alicia spinnet + Wanda Maximoff
mention of torture | complete
Alicia knew she and Wanda were still a little bit off they weren’t as confident as they usually were during training and they both seemed a little bit hesitant which wasn’t normal for either of them.
Alicia was working on a wandless spell to push some of Wanda’s powers further and surround a target in a slightly new way. It wasn’t going especially well. The first couple of times they’d set a couple of targets on fire, the third time the thing just flat out blew up.
“I guess if we are going for complete destruction,” Alicia grumbled as she turned to go get a drink of water. They hadn’t decided on a break, but Alicia knew she needed to take a moment.
“That might not be such a bad thing,” Wanda mumbled as she sat down in a folding chair. Although it probably would be best do so only on purpose instead of accidental because they couldn’t get the magic right. She picked up her own water from the table next to her and took a long sip. Her breathing was a little heavy and she was starting to get sweaty, more so than usual whenever they held their session - at least the magical ones.
Wanda was tired. They hadn’t been working much harder than normal if anything they were more hesitant and conservative with the spells they were using. They’d taken a few days to heal, rest, and try to start getting past what all happened last month, but it wasn’t that simple. Some things stuck with you and were hard to move past no matter how much you wanted to or tried.
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure if anything I try today is going to turn out the way we mean for it to,” she said, though Wanda knew it wasn’t just her. Neither were back to their full selves yet. At least the explosions were a little therapeutic.
Nodding she didn't really know what to say, they were both off and they both were struggling to get back to themselves.
"Me too," she said after a few moments of silence. "We're both off," Alicia hated to say it, but they were both struggling with everything that had happened how they were coping.
"Maybe we should try something easier, or go for a hike and say fuck it for today."
“Yeah,” Wanda agreed softly. It was hard to admit that neither were quite themselves even if both knew it. Saying it out loud was different than feeling it and keeping it to themselves. With Alicia, though, the admission was different because she understood. She’d been there.
She wasn’t sure what she’d rather to - keep at it or give up for the day. She had the brief notion to keep going but to work on intentionally trying to blow things up instead of making it accidental, but then she realized that could possibly become a lot bigger and more dangerous than either of them might want especially if their emotions started to get in the way even more than they already were.
“I call for saying fuck it and going out on that hike. Maybe grab something to eat afterwards?” She took a sip of her water. “A distraction would be nice.”
There was so much pain surrounding both of them still that Alicia couldn't keep her mind straight or get herself to completely focus on anything, she hated it. She felt like she was a complete mess and she hated the lack of control.
"A hike it is," she managed a small smile. "We should probably warn Ollie that we're planning on ditching training the rest of the day," she said knowing that Oliver had been called out by Becker to go over a couple of things while the girls had stayed behind to work. "Don't think he'd be too pleased if we up and vanished on him." She paused with a slight frown. "Again."
Wanda paused briefly when Alicia misspoke, but tried to smile at the correction. “All of Atlantis would probably be on full alert,” she said and picked up her phone. “I can text him to let him know we're heading out. I'll tell him he's welcome to join us once he's finished if he wants to catches up. If not, we can tell him to meet us for dinner on our way back.”
Gathering the rest of her things, Wanda nodded to her friend. “Ready to go?” They started to head out, and once they were outside, fell into easy step next to each other. There was a pause in conversation, and Wanda hesitated a moment before speaking.
“Do you ever have nightmares or dreams?” She asked. “About what happened.”
"Let's text him now, he's fast enough to catch up," Alicia didn't think that they'd go fast enough today for him not to catch up and knowing him he wouldn't mind the challenge. Alicia thought for a moment and added. "The trail that leads up to the waterfall on the east side?" It was a good hike but nothing crazy and it wasn't the toughest one. She half ignored that all of Atlantis would be on high alert she didn't want to think about that.
Adjusting the small backpack that she'd transformed a towel from she didn't mind the pause as they headed across the river and towards the range.
"Yeah, that or I don't sleep at all. I know Sam's worried, and he keeps offering to listen, but I don't even know what to say." She hated that she didn't have some profound thought or something or other. "You?" Alicia knew the answer to it, but maybe if they could talk about it together, they'd both be better.
Wanda nodded and tapped the keys on her phone to let Oliver know what their plans were and where they would be if he wanted to catch up. The trail was a nice one, and she really did love the view of the waterfall. The crashing water to the rocks down below might have been scary for some, but it was peaceful to her.
Not really saying much in response, Wanda kept her eyes forward as they walked. “Yes. I mean, it’s been the same for me too. I’m usually able to fall asleep, but once I wake up from… one of them, I am not able to go back to sleep. I’ve been getting up very early.”
It wasn’t simply the experience or the torture that plagued her, although that was a large part of it, especially the feeling of not being able to breathe. Sometimes Wanda would dream that she or someone else close to her was being taken again. Despite the ongoing threat of the war they were in, one of the big parts about Atlantis that she took comfort in, was that she felt safe here. She didn’t always feel like she was having to look over her shoulder. “Being here doesn’t feel the same as it did before.”
"I'm not sure you can call it getting up very early when it's one or two in the morning, I think that counts as taking a kind of nap or something else." Alicia gave a hollow laugh. She hated how weak she felt lately.
Nodding she let silence fall between them for a moment as she thought about how unsafe she felt, how she jumped at shadows and felt like someone was about to get her from another side. "Even though we all knew we were fighting a war, it felt safe," Alicia hated the feeling, and she didn't know what to do about it.
"The counselling is more irritating than useful." She added.
Wanda smiled a little about sleeping or napping. No, she hadn’t really been sleeping much at all. Napping was more like it, and as much as she didn’t like not being able to get multiple hours of sleep at a time, she would rather wake up after a short while versus toss and turn with nightmares. Either way, she was still tired the next morning.
“I haven’t been a very good patient.” Counselling wasn’t something Wanda had ever been good with from a young girl to shortly before coming to Atlantis. After her parents had been killed, she and Pietro hadn’t been to counselling since they were on their own but she hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Not even with him. More recently, she still kept her feelings about what happened with Ultron to herself unless Steve or The Vision proded it out of her somehow. After what happened this time, she still hadn’t wanted to talk about it much.
As they walked and made it to the trail, they took a couple of rocky sections before the path levelled out for a bit. “I saw that your older sister was here,” she said and glanced over at her friend. “But I understand if you’d rather not talk about her.”
"Somehow going over it in detail doesn't really seem all that helpful huh?" Alicia wasn't a really good patient herself, one session she'd insisted on talking about dog names and what would or wouldn't be a good name for a dog, she could tell it was driving the shrink a little nuts, but it was better than talking about the pain.
At the mention of her sister, she flinched a little bit. "Yeah," she said with a shrug. "She's..." Alicia let out a sigh. "I'm just waiting till she tries something to get back at me, she blames me for everything that went wrong, she doesn't take responsibility for her actions and just blames everyone else." Alicia was bitter about it.
"I don't know why she had to stay."
Wanda didn’t completely understand the relationship Alicia had with her eldest sister, but that was because her idea of a sibling relationship was completely skewed by the only sibling she’d ever known - Pietro. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to have such a troubling relationship with him. But then there were the Avengers that she’d come to know over the last year or so while still at home. They weren’t her blood, but many of them had become like family. Some she was more glad to have here than others.
“Maybe she’s content ignoring you as much as you’d like to her. I didn’t get the impression she’s glad to do you either. Or maybe she’ll be on the list of departures soon. I know that would be the easiest for you and the others.” Considering the circumstances, Wanda doubted that she’d ever leave on her own accord, but there were plenty of people that left here without wanting to leave.
Wanda looked over at her and smiled a little. “I could toss a hex at her for you if you want. She doesn’t know my magic.”
Alicia gave a sad smile. "Elle isn't the sort to just sit back and ignore," Alicia didn't think her sister would ever not go after her or find some way to make her life hell. Alicia hated knowing her sister was probably going to be here for however long they all were in Atlantis.
Laughing she nodded. "If she does anything to Em, you're my first call," she told her nodding up towards a small rock face. "Race you to the top, and no magic!" Alicia challenged figuring they both could use something more fun.