InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "eww, MCR does not rock"

Howard Link (Note) (vaticanpieninja) wrote in sabra_la_tau,
@ 2011-12-16 23:23:00

Entry tags:

!days 290-299, danielle 'dani' phantom, howard link

Who: Link and Razzy (others later?)
Where: Lacerta
When: Day 298, late morning to noon
What: Link is full of words

[After morning chores (and warding up Delphinus) Link is making his way over to Lacerta, deciding that speaking with a certain ghost girl can't wait too long.

Knock knock, Lacerta.]

(Post a new comment)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 05:29 am UTC (link)
	Who is it? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 05:34 am UTC (link)
	[deep breath] It's Link. I'd like to have some words with you, Miss Razzy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 05:35 am UTC (link)
	[...well.] [There is a bit of a pause before the door finally opens.] Here or somewhere else? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 05:39 am UTC (link)
	Either will do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 05:41 am UTC (link)
	... [Opens the door. =X] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 05:50 am UTC (link)
	[sigh, stepping in] I imagine you know what this will be about. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 05:51 am UTC (link)
	Pretty good idea. [All the blank facing small child and closing the door.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 06:03 am UTC (link)
	[well, she can blankface if she likes...] Is there somewhere here you'd prefer to talk? I'd like to hear what it was you were hoping to accomplish. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 06:05 am UTC (link)
	[My poker face is limited.] My room. [Because does not want Lacerta or Cepheus coming in and hearing about her contracting her soul to a tiny demon and will lead the way to her room.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 06:31 am UTC (link)
	[May inform someone on Lacerta later anyway, as he dislikes these sorts of dealings being kept hidden. Following her though, as it's proper to work things out first.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 06:34 am UTC (link)
	[Mostly it's because she's trying to get Chrono to not be freaking out about it first so it's less complicated before throwing that in. =/] [And going into her room. Nnnnnot a whole lot in there, mostly just a few journals, few random game prompts. And a corgi that Razzy will be picking up before he rushes Link.] No, Gabriel. No jumping. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 06:45 am UTC (link)
	[letting the door shut] Your answer? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 06:47 am UTC (link)
	[Sitting down on the bed, holding onto Gabriel.] Wording depends on what he's told you. Do you know what astral is? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 06:54 am UTC (link)
	He has informed me it is essentially energy he needs to survive. Normally it would be gathered from the environment but in the absence of that possibility, a contract can be made with someone to feed him with their life force. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-17 06:57 am UTC (link)
	[At least there's that.] I'm thinking that I don't wish a horrible, slow, starving death on someone I consider family if I could do anything about it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 07:01 am UTC (link)
	. . . And what of his feelings on it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

copyofaphantom
2011-12-17 07:05 am UTC (link)

I know his feelings on it.

[And she's definitely keep that blank face, but she's looking more at Gabriel and just gonna...pet the puppy. Because it helps.]

I knew the moment I made the contract he'd be upset. Because that's how he is. It doesn't matter what happens to him, but if anything happens to those around him, it's horrible. I die, and he worries about it forever. But he doesn't care enough about his own life to really fight for it.

But what was more important? Do I think of his feelings, or his life as more important? The thing is, feelings can change. You can make things better with hurt feelings. But if he died, then that would be it.

So I chose to make him mad because I knew he wasn't going to fight for his life. So I did.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-17 07:14 am UTC (link)
	Did you never think to seek help in convincing him? It's all well and good that you want to help him live, but I don't know that a betrayal large enough to break his trust in everyone around him is one that he can move on from as easily as you seem to think. Certainly it continues to erode his will to live. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

copyofaphantom
2011-12-17 07:24 am UTC (link)

Because he was getting really weak. You could see it and when people get like that...

[There is a lengthy pause.] He got that bad after my heart game. Because Chrono doesn't hold back. Because Chrono is dumb and will die protecting other people without any thought to himself.

I don't know Delphinus other than Edward and Chrono and I had already made a rather bad impression on everyone anyway. I would need to convince them to trust me on what I'm saying, hope that Chrono's fears that people will see him as a monster if they knew about astral wasn't valid, convince them that we need to convince Chrono, and THEN convince Chrono to do something to help himself.

[And as she talks, she let's go of Gabriel and instead grabs the bedding, because she's trying to keep calm, but doesn't want to squeeze the puppy.]

All that time and something terrible could happen that he needs to fight for. Like in the Mirror heat game. Or there's a monster attack. Or so many dangerous things in this place and he would fight until he died because he's stupid and thinks everyone's life is more valuable than his own.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-17 08:04 am UTC (link)

[just remains standing a little away from the door]

...As much as I understand that desperation, to make certain he'll be fine... I can't agree that your choice of action was right. The things you value and the things he values are clearly different, and it isn't right to force yours on him without trying the other options first. We're his teammates. The reason the others didn't trust you was because from everything we saw, it appeared that you would refuse to respect what we value above what you valued. You didn't show you were truly willing to listen because you were set on your goal.

It certainly would have taken work to talk to us, and it may seem logical to skip that when you feel there isn't time, but what you've done has caused him more emotional damage than a friend ought to force a friend to bear. You've forced the weight of your life on him without his consent, when other options were still open to you and force ought to be the last resort, knowing full well that what he wants is to preserve your life above anything. Isn't that selfishness?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

copyofaphantom
2011-12-17 08:15 am UTC (link)

Yes, it is. It's incredibly selfish. And I haven't denied that.

And Persona is a separate issue. That is...well, that's to do with the whole Judge thing. I wasn't the only one who needed to do something like that.

[And there's another long moment of her taking a deep breathe and letting it out slowly] But it's not the weight of my life. What I've put on Chrono isn't that much. Because I don't want to die. It scares me just as much as losing my family. But I don't count a beating heart and blood flowing through my veins as alive. I'm going to be guaranteeing that even after my human body dies, I will still be alive. Maybe a bit different, but the stuff most important to me will still be there. So it was never 'my life.'

But I could see that still being pretty terrible to him. That could be a burden. However...

[She looks up and she just looks pained.] What choice do I have, when I have no hope to get his consent? Because even after this all started, when we discovered there's a chance he's not even doing that to me, but he won't even consider it then? Because I don't think he's even eating away my lifetime because I can feel what he does and I know that feeling from home.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-17 08:52 am UTC (link)

And you realize that means you're only helping him from your perspective?

[shakes his head slightly] It isn't separate when the team's impression of you has been consistently that you're willing to blow past others and ignore their wishes... As much as that may be wrong, it's what you've done and continue to do. From what little we've seen we can only assume you'll keep doing Tide more harm than good, despite your intentions.

[eventually moving to sit on the edge of your trunk, if you don't object] I'm willing to believe that can change, but you need to change your approach. Again, it's your values against his. If you want to help him then you need to help him change his values, not try to override them.

Taking action first is commendable in many cases, but in this one a more delicate approach would have been better... If you couldn't convince him, those you spoke to about it couldn't convince him, and he truly refused any ounce of help he he was offered, then no one would blame you for resorting to what you did. No one who knows him would rather see him starving or dying than getting what he needs. But neither am I willing to let his trust become so damaged that he'll close off from anyone who could try to reach him.

...I won't have another incidence of what you did to him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

copyofaphantom
2011-12-17 09:08 am UTC (link)

I...

I don't....

[And there's the tears and she's closing her eyes to try and stop them.] I don't want to force him again. I don't. I didn't even want to the first two times. But things are so dangerous now, and I didn't want him to fight himself to death. I didn't...feeling your life slip away like that, I didn't want him...to go through that too...

I don't like forcing things. But I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. It always feels like if I don't force something, then I'll be ignored and in the end I can't help anyone. I didn't even know who I could go to, I wasn't supposed to tell, and I just...I had to push forward, before it was too late. And I thought I could work it out with him somehow and..and then it just got worse...

[Pulls up her legs and hugs them, pressing her forehead against them.] I don't want to be bad person, but....but I don't know what to do after the first time. I knew it was bad, but I still didn't know who I could go to and the thought of being too late was...

I just didn't want to lose anyone else.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-17 09:36 am UTC (link)

[s..saddest tiny...

Getting up and kneeling in front of her]

It's all right for you to be afraid of that feeling, but for him, I'm certain the feeling of someone else's life slipping away into him is the equivalent...

What's been done can't be taken back, but it is definitely time to wait for him to come to you rather than push for it. He needs to believe he has a choice and that his choices will be honored. I know he still cares enough about you that he'll make the right one given time. Next time, talk to his teams, or tell him to talk to his teams. As much as he may be wary of us knowing certain things, something like that won't have consequences on the same scale as this.

I don't wish to be cruel but something like this... is just a different way to lose someone. If you don't exercise caution now... even if he's here, he won't be open to you anymore.

I promise you there are other things to try.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

copyofaphantom
2011-12-17 09:47 am UTC (link)

But...I don't think he will.

Chrono...Chrono doesn't...

[There is a long pause and she's takes a shuddering breathe because she doesn't want to cry because that's cheating to do. She's a small child, she knows enough to know small child crying gets sympathy points and she really doesn't believe she deserves them, but it's hard NOT to.]

[She swallows down the knot in her throat and tries again.] Chrono doesn't share the burden. If it's for anyone else, he'll keep going until he can't anymore. But when it's just him...he doesn't care.

[Looks up and there's fear in her eyes and obvious evidence of the tears she was holding back and when she speaks, it's quiet.] I felt him give up already, Link. He was in my nightmare and all he had to do was want to live. But he didn't, there wasn't even an attempt. I couldn't reach him, I couldn't help him, and I felt him just give up. If it's for him, he won't do anything to help himself.

I know he doesn't hate me. Because I don't think he values himself enough to. He's angry and hurt, but I don't think he's going to go to anyone for help. He takes on everything on himself and he won't let anyone else help him when it's just him on the line.