Danilo Parker (abandoned_) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-09-05 15:26:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, dan, dan x tatum, tatum |
Who: Dan and Tatum
When: Evening, Thursday July 5
Where: Home
Warning: blood, turns NSFW
Status: complete
Tatum had made good on her promise to leave Dan alone while he was working on the fourth and instead spent the day riding an emotional rollercoaster. She had stopped in to see her parents, which of course hadn’t gone well, and then went down to the marina to try and enjoy herself, resisting the urge to find Dan at the medical tent.
Drinking a lot hadn’t done much for her so she couldn’t even drown her sorrows in cheap beer. Instead she ran into some old friends and spent time with them, regaling exaggerated, ridiculous tales of where she had been and why. No one believed her, but that was okay. They remembered Tatum from years ago, and she had done her best to still be that person while she was around them. After the fireworks ended, she drove back home and passed out on the couch. She slept through the night and well into the next day, waking up as dusk was starting to settle over Point Pleasant.
She had no idea what time Dan had gotten home or if he was even in the house. A cursory glance around told her that he wasn’t, though the coffee cup in the sink indicated he had at least been home for a while that morning. But he was gone again. Work, maybe. Or a girl. No, not a girl. If she thought about that too much she would probably end up breaking something. Or tracking him down to throw a fit. Tatum had always been a master at breaking up Dan’s relationships, but that had also been during high school. She was an adult now and needed to act like one. Or something.
After showering, Tatum noticed the way her eyes were starting to darken. Her skin was looking pale too and the nausea was getting worse. She had ignored the hunger since arriving back home, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she lost all sense of self and risked hurting someone. She had to eat.
So Tatum drove the market, grabbing two rather large steaks and nothing else. Her head was throbbing by the time she got home and she was actually relieved to find Dan’s car was still absent. Breathing heavily, Tatum went into the kitchen and tore open the packages of meat before fumbling around for the meat tenderizer. She began to pound at the steak to get it thinned out a bit, watching as the blood began to seep from the meat onto the cutting board. Tatum grabbed a small glass and picked up the steak to start squeezing the blood into it, her hands trembling. To a normal person, she probably looked crazed, but she didn’t care. After all this time it was still disconcerting how quickly the hunger came upon her, how useless it made her until she got what she needed. Cows blood wasn’t the best, but it would do for now.
Working the long shift at the medical tent the day before had been tiring, even though they’d gotten lucky with no major incidents. It had at least been a little sanctuary for Dan, some time doing what he loved with other nurses and EMTs who knew their shit. He hadn’t talked to anyone but Adrian Moretti about Tatum, not wanting all the people who actually knew him to know what was going on yet. It was kind of a relief to talk to a stranger about it, someone removed from it all. It was almost like the anonymity of an internet forum, except with more human connection. He was relieved of duty before the fireworks show, and Dan had lingered at the marina for a bit to watch some, then gone home to bed before the whole thing was over.
He’d heard Tatum come in but stayed in his room -- it was still only his, his brain stubbornly insisted -- with the door locked. Dan had to work in the morning, and he’d been grateful that she hadn’t woken up while he quietly got some coffee and left the house. He ran some errands after his shift, stuff that wasn’t even terribly necessary but made for good stalling, and guiltily ignored a couple of texts from the girl he’d been seeing. God, that was going to be a nightmare to handle, he already knew it.
It was dinner time by the time he came back home. Dan had debated it thoroughly, but he’d picked up a pizza for them on his way back. He was still angry and hurt and didn’t want Tatum there, but he could still be a person about it. There was still love in the mix, too. Dan walked around the back of the house to use the back door that led straight into the kitchen, pizza box in hand, and let himself in.
Tatum had been so focused on watching the blood drip from the meat into the small glass that she was startled by the sound of the back door opening. With her heart pounding madly in her chest, Tatum was caught in a flurry of chaos, trying to hide what she was doing, but not entirely knowing how to do that.
She dropped the steak, which promptly knocked over the glass, spilling what little blood there was onto the counter. Her hands were slimy and slippery and all she wanted to do was cry... or just lean over and lick the blood from the counter, just for something. Tatum cursed loudly, gripping the edges of the counter as she fought back the urge to scream. Finally she looked over at Dan, noting the pizza in his hand. Just the smell of it made her want to vomit. "Dinner?" she asked, trying to force a quick smile, despite how shitty she felt.
Dan’s eyes landed on Tatum in time to catch some of the scrambling around and the cursing, and he frowned a bit. That frown deepened when Tatum turned to look at him. She looked ill, pale and kind of sweaty, and definitely like Dan had interrupted her doing something. “Yeah,” he answered slowly as he moved further into the kitchen to set the pizza down on the counter. Dan eyed her warily. He almost apologized for startling her, but he stubbornly didn’t want to apologize to her for anything ever again. “What are you up to?” It smelled kind of meaty in the room, was she already cooking? They hadn’t even talked since she’d made him breakfast, he really hoped she wasn’t going to a bunch of culinary trouble. Especially when it looked like she needed to lie down.
"Nothing," Tatum said quickly, turning back to the counter to start cleaning everything up. Her hands were trembling slightly because she was so close to what she needed and she couldn't have it. The blood and Dan both. "I was going to make steak, but you brought pizza home so... I can just put them in the fridge for tomorrow. No big deal." Unable to help herself, she swiped her thumb along the spilled blood on the counter and sucked it off between her lips. There was the urge to sink her teeth into her skin, to tear open the flesh and taste some more, but she couldn't. Not with Dan there. But it was like she could hear his blood pulsing in his veins and she wanted to taste that almost more than anything else. Now that he was there, Tatum found herself even more hungry, not to mention horny, and it was a terrible combination, considering their circumstances. "How was your day?" she asked instead, yanking a paper towel from the holder to sop up the rest of the mess.
She was definitely acting shady, but hell, what did Dan even know about her anymore? Maybe this was just Tatum now, high strung and nervous. Or maybe she was strung out on some kind of drug, and this was her high or coming down or something. Part of him hated to be so suspicious of her all the time, but what choice did he really have? Dan did not want to get fucked over again. He pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and plopped into it to get his shoes off. “Pretty long,” he said. “I’m tired. But it was okay. ... how was yours?” It felt so foreign to have this domestic little back and forth like nothing had changed and they were still happily married. It was all a farce, Dan didn’t really feel like he could be honest with her about his day, but those types of questions were hard to ignore completely. “Are you feeling okay? You look sick,” he added on.
Tatum did want to know how his day was, but she was smart enough to know that he didn't much care about hers, so she shrugged at his question. "It was fine." She began to search through the drawers until she found the plastic wrap. Stupid steaks. She was probably going to have to do this shit in her car from now on, just so she wouldn't have to worry about Dan walking in on it. His observation about her appearance made Tatum smile brightly as she looked at him, brushing her hair back behind her shoulder dramatically. "Flatterer." Tossing the steaks onto the plastic wrap, she began to wrap them up, digging her fingertips into them to try and get more blood beneath her nails. "No blown off limbs or third degree burns from fireworks last night?" she asked. "I heard them going off for a long time, even after the ones at the marina were over."
It was the fakest smile ever, but Dan couldn’t really blame her for it, it wasn’t a nice thing to say to someone. But he didn’t currently feel any obligation to be nice to Tatum. She hadn’t earned that yet. “I heard there were some fingers sacrificed to the holiday gods, but I didn’t treat anything myself. But I was relieved around nine,” he answered, his eyes on Tatum as he stood up with his boots to drop them next to the door. He knew she probably wasn’t honestly interested in the town’s firework casualties, she was dodging the question about how she was feeling. He stepped in closer to her and reached out to touch her arm. “Tatum, really. You look like you have a fever, what’s wrong with you?”
Tatum instinctively jerked away from Dan when she felt his touch. Not because she didn't want him to touch her, but because she was afraid of what she might do if he did. "I don't have a fever," she breathed, the forced breeziness gone from her tone and expression. Now everything was tangled up in a desperate, painful mess inside of her head and she hated how close he was to her as much as she loved it. "I'm just hungry. I need to eat." The very last thing Tatum wanted to do was start crying, or screaming, but she felt very close to both. Pressing her palms against her eyes, she could smell the blood from the steaks still on her hands. "I don't want to hurt anybody."
A little startled by the abrupt motion, Dan blinked when she yanked her arm away and lifted his hands a bit in a peaceful gesture. He was still furious with her on some level, but he didn’t want to hurt or scare her. With Tatum’s facade dropped, he could see that she was really suffering somehow, and it seemed like more than just hunger. Her last statement was confusing, and Dan kept watching her with that puzzled frown. “Here, why don’t you sit down and have some pizza,” he suggested in a murmur. If she was just starving, there was food readily available and still hot. In spite of everything, it was hard to quell the sudden urge to take care of her. “I’ll handle the steak and get you something to drink, okay?”
She wouldn't have been surprised if Dan just left her alone, given her behavior and how he felt about her right now. Tatum was frustrated with herself, because she was home to win him back and acting this way wasn't going to do anything to help. If he knew the truth about her, he'd probably kick her out without a second thought. Or try to, anyway. Even though she didn't want pizza, Tatum thought sitting down might help. She was starting to feel dizzy, like she had been without food for several days. So she walked over and sunk into one of the chairs, closing her eyes until the room stopped spinning. "Dani, I need blood," she murmured, her eyes still closed. "I didn't think you'd be home yet."
Dan was glad that she relented, assuming she would go for the pizza box once she settled, and he moved to finish wrapping up the steaks in plastic so they could go in the fridge. They looked a little mangled, and he was wondering how she’d been trying to prep them when Tatum spoke again. Dan got a weird feeling all of the sudden and he twisted around to look at her, frowning some more. “Did you just say you need blood?” he asked, his tone a little baffled. Did she mean a transfusion? So she was sick. Dan abandoned the steaks and moved in closer to Tatum again, crouching to be at eye level with her, even though her eyes were shut. “Hey, Tate,” he murmured, reaching for her hand again. Despite his personal feelings, all of that patient training was kicking in. “Tell me what’s wrong. You look like you’re about to pass out, what are you feeling besides hunger?”
He was touching her again. And talking to her like he might care. Tatum didn't want him to care because he thought she was sick. She wasn't sick, not in the way he might think anyway. Her face crumpled when he used her nickname but Tatum quickly regained her composure, refusing to completely lose it right now. "You can't touch me," Tatum murmured, pulling her hand from his. She finally opened her eyes to look at him. Her vision was dark around the edges and her heart was beating faster. She could have sworn she could see the pulse in his neck and it was difficult to resist trying to bite into it. "I'll hurt you. I'm so hungry, Dani. I was trying to get the blood from the steaks, but then you came home. I just need a little."
Dan was back to frowning at her in confusion. She would hurt him, she needed blood from the steaks? If she didn’t look so pale and miserable, he would have thought she was just fucking with him and gotten mad about it, but it was hard to deny that she looked barely conscious. He didn’t try to touch her again, his hands hanging limp between his knees for a beat before he stood up straight again. Was she anemic now or something? All of it was giving Dan a really weird feeling, and before he could think better of it he turned back to the counter and got the wrapped steaks, pulling the plastic off of them before he plunked them onto a plate. He nudged the pizza box on the kitchen table aside and put the pieces of meat down in front of Tatum, his eyes on her face. Dan felt both intensely curious and wary of what she was going to do, but if that was what she needed ...
Tatum watched him, her heart beat starting to race when he began to unwrap the steaks. She probably could have left or tried to tough it out for a bit longer, but once the hunger set in, it took over quickly. If she went much longer, she would either attack Dan or faint. It had been a long time since Tatum had let it get this far. She had just wanted to be normal again for a while. With the plate of meat next to her, Tatum lifted her gaze to Dan, not wanting him there anymore. She wanted him to go away. Take the pizza to his room and leave her alone for a while. But the way he was watching her, Tatum had a feeling he was waiting to see what she was going to do. She just didn't know if he was curious or worried. Finally Tatum was unable to resist it any longer and she reached over with both hands to yank the steak apart, grabbing a piece and shoving it into her mouth. She chewed it a little, mostly to get the blood to seep out onto her tongue. It was repulsive and heavenly at the same time and once she had sucked the flavor from it, she spit out the piece of meat into the plate. It wasn't near enough, so she started on another piece, her eyes never leaving Dan's.
He couldn’t decide what was more disturbing, the way Tatum tore the steak apart with her hands, or the mush that she spit back out, only to replace it with a fresh piece. Dan knew that some people out there ate raw meat, some of them for weird reasons, but like that? And she wasn’t even eating it, was she? Dani, I need blood. A chill ran through him. What had those fucking people done to her? He slowly pulled out another of the kitchen chairs and sank into it, still staring at her. What if she couldn’t get enough blood out of those steaks? He had a million questions and wasn’t sure he could ask any of them. Dan leaned back in the chair while Tatum continued to gnaw on raw meat -- for the blood. His brain was spinning out, trying to think of any conditions or diseases that could cause something like this, but he wasn’t a doctor. Maybe it was more likely to be some kind of weird conditioning from the cult or ... something. “Is it ... helping?” he asked quietly after a moment.
The fact that he wasn't watching her in disgust certainly helped Tatum relax enough that she stopped trying to resist the pull of the bloody meat in front of her. She knew it was gross and he was the very last person she wanted sitting at the table at that moment, but there was nothing Tatum could do about it. She needed to eat or things could get Very Bad for the both of them. Tatum was starting to feel more human by the fifth piece. It was only a bit of blood and it was cow blood, but it would keep her for a couple of days until she was able to figure something else out. When he spoke again, Tatum jerked in her seat, startled by the sound of his voice. She spit out the piece in her mouth and licked her lips. Her vision was sharper now and she no longer felt like she was going to pass out. "Yes," she admitted, not quite ashamed enough to look away from him. "Thank you. You are being... weirdly calm about this."
Dan was definitely feeling some disgust, but it was mixed in with so many other conflicting emotions it was easy to keep it off of his face. The more meat Tatum ‘ate’ the more color started to come back into her face, so Dan knew it was helping before she even answered him. Was he being weirdly calm? Maybe. Maybe Dan was just still reeling from the shock of her return in the first place, and this was just another strange layer to that whole onion. “I’m just trying to figure it out,” he murmured slowly, still staring at her. “What the hell did they do to you, Tate?” He would do all of the research he could to try and figure out if she had some disorder now, but Dan couldn’t help but mentally put the blame on those mysterious people who had become Tatum’s other ‘family.’ All of it was too weird to just be a coincidence, and something had definitely changed about her. She might not have been back for long, but Dan felt some real answers were already overdue.
Tatum decided she was done eating for the moment and she pushed the plate away from her. The instinct to defend her family was strong but Tatum understood that was all part of the manipulation. She just wished she had seen it earlier, before things got bad. Then she could have come home sooner, made up with Dan and had a normal life again. Why had she been so resistant to it in the first place? Dan was sitting right there and Tatum couldn't understand why she had thought she needed more than what he had been giving her. "They changed me," Tatum said after a moment. The discomfort was setting in, the urge to make a joke, blow it off and talk about something else. Dan usually let her get away with it, but she had a feeling that had probably changed too. "Most of it sounds crazy... I don't know that you'd believe me if I told you all of it. But I need to consume blood. Not all the time, just... a lot of the time. If I don't, I get really hungry. If I ignore it, I get sick. I don't know what happens after that. I've never been able to resist it once I get to that point."
He let that sink in. During the year-plus Dan had been an EMT, he’d seen some things that had been difficult to explain. Things that were kind of frightening. He’d never heard of a patient that actually physically needed to drink blood, but a lot of weird things happened in the world, didn’t they? He might not have believed it as much if he hadn’t just seen the change in her that came from just sucking on raw meat. In spite of everything she’d put him through, Dan’s curiosity and concern were burning hotter. “I’ve got ... so many questions,” he murmured after a long pause. He could tell she was being sincere. At least he thought he could tell, but it was hard to trust his perception of her anymore. “How did this happen? Did they infect you with something? Expose you to some virus, or ...?” Dan trailed off and shook his head, no other real options coming to mind that could result in something like this.
So many questions was like a heavy rock sinking into her gut. She wasn't prepared for this, for revealing dark secrets and begging Dan to understand. Maybe the truth would bring them closer together again, but it could also put an even bigger wedge between them. Tatum had barely been home two days and nothing was going the way she had hoped it would. "Do we have to do this now?" Tatum asked, a hint of a whine in her voice that she hated to hear. She hadn't felt in control in so long and she had been hoping being home would somehow alleviate that. "It's so complicated, Dani. You're going to end up thinking I'm crazy."
Frustration flashed through Dan -- after disappearing for so fucking long, didn’t he deserve some answers from Tatum? Adrian had said he deserved the truth, and Dan fully agreed. And that had been before this weird bloody revelation. It was tempting to push her harder, demand that she tell him in depth what she’d been through and been doing this whole time, how and why she ‘needed’ to drink blood, what kind of people she’d been with, what had made her come home. But now that the shock that Tatum was home was wearing off, he was finding more compassion inside for her. She’d hurt him deeply, but she’d obviously been through some bad shit, and she had come home. It wasn’t easy to escape a cult. Dan leaned forward and propped his elbows on the table as he rubbed at his eyes. “No, we don’t have to do it now,” he murmured, hands dropping so he could look at her again. “But it has to happen soon, and it has to be the full truth. Okay?”
Tatum knew Dan deserved answers. He deserved to know why she left, what had happened and why she came back. But she felt cornered and out of sorts and she wanted to be able to explain it all to him when she didn't have raw meat in front of her and cow blood on her fingers. "The full truth, I promise." And she would keep that promise. She just wasn't ready to revisit everything. Not yet. Standing, Tatum carried the plate of steak over to the sink, mostly to distract herself and wash her hands. There were so many things she wanted to say to Dan, things she wanted to ask. She just wasn't sure how receptive he would be to having a conversation with her. A real conversation. Returning to the table, Tatum opened the box of pizza and plucked off a piece of pepperoni now that she didn't feel like she was going to throw up. "I know it's probably not worth much right now, but... I missed you. Every day. And... I can be the first to admit that I was a fucking idiot."
Even though he knew he should eat, Dan had pretty much lost his appetite. There was too much spinning out in his head, a maelstrom of questions and doubts and feelings he had no idea how to sort out. Maybe he wouldn’t know until Tatum told him everything and he actually believed her. Dan wasn’t sure about that last part, how could he trust her now? But part of him really wanted to. Hearing Tatum say she missed him made him feel strange, kind of surreal and like there was something heavy on his chest. He’d had so many daydreams about their reunion, and none of them had been anywhere close to this. It wasn’t unusual for fantasy not to align with reality, but he felt none of the catharsis he’d dreamed about, just more painful confusion. Dan looked down at his hands. At least she admitted to making bad decisions, he just still didn’t know if he could forgive them. “I missed you too. More than you’ll ever know,” he murmured. “I just ... want to understand. That’s all I know right now.”
Tatum ate the piece of pepperoni, not terribly surprised to find it was a bit flavorless. Most food was anymore. There was, of course, a spark of hope when Dan had said he'd missed her, although on a rational level, she knew it already. They had been together since high school. Had gotten married and bought a house. They were supposed to have a life together. Of course he'd missed her. But it was still something to hear him say it. "I don't really understand it all myself," she said quietly. "I felt like something was missing back then. Not you, just something. I never had a real family, Dan, not like you did, and those people... I don't know, it was like they knew everything going on in my head. They knew what I needed to hear and I fell for it." Tatum hadn't really expected to say much of anything to Dan about it, but once the words started to fall from her lips, it was hard to stop it. She knew damn well if their roles had been reversed, she would want answers too. Wouldn't even begin to start forgiving if he refused to give them to her. "It sounds like an excuse, but I was just a kid back then... we both were."
If there was one thing she said that felt absolutely true, it was the last sentence. Tatum had disappeared only about three years before, but Dan felt like he’d aged and matured a couple of decades since then. He’d had to figure out how to be alone, how to take care of everything with the house and working and juggling it all on his own, and he felt like much more of an adult now. Didn’t they say the human brain wasn’t even done growing until the mid-twenties? And they’d done all that growing in separate places, living separate lives ... even if Dan could forgive Tatum for running away, could they even bond again? On one level he could have sympathy for someone being suckered in by a cult, that was how they functioned, but on the other it still hurt to hear her say again that he wasn’t enough family for her. It made rational sense, but it stung. “And you never thought to tell me about it? Before you just ... left?” he asked, his voice still quiet and his brow furrowed as he finally looked at her. She hadn't shared anything with him, she hadn’t even tried to recruit him too, it was hard to accept that she hadn’t been running away from him.
Tatum folded her arms on the table and watched Dan closely. She wished she had all the right things to say to him, but there was really no excuse for some of her behavior. Tatum could joke about it, make light of it again like she had when she first arrived on his - their - doorstep, but that would only work to smother her own regret and sadness. It wouldn't do anything to ease Dan's. "I was afraid you'd stop me," Tatum admitted. "That you wouldn't understand. And I know that wasn't fair to you, to not even give you the chance. Honestly, I thought you'd be better off without me around. We got married so young and I didn't have any real ambition and I just..." Tatum blew a soft raspberry of frustration between her lips. "Look at yourself now. You're an EMT. You've got your shit together. And I'm jobless and alone and drinking fucking cow blood because I can't..." She trailed off and ran her hands through her hair. "It's all my own doing. My intention was never to hurt you, but I did and I'm sorry. I told you I was going to make it up to you and I am. I will."
She was probably right about one thing -- he would’ve tried to stop her, to talk her out of whatever madness these shadowy internet people had put into Tatum’s mind. Dan knew rationally how fruitless that probably would’ve been, but at least he would’ve known what happened to her. He could’ve dealt with it and maybe eventually accepted it as Tatum’s choice. Still, Dan did his best to listen with an open mind, trying to get over the part of him that wanted to take responsibility for everything and stay convinced that he’d driven her away somehow. “Better off without you,” he echoed with a frown, that part sticking out to him. “Tatum ... I lost my fucking mind without you. For like, the first whole year, I was a total mess. I started working on my certifications because I had to do something or I was going to end up in rehab. And I only just now started having a personal life again, so ... what you see now was a lot of hard work, don’t get it twisted. I know we were young, but we were supposed to do it together.” His voice softened more at the end. “I didn’t care about your ambition, all I wanted was you.”
On some level, Tatum knew Dan had probably gone through a hard time without her. She kept telling herself he was better off because maybe it made her feel better about leaving. Like she could justify it somehow - for Dan's own good, or something like that. But that was selfish and she knew it. Tatum was selfish. Dan had just always been the one to accept her for who she was... at least until she met Johnny and the others online. But even they tried to change her - and had. Her brain seemed to grasp the personal life bit and she wondered if that meant other women. Tatum already wanted to rip their hair out and set their cars on fire. Hearing that he had only wanted her pushed a heaviness of sadness and regret into her chest and she sat there in silence for a moment, accepting the guilt and letting it sink into her. "Are you over me?" she finally asked, not entirely sure why she asked, but the question was out now. Tatum told herself she didn't care about the answer, because she would win Dani back regardless. But she still wanted to know. Needed to.
That felt like such an impossible question, but maybe that was telling all by itself. Dan wanted to be over her, to want to just move out, let Tatum have the house, and continue with his new life without her. But the thought of doing that made Dan’s chest feel like it was collapsing in on itself. All he’d wanted for years was for Tatum to come back home unharmed, and here she was -- maybe not entirely unharmed, but she was whole and there. His feelings were very mixed, but there was a desperate sort of love still in there. “No,” Dan sighed after a long pause of his own. He couldn’t sound thrilled about it, but he couldn’t lie to her either, not when he was trying to keep the moral high ground. “I’ll probably never be, not completely. I’ve been in love with you since like eighth grade.” He’d felt that ghost-love, every time he’d tried to date. Dan liked his new -- but soon to be ex, he assumed -- girlfriend, but he definitely couldn’t say he loved her. Which was probably good, because he was sure she would run from this like her ass was on fire.
"Good," Tatum said, forcing a bit more determination into her tone. "Because I don't want you to be. I want you to still want me and still need me. I know I have a lot of work to do and a lot to atone for and I will." She had already told him so, but Tatum would let him know as often as she could. He would forgive her eventually because they needed each other. If Dan needed her to grovel for a while, she would do that too. Since she couldn't quite help herself, Tatum studied Dan, trying her best not to look too intense in the process. "Are you dating anyone?"
Dan could recognize the stubbornness in Tatum’s voice from a lot of experience with her. It wasn’t exactly reassuring, because sometimes she had good intentions that just fizzled out. Everyone did that to some extent, but Dan already felt it would crush him to be one of those things. So he hoped she was serious. Or thought he hoped, at least. It was all still so early to tell what he really wanted. He unfortunately also had some experience of what Tatum might do to some poor girl who was interested in him, so telling her the truth on that count probably wasn’t the wisest choice. “No, we’re not gonna go there. It’s none of your business,” he said, careful to keep his tone calm. “That’s another boundary, and you’re gonna respect those like we talked about, right?”
That definitely meant yes. Because if he wasn’t seeing someone, he would have said no. Unless he was skirting the question to make her jealous but Dan had never really been the type to do that. That was more Tatum’s M.O. It was difficult to tamper down on the rush of angry jealousy that rose within her but Tatum tried. How many women had he dated in the past three years? Or slept with? Had been in love with any of them? They were questions she wanted to ask but she knew Dan wouldn’t answer them. But it was her business because she was still his wife. Didn’t he want to know if she has been having sex with other people? It was getting harder to control herself so she decided it was time to remove herself from the conversation. At least long enough to take a breath and calm down. “Okay,” she said, moving to stand up. She had the sudden, overwhelming urge to brush her teeth of the lingering blood taste. “Your wife will respect the boundaries of your love life, Dan. But you know it’s a small town and people like to talk so… you know someone out there who knows the both of us is going to take a lot of joy in telling me whatever it is you don’t want to tell me.”
Dan knew her well enough to see that his answer pissed her off, and some petty part of him was pleased. Let Tatum be the one upset about something, she deserved to be upset. God knew he had been beside himself for so long over her, while she’d been out building a ‘real family’ and doing whatever. Tatum’s indignant anger stoked his own, and Dan rolled his eyes at her as his heartbeat picked up speed. “Be sure you let them know how you abandoned me for three fucking years with no idea where you were or if you were even alive,” he snapped. “See who thinks you’re still entitled to call yourself my wife. You gave up those privileges all on your own.” Dan tried not to be a terrible person, so he was going to be honest with the woman he was seeing and let the relationship end -- because he had no doubt that it would. They’d been very casually seeing each other for a couple of months, this was going to be way too much drama for her, and Dan already couldn’t blame her. It was probably for the best, Tatum had made a couple of girls’ lives living hell back in high school, and he didn’t think she’d matured too far away from that.
"I'm not trying to hide what I did," Tatum said, her own anger finally rising to the surface. It wasn't like it had been buried all that deep to begin with. She could feel her own face starting to burn hot. And as much as she tried to keep her tone calm, it was near impossible not to let her not-so-happy emotions be known. "If it helps you, I won't call myself your wife anymore. I won't wear my ring until you decide you want me to. You can... you know, do whatever you want with whoever you want. I'll take it! Want me to take out an ad in the paper and let the whole town know all the shitty things I've done to you? I will! Keep your girlfriend, if you want Dan, but don't bring her here." She was shouting now and she hated herself for it. The all too familiar urge to bury it all again and smile and be happy and indifferent warred with every instinct to just scream and let it all out. Tatum hated fighting with people, or hearing people fight. It reminded her too much of what it was like growing up with her parents, but it seemed like she couldn't escape it right now.
He hated fighting too, so why did it feel so good to raise his voice to her? Dan never used to do that, no matter how angry Tatum made him. Maybe he was done being a doormat, and he wanted her to know it. A lot had changed in three years, and if this was ever going to work, they had a lot that needed to be straightened out. “You’re not gonna shame me for trying to move on when you left me,” he barked back. “What did you expect me to do, just sit around alone and sad, waiting at the window for you to come back like some loyal dog? Well I did that, Tatum, for over two fucking years! I paid those goddamn dues. And yeah, fine, I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months, the first girlfriend I’ve had, but now that’s gonna be over, because I don’t fucking lie and hide shit from people I care about!” Maybe Dan didn’t care about Naomi that much yet, but she was a good person and deserved more than him ghosting her or trying to make something up. His wife being alive and returning home was a valid reason to break up.
"I don't know what I expected, okay?" She was shouting again and Tatum placed her hands on her hips, digging her nails into her clothing and body to try and settle herself. The thing was, she wasn't trying to shame him. Okay, maybe a little, initially, but not now. Everything he said was true and Tatum knew she had no place to be upset, or angry that he was seeing other people. She had left and had disappeared for three years. Of course he had a right to move on. She just wished he hadn't and she knew how horrible that was of her. And now Dan had a girlfriend. It didn't sound like it had been going on for long but still. How did he expect her to process that? Tatum swallowed hard, because she was the one who had lied and hid shit from him. Someone she loved and cared about. "I don't know what you want me to say. I know I don't have any right to be mad but I am! I can't not feel things, even when I know they're wrong. I love you enough to want to tell you not to break up with her if you're happy with her but I also don't care because I don't want you with her, I want you with me!" It made no sense at all, but Tatum didn't care. She had never been shy about what she was thinking, especially not with Dan. Sometimes it got her into trouble, but how much more damage she could do now?
Sometimes it felt like Tatum just word-vomited her heart onto his lap and expected him to untangle and make sense of it for her. Even if that wasn’t her intention, the burden to be rational always felt like it landed on his shoulders. Dan was feeling anything but rational at the moment, wanting to yell at Tatum that he didn’t give a shit how she felt since she obviously didn’t care how he felt, and rub her abandonment in her face some more ... but he knew in his higher mind that wasn’t helpful. It would only make him feel better for a few seconds. Arguing like this was useless. He pushed back from the table with a frustrated noise, rubbing his hands over his face before he finally stood up too. “I’m not ‘happy’ with her, it’s not that deep, I haven’t been really happy since you left. Does that make you feel better?” Dan felt and sounded worn out all of the sudden -- he really wasn’t practiced at fighting, it was all so draining. “Right now? I don’t want to be with anybody. I had a long-ass day, I’m so confused about this blood thing and you in general ... I’m gonna go take a shower.” Shaking his head, he started for the kitchen exit, beyond ready to just be alone for a while.
It didn't make her feel any better. Everything she felt was a mess of confusion in her stomach. Tatum didn't like to fight and so when it happened, she never knew how to approach it other than to spill her guts and try to end it as soon as possible. Right now she didn't want Dan to walk away from her, not when he was angry. All that would happen would be Dan taking a shower while she paced back and forth in front of the door and then pouncing on him when he was finished. Not pouncing in a good way either. "I didn't know what was happening to me when it was happening," Tatum said, reaching out to touch Dan's arm before he could walk past her. "They called it a bonding ritual, and it was... I thought it was just wine or something like. It didn't taste like blood. They made me drink it every day for months. It started to make me sick, but they said it was normal. And then I just... started craving blood. Needing it. When I found out I wanted to leave, but they said if I did, I would die." Tatum felt stupid saying it all out loud, because she should have been smarter. Less gullible, probably. "It was supposed to be... feeding off each other." She let go of his arm to yank up her shirt to show him some of the scars on her sides. There were more on her body, but not where he could see with her clothes on. "It became normal, Dan."
Dan stopped when Tatum touched his arm, looking at her face while she spoke. It was the first time they’d touched since she’d gotten back, and it gave him weird feelings ... which were quickly eclipsed by more weird feelings as she told him her story. His eyes ticked down to her marred skin, but didn’t linger too long. He stood there frowning, with his brow furrowed, for a moment or two, trying to digest all of that. On one hand, he felt awful for her, because that sounded terrifying and damn close to torture ... on the other, it was kind of difficult to believe. They fed her blood until she craved it? She needed it to survive? “So what, are you like ... a vampire now?” he asked in a blurt, not sure what other conclusion he could come to. “Were they feeding you their own human blood? Or was it animal, or ...?” The beef blood seemed to have made her feel better, but if she had some taste for human blood now ... Dan didn’t know what to think.
Even though she fully expected him to compare her to a vampire, Tatum still grimaced when it came out of his mouth. She hadn't wanted to tell him about this yet, not until they were on better terms and she wasn't so afraid that he might see her as a monster. It felt like she had been digging her own grave for years now and here she was, still going at it and digging ever deeper. "I'm not a vampire. Not like vampires are in fiction, anyway. I'm not like Dracula. But yeah, they were feeding me human blood because I can taste the difference now. I didn't want to have to explain any of this right now," she muttered, trying to resist the urge to just turn around and run out and leave Dan alone forever. He would probably be safer that way. Happier. But her feet felt like lead, stuck in place, unable to walk away from the only real home she'd ever had. "They worshiped some dark stuff, Dan. By the time I really understood it, I was... brainwashed? I don't know. I didn't feel like I could leave."
He’d always been a compassionate person by nature, and Tatum had always triggered those deep instincts in him. It wasn’t pity, it was empathy, and he’d known forever that she’d had a shitty upbringing and Issues because of it, and now there was this. Dan had tried to work out with his therapist whether he had some kind of hero complex and wanted to save her, but it was hard to parse through all of that while he’d just been trying not to lose himself to despair. Tatum wasn’t the only one with Issues, and her leaving had brought up all kinds of old abandonment stuff inside of him. Dan had great adoptive parents whom he loved dearly, but he’d still felt unwanted at times in his life. It was hard to stay so angry with Tatum when he deeply understood the desire to run toward love and cling with both hands. Dan’s expression had softened into something more sad and concerned. “What finally did make you leave?” he asked softly.
The answer was so simple but she didn't think Dan would think so. He might scoff or brush it off. Maybe it would make no sense. "I got scared," she admitted after a moment, clutching her wrist to try and keep her hands still. "It began to feel like I was living a nightmare. And I kept..." Tatum hesitated, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "I was dreaming about you a lot. Missing you was becoming unbearable. I just... wanted to be home again. One night I saw a chance to get out, so I took it. Grabbed my stuff and left. I don't expect you to understand it, but it's the truth."
Something in Dan pushed back against the idea that missing him factored into it at all, but he kept that to himself this time. He knew intellectually that he struggled to be rational about Tatum, and that he’d been living with a lot of assumptions about where she’d been that weren’t panning out to be true. As he listened to her talk, other emotions bubbled up in him besides the suspicion -- anger at those people and what they’d done to her, sympathy for the obvious trauma she’d been through, relief and worry that she was back now. Did all of that mean he really still loved her? As much as he didn’t want to, he was starting to think yes. “Should we be worried about them coming after you?” he asked, studying her intently. “They sound dangerous, Tatum.”
Tatum didn't really want to be talking about any of this. It felt too soon, like it would give Dan a reason to kick her out for good if he didn't believe her or thought she was dangerous. And maybe she was... but not to him. At least she hoped not. "They don't know where I live," she admitted after a moment of hesitation. "I mean, they know I came from Maine, but... I never told them where. I wouldn't... if I thought they could find me, I wouldn't be here with you." She didn't want to put Dan in danger, but Tatum was confident they were safe. And she so desperately wanted to be here with him. "They changed me and I just need to right myself somehow."
It sounded like he was correct about this cult being dangerous. If they’d been able to change her like this, that wasn’t a big stretch, but hearing Tatum more or less confirm it didn’t help the weighty knot in his stomach. If they did come, could he help her in any way? He didn’t really feel equipped to protect her from these mystery people. And despite everything she’d put him through, Dan knew that if the chips were down, he would at least try. He just had to hope Tatum was right and they didn’t know where she was. Dan just looked at her for a few heartbeats, then stepped in closer to put his arms around her. He was ready to pull away if it wasn’t welcome, but it felt more honest than trying to put his thoughts into words at the moment.
Tatum could never be one hundred percent sure about anything, but she knew she would do whatever she could to make sure Dan was never in danger, even if that meant leaving again. Not knowing how Dan was feeling, or what he might say, Tatum tensed instinctively when he stepped in close to her. But then his arms were around her and her body sunk into the warmth, her own arms slipping around Dan's waist to hold onto him. There wasn't much thought into how she pressed her face to his chest. Who knew when she would get to touch him again, once he pulled away and had more time to think about what she had told him. But this felt like coming home more than pulling into the driveway had. This was familiar. For a horrifying second, Tatum was afraid she might start crying, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and just held onto him for as long as he would allow it.
Dan tightened his embrace as Tatum more or less melted against him. It felt so good to hold her, in the most bittersweet way. He’d dreamed feverishly of this moment for literal years, until the hurt and bitterness grew enough to overshadow it. But now she was here, alive and in his arms again, and it was like all that yearning had come roaring back inside his chest. Dan’s own emotions made his throat close up, and he closed his eyes tight as he pressed his cheek against her hair. Guilt flooded in along with all the rest -- he couldn’t help but think about what he could have done to help her, keep her away from those people and that life. One of Dan’s hands came up to stroke the back of her blonde head as he hugged her tighter. “I wish you’d told me, Tate,” he murmured, his voice cracking a bit. “I’m so sorry they did this to you.”
It felt good to hold Dan too and Tatum didn't want to pull away until she absolutely had to. He was touching her and it wasn't a dream she was going to wake up from. It was real life and for the first time, Tatum forgot all about the last three years, at least for a moment. "It's my own fault," she murmured. "I was just... looking for something I already had... I just didn't see it the way I should have." Tatum honestly wasn't sure anything Dan could have said or done would have kept her from leaving, but it would have been harder to do it. Maybe that was why she left without telling him to his face. It was stupid, but Tatum couldn't exactly change anything about it now. Some part of her had needed it, even if it hadn't turned out to be what she thought. Tatum sighed and pressed her cheek to his chest, loving the way she could hear his heart beating. "I've missed this feeling."
It was Tatum’s own fault, and it was good to hear her say it, in a weird way. It had taken quite a bit of work with his therapist to stop trying to figure out what he’d done wrong so he could blame himself for her leaving. But she had been the one to make the decision, and it had blindsided him. Dan was under no illusion that he was some perfect partner or had never made any mistakes in their relationship ... but he hadn’t caused this. The only question that remained was whether or not he could forgive her. He was still full of jumbled feelings, but more tender ones were surfacing as they held onto each other. “Me too,” he admitted softly, his throat still feeling thick. “I missed you all the time, even when I was angry.” Some days he’d felt like he would strangle Tatum if she showed up again, but he’d still wanted to see her. “Please just ... don’t do it again. If you want to leave, tell me.”
Tatum had known Dan missed her - how could he not? - but it was still a relief to hear him say it. He had been so angry with her when she came home and Tatum wasn't stupid enough to think all was forgiven now but she would take any progress to winning him back. It was difficult for her to be vulnerable, even with Dan, but if it would lead to more hugs, she would do it. "I'll tell you," she said before lifting her face from his chest to look up at him. "But I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be here with you. I'll do anything to fix it, I promise." He loved her and they both knew it. She was just going to have to work to make him say it again.
He’d always been such a sucker for those beautiful eyes of hers, and Dan couldn’t look away from them. He wanted to believe her with all of his being, but he’d been so hurt for so long, it was impossible to just release it all at once. It was starting to sink in that she’d been a victim of a manipulative cult which had fucked with her body and mind, and even though she’d walked out the door of her own free will, she’d obviously been influenced to do it. “I just want our life back,” Dan murmured as he stared at her, emotion in his eyes. “We can ... I wanna see if it can be fixed.” Maybe he shouldn’t be admitting to that at this point, but it was the truth, and Dan was so tired of dishonesty.
Tatum hated thinking of herself as a victim because she had tried so hard for most of her life to be anything but. She ignored the things that hurt, or dismissed them with sarcasm or humor. It was instinctual to try and do that now, but it was impossible to find anything funny in what was happening. Her arms tightened around Dan briefly before she lifted her hands to cup his face, sliding her fingers back until they were pressed against the nape of his neck, his hair brushing her skin. "I do too," she said, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice and failing. "And I know it can be. I love you, Dani, and I just want the chance to show you."
The way she held onto him felt almost too good to Dan, and part of him was tempted to push her away, slam that wall down again, protect himself. Tatum said that now ... what if this was just a temporary reprieve from her brainwashing? What if he woke up one morning and she was gone again, just like that? Could he survive that again? Dan felt more capable now that he’d worked through the abandonment once. It would hurt, but he would be okay. And he would definitely fucking move. “If you really love me, this is it,” Dan told her quietly. It wasn’t a threat, just a fact he needed her to understand. “No more big chances after this, Tate, I just ... I can’t. So I really hope you mean it.” Dan’s voice wavered a tiny bit at the end, and he swallowed thickly.
It might have frustrated her, but Tatum couldn't blame Dan if he was feeling apprehensive. He was handling her return a hell of a lot better than she would have if he had been the one to leave her without a word. But Dan had always handled shit better than Tatum, even when they were kids. "This is it," she promised, her eyes never leaving his. "I don't want to be anywhere else. I don't want to be with anyone else." Tatum could hear the emotion in his voice and she did feel an immense crash of guilt in her chest. She had known it would hurt him when she left, but she had left anyway, because she had wanted to and some part of her was sure Dan would be better off without her. And yes, that made her a complete idiot, even if it was hard to admit.
On some level he wanted to shake her and tearfully demand why she’d ever wanted that in the first place, but Dan knew that would be useless and only make things worse between them. There was no satisfactory answer that Tatum could give him, nothing she could say would fix it all or make it make logical sense. She’d been acting on emotion and impulse and she’d said it had all been a huge mistake. He couldn’t really ask for more than that, could he? But did he still want to be with her? Dan hated that he didn’t quite know the answer yet. So much of him screamed Yes, that he missed and loved her so much ... but at the same time he was still hurt and scared, and maybe it would just take time for those things to go away. Promises didn’t seem to be doing the trick. Acting on his own conflicted impulse, Dan dipped in to kiss her, a bit harder than he meant to, needing to see how it felt to connect with Tatum that way again.
Even if he'd asked, Tatum wasn't sure she'd have a good answer for him. It was all still so jumbled in her head, her desires and wants and the things she thought she needed. Tatum wanted to figure her shit out as much as she was sure Dan wanted it. But those answers just weren't there yet. I don't know wasn't going to fix anything between them. Dan's kiss startled Tatum, but only a little. She could feel the emotion behind it, the bit of desperation. For a second she thought she might push him away from her, because she didn't want him to taste any lingering blood on her lips, but it had been so long since she had felt Dan's lips on hers that Tatum couldn't bring herself to do it. So she kissed him back with a low moan in her throat, her hands gripping the front of his shirt in case he tried to pull away from her. Arousal was already sparking deep inside but that was nothing unusual. Dan had been the only person in her life who could wake up her entire body with a kiss. She'd always thought something was wrong with the other boys she'd made out with years ago, whenever she and Dan were more off than on. Kissing was supposed to invoke heat and tingles and throw her into a soft, sweet cloud of pleasure. But Tatum had quickly learned that those feelings only happened with Dan. And the long buried sensations were happening again, only this time there was a different feel to it, something she couldn't really explain and didn't want to. She just wanted him to kiss her, even if he was still angry.
Dan had slept with a few people since Tatum had been gone, and kissed a few more of them, and none of them had ever made him feel like this. It was a fraught feeling at the moment of course, with all the turmoil inside both of them, but he still felt that old spike of emotion and excitement that came from kissing her. From the very first time their lips had met as teenagers, Tatum had been able to affect him deeply too, making his whole body feel tingly and awake. His heart started to beat faster immediately, arousal and pain and love and anger all rushing through him in a very physical way. He could taste a bit of metallic tang from the blood as he parted her lips with his own to kiss her deeper, but Dan didn’t care. She still tasted like Tatum, his wife, and god he’d missed her. Dan gripped Tatum’s upper arms and he backed her up until she connected with a wall, pinning her there with his body as his hands moved further up to cup her jaw. He was getting lost in the kiss now, helpless against all of that suppressed desire and intense attachment that was boiling to the surface. There was an edge to it, something new and fierce that he couldn’t soften yet, that was suddenly driving him to take her.
Tatum didn't resist being moved just as she didn't resist the way he held her face, his tongue delving deeper into her mouth. There had been nothing but an iciness in her gut for a couple of years now, the only heat stemming from the blood she'd take. But it was like Dan was reaching down into the pit of her soul and finding her again, pulling her out of whatever darkness she had so readily jumped into when she left him. Tatum didn't want to think about the other mouths Dan had kissed, or the bodies he had pushed himself into. He would always belong to her and she could feel it in the way he kissed her. The familiarity of his body and his taste and his scent... it took Tatum back years to high school and the years they spent growing up together. Sneaking kisses in the hall between classes, making out in the back of his car when they couldn't find any privacy in their parents' homes. It had been so much more than physical pleasure for her. It was belonging and acceptance and Tatum couldn't fathom why she hadn't thought it would be enough. Groaning, Tatum slipped her hands to his waist, gripping him tight, pulling him harder against her pinned body so she could feel as much of him as possible.
Possessive feelings were blooming in Dan’s chest as well, hot and tight. Tatum had always been his, even when they were ‘off,’ and he’d never been able to picture himself with anyone else long-term, as much as he’d tried for the past three years. She was frustrating and half-crazy and made him feel crazy on a regular basis, but he couldn’t get enough of her. They’d been together in some fashion for most of their lives, and still he wanted as much of her as he could get, which was part of why it had been so devastating when she left. It was almost a relief to let his brain be overwhelmed with arousal and need, after he’d been trying so hard to keep everything in check. The sounds Tatum made went straight to his dick, and he ground against her as she held him tighter, wanting her to feel what she could still do to him without any effort. With a soft noise of his own, Dan gripped Tatum’s jaw and turned her head, dragging his lips down to the side of her neck to kiss and suck and nibble at her skin. He’d never been a very forceful lover, but damn if he suddenly wanted to fuck her hard enough to crack the wall plaster.
Along with the intense heat throbbing between her legs, feeling his erection pressed against her also invoked some smug satisfaction. He still wanted her and even though she'd known it, it still did so much for her psyche to feel it too. Her desire for Dan hadn't dulled at all in the last three years and she honestly felt like she might burst from needing him now. Just sleeping on the couch the last two nights, knowing he was in their bed alone, had driven her crazy. How she had gone three years without this was truly beyond her comprehension. Her "family" had apparently dug themselves deeper into her mind than she had really thought possible. None of that mattered now though. Only Dan mattered. Dan, with his fingers pressed into her jaw and his lips leaving searing heat along her skin. Everything about him screamed home to her. Breathing heavily, Tatum tugged up his shirt just enough to get her hands beneath it. Honestly, she meant to just touch his torso, to trace every inch of skin that she had memorized so long ago, but instead her fingers found the button of his pants and she began to work it open. Maybe sex wouldn't fix everything but it was sure as shit a great place to start.
Her hands made his own skin tingle wildly where they touched before he felt the tug at the front of his pants. Dan’s cock throbbed with eager need for Tatum and her talent for knowing exactly what it wanted. They’d grown up together when it came to sex too, after all, and unless she’d forgotten a lot in the past three years, Tatum knew his body almost better than he did. Dan didn’t stop her, just groaned softly against her neck before he dragged his mouth back to hers. This didn’t feel like the romantic sensual reunion he’d dreamed about, but nothing about Tatum’s return had matched his expectations, so why would fucking her again be any different? At this moment, he didn’t want to have her tenderly in bed with candlelight all around them, he wanted to tug her bottoms down and fuck her over the back of the couch, or up against the wall. Something hard and dirty. Dan’s hand released her face and found a breast instead, squeezing through her shirt, his thumb rubbing against her nipple while his erection strained against his fly.
Tatum had her own romantic fantasies of how their reunion would play out, but those fantasies had always been just that... fantasies. She knew reality was always a bit harsher... a bit harder. But that was okay. She could handle reality well enough. Her tongue flicked against his even as her hands tugged his zipper down. It was like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning, when she knew she was getting something pretty great and couldn't wait to tear into it. Tatum's hand tugged the waistband of his boxer briefs down too until she felt his cock spring free. Moaning, Tatum wrapped her fingers around him and bit into his bottom lip. Not hard enough to draw blood, though it was so damn tempting to try. She just didn't want to break the spell yet. Instead, she covered the hand on her breast with her own, finding the pleas starting to form on her lips.
Her touch made him shiver, and the bite drew a louder moan out of him, the sharpness of it appealing to that fierce feeling in his gut. Dan vaguely considered pulling her into the bedroom, but for some reason that didn’t feel right yet, not for this first time. He kissed her hard, his tongue demanding as it licked against hers. Dan rocked his hips against Tatum’s grip on him, craving more pressure and friction and the heat of her body. He hadn’t been denying himself sex anymore for the past year or so, but at the moment it felt like he had, like he was starved for it. Really, he felt starved for Tatum. Dan broke the kiss and pulled back enough to tug her shirt up and off, then shed his own as quickly as he could. He suddenly couldn’t touch her in enough places at once, his hands roaming over her neck and shoulders and chest as his mouth crashed into hers again. “Couch,” he mumbled in between kisses, starting to shuffle them in that direction.