JACK MORRISON + GABRIEL REYES
S FOR SAD | COMPLETE
REPRESSED FEELINGS + STUPID MEN
Gabriel Reyes kept secrets for a living. Omission, the need-to-know basis, subterfuge - it was all just another word or phrase for taking facts too contentious for the public and making them disappear under assurances or misdirection. But he hadn’t used to do it to his loved ones. Specifically, Jack got the unvarnished truth, even if it was ugly or sad or timid. But not lately. Not since the war was won and peace was worse to get through. Not since he’d hired that smirking scientist with an impressive CV and a frightening work ethic. Not since she’d suggested an alternate approach, and instead of shutting it down, he’d entertained her theories with his own veins as collateral.
The side effects weren’t great, but manageable. Undoubtedly, he was some kind of scientific breakthrough - Moira had been thrilled, and her satisfaction had only pissed him off more, and beneath that anger was fright and a cold realization that oh-boy-howdy had he fucked up.
And he hadn’t told Jack. Hadn’t seen fit to mention that oh, occasionally, his body dissolves and it fucking hurt until it was over. Hadn’t mentioned that thin crevices posed no problem. Hadn’t come clean about how Moira referred to him as a “successful indication that destruction is only the beginning of creation”, whatever the fuck that meant. But it didn’t matter, because they were in Atlantis, and he knew Jack knew, because while Jack smiled for the cameras and played the naive soldier and symbol of the world’s hope, he was also clever, and wouldn’t have been able to resist a peek into the hell that was the future of their life back home. Terrorism and lost ideals and a fracture too violent to heal.
So Jack knew, and he wasn’t saying anything. And Gabe hadn’t said anything to begin with.
Gabe was drinking black coffee, up since four am, and as soon as he heard padded feet leaving the bedroom and a presence behind him (for Jack spent as much time at his apartment as Gabe spent in Jack’s) he said: “We need to talk.”
Jack usually didn’t do much until he had his own cup-and-a-half of coffee - not black, because he actually loved his own self - and being told those dreaded four words was enough to take the sleepy smile off of his face as he continued past Gabe and straight to the coffee maker.
He knew. He knew it all, at this point, every bit of information that was available on the internet. It was one of the first things he did after arriving to Atlantis, despite warnings from other people around him. But Jack couldn’t perform if he was taken by surprise, and having all of the information hurt early on, but it was better for everyone all around. His own feelings rarely mattered in the situation, anyway, and he knew Gabe well enough to know confrontation would get him nowhere.
Two sugars, one cream, Jack was satisfied once the coffee was to a dark caramel, and took a slip slowly. Once the fog cleared just a tiny bit, he turned around, coffee in hand, hip resting against the counter, a trained act of casual nonchalance. “Do we?”
“Think so,” Gabe replied with the same degree of feigned distraction, taking another sip of his coffee and wishing he’d done this over liquor. But no - sloppy confessions had never been his style, and the morning light was cold but truthful. No props were going to help get them through this one.
He swung his legs over, facing Jack, his back to the table. There were a million things to say, and he was crap at saying any of them, so instead he took a breath, let it out, and decided upon the most important thing: “I fucked up. With O’Deorain. No question.” He’d had his reasons but they weren’t relevant, not now, and unless Jack wanted to hear them, there was no point in justifying anything.
“Yeah,” Jack wasn’t afraid of agreeing with Gabe’s stupidity. Hell, he was the one that called him out on it more than anyone else. “I’d say you did.” He wasn’t about to get closer, so he just continued sipping his coffee, staring his longtime partner down. They were never the kind of people to hem and haw over things - avoid a topic, sure, but they didn’t hint around it.
“You realize that before or after you found out she was Talon?” No question, an act of betrayal that hit them all a little in the stomach. Then again, so had the realization that Gabe was working for the same organization in their future.
Gabriel didn’t wince - he was too trained in obfuscation, too good at keeping a straight face - but it didn’t matter because his shoulders twitched, and Jack knew all his tells anyway. Talon. It had always been a thorn in his side, but now it felt more like a slow and inevitable poison spreading inside of him, eating away at him bit by bit over the years. He wondered suddenly if Jack had concerns that he was already compromised, and his eyes flicked back to Jack’s, a sliver of fright showing there.
“I realized it as soon as I understood she had leverage over me. The experiments. The results.” It was supposed to help his people, prevent them from being injured, broken soldiers. It wasn’t supposed to be some oily, smoky thing as unpredictable as it was unstoppable. Again, he didn’t voice his reasons, only: “I learned she was on Talon’s payroll the same time you did.”
It was a good thing that Jack was able to pretend to be awake in the midst of a heavy conversation - but he was used to it being someone he already barely tolerated, not Gabe.
Then again, most of his conversations with Gabe these days only revolved around work. It was something that didn’t make him especially happy, but neither did arguing, and having to come up with a silent truce helped things along, at least. Not that it was a healthy relationship thing to do.
“It was a rookie move.” Jack agreed, not letting Gabe get fully away from this one. “At least before, our shit rookie move was together.” SEP was another one of those dumb moves, that they’re lucky they got out alive from. Jack took another sip of his coffee and stared down at the floor. “Anybody in medical here rival her in fixing it?”
“I wanted something of my own,” Gabriel said, and it was as close to the bald truth as he knew how to get. It wasn’t a good reason to let one of his employees experiment on him - but it was his reason, nonetheless. Having the secret felt like the days when he didn’t need Jack’s permission. When he didn’t need monitoring, or prepped for the cameras or told what to say or who to say it to. Most of that wasn’t Jack’s fault. He knew that much. But it still felt as if Overwatch was one big chessboard and Jack had more than half the pieces.
“I’ve done some look into their background,” he answered, looking away as he crossed his arms. There were magic users here as well as scientists. “Nobody that really struck me as the perfect fit, though. Hell, Moira said she didn’t know how to reverse it - but take your pick as to whether or not she was lying.”
“Jesus.” Jack pushed off of the counter and turned around again, setting his now-empty coffee cup down with a little more force than he intended. It was a miracle the fucking thing didn’t break, as he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a deep, calming breath. Getting angry now wasn’t going to solve anything, and Gabe was just being honest rather than antagonizing.
But it was still fucking maddening. The pair had known each other for more than half of their lives at this point, had been together in their own way for just as fucking long, and it was still a competition. For not-the-first-time, Jack wished he had turned down the commander title, had wished that he would have just quit and gone into security consolation. But they had his balls in a vice after SEP.
“Yeah, I don’t believe that.” He talked over his shoulder, now, not willing to turn around just yet. “Maybe some of the magic users, but I wouldn’t trust they wouldn’t just make it worse. How bad is it?”
Gabriel was the kind who pretended that colds were going to kill him and that deadly wounds were no big deal, so his scale for physical nuisance was more than a little… off. So he hesitated, trying to think not only how to describe his new “enhancements” but how to make it seem manageable but unpredictable.
In the end, he went for blunt honesty: “It’s not great,” he concluded, “and some days are better than others, but it doesn’t seem to be getting worse.” A handful of Excedrin on the bad days and he could usually power through - thank you SEP bullshit - and on the good days, well. No one could argue that his ability to sneak wasn’t enhanced. Running his hand over his chin, he let his shoulders drop, hating this conversation but willing to see it through. “I should’ve told you. I wanted to get it fixed or-reversed before I did. S’not like you needed any more fucking problems.”
Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, containing his temper to a high degree. He wanted to rail against Gabe, yell at him that fuck yes you should’ve said something or Fuck you, but his heart wasn’t in it. Twenty years and it was still the same shit over and over-- Gabe closed off and kept things from him, and Jack struggled to keep a hold on what they already had, but taking what he could get. No doubt Gabe could probably tell from his body language, too, as he turned back around.
“Half our damn lives and you still won’t let me in on shit that matters.” Jack shook his head and waved a hand, brushing it off. “Nevermind. We’ll figure it out. We always do. I’ll ask around the scientists and magic people, see what kind of experience they have with unfucking this mess.” Planning was in his forte, and it was easier than worrying about feelings and relationships, at least.
Gabriel knew that tone - the dismissive, I’m-the-leader tone that usually set off their real fights when something big was on the line. It was literally only the guilt he felt that kept him from answering in kind with his typical ‘oh what a capital idea your highness’ sarcasm, and the effort showed on his face. Jack had his reasons for his frustration, and if he was able to deal with this shit more clearly from the perspective of it being an Overwatch problem and not a relationship one, well, shit. Who was Gabriel to tell him otherwise?
After a beat, he added in a low voice: “Jesse should know.” Had the kid looked up his future? Gabriel didn’t know. Jesse wasn’t dumb but he also had a tendency to look at things with a hopeful sheen, especially now that he was younger than Gabe was used to. While the kid didn’t need ammunition against him, Gabriel preferred him finding out as an agent, as opposed to it coming out some ass-backwards way - or worse, if Moira showed up here.
This time, Jack’s mouth pressed into a firm line. He knew they were both avoiding a fight, and he didn’t really have it in him to start one now even if he wanted to. But Jesse?
That was on Gabe.
“That’s all you.” Jack answered, shaking his head. He didn’t put it against the young Gunslinger to look the info up himself and chew on it for ages, just like Jack had done. “But yeah, he should know. It hasn’t put you at major risk yet, so here’s to hoping it won’t for a while.”
Jack rubbed a hand over his face, still not fully awake. “I’m gonna go take a shower, get ready to go to work. I’ve gotta think about… all this.”
“Yeah. I’ll handle Jesse.” Gabriel knew that when Jack was overwhelmed enough to retreat, pushing him was only going to escalate this from a polite battle to a nasty one. He generally lived in the nasty end of the swamp, sure, but his relationship with Jack was already going to be strained with this.
So he silently let Jack head toward the bathroom, considering it a Christmas present to the other man, and looked down at the shiny black surface of his coffee.