Kane Owen (sellingsouls) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2023-12-11 19:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, adrian, adrian x kane, kane |
Who: Kane and Adrian, cameo by Aaron
When: evening, Saturday, July 21st -- wedding reception and after
Where: the marina, Kane’s place
Warning: turns NSFW (duh)
Status: complete, Part 2
Kane couldn’t quite see what he was doing at first, but it was obvious enough with the way his arm was moving, and it made his balls throb pleasantly to know Adrian was touching himself with Kane’s cock in his mouth. Like it turned him on so much he just had to. It was so hot to be wanted so much. Kane was tempted to hang onto Adrian when he started to pull back, but he let his fingers trail over his shoulder instead. That look on Adrian’s face made his insides churn in the best sort of way, and Kane stared at him for a long moment, just drinking in the sight of him leaned back with his pants open and his cock in his hand. He thought he would be able to just stand there and jerk off over the visual within a couple minutes if he tried. Adrian might enjoy that, but there were even better things to do. Still staring at him, Kane lowered himself to his knees and shuffled forward between his splayed thighs. He leaned in to lick up the length of Adrian’s shaft, keeping his hands on himself for the moment.
Adrian drew in a deep breath when Kane's tongue made contact, automatically moving his hips to encourage him. He would have enjoyed the two of them just jerking it while watching each other - it was fucking hot - but this was way better. He couldn't keep his hands to himself when Kane got this close, stroking his broad shoulders and neck, letting the short hair at the back of his neck tickle his fingers. He could still taste Kane on his tongue and it just made everything hotter, made him think of sixty-nine in a whole new way and how hot it might be to have Kane on top of him, fucking his throat while sucking him dry. Maybe it was hotter in fantasy, there were probably some real life bullshit complications he wasn't thinking of, but he liked thinking about it, licking his lips as he stared down at Kane and what he was doing.
He drank in Adrian’s expression as he wrapped his lips around the head of his cock to gently suck, then Kane’s lashes fluttered closed. He took Adrian deeper into his mouth, grunting softly around him before he started to suck. Adrian’s wasn’t the first cock he’d ever enjoyed going down on, but it was definitely his favorite. Not even counting how incredible it felt to give pleasure to the man he loved, it was just a damn nice dick, thick and hot against his tongue, and Kane adored re-exploring the shape of it every time. He could still feel his man’s eyes on him as well as his hands, which only made giving feel sexier. Kane wrapped his hand around his own cock, squeezing and teasing himself to satisfy a bit of that needy itch. He started to bob his head in a slow rhythm, pushing the head of Adrian’s cock against the back of his throat with each stroke.
Adrian was lost in the sensation and sight as well as fantasies sporadically flooding his mind with ideas both impossible and possible to achieve. He watched Kane for as long as he could, feeling powerful and powerless in waves and riding each wave with equal enthusiasm. He dug his fingers into Kane's hair, longer now than he was used to, long enough to wind around his fingers a little and pull. He didn't want to stop Kane from what he was doing by accidentally pulling him back, but keeping one hand firm on the back of his neck let him pull a little harder and he knew damn well it felt good when done in the right place. "You're so good at that," he groaned quietly, a sweet shudder going through him when Kane tongued a particularly sensitive spot.
The tugs in his hair sent chills of pleasure rolling down his back, and gooseflesh bloomed across Kane’s shoulders. The way Adrian was handling him made him feel so deliciously owned and controlled and he loved it more than he could ever actually admit. He only wanted to belong to Adrian this way, on his knees, desperate to make him feel good, willing to give him anything, completely owned by this love. The praise gave him another shiver, and Kane groaned around Adrian’s cock, sucking a bit harder. He tasted some precum at the tip and lapped it up greedily, eager for more praise, more of those hot sounds out of Adrian. Kane pulled off of him for a brief moment to dip down and lick at his balls. “‘Cause you taste so fuckin’ good,” he breathed before dragging his mouth back up to engulf him again.
The brief change drew a low moan out of Adrian and he closed his eyes as his cock was engulfed in heat and wetness again, his hand fisting in Kane's hair. He kind of hoped he wouldn't cut it short again, even if he loved that look on him, not yet at least because it felt so damn good to pull on it. "Tell me where you wanna finish," he murmured, leaning over Kane a little, his body eager to move with him, like every fiber was activated and more alive than usual. "Maybe I'll listen." He grinned faintly but not for long before his face felt a little slack again, all his focus on the heat pooling in his core, the weight in his cock.
As so often happened, Kane wanted everything all at once. He wanted to feel Adrian swell and burst against his tongue, wanted to push him back on the bed and yank his nice pants down far enough to fuck him, wanted them to suck each other off at the same time ... they already had a lot of sex, but Adrian always made him feel so insatiable. The way he felt at the moment, they could do all of that tonight if they wanted. He hummed as he tongued the head of Adrian’s cock a bit more, then released him again so he could talk. “I’ll come right here while you fuck my mouth if you want,” he murmured, licking his lips. “I’m yours, whatever you want tonight.” He ran one hand up Adrian’s thigh, still enjoying the feel of his pants material and completely unable to stop touching him.
Adrian scraped his teeth over his bottom lip as he thought about it and it was delicious, thinking of Kane jerking himself off, so turned on just by sucking him off that it was enough for him. "I've got a better idea," he said and it wasn't a favor to Kane so much as his own greed that drove him. "Get up here on the bed, stretch out for me," he added as he pulled Kane back, hungrily taking in that aroused look in his eyes, those perfect lips slick with spit. He did want him on his knees, he looked absolutely delectable like that, especially now that Adrian could look at him better and see his throbbing cock in his grip. The way he got up for him was just as sexy and Adrian got to his feet, getting rid of the rest of his clothes a bit unsteadily as he watched Kane do as he was told, his large body stretching out languidly on the bed, all eagerness and curiosity. Adrian grinned at him, stroking himself as he moved up on the bed as well, shuffling closer on his knees. "Didn't think you'd get to keep that dick from me, did you?" he said as he sat down next to him and slowly moved to stretch out as well at face level with Kane's cock.
He was more than happy to go wherever Adrian wanted him, and Kane enjoyed the view of him stripping the rest of the way, his hand still idly toying with his cock. It looked like Adrian was enjoying his eyefull too. Kane propped himself up on one elbow, reaching for Adrian as soon as he was close enough just to touch him again. He grinned a bit when he caught on to what Adrian was doing, and he shifted around to accommodate. “Fuck yeah, bring it here, baby,” Kane murmured, his hand sliding over his hip. As soon as they were in position he took Adrian’s cock back into his mouth with a groan of appreciation, reaching around to squeeze that fine ass of his. He’d always enjoyed sixty-nine-ing with men rather than women, there seemed to be less neck strain, especially in this position. Kane fell right back into worshiping Adrian’s cock with his mouth, relishing the new angle and all of the different spots he could reach.
The short reprieve had done nothing to get Adrian's cock softer but it had quelled some of the urgency he felt and that was definitely a good thing. He wanted a little more time doing just this and he couldn't wait to get his mouth on Kane again, especially when he felt the wet heat of Kane's mouth envelop his cock. He'd never been this stupidly greedy for a person before, lovers or not, wanting so much at once like his brain just shortcutted when he was near Kane and all his sex centers went into overdrive. It was almost funny, if it didn't feel so urgent. The angle was definitely interesting in ways he hadn't thought of when he started, calling for subtle differences in technique but it was still amazing and he found himself falling into the rhythm of it pretty fast, clutching Kane's ass as he sucked him while keeping one hand on his balls, gently kneading.
It was just different and unfamiliar enough to keep Kane from having to strain to hold back. Adrian’s mouth still felt like heaven on him, the pleasure humming in his balls, but it was easier to just sink into it and enjoy it. Kane wanted it to last a while. So he concentrated on re-exploring every inch of Adrian’s cock with his lips and tongue, not holding back on moaning his own pleasure while Adrian did the same to him. He stroked his man’s ass and thighs as he let his mouth wander down to lick and suck at Adrian’s balls, the heat of his cock resting against Kane’s jaw. He couldn’t help the way his hips flexed, moving a bit with Adrian’s bobbing head, his body eager for more friction, more heat and pressure and just more. He returned to sucking Adrian’s shaft, groaning around him as he took him deep.
Adrian didn't mind the hip bucking, if anything, he loved the way Kane's body moved in his grip and the way it sometimes made his cock glide along his tongue, silky soft and leaking. He explored it with his tongue while his hands explored Kane's skin, his own hips restless and eager to start snapping as that heated weight increased in his balls. Kane always knew what he was doing to him, even at a strange angle he seemed to know just how to drive Adrian crazy and it would have distracted him from what he was doing if sucking Kane's cock didn't come so damn naturally to him but it did and he easily sank into the sensation. Despite the urge to kiss Kane, he was enjoying the hell out of this, a perfect circle and a sweet joined rhythm between them making them feel almost like one.
Kane lost all track of time, engrossed in what they were doing to one another, his whole world only textures and tastes and warm smells that made his cock throb. He did his damndest to make Adrian moan and squirm, loving how his thighs felt when they tensed with pleasure, losing track of how tightly he was gripping them as he swallowed around Adrian’s cockhead. Fuck he loved this man, so much it made him feel restless and crazy inside in so many different ways. This was just one of his favorites. “Fuck,” Kane groaned, pulling his mouth off of Adrian to do so. He nuzzled into his groin, hot breath on his sensitive skin, and rocked his hips harder. Kane dropped one hand to touch the side of his face and neck, fingers brushing his wet lips, and he gave a little shudder. “Fuck baby, it’s so good,” Kane panted, lips brushing Adrian’s shaft. “You’re gonna make me come ...”
It was so gratifying to hear even if Adrian knew that making a guy come wasn't some grand achievement, it always felt like one. He loved giving Kane pleasure and loved even more when he unraveled, lost himself, like putty in Adrian's hands. He groaned at the words and gave Kane's ass another squeeze of encouragement. He wanted him to come, even if he might not be up for finishing Adrian off after, he'd just jerk himself off to completion if it came to that. Right now he just wanted to feel Kane's cock swell on his tongue, feel his muscles tense and his body shudder so he could drink him down and ride those good feelings into his own climax. He was pretty close himself, lost in the sauce and unwilling to stop what he was doing, his cock twitching needily when Kane pulled off.
Maybe it wasn’t rocket science to pull an orgasm out of Kane’s body, but very few had given him pleasure on this level. He was still internalizing that having such strong feelings for a partner made an incredible difference. Adrian wasn’t just sucking him off, what he was doing felt like an erotic art form. The emotions changed everything, painted it all gold, and sex had never really been a golden thing to Kane. Fun and hot and a great distraction, yes, but he really understood now what people meant when they talked about the earth moving. He moaned his rising ecstasy against Adrian’s skin, clutching at his body like it was the only solid thing he could reach, his own starting to tremble uncontrollably -- Kane’s climax hit him like a truck and he bucked into Adrian’s mouth as he came hard.
It wasn't fair to compare his former lover to Kane but it was the only 'hands-on' experience Adrian had so it was a little inevitable. Making him come had been... fun. Nothing really special, just kind of satisfying. Making Kane come on the other hand released a rush of feel good chemicals in a way that was like nothing Adrian had ever experienced. He wasn't just pleased and turned on by it, it was damn near euphoric. He swallowed down what Kane gave him, sucking and licking him through his climax, loving how tight his balls felt against his fingertips, how everything throbbed and twitched.
It was a blissful handful of seconds, always too short but still so fucking good, and Kane basked in the rush of warmth that came straight after as all the tension in his body started to relax. He softly moaned Adrian’s name as the last of the aftershock shivers ran through him, then let out a deeper grunt and shifted his arm under him a bit. As much as he physically just wanted to flop and snooze for a bit, this wasn’t over and he definitely wasn’t going to make Adrian finish himself off. Kane wrapped his fingers around the base of his man’s cock and guided him into his mouth again. His tongue swiped against the tip and he could taste how much his own orgasm had made Adrian leak, and it made Kane groan again. He picked up where he’d left off, sucking and bobbing his head, eager to give Adrian the same kind of pleasure he’d just gotten.
Adrian wanted on some very primal level to keep sucking on Kane's cock through his own orgasm but through the haze of arousal he was aware that this wouldn't feel great for his lover so he reluctantly pulled back and let himself relax instead. He ended up on his back, fingers entwined in Kane's hair as he tried unsuccessfully to keep himself from bucking up into his mouth. The taste of him was still rich on his tongue and Kane knew exactly what he was doing, bringing him back to the heights of pleasure in no time. The way he'd moaned Adrian's name seemed to echo in his mind, mingling with the soft sounds he was making now, spurring him on and bringing him to his peak in no time. He'd wanted them to come at the same time but that didn't matter now, not when his body was like its own creature, out of his control as his mind blitzed for a few seconds. He groaned Kane's name but then he felt like he couldn't breathe for a second, his back arching off the bed and his hands tightening to fists in Kane's hair.
It was always incredibly hot to fall over that edge together, but Kane was kind of glad it hadn’t happened this time. His brain also got a little scrambled when he was coming, and he wanted to fully take in every detail of making Adrian lose his shit. The way he felt tight and trembly under Kane’s hand and the way his hips bucked and how he sounded ... fuck, it all made Kane’s cock throb, even as it was going soft. He loved feeling the stronger thrusts against his tongue and the back of his throat, and he groaned along with his sexy man until he felt the familiar swelling between his lips. Kane took Adrian deep and swallowed as he came, his lower belly fluttering like he was having another little orgasm of his own. He’d always enjoyed being a generous lover, but he’d never gotten so much literal pleasure out of giving it to someone else. Kane gave a smothered cough around Adrian, but managed not to choke. Once the strongest pumps seemed done, he hummed his approval and started gently cleaning him with his tongue.
"Jesus," Adrian whispered breathlessly, another little shudder going through him when Kane started licking him. It felt so damn good and almost animalistic, having someone just lick him like that. He was in the perfect state of mind for it too, blissed out of his mind, just a content organism basking in the best life had to offer. He enjoyed himself for a few long moments, grinning faintly as he idly petted Kane's hair, but then he reluctantly started moving again, wanting to be closer - face to face. "You're so goddamn sexy, you know that?" he murmured as he shifted around and stretched out again next to Kane.
Kane enjoyed just lavishing affection on him for those few moments, lost in the warm glow of the come-down himself. He let his hands skim over Adrian’s skin as he moved around, then gave him a lazy little grin. “Yeah, I’ve heard,” he drawled softly. Kane shifted in closer to Adrian’s body, hooking one leg over him. He dipped in closer to press a few lazy kisses against his shoulder and breathe him in. Being sexy had sometimes felt like the only thing Kane had going for him when it came to relating to other people, but Adrian had changed all that. Or was changing it, at least -- today had proved that he was far from being healed and fine. “You make me feel it,” Kane added as he nuzzled Adrian’s skin. He hoped he made Adrian feel sexy too, because goddamn. Kane was downright insatiable for him.
"Yeah?" Adrian murmured with a smile, enjoying the nuzzling as he wrapped his arm around Kane and snuggled in close. "Do you feel loved too?" he asked, his expression softening a touch. "'Cause I love you." He thought of the wedding again, of the fact Kane had been there and now that his mind was clearing again he wanted to ask him more about it. He loved this man but there were still things he found hard to talk to him about, like maybe he didn't want to know if he was hurting him because in order to stop, he'd have to make everything so much worse. The hide and seek with his family was getting harder to do though, it wasn't the same as living in Portland and not actually seeing anyone, Kane was taking up a lot of space in his life and his life was right here surrounded with family.
The question threw him a little, and Kane hesitated for a heartbeat or two as he tried to find the right words. “I feel more loved than I ever have before,” he murmured quietly, his arm tightening around Adrian. It was true, at no point in his life had Kane felt this kind of loved, not to this amount and intensity. He’d grown up missing the security of knowing he was loved, and none of the relationships he’d attempted in his life had filled that hole in him. It felt pretty damn full now, but how long it would last and if it was just a trick of infatuation, Kane didn’t know. He didn’t know if this would be enough in the long run, if he could comfortably stay Adrian’s dirty little secret -- whom he was in love with? Could Adrian even keep that under wraps forever, if it was real? Kane didn’t have any answers, he just knew for sure that he didn’t want the alternative of a life without Adrian. He tilted his head to peer up at him. “Do you?”
Adrian liked to think he answered with his eyes before he did his voice, warmth in his gaze as he looked back at Kane. "Yeah," he said without hesitation because he did, more than he'd ever thought he was capable of feeling. He'd always separated love and sex in his mind, loving his family was easy, loving his friends was easy, being in love with a friend had been tough but he'd de-sexualized it to the point of feeling like a monk around him. He sure as hell hadn't been in love with his first - only - lover before Kane and then Kane showed up and just blew it all up. "It's a little terrifying," he admitted with a crooked smile, like it was a joke but it really wasn't.
Kane’s answering smile was small but warm. “Just a little? I’m over here shittin’ my pants every day about it,” he murmured, curling his fingers against Adrian’s skin. Maybe that was a slight exaggeration, Kane wasn’t terrified about Adrian all of the time ... only if he thought about it all too much. Which seemed kind of impossible not to do. Kane scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, dark eyes drifting over all the fine details of Adrian’s face. “At least we’re terrified together, yeah?” he added. It was probably cheesy as fuck, but Kane knew from experience that camaraderie could make hard shit easier. They were both on the same inexperienced page when it came to love like this, he wanted that to mean they could figure it out together.
It shouldn't be reassuring that someone else was terrified, but in this instance it was. They could be terrified together. "Please stop shitting your pants," Adrian murmured lightly, but his faint smile said he was still on subject and not trying to dodge what they were talking about. "Do you even want people to know about us?" he asked hesitantly because he knew he was the main reason this all was a secret, but it was hard to shake that feeling that Kane wasn't a guy who liked relationships, that he'd never be any kind of domestic and family friendly. And yet Adrian kept picturing him at that wedding and he kept picturing him holding Mila's baby sometime in the future and it all made his stomach roil both pleasantly and uncomfortably.
It hadn’t sounded like an easy question to ask, just like it wasn’t an easy question to answer. Kane knew what his gut reaction was, but he also felt the pressure of all the reasons that were holding Adrian back, and what he felt were his own limitations. Did he want to be free to be with Adrian out in the open? Yes. Did he think he would make a good partner in a mature adult relationship? That felt scarier than any homophobic asshole hiding in Adrian’s family. Or even an aggressive one out in the world -- Kane knew how to deal with violent dickheads, much more than he knew how to have Christmas dinner as part of a family. “I do, yeah,” he answered quietly, after a moment’s thought. “I just ... I don’t wanna disappoint you. If I suck at it.” His desires around the subject fluctuated wildly, sometimes he was in no hurry to change anything, other times he wanted to scream it from the rooftops.
Adrian had been preparing to take the question back because it wasn't fair to put it out there like that and for a second, Kane didn't look sure. The answer wasn't surprising but it still broke his heart a little knowing that's what Kane worried about. "How do you suck at something like that?" he asked earnestly because he really had a different approach to the world than Kane did. He had a healthy family, he'd had a wholesome group of friends, he knew how to be around people, be appealing and friendly and charming when he had to be and he just assumed everyone could do that. Even Kane, because now he'd seen him as more than just the scary hunter he'd first gotten to know. He knew he was charming and funny and cute, it was hard to imagine him going back to cold and hard just because there were other people around. "I mean, you just... exist, really. I don't think you'd suck at it."
Adrian made it sound so simple, when Kane knew it really wasn’t. Maybe he could fake it for a few hours, be charming enough to get by without giving out a lot of details about himself. Kane tried to picture a family dinner, volunteering to help Mrs. Moretti with the dishes after the meal, trying to chit chat about ... what? His ‘career’ as an Uber driver? His own family life? His dad had been a trashbag, his mother was dying. He could fill a few minutes bragging on Bailey maybe, but even then, she wasn’t married, she didn’t have any kids for him to show pictures of. Neither of them even had a dog for fuck’s sake. Even if Adrian’s parents were the ‘thank the troops’ types of folks, Kane couldn’t even really talk about his military career. He’d done so many horrible things, how could he look a church-going woman in the eye and try to act like he could be good for her only son? Fuck, it all made his chest hurt. His brows knitted together and he looked a little lost on how to respond for a moment. “I hate to break it to you, babe, but I exist as a total piece of shit,” Kane murmured finally with a wan smile. “I just suck at ... people. If I’m not ushering them across the veil, or trying to take them home with me for the night ... I dunno what the fuck to say or do. My family barely ever celebrated anything, dinner conversation wasn’t really a thing for us, so I’m just lost with all that normal happy family shit, you know?”
Adrian thought Kane was selling himself short. He did know he could be a piece of shit, of course he did, but so could everyone and there was more to Kane than that. "Normal, happy family shit is awkward as hell for everyone," he said with a faint smile. "But yeah I'm protecting you from that, valiantly and shit. You should be grateful." There was a self-deprecating tone in his voice because he knew keeping Kane a secret was shitty, he just didn't know if he could stop and joking about it was easier than acknowledging the full weight of it. "You know what you're doing with me, anyway," he added. "And I know I'm a fucking mess too so maybe it doesn't count but... It matters to me."
Kane smirked faintly at the joke that wasn't really a joke, because yeah, that was easier than acknowledging that it hurt to be a secret. He'd never cared much before - he'd been caught as the Other Man just a few weeks prior, for fuck's sake - but he had never been in love like this before. "Oh it matters," he murmured, eyes on Adrian’s face. "It matters more than anything. ... when you think about the future, what do you see?” It was a scary question to ask, but now seemed like the time for scary questions. Adrian had started it, Kane had already felt torn open and vulnerable today, why not do it some more? Brianna had kept saying they needed to talk, maybe she was more right then he wanted to admit.
"Jesus," Adrian whispered with a pained expression. "Not literally Jesus but... Shit. I don't know." He'd stopped dreaming about his future when his friends died, filled with fear instead that death and destruction would always be lurking right around the corner. In the last couple of months it had gotten better though, he was less afraid, less pessimistic but that didn't mean he'd given the future much thought beyond necessity. Some images flashed through his mind now, watching his niece grow up, Kane with some gray in his hair, deeper crinkles around his eyes. It made Adrian's stomach drop in a weird way and he brushed his thumb along Kane's temple, studying his face. "I can only hope, you know? I hope you'll still be with me..."
Something inside Kane recoiled at Adrian’s first reaction and wanted to snatch the question back, because of course it was a stupid one. Nobody planned for a future with a dirty secret. Just because he daydreamed about what their life might look like down the line if they stayed together didn’t mean Adrian did. It didn’t occur to Kane that might be due to all the trauma he’d been through. He couldn’t hold the eye contact for long, his gaze dropping to Adrian’s bottom lip. How was it that this man could so easily drain him of all of his confidence? It was like every old wound started bleeding whenever anything got serious between them. Love could really rip you open, couldn’t it? “Not leaving ‘til you tell me to,” Kane mumbled. He pushed a little smile forward and added, “Sorry. Dumb question.”
"It's not a dumb question," Adrian murmured. "Just a big one. Kinda scary one. I had it all worked out, you know? I was on a road that looked pretty straight and easy and then I got t-boned by a mack truck and launched way into the bushes and now I can't even see a road, you know?" A bit heavy on the metaphorical but it was easier than talking about what had really happened and how many died in that metaphorical accident. "Right now I just... I want things to stay okay, I wanna be a good uncle, I want to stay at Mercy and I wanna see you every day."
Kane nodded a little. It was a big scary question, especially for guys like them who hadn’t been counting on having a future at all, that was why it had been dumb of him to ask. His life had been pretty fucked up from the start, but he felt sympathy for the sharp left turn Adrian’s life had taken, and how that had probably narrowed his focus to the immediate moment for a long time. He hadn’t even been back from the dead for very long yet, he probably still needed room to settle into being a person. “Those are good wants,” Kane murmured, shifting in close enough to kiss the corner of Adrian’s mouth. “I want all that for you too. ... and for me, totally unselfish over here.” He huffed and smiled a bit more genuinely. “No question you’re gonna be a good uncle.”
"I am pretty good with kids," Adrian murmured. "Think the trick is just to not talk down to them... How about you? You any good with kids?" He had obviously never seen Kane with a kid and he couldn't think of a situation where he might see one on the regular but they hadn't been together that long and life tended to be a winding road. Just because he couldn't imagine something, didn't mean it didn't happen. "Just asking 'cause if you're gonna be sticking around, there's gonna be a baby around me sometimes." He grinned faintly, pushing away the fear that something would get in the way of that. "Think you can handle it?"
His heart gave a weird bittersweet thump -- he didn’t actually know that he would get to meet that baby. The most contact Kane had with kids was when they were dying. They were the most painful deaths he had to attend to, and the thought of having a living kid in his life, even peripherally, gave him tons of mixed feelings. But he could keep that to himself, he was pretty sure. “I can handle it,” he answered. “I’m pretty good with kids.” He didn’t get regular contact with the living ones, but they couldn’t be too much different than the kids he comforted and guided when he had to. Part of Kane didn’t quite believe that Adrian would allow him around the baby, but if he was really going to come out to Mila, maybe it would happen. “I don’t think Bailey’s ever gonna have any,” he murmured. “So I’ll just ... uncle vicariously through you.”
It would be a while before Adrian could actually babysit or anything but he liked to think Kane was still around when the time came and knowing he wasn't going to hate it meant more than he could say. He didn't know if he'd be bringing his niece to his own apartment a lot but what if he did and Kane hated it? It wasn't exactly a fear he'd been conscious of but now he was just damn happy to hear it wasn't something he had to worry about. "You can vicariously anything through me," he said with a smile and he was pretty sure that seeing Kane hold a baby would kill him with cuteness if it ever happened. It was hard to imagine it unless Mila knew about him and accepted him and well... he was going to find out soon, wasn't he?
Unless she ended up being just the noisiest, most unhappy baby ever, and Mila was leaving her with Adrian all the time, Kane couldn’t imagine hating it. He could imagine it being fun sometimes and overwhelmingly emotional other times, so he would need to watch that. His lips curled up in a smirk. “You make it sound hot.” Kane kissed him, soft and lingering. He wanted to be a real part of Adrian’s life, wanted this to work and give them both the happiness they’d been missing out on. “I love you,” he murmured into the kiss instead of saying all of that. He’d said enough tonight, probably. He was just so dumbly grateful that Adrian was there, that Kane hadn’t fucked it all up yet and he still got to feel all this, even if it felt really raw sometimes.
"I love you too," Adrian replied easily, his hand slipping to the back of Kane's neck as he kissed him back with feeling. "You may be my secret but... You're not my dirty secret," he said when he pulled back. "I'm not ashamed of this, of you..." It felt important that Kane knew that, that the reasons Adrian was still in hiding were far more complex than that and had nothing to do with Kane himself. Adrian could be dating the most rich, charismatic and catholic doctor he could find and it would still kill him to even think about telling his mother. He could be completely single and it wouldn't make a difference, he knew Maria would cry and that alone was the best case scenario. "I want something real with you but I'm... I don't know what you want and I don't know how I'm gonna get it even if- it's all so fucking complicated." He'd lowered his voice to a whisper and he still felt like he was speaking too loudly and too much.
Kane did need to hear it, and hadn’t expected to in that moment, and it made his chest clench again. He was plenty ashamed of himself for a lot of reasons, so hearing that Adrian wasn’t meant a lot to him. He knew he wasn’t the only reason Adrian wasn’t coming out, of course, but his own issues made it so easy to get tangled up in his own head about it. “I know it is,” he said softly, moving one hand to rest it against Adrian’s chest. “I know, and I’m not -- I don’t mean to put pressure on you. What we have right now is fuckin’ amazing.” Kane gave a little huff through his nose and smiled faintly. “I dunno exactly what I want either -- I mean, I just know I wanna be with you, whatever that looks like. It’s all new to me too. You don’t gotta have it all figured out yet.” He wanted them to figure it out together, to have freedom and control over one part of their lives at least, so they could build their life together out in the open. But maybe Kane needed to try to scale it back and slow down a little. “It’s gotta be on your own time,” he murmured. “Even if that’s never. I’ll love you anyway and I’ll be here. This is real too.”
"Yeah?" Adrian whispered with a weird mix of shyness and gratitude that didn't make sense considering he knew Kane loved him and he knew this was real. There was just something about hearing him say it that made Adrian realize how insecure he really was underneath all the bravado. "It won't be never," he promised. "It might take a little while but... Not forever." He couldn't help but think again of the slapstick comedy scenario of everyone knowing but his mom, the farcical way they'd keep it from her with some ludicrous charades. He had some other relatives who wouldn't be cool with him being gay but it was hard to care about them after everything he'd been through. They weren’t part of his daily life, they could go suck an egg for all he cared, but his immediate family had all the power to crush him emotionally.
The tone of that first word made Kane feel guilty that he’d pushed at all, Adrian was obviously Not Ready to be out to his family. Kane probably wasn’t ready to be part of a family anyway -- besides having a strained relationship with his younger sister -- so maybe that was for the best. For now. He would try more to give Adrian space about it, have patience, and just enjoy the time they did get together. Kane stroked his thumb against Adrian’s chest and nodded a little. “Do you still want to tell Mila?” he asked quietly. That timing was up to him too, even though Kane suspected his sister would probably be more accepting and understanding than his parents. It occurred to Kane that Adrian hadn’t officially met his own sister, so maybe this was all kind of hypocritical, but Bailey was still suspicious of Adrian, so there was a different vibe there. He got a flash of taking Adrian to his mom’s place to ‘meet’ her and his heart gave another weird twist.
"Yeah," Adrian sighed. "If she hears it from anyone else she'll never forgive me." Whether she was cool with it or not, he knew she'd still be upset. If not about him being gay then about him never telling her before. He was sure she thought he should have confided in her as soon as she was old enough, but he'd never had a good reason to risk all that. Until now. "The wedding kept Aaron busy but things are gonna chill down now and I don't think he's great at secrets..." Except his own, but that really wasn't something that was easy to talk about and it was even questionable whether he owed that secret to anyone. Adrian's secret affected so much more than him. It shouldn't, but it did. "At least she already likes you," he said with a faint smile. "And we can pretend she's the reason we met."
All Mila knew of him was the incident on the side of Witcham and how he took her to the hospital, so Kane didn’t think she really liked him yet, but at least he’d started out on a good foot. If she knew the things that Bailey knew, she would probably be just as fiercely protective and hate his guts forever ... but there was no need for her to know those terrible things. It had worked out, everybody was okay, Adrian forgave him, it was in the past now. The two of them “meeting” after Kane had played hero for a damsel in distress was a better beginning to share with other people. “Well she kind of is,” he pointed out. “She’s the reason you came back at all, right?” He didn’t want to remind Adrian of all that trauma again, but it was true. “So it’s not the biggest lie.” Kane nuzzled another soft kiss to Adrian’s chin. After a beat, he impulsively added, “Will you go with me sometime to see my mom?”
He was right and Adrian smiled at that, nodding his agreement. He'd only come home for Mila, he sure as hell had only stayed home because of her and she was the reason he'd gotten help to be more human in the first place. She and Aaron had saved him too so Mila was the reason he was in town multiple times over. The question caught him off guard but it was an easy one. He had no reason not to go with Kane and if anything, he could make sure his mother was getting good enough care, that her nurse wasn't doing a shit job at looking after her. "Of course," he said softly, no hesitation. "Anytime you want." He knew it wasn't like he'd be meeting the woman, even if she was awake he could just be there as a medical professional. None of it set off any alarms - except maybe if Bailey happened to show up at the same time. "As long as your sister won't freak out about me being there," he said with a little nose wrinkle.
If they hadn’t already been having this intimate evening with vulnerabilities laid out on the table, Kane might not have asked him, but as soon as it was out of his mouth he knew he wanted it to happen. He was sure it would be emotional, but it wasn’t like Adrian hadn’t seen him all pathetic and weepy already, and if a man couldn’t be emotional about his dying mother, what could he have feelings about? Fuck. It would be his last chance to introduce her to someone he really cared about. Even if she wasn’t conscious for it, Kane got the sense she could still hear him. He wanted her to know that someone loved him. The professional side of it had crossed Kane’s mind too -- from what he could tell, she was getting good care from the hospice nurses, but Kane wasn’t a medical expert. He winced a little at the mention of Bailey. “She would, so we’ll go sometime when she’s working,” he murmured. “Mom won’t be able to talk to you, and I dunno how much she understands, but I’m sure she can hear me sometimes. I want her to know ... y’know, that I’ve got somebody.”
"Always talk to her like she can hear you," Adrian said gently. "It's the last thing to go, you know? Play her something you know she likes, tell her about your day or just reminisce about some happy memories." He rubbed their noses together and stroked his thumb over Kane's cheek again. "I'll tell her how amazing you are, give her something to feel smug about." His own mother could be a handful and he was terrified of letting her down but he had no idea how he was going to handle it when she got old - or when she died. It was something he avoided thinking about because torturing himself with something now that was bound to torture him later seemed like needless masochism.
Kane did tend to talk to her when he was there -- there weren't a lot of happy memories to relive, but he managed to fill time with reading to her and telling the more mild and funny stories that he had from his time in the service, over and over. Kane didn't think she minded the repetition, who knew how much she was comprehending anyway. It probably just mattered that he was there. "Then she'll just think you're a liar,” he murmured with a little huff and a smile. He nuzzled Adrian a bit more with his nose. Hopefully one day he would get to do the same and tell Adrian's mom what an incredible man she'd raised. Kane was sure she knew but mothers always ate that shit up. Maybe it would win him some points with her. "You're giving me a lot more happy memories to talk about,” he added.
A lot of those memories were not of the kind to be shared with parents but they had a few safe ones too now and Adrian was filled with warmth at hearing that they made a difference to Kane. "I've never had anyone I actually wanted to come out for," he said quietly. "I never thought I would. You're making everything so complicated and I still love being with you. You're a walking contradiction." He moved his hand back down to Kane's flank, sliding it to his back and pushing their bodies closer together as he moved to nuzzle his neck. "I love you and I want to make more happy memories with you." He knew Kane's mother wasn't awake to tell anyone about them, but it still struck him as probably unfair that she got to hear all about him while his own mother had no idea about Kane. "Do you think she's okay with it all? If she woke up and... She'd be fine with it?"
Was he a contradiction, or was Adrian conflicted? Maybe it was both, to some degree. Kane knew neither of them had seen this coming, or been prepared for it in any way. It meant a lot to hear that Adrian wanted to come out, even if he wasn't fully ready yet. As he pushed in closer, Kane adjusted to hook his leg over Adrian's hip, all the affection putting warmth in his chest. The question made him purse his lips for a second. "I dunno really," he murmured. "I never told her before she was ... how she is now. She never talked about that kinda thing much. My dad though...” He'd been a vocal bigot. Kane was just glad he was no longer wasting oxygen. That was morbid and fucked up to say though, so he just shrugged. "She loved us best she could, so I wanna think she'd just be happy for me.” Kane rubbed his cheek against Adrian's. "M'sorry you can't say the same," he said softly. "Religion really fucks people up.”
"Yeah it does," Adrian agreed. "I'm glad you're not brainwashed by it. I feel like... I don't believe in it anymore but it's still got a hold on me." He stifled a yawn, pressing his face against Kane's neck to just breathe him in for a second. "I think my dad wouldn't really care, or it'd surprise me if he did. He's not as hooked on the church and a player on one of his favorite sports teams came out as gay. That... helps?" He tittered because it was probably a big difference between some random player being gay or his own damn son, but he still had a feeling it wouldn't be as big of a deal as it would be to his mother. "But he'd tell mom, so... They're way too close." So he'd start with Mila and maybe stop there too. It would make a difference though, his sister knowing. It wouldn't be the first secret they kept from their parents.
Kane moved his hand up to stroke the back of Adrian’s hair, getting a gentle tingle down his spine when Adrian inhaled at his neck. “Hell yeah it helps. When it comes time, maybe he can help ... warm her up to the idea, you know?” he offered gently. Kane didn’t know anything about their family dynamic, if Mr. Moretti had any sway over his wife’s opinions, but maybe he would be a good influence on her. He already felt pretty sure that Mila would be accepting, and he hoped for Adrian’s sake that it was just one important family member putting up a fuss about it. Kane couldn’t imagine that lasting long, he knew Adrian’s mom loved him to pieces. But he couldn’t make those promises. “And I’m here for you, when it gets rocky,” he added in a soft murmur.
With what little Adrian knew about Kane's family, it was hard to explain what exactly he was so afraid of. His mother would never disown him or hurt him, she might just martyr herself and cry about it forever - bring it up at weird times and guilt him about it - and maybe that didn't sound too bad to someone who'd gone through so much worse, but it was god damn torture to Adrian. He also couldn't fully explain his real fear about Mila, that disappointment that was somehow worse to him than actual anger or disgust. If they reacted like that at least he could be angry about it, but the way they were more likely to react just hurt and he had no defense against it. "Yeah?" he murmured, taking comfort in Kane's words and presence even now when he didn't really have anything to worry about yet. "Not gonna run away scared when the Moretti women start wailing?" Or Moretti and Lucas women now, that was going to take some time to get used to.
He definitely didn’t understand what was holding Adrian back so hard, but Kane didn’t need to understand it to see how important it was to Adrian. He was very aware that he’d grown up in some intense dysfunction and abuse, but that didn’t mean nobody else had valid problems in their own family. What he could understand was the fear and pain of being a disappointment, and he didn’t wish that on Adrian. Kane just hoped he was stressing about nothing and he would end up pleasantly surprised. “Nah, takes more than that to scare me,” he said with a little grin. So maybe he wasn’t actually that good at comforting emotional women, he probably wouldn’t be the one actually facing them. He could just take care of Adrian behind the scenes.
That was all Adrian really needed, someone to have his back if things went south. His current worst fears were all intertwined into one big one, that coming out would make his whole world collapse and then Kane would leave him so it would have been for nothing. He knew good friends would tell him it wasn't for nothing if he was being authentic to himself and blah blah blah but the fact was that if he didn't have anyone to come out for, he really didn't see the point. Being in love was proving to be huge but before that he'd been perfectly fine simply pretending to be an eligible bachelor forever. "You can be my corner man," he murmured. "Hyping me up, throwing water in my face..."
Kane couldn’t help but smirk. “Throw more’n that in your face,” he muttered, then gave a little snicker as he squeezed Adrian. He pressed a couple of kisses to the side of Adrian’s mouth. “I got your back, baby. And you know I’ll jump in that ring and whoop anybody’s ass if you need me to.” He was speaking hyperbolically of course, he wasn’t going to literally fight Adrian’s mother. But Kane would stick up for him, protect him as best he could, give him a soft place to land if he was upset. At least Kane hoped he would come to him if he was upset. He couldn’t be the pitiful one all the time. His man was just strong as fuck.
Adrian laughed and swatted at Kane's ass for his dirtier joke but the rest of it all made him feel loved and pampered. "My big strong man," he murmured. "So protective." He imagined calling Kane if someone was a menace at work, a sort of 'my boyfriend's gonna beat you up' deal and it was funny but would probably also be really tempting. It didn't happen as often here as it did in Portland but drunk people could be belligerent and annoying. Kane would be good at security and it was probably okay to fantasize about being around to watch Adrian's back. "You know I'd do the same for you," he murmured. "Nobody fucks with my boyfriend." He stilled then pulled back, eyes narrowed as he looked at Kane again. "If... that's what you are - we are?"
He knew he would do violence for Adrian, no questions asked. Kane was unofficially on call twenty-four-seven to go to bat for him if he needed it -- or hell, even if he just wanted it. Maybe that was immoral, but Kane didn’t give a shit. Adrian had his full loyalty and devotion, like a good guard dog. He might not really need it, there was already something wild on his side, just inside of him, but he had it anyway. The b-word gave him some flutters in his stomach, and his brows quirked as Adrian scrutinized him. “I mean ... it’s a weak-ass word for how fuckin’ crazy I am about you, but ... yeah,” he murmured back. “Unless you got objections, of course.” Kane guessed Adrian wouldn’t have even mentioned it if he didn’t think of Kane that way, and it made his chest feel warm.
"I haven't been anyone's boyfriend since I was seventeen so yeah, it sounds kinda lame," Adrian admitted with a little titter. "But it's... cute. You're more than that to me so that's what you are at the very least, you know?" That did bring questions to mind about Kane's other affair and he tried to bite back on asking, but he couldn't. "Are you still seeing that girl?" he said quietly, trying hard not to let jealousy seep into his tone but it was hard when that feeling seemed to kick at his guts every time he thought of her. He didn't feel like he had any right to ask Kane to stop seeing her but at the same time that was probably dumb as shit. Adrian wasn't seeing anyone else, the only thing he had to match was that Kane's sister knew about him and now they were kind of equal there as his sister's husband knew about Kane. God it was stupid to think of it in terms of equality but he couldn't help it.
Kane had been about to tell Adrian more about how much he meant to him too when he asked about Brianna. Kane could hear the jealous vulnerability in the question, and it made him feel guilty and so good all at once. He felt insanely possessive of Adrian, so much that just the thought of him being flirted with at a bachelor party or a wedding sent him into stalker behavior ... Kane wouldn’t have been able to handle knowing Adrian was fucking someone else. He didn’t blame him for feeling some kind of way about it in the slightest. His gaze stayed steady on Adrian’s brown eyes as he hummed a negative sound and stroked the back of Adrian’s hair a bit more. “We haven’t had the conversation yet, I haven’t talked to her since, uh ... the last time I told you about,” he murmured earnestly. “But it’s over. Think she knows that too, since I was ... y’know, embarrassing myself.” Kane gave a sheepish little smile.
"So you're all mine?" Adrian murmured and it honestly felt more like a statement than a question, accentuated by the way he gave Kane another squeeze. "I like that. I don't want you fucking anyone else." Now that it was out it was weird to think he'd been afraid to say it for so long. It was so much easier to promise things than it was to demand them but he felt safe to do that now. Especially with the way Kane was looking at him, those brown eyes so earnest, no visible regret in letting her go. "Guess I gotta work overtime on you," he added before it got too heavy but it didn't seem to be going in that direction at all. He just felt a weight lift off his chest, felt possessive and happy as he leaned in to kiss Kane again.
Nobody else in his life really demanded anything of Kane -- the people he did business with knew better than to take that kind of attitude with him, he hadn’t really had much of a personal life before Adrian, and Bailey ... well, Bailey never wanted to even ask him for anything, much less demand it. Except that he not get himself killed, which he was succeeding at so far. Kane weirdly liked hearing the underlying strength in Adrian’s statement though, it made him feel warmly desired and owned. Now that it was stated aloud and out there on the table, Kane didn’t think he would even be tempted to fuck around with anyone else. He hummed softly into the kiss, his lips twitching with a bit of amusement. “Think you got the stamina for all of me?” he murmured in between kisses. Adrian had already proven he could keep up with Kane’s sex drive. He didn’t think he’d ever been so satisfied on so many levels in his life. Kane pressed in closer and nipped gently at Adrian’s bottom lip.
Adrian hummed to the affirmative. If he was thinking it through he might not have the stamina after a particularly long and crappy shift at the hospital but Mercy never got as crazy as the hospitals in bigger towns so he didn't even think of that at the moment. Even then, if he could figure out how to get his 'better - or worse - half' to come out, he'd have the stamina for anything. "You think you have the stamina for me?" he asked just to turn the tables on Kane. He'd already proven he had that and more, it wasn't Adrian who'd been spending energy elsewhere. None of that really mattered though, all that mattered was the pleased tone in Kane's voice, the way he replied that made Adrian absolutely believe him and not even feel like a sucker for it.
“We’ll find out, won’t we?” Kane answered with a little smirk. That cockiness was always so sexy on Adrian, Kane enjoyed it. He knew there would be times when he might not be able to take the full force of the darker side of his boyfriend, but Kane could definitely handle him on a normal day and most of their days would be normal. Adrian worked more than he did, had more demands on his social battery, and he would inevitably come home tired sometimes but Kane still wanted to see him, be there to lounge with him and hear about his day, make sure he ate something, massage his feet, snuggle him to sleep ... fuck, he was so deep in this now wasn’t he? “You make me so fuckin’ pathetic,” he muttered with a little groan of faux-complaint. Kane kissed at Adrian’s face a couple of times before going back to his lips.
Adrian had no idea where that was coming from since he couldn't read Kane's thoughts. "Pathetic?" he tittered before Kane kissed him, unsure how stamina made a guy pathetic. Monogamy, perhaps? "You wanted to be some alpha male dicking around town?" he murmured against Kane's lips, still grinning a little. There were definitely guys out there who felt that way about relationships but he'd be surprised to find out Kane was actually one of them. Then again, what the hell did he know? Kane had been raised by a jerk and then gone into the military, maybe there was plenty of toxic shit in there he needed to overcome.
“No,” he said with a little snort. “Bored of that life. No I mean like ... I was just thinking about bein’ your little house husband.” Kane grinned faintly and bumped their noses together. “Rubbin’ your feet after a long day, making you dinner, shit like that.” Pathetic probably wasn’t the right word for it, they were all loving and sweet impulses and it was a dumb gender stereotype for them to feel more on the feminine side. Kane had just never wanted to take care of somebody this much before. Sometimes that came out as violent protective impulses, sometimes he wanted to draw his man a bath and fetch him a drink. His love had range, nothing wrong with that, right? “You know I’m your bitch now, right?” he murmured, zero regret in his tone.
"If that's what you wanna call it," Adrian murmured and god he felt stupidly melty inside now, hearing Kane wanted to take care of him like that, it all sounded so fucking nice. "I wouldn't call it that though," he added and now he for real couldn't stop grinning to the point where he almost felt self conscious about just how happy this was making him. "Sounds kinda like the opposite of a bitch, actually. You'd do all that for me?" He had plans of making dinner for Kane but having someone take care of shit when his workdays ran too long? That sounded too good to be true.
They weren’t going to be officially living together, Kane knew that, but they were so close that he was pretty sure they would be spending a lot of evenings and nights together. Kane wanted to make them good nights. Things were good now but who knew how long it would last. Part of him would never be convinced this was a forever thing; he would probably still be waiting for the other shoe to drop when they were old and gray together. If they lived that long. “‘Course I would, and more,” he answered softly. “I wanna make you happy. You’re cute when you’re cheesing like that.” Kane grinned a little and gave him a squeeze. Adrian’s smile looked about ready to crack his face, and Kane loved making him feel like that. “And if you’re nice to me, I’ll even suck your dick.”
"Wow," Adrian murmured with feigned awe at the blowjob bit but he couldn't stop smiling, even when Kane pointed out he was, in fact, cheesing. "I wanna make you happy too," he said then and even if he couldn't stop the grinning, he still sounded and looked as earnest as he felt about that. "And if I ever don't have enough stamina for you, you can just fuck me to sleep." He tittered again and kissed Kane, making a content little murmuring sound. "I love you," he added and nudged their foreheads together. He was pretty sure he'd do anything for Kane at this point, even come out to his parents if Kane actually asked him to. It was terrifying, someone having that kind of power over him, but at least he was sure it was mutual.
The phrase ‘lullabye fuck’ flashed through Kane’s head and he tittered too before he kissed Adrian back with feeling. He would fuck Adrian to sleep, he would blow him to sleep, he would come over with his guitar to sing him to sleep if he wanted. Anything to make him feel safe and loved and looked after. He deserved that. And maybe Kane deserved some of it too. He was feeling like a better person these days, in small flashes. Adrian was making him better. “Love you too,” he whispered, nudging Adrian back before he kissed him again. All the affection was making him that weird kind of horny that wasn’t really urgent or even centered in his crotch, it was just that warm compulsion to get as much of his skin against Adrian’s as he could.
Adrian was more than happy to just kiss for now, it was about the only thing that managed to wipe that grin off his face and he loved kissing Kane, slipping into that heady mindspace that came with it. Kane was such a good kisser and Adrian was more than a little obsessed with his lips and the way they pressed against his own. He was thinking about Kane fucking him to sleep and while he'd been joking, it kind of sounded nice. Probably not for Kane, but for him. Hell he wouldn't mind waking up to it either, like Kane owned his ass and could take it whenever he wanted it. He wondered if Kane felt the same, they were so in tune with so many things but there were still some differences - like Adrian loving it when they kept going after he came and Kane being too sensitive to it. He did know Kane liked it when he was bossy and possessive though, so maybe he would.
Kane was thinking of fucking him too, just not at any particular time of day. Just everywhere -- his bed, Adrian’s bed, the living room furniture he’d mostly been gifted that was way nicer than Kane’s futon ... he wanted to christen that whole apartment, make it theirs, like marking territory. He loved the idea of both of them owning each other’s bodies 24/7, and while things like that were always easier in fantasy than in reality, he felt safer feeling out the boundaries of it with Adrian than anybody else in the world. They understood each other on a level that really seemed unreachable for any other person out there, and Kane had never felt so loved. He was warmly content just to make out for a while, riding the vibe between them, enjoying the taste and feel of his lover. It was amazing how he’d been able to turn Kane’s night completely around, how could he ever give this up?
Adrian could feel the weight of his arousal, pooling hot in his core but it didn't feel urgent at all, just comfortable and soothing as he lazily kept kissing Kane, letting their legs tangle together, his cock half hard again, snug between their bodies. He was sleepy too and it all felt nice and drifty, a weight lifted off him that he hadn't realized had been getting him down. He couldn't stop touching him, exploring old and new scars, tracing them like braille, as if he could read Kane's stories there and internalize them. "Never felt like this about anyone," he whispered and it felt safe to tell Kane that, all that fear that he was going to get scared off faded into the background now. They were in it too deep for that.
It was far too late for getting spooked by all this intensity and running away. Kane didn't shy away from the intense -- in fact, he felt like he needed it, in some way. The rest of his life was full of the shitty kind of intensity, he was starved for this that made him feel so good. Now that he'd had such a taste of its he knew he couldn't let it go. Adrian’s words made his stomach clench pleasantly and his balls tingle, and he gave a soft hum against Adrian's lips. "Me neither," he whispered back. Kane slid his hand down to caress the curve of Adrian's ass. "And I never will again.” No matter how the two of them turned out, Kane felt safe saying that. What he and Adrian had been through could not be recreated, these intense and complex emotions made for a once in a lifetime connection.
Adrian knew that he should selflessly feel that if something happened to him, Kane should be able to move on, fall in love again and be happy but honestly? Fuck that. He wasn't going anywhere and the thought of Kane with someone else was off the table for him. He could be selfish about this, at least for now. "Damn right," he said and again imagined Kane at the wedding reception, walking by, watching him like the damn stalker he was. He also imagined him coming in and having that drink Aaron said he could have, in some other timeline where they were out and everyone was okay with it. A flash of it being their wedding went through his mind and he let out a soft little laugh - incredulous more than anything - at himself. "Maybe one day I'll make an honest man out of you," he teased and swore to himself he didn't mean it.
Kane wasn’t even positive that he would survive something happening to Adrian. If he didn’t go on some insane revenge suicide mission against whatever supernatural force had taken out the wendigo -- he couldn’t imagine it being anything mundane -- he would probably kill himself the old fashioned way. It was a calm thought in his mind, a reassurance that he wouldn’t have to live alone again, but one he knew he shouldn’t share. Kane never wanted Adrian to stay with him out of guilt or obligation, fear of what he might do to himself. He needed to be wanted, and right now he felt like Adrian really wanted every part of him and it was so damn good. He huffed a bit as he caught Adrian’s meaning, one side of his mouth quirking up. It was such a weird feeling, being so drawn to and repulsed by an idea. “Aight, but I ain’t wearing the dress,” he murmured. They weren’t being serious, of course, but who the fuck knew the future. “You still gotta get your ass down on one knee and beg me though.”