I thought about this for awhile. My first reaction was "Oh, wow, an internet rage out over THIS?" but I came around to your point of view. Some wounds are really raw and will always remain that way. I know from experience even tiny things can rip things open and something like this can be devastating.
What I don't know is what the characters are supposed to DO in this situation. Not much, I don't think. Of course, Barbara at least has the benefit of still being alive and getting to decide what offends her and what doesn't. She has her issues, but who knows how much she would care.