Entry tags:

event: anti-valentine's day 2012, fic, member: starduchess, pairing: severus/hermione, rating: pg-13

Baby Lessons by starduchess
Title: Baby Lessons
Author: starduchess
Pairing: Severus/Hermione
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~1800
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and their worlds belong to their original writers and no copyright infringement or offense is intended. No money was made from this story.
Summary: Severus is nothing to look at and his scowl is imposing enough, so why are people thrusting their babies at him?
A/N: A lovely thank you to miss_e for her quick beta work. Surprise! This one is light-hearted and cute. :)

Baby Lessons

Severus Snape walked briskly down the tight thoroughfare between Diagon and Knocturn Alleys on his way to a clandestine rendezvous with his supplier. Both men were notoriously paranoid, even though most of the rare ingredients the man procured for Snape were perfectly legal, and Snape took extra precautions against tracking and noticing charms. So it was quite a shock when a woman in rags, unfazed by his disillusionment charm, ran straight up to him, thrust a bundle of dirty cloth at him, said, “Please, you have to watch out for her,” then scampered away down the path.

He had his wand out in no time, but the woman had been faster, and now it was engulfed somewhere in this mass he was carrying. Real suspicion dawned on him as the cloth began to shift and writhe in his arms, and his heart nearly exploded when he heard the first muffled cry. No. He gently unwrapped the bundle and sure enough, there it was -- a humble human baby, a girl judging by the bow in her hair. The … thing was wriggling, kicking and waving its arms ineffectually. Snape stared at it, horrified.

The Tempus alarm chimed in his ear. He would be late if he didn’t hurry, which would damage the trust between him and his supplier. He could not leave the baby here, yet there was no time to walk it over to the orphanage; it would have to come with him, at least until after the meeting.

--

The supply run went well, although Brent had looked at him askance with the ragged child in his arms. The child almost had a hissy-fit just as Snape arrived and explained the situation. Luckily, Bert saw the signs and quickly heated up a bottle of milk for it to drink. This calmed her down so they could negotiate on goods, until she made a big scene after finishing it. It turned out her nappy was wet. Brent showed him how to release the magical fasteners, clean the affected area, and place a new one on the baby.

Thanking him for both the ingredients and the infant knowledge, Snape left for the orphanage.

--

“I had the oddest encounter today,” Snape told Hermione over dinner.

“Oh, did something go amiss with Brent?”

“No, that part proceeded as planned. It happened before then. This strange woman walked up to me and thrust her innocent child into my arms, said to care for it, then vanished before I could recover my senses.”

Hermione sat there a little stunned, dinner fork slightly forgotten as it drooped back down toward the plate. “Someone just gave you their baby in the middle of the street.”

Snape nodded.

“Where is it?” she asked, looking around. “What did you do with it?”

He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “I took it to the orphanage where she should have taken it in the first damned place.”

“Oh,” she said a little crestfallen. “It would have been nice to have held one.”

“Nonsense,” he returned. “Babies are not nice. They are a burden.”

She snorted and turned the conversation elsewhere.

--

A week went by before another incident occurred. This time he was headed to the Ministry’s patent office to refute someone else’s claim on his anti-diuretic potion when a flustered couple holding twins ran up to him and passed them right off. The woman petted his robes while the man patted his cheek, gave him a chaste kiss, and muttered a quick “There’s a good lad,” then they ran off so fast Snape didn’t have time to blink, nor did he have a free hand with which to pull out his wand and hex them.

Again, he would be late if he had to reroute to the orphanage first. Sodding peasants. Did he look like a social worker? Of course not. His scowl should put anyone off. Puzzled and annoyed, he brought the children in with him, much to the confused and disapproving looks of everyone around him. At least he knew about the nappies and the milk this time, although he was unprepared for the burping and the spit-up.

--

“This is utterly absurd. I am certainly not the person with whom random individuals should be trusting their offspring. It’s lucky for them I know how to Apparate to a children’s safehouse rather than simply curse the mewling infants out of existence.” Snape was quite flustered by all the activity.

“As much as you may deny it, Severus, you would never harm a child,” Hermione assured him as they sat on the couch drinking tea.

“This has happened twice now. If the universe tries for a third time, I will up and move to the countryside.”

She chuckled. “You would not rearrange your life like that. Besides, you dealt with the situation with your usual reason and good grace. Perhaps the universe is trying to show you your own self-worth.”

“More like, my complete ineptitude at child rearing. They were sick all over my robes.”

Hermione did laugh. “They were babies; that’s what they do. You’ll get used to it.”

“I have no intention of getting used to it for that assumes I would be around said infants more often. That is not going to occur.”

“Suit yourself, but I think you're missing out on an important aspect of life. Anyway, I appreciate what you’ve done - albeit reluctantly - for those kids. Maybe I can show you how much?” she asked with a saucy gleam in her eye and slight smirk on her lips.

Snape lent in closer. “Oh, yes. A show of gratitude would go a long way in assuaging my annoyance.” He captured her mouth in a kiss that soon turned heated. Hands running over her smooth curves, he picked her up and swept her into the bedroom, tea growing cold behind them.

--

About two weeks later, Snape delivered a new batch of potions to St. Mungo’s, some of which were highly volatile to the point where he did not trust sending them through the normal owl post. Meeting with Mrs. Chesterby in the stock room was quick and all-business, but she appeared distracted today.

“I feel like a chicken with its head cut-off. There’s a bit of a flu epidemic going on right now as well as an increase in drunken fights in the pubs, so the hospital is a bit overrun at the moment and a little short-staffed. Would you be a dear and take these supplies over to the maternity ward? Thanks, luv.” Without even waiting for confirmation from Snape, she thrust a large box full of potions, magical monitors, towels and other items into his hands and turned back to her work.

Snape humphed, but he shrunk the box to fit in his pocket and walked over to the maternity ward. “I was told to deliver these supplies from Mrs. Chesterby,” he announced to the front-desk medi-nurse.

“Oh, that’s nice of you. Just place them on that table to the far right and I’ll put them away later.” She smiled brightly, then shifted away from him to answer a patient's summons.

He unshrunk the box and placed it on the table, satisfied that his duties were done. Just as he prepared to leave, pandemonium broke out around him, sirens blaring and medi-witches and -wizards running all around. It was really none of his business and he was sure to be in the way, but as he turned to go, the front-desk woman came up to him.

“Please, sir, could you watch over the nursery? Two women and one man have all gone into premature, emergency labor and all the staff is being asked to help in the deliveries. If you could just watch over the infants for, say, half an hour, it would really help us. Please.”

Appalled, Snape immediately refused. “Madam, I am not a member of this hospital and I certainly do not have any training in the care of small children. It is ludicrous to ask me.”

“But there’s no one else. You don’t have to do much, just watch the monitors and change a nappy or two. The mothers and fathers will ring if it’s time for nursing, and you just bring the baby to them. A few have milk under their incubators. Just press the big red button if something major goes wrong. Please,” she pleaded a last time before the medi-wizard in the door yelled for her to come along.

Forced into this situation again, he gritted his teeth and searched out the nursery. Seven small babies lay in tiny, elevated cribs, monitoring charms displaying read-outs above their heads. Six were sleeping, thankfully, but the last one was fussing, trying to push out of its blankets and beginning to eat its fists. Snape stood watching it uneasily.

The fisting motion became more frantic and it started letting out tiny grunts and half-cries. Hoping to stem off a full crying fit, he carefully picked up the child to comfort it. It started bumping its mouth and nose against his chest. “Whatever the bloody hell are you doing?” he asked it. Just then, the bell from its mother rang, and Snape realised it was trying to find his breast for milk. “Sorry, little one. I have none for you, but your mother surely will.” He took the infant and walked to the room indicated by the buzz.

--

He ran his hands over her delicate shoulders and down her thin arms, bringing one hand up to his lips and kissing and licking each digit with relish. “Hm, lovely after the day I’ve had.”

“Tell me about it,” Hermione said a little breathlessly.

“Spending over two hours supervising the neonatal ward in St. Mungo’s was not on my agenda this afternoon.” He licked her inner wrist, which garnered an intake of her breath and a push upward of her chest. Continuing soft kisses up her arm to her inner elbow, he explained, “I had no less than twelve, disgusting nappies to change, not to mention a barrage of potions to pour down unwanting throats and a score of parents scowling at me for handling their precious treasures.”

Hermione was only half paying attention, but she heard the underlying care in his voice. “Hm,” she moaned, “you’re so good with kids. It was very sweet of you to watch over them.”

He chuckled. “I think a hefty reward is in order for my generosity of spirit. After all I am not father material. I have no idea why this keeps happening.” He rubbed his face all over her stomach, his slick, black hair tickling her a bit.

“Oh, I don’t know, Severus. I think you could do very well as a father. Perhaps the universe is just giving you some practice before the real thing comes.”

Snape paused in thought. “Wait. What are you saying?’

“I’m saying that I’m pregnant! Happy Valentine's Day!”

…

“Fuck!”

“Yes, I’d like some more of that now, too.”

-The End-