InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "It's comedy and tragedy!"

Howard Link (Note) (vaticanpieninja) wrote in sabra_la_tau,
@ 2011-12-16 23:23:00

Entry tags:

!days 290-299, danielle 'dani' phantom, howard link

Who: Link and Razzy (others later?)
Where: Lacerta
When: Day 298, late morning to noon
What: Link is full of words

[After morning chores (and warding up Delphinus) Link is making his way over to Lacerta, deciding that speaking with a certain ghost girl can't wait too long.

Knock knock, Lacerta.]

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	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:31 am UTC (link)
	Then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:35 am UTC (link)
	... It scares me...I can't get it and it...scares me.... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:45 am UTC (link)
	[sits down next to her so she has a person to lean against. No doubt your puppy is making sad noises about your distress too] But you realize you don't understand it... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:49 am UTC (link)
	[Oh, very, but Razzy doesn't want to hurt the puppy. But leaning is safe.] I tried before, but...I couldn't...that place is terrifying and horrible, why would anyone want to be there... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 05:08 am UTC (link)

Knowing you don't understand why is enough in this case. I'm not advocating that you simply let him do as he chooses unchecked, because it is bad for him to act as if his life has no value, but you need to temper your attempts to help him with the understanding that you don't fully comprehend all of the aspects of how he feels. And that means it's likely to have worse consequences than you can predict if you push your way without letting him have any choice...

Does that much make sense to you?

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	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:12 am UTC (link)
	... [Kiiiind of? It's a lot to take in and it's all confusing and still terrifying.] But then...what do I do? He...never seem to understand he has value... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 05:14 am UTC (link)
	We'll beat that into him somehow... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:15 am UTC (link)
	...isn't that pushing it still? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 05:20 am UTC (link)
	[cough] Well, I mean figuratively. But I suppose it is, a little bit. However, he has a choice about whether he believes it or not. The way isn't to start on his largest problem, but to plant the right ideas in him so he'll come to understand on his own. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:23 am UTC (link)
	Plant the right ideas? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 05:37 am UTC (link)

For example, convincing him it makes you happier when he looks after himself. If he can think of it as "I'm doing this for them" and proceeds with it, we've created a foothold on his issues and can work toward getting him to value his life, while having him do so willingly.

I don't think it's wrong to encourage him toward healthier ways of viewing things, but recognizing when to push and when to let him make his own choices is important. Recognizing when you're pushing too much of your own biases on him is also important. On smaller things it's all right to push a bit, but if he expresses genuine discomfort, pushing too much may lead to an unhealthy response...

You mentioned that someone from your world pushed you to something you didn't want to accept, but it turned out to be the correct course of action. That works well when a situation deals mostly with facts, but not as well when there are equally valid viewpoints on both sides of an issue.

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	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:52 am UTC (link)
	...but it does make me happier. [SHOULDN'T HE HAVE GOTTEN THAT PART YET....?] I'm not very subtle that I don't like seeing people I care about it. I....can try, but I'm not always good at noticing when things are too much. [.__.;;] ... [Oh, that last point....] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 06:30 am UTC (link)

Since that's honestly how you feel just tell him so. It just helps to know the best way to convey your feelings to him in a way he'll understand and respond to.

[patting her reassuringly] It takes practice. A lot of cues aren't verbal and it can be difficult to gauge how someone feels just from that. It may be best occasionally for you, while you're still learning, to pause and just ask if you're pushing too much. While they may not be honest with you, if it seems like they're not saying something then, it may be best to let things lie a bit before coming back to it.

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	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 06:39 am UTC (link)
	[...maybe I can be more blunt? ._.] So when the subject seems sensitive, I should do that...? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 06:50 am UTC (link)
	[nods] Until you feel more confident about reading how someone feels. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 06:52 am UTC (link)
	[So it's just a question of realizing the subject is sensitive...] ...I...I'll try. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 07:01 am UTC (link)
	Do you feel as if you have a better idea of what points you should consider now when dealing with Tide? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 07:03 am UTC (link)
	[Nods.] I think so.... But there's still the problem of time with the training. Feathers said she might be able to tell if I'm getting the energy back too... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 07:10 am UTC (link)
	Mm, that's a little more difficult to be delicate about. It should do for me to remind him why you want to train. If he asks himself, just explain to him the reasons you feel it's a good idea, as you did. I don't think your logic is flawed there. It's just a bit more difficult to sort things out after the fact. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 07:16 am UTC (link)
	[Nods.] I'm teaching him more formal lessons from fa-Vlad. So it's not just a...bunch of experimenting on techniques except for translating them to him specifically... If he doesn't want to risk hurting me, then it's better to know how to fight conservatively, even in the heat of battle. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 07:27 am UTC (link)
	[nods] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 07:31 am UTC (link)
	[Nods and...man, I won't even know what to say right now.] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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