Lavender Brown + Remus Lupin
PG-13 (Mentions of Greyback) | Complete
“And this section here.” Lavender said as she pointed to the large section on her left. “That’s mostly all healing.” Lavender may not have been head of magical research, but she had been there long enough that she felt quite comfortable giving Remus Lupin a tour. “Most days are pretty quiet but still we’ll get requests mostly every day, just typically they’re fairly easy. It also depends on the mission too.” It made her feel a little good about herself to show off how much knowledge she had. Not that Remus knew anything about her. Still proving that she wasn’t just some air-head to others that had known her for awhile was annoyingly more difficult. Though anyone that had been around her in her seventh year, knew exactly how much she had changed, but it still felt like Lavender always had to be proving her worth.
“I think you’ll like it here.” She said smiling at him. Lavender did her best not to show that she was slightly uncomfortable being around Remus. It also made her feel bad because he really was a great Professor and he fought bravely at the Battle of Hogwarts. In her mind he had definitely been a hero. It was just that she couldn’t shake this feeling of knowing he was a werewolf. He was still a good person, but anytime the word werewolf came to her mind, it would nearly send shivers down her spine. He was different though, and she needed to remind herself of that. “Do you have any questions?”
Did he have any questions? Remus was staring at their surroundings, trying to take it all in. Did he have questions? He had hundreds of them -- but truthfully, he didn’t know where to start, and he didn’t want to overwhelm her, either.
“And so we --” This sort of thing was more in line with his interests and his abilities than directly fighting would, although he’d been happy to do that for the Order as well. He’d done whatever was needed at the time, but this felt more like him. James and Sirius would’ve hated it, he thought off-hand. It made him smile. “Have information here on different sorts of magic? Different universes? How many -- it must be rather limitless, since we don’t know where any one thing might come from.”
“That’s right!” Lavender replied cheerfully. “A lot on Atlantis’ own magic, but really this place has everything you can think of. I never really asked but I wondered how much they prepared before bringing us in.” It had occurred to Lavender that she never thought of that before. In order to get the coins to different universes, they probably would know what they were getting into right? So they probably had some kind of information from all the home worlds. The thought was a little creepy.
“I’m guess it grows too. Since we’re all fictional here. Atlantis has its own special brand of magic, so it’s possible that the information just kind of appears as soon as someone comes through. That’d be a good question for the head of the Magic Department.”
Although it wasn’t the first time he’d been faced with the thought that they were fictional, it still sent a shiver down his spine. There was something terribly vulnerable about it. Remus still hadn’t gotten used to it, despite the visit to Florida (though he had been delighted to see all the people enjoying the world he was from.)
“Its own magic,” Remus echoed. That was more fascinating to him than the magic from other worlds. “It’s remarkable, really. The ability to bring us all here from all sorts of places, to have information on our worlds, on this one. And Merlin knows what others.” It was wild, truly. He turned back to look at Lavender. “How long have you been working here?”
Lavender thought for a moment and as she realized her eyes went a little wide in revelation. “Merlin it’s been over a year now.” She laughed a little. “A year last month. Hm.” She thought out loud. “Time really does fly by.” A lot had happened to Lavender in a year. A lot of it was good but the kidnapping and torture was one, like her time at Hogwarts, that she’d mostly like to forget. “Mostly good things, but honestly it’s not always fun and games.” Lavender said with less enthusiasm.
He understood the bit about time flying -- it had been about a year since he’d woken up in the TARDIS one day, perhaps even over a year, and it didn’t feel like it had been that long. The years prior to that had felt like they dragged on longer and longer. His days had been the same, by and large, and were filled with an emptiness he never could fill. But surrounded by his friends again, the last year had been brighter.
He smiled warmly at her, gently. He understood, too, about how life wasn’t always fun and games. “No, it isn’t,” Remus agreed. “But the difficult times are still full of lessons we can learn, or so I’ve been told. I’m not sure I’ve learned anything from them yet.”
Lavender nodded. “That’s what I’ve been told.” It was true too, Lavender specifically remembered it coming up during her therapy sessions. It wasn’t necessarily a topic she wanted to bring up but in the long run it was best to face those fears sooner rather than later. Waiting only would build up the negativity and she liked Remus. He was a good Professor and a good person.
“There’s something I should tell you to. Or well I don’t know how big of a deal it is but we kind of have someone in common. I mean...sort of.” She shifted uncomfortably. “I mean we don’t have the same problem but the same person-” Lavender sighed. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”
Remus squinted a little at Lavender, trying to follow her train of thought. He’d been fairly sure he understood the closest connections he had in the years ahead, but it appeared he’d missed something crucial, and that gave him a pit at the bottom of his stomach. There’d been such a deluge of information as it was; how was he supposed to know everything?
He couldn’t think of anyone they might have in common outside of Harry, and that wasn’t exactly a problem in his mind. Problem. She’d called it a problem. James had said the same thing -- it was his furry little problem -- and surely a future student of his would know the truth of his affliction, right? Remus knew what had happened to his stint as professor. He knew how Snape had ruined that for him. Was she referring to some part of his affliction?
“It’s okay,” he insisted, itching to reach out to put a hand on her shoulder but not knowing if that was appropriate. Instead, he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’m quite the same way, when I’m nervous.” It was one extreme or the other, he babbled nonsense or he didn’t say much at all. “Is this about Greyback?”
Lavender smiled, thankful for his patience. “Yeah.” She rubbed her head and brushed the hair away from her face. “I don’t know how much you know, but my seventh year, You-Know-Who and his followers came to Hogwarts and there was big battle and he was there.” The story wasn’t any easier to tell but at least the older she is the less likely she was going to go into a panic attack. “I accidentally fell from the tower and he tried to-” She paused. Unable to get out what he tried to do to her. “I loss a lot of blood and his bite didn’t-” She shrugged uncomfortably. “I crave more rare style meats and the full moon makes me a bit-” Cranky wasn’t quite the right word. “I have some aggression and anxiety issues, but make and take my own potions that calm me down. A bit like Draught of Peace.”
The color drained from his face, and one of his hands clenched into a fist. All these years, and the thought of Greyback still made him shake with rage. He expected he would always feel that way towards the monster who’d ruined his life, and the lives of so many others. He knew that the final battle at Hogwarts hadn’t occured over a full moon -- otherwise he wouldn’t have been there himself -- but that didn’t mean Lavender didn’t still suffer, in her own way. Remus wasn’t the sort of person to compare their situations in order to make hers seem less significant. He understood the fear she must have been feeling, better than most. He knew that there were hidden scars she would carry with her for her entire life.
“I’m so sorry.” If only he’d killed Greyback years ago, he thought. If only he’d succeeded in infiltrating the werewolf packs and had gotten others on his side, if only he’d managed to make allies and had found a way to take the power out of Greyback’s hands. The regret and guilt was written all over his face. “He is truly -- he is monstruous.”
Lavender nodded. “I mean I know it’s not the same, but I thought if anyone understood that fear, it’d be you.” She did her best to give an encouraging smile. “I’ve tried not to think about it but sometimes I worry what would happen if he showed up. He wouldn’t be the first villain to do so.” Lavender liked to think that she had grown enough to be able to face her fear but she was worried that she wouldn’t be strong enough.
“If you’re worried about-” She didn’t know how to say this carefully. “Working with you would really be a pleasure, an honor even. I know how smart you are and I wasn’t exactly known for it in school. Or in the books.” She added bitterly. “But I’ve learned a lot and I think there’s still a lot I could learn from you.”
He was worried, for a moment. That she wouldn’t want to work with him, that she couldn’t handle it - that seeing him might only remind her of what happened to her. It was a relief to hear it wouldn’t get in the way. Remus had spent years seeing fear when people put it together: fear, mistrust, distance.
More and more, however, people were contradicting his assumptions.
“I think everyone’s put me on a pedestal,” Remus answered, feeling his cheeks start to warm, “but I’ll do what I can. And if he shows up here, you have my word,” his face turned more serious then, imagining how he would end Greyback for good, “I’ll take care of it.”
“To be fair I did have you as a Professor so I do know from experience.” Lavender grinned politely.
His comment surprised her. They didn’t know each other, even as a student he was polite but she had always had more of bond with Professor Trelawney. Perhaps now that they had something in common might change that. It did make Lavender feel safe and more important it made her feel like she wasn’t alone. Choices. That’s something Lavender had learned that it was all about the choices a person makes in their life. Perhaps Greyback’s life wasn’t always filled with evil, perhaps the bitterness, the loneliness broke his spirit and let the darkness in. It was clear though that wasn’t the case with Remus, he was good.
“Thanks,” she said. “And you won’t have to deal with it alone. I mean I’m sure you have your friends here and everything, but if you ever want to talk? I know I can’t truly relate, but I’m here if you need someone.”
His friends never could relate either, he thought, not completely. No one could, no matter how much they wanted to. It was something a person had to go through. It didn’t matter how many full moons his friends were around for, or how much they read. They’d still never understand how t felt, every month.
Lavender did, however. Not entirely, but more than most, and Remus was in a good spot to offer her the same thing. “The same goes for you,” he insisted. “If you ever need help with anything at all… it’s the least I can do for never stopping him.”
“Thank you.” Lavender hesitated. “I don’t want you to put that kind of pressure on yourself though. We’re survivors and that’s something.” She did her best to give him an encouraging smile. “Now there’s a section over here that I think you might be interested in.” Lavender was able to get out what she wanted but she didn’t want the tour to be spoiled too much.
He’d heard similar things before, and though he smiled back at her, he knew he wasn’t just going to shake off the guilt that easily. If only they’d gotten the best of the Dark Lord… so much would have been different.
Instead of dwelling, however, he tried to focus on what Lavender was saying. There was so much to learn here, and it would be a shame if he didn’t missed it because he was stuck in his own head.