wastedonyou (wastedonyou) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-05-03 14:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | #june 2018, jai, jai x zach, zach |
Who: Jai and Zach
When: Wednesday, early evening, June 27th
Where: Home
Status: Complete
It was getting close to dinnertime when Jai finally made it home from work. He had been pretty much all week, which was good for his paycheck, but bad for his lazy side. He just wanted to get home, order some food, smoke a blunt, and chill for a while. He knew Zach was home so when he got inside and dropped his work bag onto the floor, Jai padded into his room to strip off his clothes and get into something more comfortable.
“Hey, you want some burritos?” Jai called out near the wall, where Zach would be able to hear him on the other side. He didn’t think Zach would have plans, but given how attached his brother seemed to be to Toby now, Jai just wanted to make sure he’d have company before making an order.
Zach could actually hear him since it was quiet in his room for once, his manic attention honed in on a comic book braced on his stomach. He was pretty stoned already, which probably contributed to his mellower mood, and maybe it would come in handy because he’d been thinking about Talking to Jai all day long. Everything that had been revealed the night before with Toby ... well, Jai deserved to know that his new boyfriend knew about them now. Zach just hoped it wouldn’t piss Jai off. Neither of them had ever confessed to anyone before, to Zach’s knowledge, so this was all new.
“Fuck yeah I want burritos,” Zach called back, even as he set his comic down and hauled himself up out of bed. He was just in some boxers and a t-shirt, having not even changed out of comfy clothes all day long, and he wandered into Jai’s room to flop onto his brother’s bed. “Long day, huh?” he asked.
"Long week," Jai grumbled, pulling on a t-shirt. "And it's only Wednesday. But at least I'm getting paid, right?" He started getting rid of his jeans, looking over to where Zach was chilling on his bed. "What've you been up to this week? Go to the carnival yet?" Jai wasn't sure he wanted to go at all, but still felt like he should, because who the hell knew when something like that would show up in a town like this again. He supposed it would be fun to get stoned and go.
Zach gave a sympathetic wince, managing to ogle his brother’s bare skin at the same time. He gave a little laugh at the question and scrunched up one side of his face as he gave a lopsided smile. “Yeah,” he said slowly, then huffed another laugh. Ugh, he was nervous already, dammit. “I mean, my week’s mostly been chill, it’s been pretty good. But last night me and Toby went to the carnival ... shit got a little weird, we should probably like, talk about it. You and me. When you’re ready.” Zach added the last part hastily, thinking this conversation would probably go better if Jai had food in him and had smoked a bit.
Jai tossed his pants into the empty chair in the corner of his room and grabbed some shorts out of his dresser. "Shit got weird?" That wasn't surprising. Shit got weird was the town motto. But Zach making it sound like something they needed to talk about added an extra layer of curiosity. "What happened?" He was generally pretty chill about most things but it sounded a little Important and if something bad happened, Jai wanted to know about it.
Ugh, he shouldn’t have said anything yet, of course Jai was going to ask questions. Why couldn’t he ever keep his dumb big mouth shut. “Well, uh ... here, lemme pack you a bowl first? You just got home, you should chill. I can order food too if you want!” Zach bounced a little on the bed before he got to his feet again, his eyes still on Jai as he side-walked toward the door. It was important, and he knew he couldn’t get out of telling Jai that he’d spilled their biggest secret like someone had turned a faucet on in his mouth, but Toby had figured it out anyway -- and he was going to have to explain that -- and suddenly Zach wanted to smoke some more himself.
"Man..." Jai sighed as he slipped into his shorts. "Just talk to me, Zach. You're starting to stress me out." And Zach wanting to feed him and get him a bowl sounded amazing, but it also told Jai that he probably wasn't going to like whatever Zach was about to tell him. Maybe he was going to move out and in with Toby or something. Jai had been trying not to think too much about Zach's new relationship but now it felt like it had the potential to take up space in his brain, if that's what his brother was about to tell him.
Stressing Jai out was the opposite of what he wanted to do and Zach winced. “Sorry. Okay, um, come sit with me then, I can talk and pack at the same time,” he said. At least he would have a tiny peace offering at the end of his spiel, but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be enough to help him out much. Zach exited Jai’s bedroom and went to the living room where their shared stash and paraphernalia lived. “So me and Toby went to the carnival last night,” he started, his voice louder until Jai actually joined him. Zach pulled all the weed out and started breaking it up into the pipe’s bowl, glad for something to do with his hands at least. “And we were having fun and all, it was kinda cheesy but a good time. And we took a break for some food and drinks, and they have this like, almost like a margarita type drink there? And I dunno man, I think something was in it, because we both just started like, talking. A lot, about shit we hadn’t told each other yet.” Zach glanced meaningfully at his brother.
Jai walked out to join Zach, flopping down on the couch and pulling out his phone to order their food. He listened to Zach at the same time, glancing up at his brother every few seconds. It all depended on Zach and what he was trying to say, but getting to the point could sometimes take a while. Zach's mouth could be as hyper as his body. "Okay," he said slowly, once Zach fell silent. He pulled up their usual orders on the website and added them to the cart. "You know what's in margaritas, right? Alcohol. And alcohol loosens lips. That's a good thing though, right? Getting to know one another and everything. That's part of a relationship, I guess."
Jai obviously missed his point and Zach rolled his eyes dramatically. “Yeah ‘cause I’ve never been drunk before -- no dude, this was something else. Because it was like ... immediate, I wasn’t even tipsy, and I suddenly couldn’t shut up -- more than usual,” he added before Jai made another obvious observation about him. “This was beyond ‘get to know you’ stuff. So uh ... Toby knows now. About us. About like, the curse and how we um, feel about each other. The sex. And I didn’t even tell him that part out loud! He just knew, because apparently he’s like, psychic? Clairvoyant, he called it. Which he didn’t plan to tell me yet either, but I’m telling you, something was making us blurt out secrets to each other. I couldn’t lie, the truth was coming out too fast.”
Jai had just completed and paid for the order on his phone when his brain caught up to what Zach was saying. His chest seized and dinner was all but forgotten. He stared at his brother, waiting for the laugh, for the just joking! part of this conversation. "Tell me you're joking," Jai said. Could panic feel like a giant, rusty ball? Because there was one stuck in his throat. Weed wouldn't have been able to dull it either. Not this. Jai set his phone down, trying to control his breathing. "Zach." He didn't care about Toby being a clairvoyant. That didn't feel half as terrifying as what Zach was saying now.
Zach cringed at his reaction, his mouth hurrying to somehow make it better. “It’s okay though! He doesn’t care! He’s cool with it. I mean, it was a lot for him to take in but I told him about our mom and how close we always were and we’re only half brothers and everything ... he thinks it’s weird, maybe, but not like wrong-bad.” Judging by the look on his face, none of this seemed to be reassuring Jai. Zach felt like his stomach was somewhere in the basement. “He won’t tell anyone,” he tried, his tone a little quieter. “Or try to make trouble for us, you know? And believe me, with the shit he’s got going on ... we’re like the soap opera B-plot, man.” Zach huffed a soft laugh and shook his head.
It was getting worse. Jai leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, his hands pushing through his hair as he tried to work out everything Zach was telling him. "Zach... you haven't been with this guy very long. What happens if this all blows up? Or you have a bad breakup? He could completely ruin our lives. Why would you tell him about us?" He didn't sound angry, even though he was. What was done was done and now Jai was going to be dealing with daily anxiety, wondering if Toby was going to completely fuck them over. "This was our secret. I don't even know Toby that well. You should've asked me first before telling him anything."
Jai didn’t have to sound angry for Zach to know he was, he could feel it radiating off of him through their bond and just knowing his brother. It made him feel sick to his stomach, he hated whenever Jai was upset with him for any reason, and this was a big one. “That’s what I’m saying, dude, I didn’t mean to!” he insisted, desperation seeping into his tone. “I didn’t plan to tell him like, ever, or maybe years from now if it lasted, but definitely not now! There was something extra in those drinks, I swear to god. I told him all about my porn too and I didn’t plan on it or even want to. You think I wanted to fuck this up so soon? No way, man. He told me all kinds of stuff too that he didn’t plan to tell me, it was happening to both of us. ... he won’t, though. Ruin our lives, I mean. He’s not like that, even if it’s a shitty breakup. He’s a clairvoyant, he’s keeping all kinds of people’s secrets already.”
Maybe it had been something in the drinks. It wasn't like Point Pleasant wasn't known to fuck things up. And maybe it wasn't really Zach's fault. It wasn't like his brother to blurt out secrets just because he was into a guy. It still didn't sit right in Jai's stomach though. Still, Jai could tell Zach was telling the truth. They had both gotten pretty good at knowing when the other was lying and Jai didn't feel any deception radiating off of his brother. "Okay," he murmured after a moment of thought. "I'm not happy about it, but... I believe you. But if he tries to dick us over, Zach..." It sounded like a threat, albeit an empty one. Jai didn't hurt people if he could help it and he didn't want to hurt Toby.
Zach knew it hadn’t just been the drinks, it had been Toby’s psychic power that showed him what kind of relationship Zach and Jai really had. But in the context of everything else, that didn’t seem like an important distinction to make. Toby would’ve found out faster than Zach was ready to tell him anyway, but maybe he would’ve kept it to himself, not wanting to reveal his own secret. Or maybe he just would’ve decided it was best to break up. Maybe the weird carnival did them a favor. Relief flooded Zach when Jai said he believed him, and he crumbled the last bit of weed into the pipe bowl before he put his hands up. “If he gets dicky, I’ll handle it, I promise,” Zach said. He didn’t know how he would do that, but he’d find a way. He picked up the pipe and a lighter to offer to his brother. “I’m sorry,” he added in a murmur. “I didn’t mean for it to go this way. But at least he, like ... reacted to it in the best possible way?”
Jai wasn't really sure he felt like getting high now. It would make him feel better, sure, but it was all temporary and he needed to think right now. He shook his head mutely at the offer and settled back against the couch again. "I don't like someone else knowing," he said. He wasn't going to lie and say it was okay, because it wasn't. Whether Toby reacted in a positive way or not. He didn't know Toby and now the guy knew Jai's "darkest" secret. It was natural to Jai but he was well aware of how the majority of people would react to it. "There's not really a silver lining to it for me, not like there is for you, Zach. I'm not pissed at you or anything... I just don't feel right about it."
That didn’t make Zach’s insides feel any better, and he looked a little defeated as he set the pipe down. He was already pretty high, and all of these crappy emotions made him want to hit it some more to dull everything even further, but it didn’t feel right if Jai wasn’t joining him. Even if it wasn’t blatantly his fault, now they were exposed because of him and this budding relationship. It felt selfish all of the sudden. Zach slouched back against the couch and tucked his hands under his thighs, gazing at the coffee table with a troubled expression. It was done now, and there wasn’t really anything he could say to make it better. He hadn’t exactly expected Jai to just shrug it off, he knew it was a big deal, but everything had ended up feeling so warm and accepting and okay with Toby the night before, he hadn’t thought he would feel so shitty about it today. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled again. “I wouldn’t like it either if it was, y’know, the other way around.”
Jai knew Zach was feeling bad about it, but he couldn't help how he felt either. It wasn't so much that their entire lives could be destroyed if Toby opened his mouth, but... his bond with Zach, and everything that came with it, had always been theirs and only theirs. Now Toby knew about it too and suddenly Jai felt like he had to share Zach in more ways than one. That felt weird to explain though and Jai usually didn't wear his heart on his sleeve anyway, so he tried to push through it. "You really like him, don't you?" Jai asked instead, looking over at his brother. "I mean, you're happy and everything." Which was really the most important part, beyond all the secrets.
His head was a little stuck in ‘you fucked up’ mode, so even that question made Zach feel guilty, like maybe he shouldn’t really like Toby, or shouldn’t be so happy with anyone but Jai. They didn’t talk explicitly about their relationship much, it had always been more of an instinctual ‘what feels right’ kind of thing. Even though both of them had done some dating -- Jai more than Zach, obviously -- it felt like the first time some Big Relationship Feelings were coming between them. “Yeah ... I’m kinda crazy about him, honestly,” Zach admitted with a brief, sheepish smile. He studied Jai back as it faded. “Are you okay with that?” He had no idea what he would do if Jai said no, and he mentally honed in on their bond more to suss out if Jai would try to bullshit him with his answer.
The answer didn't surprise him. Jai already felt it radiating off of his brother. "I'm okay with that," he said with a small smile. "I may not be happy that he knows about us, but he does seem like a good guy and I want you to be happy. Just be careful, okay? " Zach tended to jump into things head first and his relationship with Toby was still pretty new, at least to Jai. However Jai felt about things deep down didn't really matter and he'd work through it. It wasn't like he didn't date people or have his own fun. He'd just never had a serious relationship before.
Zach wasn’t sure that he completely believed him, at least on how okay he was with it all. Toby was a good guy, and Jai had always done all he could to support Zach’s happiness ... which had honestly been a lot over the years. Moving a little cautiously in case Jai didn’t want his space invaded, Zach scooted in closer to snuggle up, slipping an arm around his waist and dropping his fluffy head to Jai’s shoulder. “I’m trying to, I just ... don’t really know how,” he murmured. How could he be careful when every part of him lit up like Christmas whenever Toby was around? He barely even knew what ‘careful’ meant in the context of a new relationship. Zach scraped his teeth over his bottom lip. “It doesn’t change anything for me, you know,” he added softly. “About like, how I feel about you.”
"I know." Jai reached up to fluff Zach's hair a bit. He wasn't really worried about any of that, although if Zach and Toby got serious... he wondered if they ought to try and find a way to break their mental bond so Zach could live a real life. It wasn't something to bring up now. They could worry about it when they needed to worry about it. "Food is on its way," he murmured. "Want me to grab a couple of beers?" Maybe they could talk about other stuff now, try to forget certain things. Jai was still feeling a bit uncomfortable in his gut but it was what it was, and he couldn't change anything right now. Maybe he needed to talk to Toby alone, just to make sure the guy understood how important it was that he keep his mouth shut.
Zach didn’t really want to stop clinging to his brother, but a beer did sound nice. And since the cat was out of the bag now and they’d said their peace, he kind of wanted to hit the pipe again. “Yeah, sure,” he murmured as he reluctantly sat up and let Jai go. Zach just hoped that he hadn’t ruined any possibility of them having a good night together. It had been a while since they’d just hung out together on purpose, outside of just living in the same space. As he scooted away to give Jai room and reach for the pipe and lighter, Zach tried to think of something fun they could do. He definitely didn’t want to go back to the carnival at the moment, not after the night before, and Jai seemed comfy for the night, so it had to be something house-based.
Jai grabbed two bottles from the fridge and returned to the living room to finally try and relax. Maybe the weed would help. At the moment he just wanted to eat and drink and try to loosen the knot in his stomach. Offering Zach one of the bottles, Jai sat back down and opened his own. "Okay, so other than... that drink, or whatever it was, how was the carnival?" Jai hadn't gone yet, though he figured he would try to get there before it was gone, whenever that happened.
He cracked open his beer once Jai handed it off, and took a long pull from it. Zach was already fairly high and getting higher, but he could handle having a beer on top of it too. He just wanted to relax too, all of these revealed secrets were stressful. “It was fun,” he told Jai with a faint smile. “Like dumb cheesy fun, but still fun. All the rides we went on were great, and there was like, a funhouse we didn’t get to. The junk food was excellent.” Zach set his beer down to pick up the pipe again. “Do you wanna go sometime? I think it’s only here for this week.”
"Yeah, that might be fun. I like junk food and cheesy fun." He took a long drink from his bottle and then settled back to try and let all the uncertain feelings fade away. "I get off early on Friday, so... maybe then." Unless Zach had a date or something. That didn't mean Jai couldn't go alone, but it just felt like something the two of them would have fun doing together. "Maybe we should try that weird drink. See if secrets start pouring out of us." Though they wouldn't really be secrets since he and Zach weren't really able to keep those from each other.
Even if Zach had plans, he already intended to cancel them so he could go to the carnival with Jai. He wanted to go with him, it was definitely right up their alley for fun shit to do together. He huffed a little at the last suggestion as he exhaled fragrant smoke upward. “We’ll just babble all the shit we already know at each other,” he murmured. “We don’t have any secrets.” Would it only be secrets though? Or would Zach’s mouth start running about how he was falling in love with Toby and dumb stuff like that which would only serve to make Jai even more upset with him? No thanks, Zach didn’t want to risk it. “They have just regular beer too. And we could get stoned in the parking lot before we go in. We’ll have fun anyway. They had this spinny ride that was really cool.”
Jai shrugged one shoulder. "I like it when you babble... most of the time," he said with a lazy grin. He hadn't given much thought to Zach being in love yet, so it didn't cross his mind that his brother could be feeling that way. "A spinny ride that was cool... sucks they don't have a rollercoaster but I guess it'd be too hard to set something like that up in this place. We can do that though. Get stoned and drink regular beer and try to avoid any other weird shit that might be going on there." Vaguely, he wondered if Neil had gone to the carnival. Probably not. The guy didn't seem like the spinny ride kinda guy. "Hey... do you know Neil Wainscott?" Jai was aware that it was abrupt, but he couldn't help but ask. Zach was a social butterfly compared to Jai.
Enjoying the carnival while avoiding any weirdness sounded ideal, and Zach hoped they could manage it. The truth serum drinks had been bad enough, but he was sure there were other strange things going on at that place, that was just how Point Pleasant was. He raised his eyebrows at Jai’s sudden question, then frowned vaguely. “The library guy? I don’t like, know him really, but I think I know who you’re talking about ...” He trailed off for a second, trying to think back to where he’d heard that name recently, then raised his brows again as it came back to him. “Oh, uh, Toby knows him. I think Neil’s involved in some ... stuff.” Stuff that Zach hadn’t gotten around to explaining to Jai, with the secret-spillage and all. “Why do you ask?”
The library guy. That's how Jai had known him, beyond vague recognition from high school. Of course now he knew him as Neil, the guy whose cock he sucked off at Dragonfly. Now, of course, he was even more intrigued when Zach mentioned that Toby knew Neil and that he was involved in stuff. Brows furrowed, Jai leaned over to reach for the pipe. "Some stuff? What kind of stuff?" It was probably none of his business but hey, now he was curious, especially if Toby knew him. And Zach would tell him, right? Like he'd said, they didn't have any secrets.
Zach hesitated for a beat, since these weren’t exactly his secrets to tell, but he hadn’t consulted with Jai before he spilled their own beans, so this was only fair, right? Besides, he knew Jai wouldn’t tell anyone. “So ... it’s bad stuff,” he said, shooting Jai a fretful sort of look. “Toby got kidnapped when he was a kid, and these ... these people held him for a long time and tortured him until he like, started showing psychic abilities? He’s a clairvoyant, like I said. It sounded like they kind of forced it out of him. Well, Neil was there too. And a few of the other people who were at Toby’s party. They were all there as kids, and they all escaped together.” Zach winced a little. “It all sounded like a sensitive topic, so ... I wouldn’t say anything to him if I was you. I didn’t know you knew him though?”
Jai's brows inched higher and higher until he was staring at Zach blankly, not entirely sure how to digest all of that. Did that mean Neil was some kind of psychic? It wasn't like Jai didn't believe in shit like that - look at what happened to Jai and Zach when they were younger. "I'm not gonna say anything," Jai said after a minute or two of silence. He worried for Zach, of course. If there were people out there torturing kids, were they still out there? Would they come looking for Toby and hurt Zach if he was in the way? Jai took a long pull from the pipe while trying to sort his thoughts. "I don't know Neil all that well," he admitted after exhaling. "We went to school together, but he was... quiet. We hooked up in Dragonfly's bathroom last week."
The look on Jai’s face as he took it all in made Zach want to wave his arms around and cry out see?!?! Those were not things Toby would’ve dropped in his lap all at once if he’d had any control over his mouth, just like everything Zach dumped on him right back. It was more proof that they’d been under the influence of something. He sipped on his beer instead, not wanting to pull them back into the uncomfortable part of the conversation. It was his turn to lift his brows at the last part, and Zach felt a quick flash of completely unwarranted jealousy. But he was used to that pop of feeling, he got it pretty regularly when Jai hooked up with someone. “Oh yeah? I mean he’s cute from what I remember, I haven’t actually been to the library in ages, so ... good for you,” he said with a crooked smile. Jai should be having fun too, he told himself, he deserved to do whatever he wanted. They were both free. “... was it good?” Zach asked, his smile broadening a bit.
Jai understood the slivers of jealousy. He felt them a lot too and most of the time he chalked it up to the bond they had between them. It wasn't even always a sexual thing, but just the idea of someone else taking up Zach's time. The thought that someone else may eventually become more important to his brother than himself. It would happen someday and when it did, he would deal with it. But Jai couldn't turn off his emotions with a snap, unfortunately. "Yeah, it was good. I mean... I got him off and that was all that happened. But I got the impression he doesn't have a lot of experience." Jai took a sip of his beer again. "He is cute though. I was thinkin' I might go to the library and tease him sometime soon. Obviously, I’ll keep that other stuff to myself."
Zach’s immediate thought was ‘selfish,’ but he knew that wasn’t fair. If Neil wasn’t very experienced, not returning the favor kind of made sense. “Well he’s in for a treat, we know how you are with virgins,” Zach said with a wicked little chuckle. Jai had taught him so much about sex, and he really credited his talent in the bedroom to so much practice with his brother -- not out loud, of course. But Zach knew it in his heart. He took the pipe to hit it again, then flopped over and scooted closer until his head was in Jai’s lap. “I wonder how many people have gotten laid in that bathroom at Dragonfly,” he mused thoughtfully. “That place just seems to make everybody horny. How’d you do it? If you wanna tell me.”
Jai snickered, pretty confident that Neil might completely balk at having sex with him. Then again maybe not, if he caught him at the right time and place... like Dragonfly. Looking down at his brother, now that he was resting his head in Jai's lap, Jai cocked a dark brow. "How'd I do what? Convince Neil to let me suck his dick in a bathroom? I'm charming as fuck when I want to be, that's how." He was only half-joking. Jai knew he could be a lazy asshole, but when he wanted something, he could put some effort into it. And apparently that night he'd wanted Neil and hey, it worked, hadn't it? Maybe Dragonfly was partly to blame for it, but Jai liked to think he just knew how to flirt.
Zach tittered. He absolutely knew that Jai was charming as all hell, and he didn’t doubt that it had been easy for him to flirt and lure Neil into the bathroom. He’d been more curious about how Jai made him come. Now that the tiny spike of jealousy had passed like it always did, he was enjoying the mental image of Jai sucking a cute guy off in Dragonfly’s restroom. It was kind of a turn on. Or maybe he was just high and horny now. “No, no, I know you’re charming as fuck, I was just being nosy about how you got him off,” he explained, grinning up at his brother. “That’s hot though, did he last long? If you don’t think he’s used to it ... Did he have a nice dick?” He knew that none of this was any of his business at all, but that never stopped Zach from asking when he was curious. They both knew Jai could lovingly tell him to fuck off and it would be fine, but he wanted to hear about it if Jai was willing to share.
"He lasted long enough," Jai said, grinning a bit at the memory. "And yeah, he has a nice dick. I've been wanting to track him down again but shit's been so busy." Maybe now that he knew Zach was serious about Toby... he would. Not that Jai was looking for a relationship. But Jai thought it might be fun to get Neil all flustered again. That had been a lot of fun. "You think it's safe though? I mean, even for you, being around Toby. Were the people who kidnapped them caught? That's some pretty serious shit."
It felt good to make Jai grin, even if it wasn’t really his doing, and the tension that had knotted in Zach’s stomach eased some more. For a moment anyway, until Jai asked about his safety. Zach had been nodding that Jai needed to go find Neil again, but then his expression sobered up. He was tempted to fib to Jai and tell him everything was fine, it was all over, but lying to his brother rarely worked. And maybe it was stuff that Jai should know, just in case something crazy happened. “It is some really serious shit,” Zach agreed in a murmur, his gaze drifting away briefly. “Apparently a lot of them died in the fire when Toby and the others escaped ... but they’re not gone. Or like, the company they worked for isn’t gone, at least. I don’t think I’m in danger or anything, but him and the rest of them ... they’re going to try to do something about it.”
"Jesus." Jai ran a hand through his hair. "That doesn't sound good, Zach. Fires and people dying. Kidnapped kids? And you said they're not gone? What if they go after Toby and you get hurt? Like... fuckin'... collateral damage." Now he was worried because that shit happened all the time in the movies and this sounded like it could be a movie. "What do they plan on doing? What if the cops find out?"
Zach’s expression got more pinched with every question -- he knew how bad all of it sounded, but it seemed to have been in the background of Toby’s life for this long without him even noticing it. It was hard to know what to really worry about, but he probably would’ve been asking the same things if he’d been in his brother’s shoes. “I don’t know, I don’t know like ... hardly any of that,” he said. “Keep in mind this was like, twenty years ago or something, Toby was ten at the time. Or ten when it started. I don’t know. It wasn’t exactly a linear conversation, he hadn’t planned to tell me so we were kind of all over the place. I didn’t get any details on the plan.” Zach paused, a stubbornness that Jai likely knew well taking over his face. “I’m not ditching him over it though. He needs more support, not less.”
Jai knew better than to argue when Zach looked like that but that didn't mean he would stop worrying. "It just sounds crazy," he muttered. "All of it. I know it's dumb to say it but be careful. If things start to get intense or something..." If something happened to Zach, Jai would not be very forgiving to Toby or anyone else who might be involved. Sighing, Jai rested his head again. "I definitely needed to be stoned for this entire conversation. This town is so fucked up."
He bit his tongue on saying that he’d tried to get Jai stoned beforehand, that was pretty pointless. Zach gazed up at his brother’s face from where he was still lying against his thigh. He wouldn’t have been nearly as chill as Jai was if their positions were reversed, he was sure, so Zach understood his worry. It just wasn’t going to deter him from being with Toby. “It really is,” he murmured up at Jai’s chin. “But I’ll try to be careful.” Zach reached up to gently toy with the scruff on the side of Jai’s jaw. He was tempted to turn and climb up into his lap, but Zach didn’t want to push anything if Jai was still feeling sore at him. He was just craving snuggles now, physical reassurance.
Trying to be careful wasn't all that reassuring but Jai knew he couldn't tell Zach what to do. This town was bullshit most of the time and so far, he and Zach had been able to avoid being touched by it, beyond what Zach's mom had done when they were younger. He had no idea what he really wanted at that moment. To retreat to his bedroom? Eat? Get stoned and watch tv? Drive to Dragonfly and see if Neil was there? He was trying to sort his brain out when the doorbell rang. Food. "Burritos," he murmured, finally looking down at Zach. "Okay. We're gonna eat, smoke some more pot and... I don't know, watch some stupid ass movie. No more talk of shit that's going to give me a panic attack."
Zach wasn’t sure what he could do but try to be careful. What Toby was involved in was so much bigger than him, and he didn’t have any useful psychic powers to help or anything. All he could do was try to support his boyfriend through what seemed like some scary, traumatic shit. Zach didn’t feel actually prepared to do that, but who ever was? He would try, that was all he could do. He could sense that Jai wasn’t really feeling the touching, so he let his hand drop after a moment, trying to ignore that uncomfortable, needy feeling in his stomach. He probably ought to leave Jai alone now to process. “Okay,” he murmured in answer, then pulled away and sat up. “I’ll get the door.” Zach stood and went to get their food from the delivery guy, though he wasn’t terribly hungry anymore.
Jai waited until Zach returned with the food before he spoke again. "Y'know I'm not mad at you, right? I'm not even mad at Toby, or anything like that. I'm just worried and you know I don't.... worry a lot, so it's just a weird feeling. Things're changing and all that." And he would have to adjust to it all. Jai was truly, honestly happy for Zach because Toby seemed like a good guy and his brother deserved to have something resembling a normal life. It just came with a lot of feelings.
When Jai was mad at him, it was pretty obvious through their connection, so Zach knew it wasn’t that, at least not on any intense level. He just couldn’t tell if that sense of ‘pulling back’ he was getting was real or a projection of his own worries about all of this. Jai was incredibly important to him, he didn’t want to lose any of their closeness. That was probably selfish, but oh well. Zach dropped the burritos on the coffee table and flopped onto the couch again, pulling his feet up to cross his legs. “They don’t have to change that much,” he said quietly. “Toby doesn’t want to like, come between us.” Sure, they were extra-special close, but still, Toby hadn’t seemed to want them to stop being that close. “But I know you’re worried,” he added in a murmur. “I get that.”
Jai nodded and opened his burrito. He didn't want to argue or anything like that but things would change and maybe that was normal. They were both getting older and even if they had to stay in close proximity physically, that didn't mean their lives wouldn't start to shift away from the other. It wasn't something Jai liked to think about a lot. He just wanted to take things day by day. "It'll be fine," Jai said, wanting to reassure himself as much as Zach. "But promise me you'll tell me if anything weird happens... or anything dangerous. Keep me in the loop on this stuff with Toby."
Zach didn’t want things to change -- or rather, he didn’t want to lose anything. He just wanted to add even more good stuff into their lives. So things would change some, but not in a bad way. At least that was how it would work out in his brain, anyway, but Zach had been known to be overly optimistic sometimes. He reached for the pipe instead of the food, feeling like he wanted to be in a full stupor now that this conversation seemed over. Mostly over, anyway. “I promise,” he said, and meant it. As private as it all might be to Toby, Zach would want transparency from Jai too if their positions were reversed. They had to look out for each other. Since Jai had declared he wanted to watch a stupid ass movie, Zach picked up the remote to start searching for one.
Jai tore off a small piece of his burrito to pop into his mouth before looking over at Zach. "Did I upset you?" He didn't think Zach was mad, but maybe Jai's mood had soured Zach's mood. He couldn't help how he felt and it wasn't like he could hide it from his brother anymore than Zach could hide things from him. But he didn't want to hang out the rest of the night with a dark cloud hovering over their heads. He wanted things to be okay, if they couldn't be good.
It was hard not to be an emotional sponge around each other, so Zach had definitely absorbed some of Jai’s mood. Plus he still felt like he’d done something wrong, even if he hadn’t been able to help it at the time, which sucked. He frowned vaguely at the question, his eyes still on the TV as he flipped through their options probably too fast to make a decision. “No, uh ... I just feel bad. All of it’s upsetting. But you’re just being honest and like, your upset came first, so ...” Zach wanted to ignore those bad feelings so Jai wouldn’t feel bad about feeling bad, which was a totally reasonable reaction to what Zach had told him. Jai had said he wasn’t mad at him, but Zach still felt guilty and like he was fucking up the life equilibrium both of them had been happy with for quite a while. It was his fault things were changing.
"Don't feel bad... just 'cause I'm a worrying asshole." He smiled softly and reached over to squeeze the back of Zach's neck gently. "I'm not upset about you and Toby, Zach. I think it's great. I like seeing you happy. And if you said things aren't gonna change a lot, I believe you, okay? But life is unpredictable and this town can be depressing as hell. I just don't want you to get caught up in something that'll end up hurting you." Whether he meant love, or this kidnapping psychic shit, he had no idea. "I'm always gonna be there for you, you know that, right?"
Always hungry for physical affection, Zach slumped a bit and twisted until he was almost in his brother’s lap again, head against his chest as he hugged Jai around the waist. “Yeah, of course, I know,” he mumbled. They had always been and always would be there for each other, Zach couldn’t imagine anything shaking that loving foundation. He just didn’t want any distance between them at all. Maybe that wasn’t healthy, but oh well. “I would worry about you too, you’re not an asshole. I just ... hate making you feel anything bad. And I don’t want you to think I’m like ... trying to mess up our life or anything.”
Jai grinned. "Man, the only person capable of messing up my life is me... I trust you. And if you trust Toby... I'll trust him too." That didn't mean Jai wouldn't worry, but he could hide it as much as he needed to in order to keep Zach happy. Of course, hiding emotions was near impossible between the both of them. Jai ran his hand over Zach's hair. "Maybe have Toby come over some night. We can hang out, eat and all that. Get to know each other without a ton of other people around."
Zach wasn’t sure that was true, he felt like he and Jai could fuck up each other’s lives pretty good if they really wanted to. He was just certain he would never want to. They were so entwined with each other, one of them burning down would mean both of them suffered. Zach wanted Jai to keep petting him, but he sat up straight again anyway to give him a hopeful little look. “Yeah? Really? ‘Cause I think it’d be fun ...” He could deal with Jai wanting to keep things separate when it came to their shared space, maybe not keep Toby away completely, but coordinate it when they wouldn’t all three be in the apartment together, but Zach was convinced the two of them would get along, maybe even like each other, and he wanted that if they were all open to it.
Jai nodded. "Yeah, really. We'll just chill... or get high, or... I don't know... those two things kind of go hand in hand." He chuckled and reached for his burrito. "But yeah, invite him over. We'll see how it goes." Maybe he would be able to tell whether or not Toby was really okay with the truth about him and Zach. If Jai got any bad vibes, he was going to have to let Zach know because Jai always trusted his gut. "Maybe Toby and I will become BFF," he teased before taking a bite of the food, his appetite slowly coming back.
Zach beamed at him, always quick to cheer up. He didn’t need Jai and Toby to be BFF -- at least he told himself that he didn’t -- but he definitely wanted them to be friendly so they could all spend time together without weirdness or discomfort. Zach had the idea in his head that as soon as Toby and Jai hung out some, they would click and everything would be smooth and gravy and he could keep his two favorite people. “Yeah maybe,” he answered with a little laugh. “Then you guys can hang out and tell embarrassing stories about me and everything.” Zach grinned like he enjoyed that idea, because he honestly kind of did. He reached for his own burrito for the first time, suddenly hungry now that everything felt more okay again.
Jai was someone who was generally laid back and chill with just about everything. He even felt mostly chill about Toby... it was just the stuff Toby was tangled up in. That was the most worrisome part. But they would cross that Worry Bridge whenever they had to and right now, Jai just wanted Zach to be his usual happy, bouncy self. It was pretty clear that Toby made his brother happy too and that was definitely a point in the guy's favor. "I've got so many embarrassing stories about you," Jai warned. "So be careful what you wish for."
He laughed and muttered an “I know, right?” as he unwrapped his burrito. “Maybe he’ll just find it super charming and be even more into me,” Zach suggested, bouncing his eyebrows. He grinned at Jai before he took a bite of food and was overcome with hungry ecstasy, groaning his appreciation around the mouthful. “Okay, pick a show, dork,” he said once he’d chewed enough to speak, nudging the remote toward his brother. Now that all the bad stuff was out of the way, he just wanted to be high and full of food and snuggly with his brother while they just chilled out. Jai was pretty much the only person who could get him to chill, and it was needed in Zach’s life. He was needed, all of him, and now that everything was out in the open, Zach would work hard to find their balance again.