perhaps a little miracle.

He sniffled and ran the back of his cold hand through his cheek. More than ever now, he missed his friends, they would at least make light of the situation. But now, he felt like he was going to go through the change for the first time in his entire life, again.

When was the last time he felt this scared, he wondered?



An hour must have passed, he didn’t really know. Before Remus realized it, he was on his side on the floor, staring lifelessly at the space beneath his bed. He felt warm all over, and he shivered. Breathing was becoming a chore now that he had started gasping and wheezing for air. His skin felt thin and his muscles felt sore...it was torture all over again.

Half an hour must have passed when Remus let out his first yell. It was like a punch in the gut that never went away. He pulled his knees closer to his stomach, whimpering, controlling his exclamations, tight-lipped as he curled his toes tight and clenched his fists hard. His shoulders were shaking, his face was under a sheet of cold sweat, as was the rest of his body. He moaned and coughed. The punch had now turned into a well of fire that threatened to inflame him from the inside.

Oh God...oh God, oh God...! He was starting to lose hold of the world, as though a thick, black sheet had draped itself all over his body, suffocating him and holding him still under its gigantic weight. Remus wanted to explode. He wanted to tear out of his curled form, cry out, lash out with his limbs but to do so he felt would break his very frame. When he tore his golden eyes open, he found that his skin had disappeared under a thin coat of light brown hair.

Oh God...oh God!! It was happening, it really was happening now. He shut his eyes, hissing behind gritted fangs; he was frightened. Everything was banging against him, everything was screeching right at his ears and his head was starting to break under the weight of the world. If he could only stick his wand at the base of his skull and set it off, if doing that would put an end to everything, he would have done it in the soonest heartbeat possible.

How much more will he have to endure until that finally happened, he wondered?

When his muscles had torn and his body finally broke his bones, Remus wrenched his jaw open and began to scream.