Lilian Raleigh (lilian_raleigh) wrote in sevencitiesic, @ 2015-03-27 12:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | #march (03) 2015, lilian raleigh |
Realizations
WHO: Lily
WHERE: A deserted stretch of shore near Erela
WHAT'S HAPPENING: Lily reflects on all the things
WHEN: Friday, dusk
RATING: A for angst, N for narrative
She had meant to come out to find her place alone yesterday, but it simply hadn't happened. One thing had led to another, and she simply hadn't had time. Now though, as the sun set on Friday, Lily found herself alone on a deserted stretch of beach, alone save for the calling birds swooping overhead and the soft sounds of the waves as the tide drew back out. Settling against the rocks, she let her thoughts wander. Not all of the realizations had dawned at once. Some were obvious -- almost painfully so. Some she thought she'd understood but realized she hadn't truly grasped the depth of them until something reminded her why she couldn't have certain things in her life. Like yesterday, when the very cute algebra teacher had asked her out and she'd had to decline. She didn't want to decline -- rather, she'd wanted very much to accept, to see where things went. He was charming, funny, very easy on the eyes, and she thought they had very good chemistry. But her life wasn't her own anymore. It was sometimes difficult to grapple with that fact. But she'd elected to walk the path she was on. She'd seen something horrible, something that shouldn't be allowed to exist in this world, and now that there were people gearing up to do something about it, she wanted to help. It was a narrow path, a treacherous path, and she feared that she'd fall with no one to catch her. The fact that she might die for this cause had occurred to her but only in an abstract form. If she was caught, she'd die. Possibly painfully. But if she was caught, if she was going to die, she hoped it would mean something. Lily had no idea how to make it mean something since everything the Syndicate did was in the cover of darkness, behind closed doors so the sheep wouldn't be aware there were wolves among them. If she could find someone she truly trusted, someone who could hold her secret with her, who was going to fight like she was going to fight, it might be easier. Someone who could take her death and turn it public. Someone willing to die if they had to. But it was so goddamn hard to know who she could trust, who she could open up to. She simply wasn't there yet with many of the rebels, and for now she couldn't get to that point with them. Not while she was wearing her mask. And she intended to wear her mask as long as she could, to be as useful as possible. She wondered sometimes if there were others like her. If there were other people wearing Syndicate masks who were on the same path she was. She supposed there must be, and while she longed to know who they were, to meet them, she knew it was a risk to both of them. To the cause. To everything. It was like a house of cards, and one card out of place could bring the whole thing down. But she'd chosen this path, and it was the right path. She'd walk it until they were all free, or until she was dead, and she'd walk it as well as she knew how and hope for the best. Because really, what else could she do? Stand aside and let the secret horrors continue? No. She couldn't do that. With her resolve strengthened and feeling a little better about everything, Lily eased off her rocky perch. She wiped the salt spray off her face, and if some of that dampness was tears, what of it? It was going to be a hard path, a long path, a lonely path, but ultimately it was her path. She doubted very much these tears would be the last to fall as she stumbled along through life, young and alone, but convinced she was doing what was right. Smoothing down the fabric of her white sundress, Lily made her way back along the shore to begin her walk home. |