Clark: Lex? Hi, this is your arch-nemesis speaking. Listen, I've been having some marital problems, and I was wondering if you could give me some...?
Lex: No.
Clark: No?
Lex: No.
Clark: But... why not? C'mon, you owe me.
Lex: First off, you ARE my arch-nemesis, so I don't owe you a gorram thing...
Clark: Yes, you do. Remember when I dropped by your offices two weeks ago to toss your latest failed henchman back in your face, and I ALMOST tossed him through the stained glass picture window at you, but you screamed 'not the window!', so I didn't?
Lex: That doesn't count.
Clark: It was a VERY nice window.
Lex: Look, first off, you don't owe someone for NOT doing something, second, you're my arch-nemesis, so like I said, I don't owe you a gorram thing, thirdly, you're the biggest softy in the world - if you HAD broken that very expensive family heirloom window, you would have fused it together with your own heat-vision as soon as I told you it used to be my grandmother's - and fourthly, this is Selina we're talking about.
Clark: You... you know who my wife is?
Lex: Damn skippy I do. Criminal grapevine, you know? And my answer to you therefore is ha ha, you poor sap, you're on your own.
Clark: How can you be so cruel?
Lex: First, because I'm a villain, and secondly because I know Selina. We dated once, for two weeks. You know what happened?
Clark: I think I can guess...
Lex: No, you can't. You really can't. One morning, I woke up to find I'd been stripped nude and tied up by a cat-o'-nine-tails, my priceless collection of Renaissance glasswork had been stolen, my favorite bottle of Dom Perignon had vanished, and to top it off, when I got to the office I found that SOMEONE had, in my name, donated a full third of LexCorp's quarterly earnings to the Gotham Charity for Bruised and Beleaguered Pussycats.
Clark: That sounds like her, all right.
Lex: Precisely. I wouldn't touch that woman with a ten-foot pole. So A: ha ha ha ha ha, you poor dope, I'm going to laugh like crazy the moment I put down the phone, B: she must love you to some degree if she hasn't robbed you blind by now, so take heart, and C: when next we meet, I shall surely destroy you.
Clark: But... I mean... Lex...
Lex: Bye-ee. *click*
Clark: *to self* Perhaps I should try couples counseling?