Entry tags:

event: anti-valentine's day 2012, fic, member: kayakaari, pairing: severus/harry, rating: g

Somebody That I Used To Know by kayakaari
Title: Somebody That I Used To Know
Author: kayakaari
Pairing: Severus/Harry.
Rating: G
Word Count: ~1600 (not including song lyrics)
Warnings: I don’t know – none or angst, song-fic, established relationship.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and their worlds belong to their original writers and no copyright infringement or offense is intended. No money was made from this story.
Summary: Severus deals with the fall out after his relationship with Harry ends.
A/N: Thank you to my beta, Neymat and global time differences which meant that she was awake when I should have been asleep. I’ve chosen not to use some of her suggestions for stylistic reasons so if I confuse you, it’s not her fault! This ficlet is strongly based on the song Somebody that I used to know by Gotye featuring Kimbra.

Somebody That I Used To Know

Snape’s POV

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

Severus leaned on the doorjamb glaring balefully (he hoped) into the room that he and Harry once shared. The room that was now void of anything remotely Harry-like. It was a month now since New Year’s Eve when the Weasleys had shown up at the cottage and spirited off Harry’s things like thieves in the night.

January had been a very long month.

With a deep sigh, making the decision to once again delay the inevitable, Severus stepped back into the hall and pulled the bedroom door shut. He wasn’t quite ready to deal with the room, or the memories it held.

He wasn’t even really certain why. It was not like he and Harry had been happy together. They simply hadn’t. After that first year, there had been more fighting than making up, more sulking than snogging and a growing sense of loneliness in each other’s company.

It was the loneliness that Severus recalled the most. He had never quite figured out why or when being around Harry had stopped being enough. That first year, in those first few passionate months, the mere sight of Harry’s message-bearing stag Patronus was enough to put a smile on Snape’s face and make him feel important, loved – blessed that his lover was so considerate.

But over time the Patronus came to mean that Harry would be late, again. The scent of his lover on their sheets no longer felt like an embrace from the Auror; it signified his absence. The ever-present hand on his back when they were in public no longer made Severus feel included; the touch no longer felt possessive and protective, now it felt careless, dismissive.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But Severus never complained. For all that he was the holder of an Order of Merlin, First Class, and star of his own chocolate frog card, he held no delusions; he was still unattractive and had a dour personality. People didn’t like him- they may have respected him, barely, but they only tolerated him for Harry’s sake. Severus was sure of it.

And so he had suffered his loneliness in silence, telling himself he should just be grateful for the other man’s attentions. He stayed at home and spent countless happy (he’d frequently reassured himself) hours alone in his lab while Harry travelled Europe chasing after rogue Death Eaters. He had never liked public events anyway so he was only too happy (yes, happy) when Harry finally stopped insisting they go together.

And when they were together, it was sex or nothing at all. The ‘peaceful’ silences were so drawn out that Severus occasionally had to send stinging hexes Harry’s way just to make sure that the other man was still alive. They’d had nothing in common but a fondness for amazing sex. And oh, the sex... the sex...

When they first went public with their relationship, Rita Skeeter wrote an article on all the many reasons they did not make sense as a couple. Despite himself and Harry’s righteous anger, the list lodged itself firmly in Severus’ head and he (too often) found himself mentally checking off each item as it was proven correct.

It turned out that Harry had memorized the list too. Or perhaps, more likely, Hermione had. It didn’t matter much which of them recalled the list. Harry was the one to mention it when he proposed the trial separation. Severus scoffed at the memory. Trial indeed; he hadn’t heard a word from the other man since that day, not even ‘Happy Birthday’.

The rat-tat-tat on his window woke Severus out of his daze. He looked down into the empty cauldron and then to the tube of Muggle toothpaste in his hand. Harry’s tube of Muggle toothpaste- the only thing the Weasleys had left behind. He glared at the treacherous hand – they had been together all his life, he and that hand, and yet now it brought toothpaste to his lab. Even if its owner was distracted, habit should have prevented such an error- Muggle toothpaste was not the base for any potion.

A loud hoot and a rattle ended Severus’ irrational argument with his appendage and drew his eyes towards the window where an owl was evidently trying to give itself a concussion.

“Stupid bird!” Severus snapped, grabbing the parchment roughly from the animal’s beak. He grabbed a handful of the owl treats that Harry, Harry, had placed below the window.

“Hoot!” the owl replied cheerfully.

“Go away!” Severus growled, annoyed at anyone or anything bringing cheer into this cottage. He shoved the bird and treats out of the window and slammed it shut with a satisfying bang.

“Hoo?” the owl protested, turning to look at Severus over its shoulder. “Hoo!”

Severus opened the envelope and read the invitation. He smiled, rushing to the Floo. This was the perfect opportunity to reopen lines of communication with Harry. The event was the younger man’s favourite. Severus also enjoyed it because it was the one occasion where people were most likely to leave them alone.

February 14th, Minister of Magic’s Valentine’s Day Ball

“Harry? Harry!” Hermione whispered harshly.

Harry blinked owlishly in surprise. Why was Hermione looking so flustered? He followed her eyes down to where his hand held someone else’s in an abandoned handshake. Blushing, his eyes followed that arm upwards to the smiling face of its owner.

“...ard Pilkington, who works in St. Mungo’s,” Hermione was saying.

“Mr. Pilkington,” Harry stuttered.

“Nonsense, Mr. Potter. Please, you must call me Leonard,” the handsome man interrupted.

Harry nodded absently, his eyes coming to focus on a lone figure attempting to blend in with the granite columns that punctuated the balcony of the mezzanine above.

“Harry!” Hermione hissed, pinching him sharply on the arm.

“Ow! What?”

He was still holding the bemused Healer’s hand.

Harry let go and mumbled a hasty apology as he hurried away, “I’m sorry, er, Edward and yeah, yeah, you should call me... call me... Severus... yeah? Erm, will you excuse me?”

Harry’s POV

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

“Mr. Potter,” Severus drawled with apparent bored disinterest. “To what do I owe the honour of a moment of your precious time?”

Harry stepped back as though slapped. Severus hadn’t spoken to him so coldly in a very long time. Almost as long as the last time he had referred to Harry as Mr. Potter.

“Mr. Potter?” he gasped, “Mr. Pot-? I cannot believe that you have the unmitigated temerity to be angry at me!”

“I am not angry, Mr. Potter. I was just-”

“Stop it! Just stop it,” Harry hissed. “My name is Harry and you used it perfectly well for five years so knock it off with this Mr. Potter nonsense! Okay? Just... That’s enough! I won’t have you...” Harry waved his hand as though trying to conjure the right words.

Severus sneered but said nothing.

“What?”

Severus arched his eyebrow enquiringly.

Harry took a deep breath and counted backwards from one hundred. ... ninety-eight, ninety-seven... He had learned better self-control techniques than that while training with the Aurors but right now he couldn’t think of any. ... ninety, eighty-nine... And hadn’t that always been the way with Severus? ... eighty-three, eighty-two...

Severus scowled and looked away.

“Don’t you dare!” Harry exploded. “Don’t you dare turn your back on me! Why are you here?”

“I was invited.”

“You’ve never come before,” Harry insisted.

“How lovely of you to remember that I accompanied you to this very event for every one of the last five years,” Severus snapped.

Harry gasped. He could not believe the nerve of this man.

“You see? You see? This,” he screeched, jabbing his finger at the air between them, “this is why we didn’t work. It’s always a game to you, isn’t it, Severus? It’s always a game of one-upmanship with you and you always have to win. Either you say nothing or you take my words and turn them against me, use them to ridicule me, belittle me and ignore my concerns!”

“Yes, well,” Severus mumbled. Harry felt minimally appeased. Severus never mumbled. “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? You called checkmate, got the fat lady to sing, dealt the final blow. Congratulations, Harry,” he bowed mockingly, “you won!”

Harry growled in anger. “You agreed to this!”

“I agreed to a trial separation. I did not realize that a trial separation meant complete silence!” Severus hissed and walked away.

Harry remained immobile for a moment. Severus hadn’t managed to turn away in time and Harry had seen the tears swimming in the other man’s eyes. He had heard the tremor in his voice.

“Severus! Severus, wait,” Harry called, running after the man.

Damn the man and his sexy stalk and powerful presence. His ability to command people to his will without ever opening his mouth had not diminished. People cleared the way as Severus approached, allowing him to quickly escape. Harry glared at a few wizards and witches who stepped into his way as they angled for a better view of the billowing robes.

“Severus!” Harry called again as they entered the nearly empty Atrium. “I suggested a trial separation but you said,” he grabbed the man’s arm and covered the dish of Floo powder.

“Do you remember what you said, Severus? Because I do! You told me to go. You looked relieved that it was over. Merlin, you even quoted Rita bloody Skeeter. You said that you were happy to separate and that I should just go because you didn’t need me. You said...”

Snape’s POV

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Severus snatched his arm away and hurried towards the exit with Harry in full pursuit once more. He did not slow down and he did not stop.

He stepped out into the crisp London air and turned suddenly on his heel causing Harry to run into him.

“I know what I said and I know what you said! Friends, you said. ‘We will always be friends,’” Severus mimicked. “So is this friendship? This complete silence, pretending that I no longer exist, that we never existed... A Fidelius Charm to a new home whose address I do not know...”

Severus closed his eyes, the first tears finally escaping as he prepared to Apparrate. “But I guess I don’t need that though. Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.”