InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Ca ne se fait pas!"

Howard Link (Note) (vaticanpieninja) wrote in sabra_la_tau,
@ 2011-12-16 23:23:00

Entry tags:

!days 290-299, danielle 'dani' phantom, howard link

Who: Link and Razzy (others later?)
Where: Lacerta
When: Day 298, late morning to noon
What: Link is full of words

[After morning chores (and warding up Delphinus) Link is making his way over to Lacerta, deciding that speaking with a certain ghost girl can't wait too long.

Knock knock, Lacerta.]

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	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 03:10 am UTC (link)
	[...that actually does help the hysterics. Will probably be cocooning a bit in that because, ffff, death is one big Do Not Want. And the idea of people being fine with that just...makes it worse. There's a rather big mental disconnect in even trying to understand how someone could be fine with it if it could be avoided, let alone be comforted by it.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 03:27 am UTC (link)

You've only lived for two years, you said. I think... the things you value in this world--the family and friends you've made, the home you have, your senses and experiences, the ability to move and act and change... These far outweigh any value you might see in having rest, not having to move or fight anymore, to be able to just be and not have to effect things anymore...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 03:44 am UTC (link)
	How is that a good thing...? You can rest without having to be...there... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 03:55 am UTC (link)
	You'd have to get back up eventually. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 03:56 am UTC (link)
	And then you can find new things, fun things, happy things, good things... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:02 am UTC (link)
	[nods] It is healthy for you to feel that way. You have a lot of potential yet for growth and change. But for someone who's lived for thousands of years... while there may still be new and good things to learn and experience the weight of those things may no longer outweigh what's on the other side. It's not something to fear, once it gets to that point. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:03 am UTC (link)
	Outweigh the other side...? [Does not get it.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:12 am UTC (link)
	Well, or at least balance, so that one option or the other makes no difference to them... It's a matter of experience, and not having those same experiences may make it difficult for you to grasp how anyone could feel differently than you, but at least you can understand your experience of something won't be the same as someone who's been around that much longer. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:16 am UTC (link)
	I know people don't have the same experiences as me. I've been trying to learn and I've been getting a lot better. But dying...there's nothing there....only focusing on your thoughts, alone, trapped with yourself with nothing else... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 04:22 am UTC (link)

[nods] I don't doubt that. Just that for something like this you have so many of your own emotions entangled with it that it's difficult to make room to understand a different perspective.

I imagine you would have clung strongly to your sense of self... it might be different for someone who could easily accept it... For someone else being alone may be a freedom, not a trap. It seems lonely to you, but for someone who is constantly worried about hurting others, perhaps there would be relief in being by themselves.

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	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:24 am UTC (link)
	But he doesn't constantly hurt others! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:29 am UTC (link)
	He doesn't, he's a bit of an idiot about that, but we're talking about his perspective. And different perspectives in general. Just because you feel like his way of thinking is silly doesn't mean there aren't reasons behind how he feels. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:30 am UTC (link)
	I don't think it's silly.... [She thinks it's terrifying.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:31 am UTC (link)
	Then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:35 am UTC (link)
	... It scares me...I can't get it and it...scares me.... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 04:45 am UTC (link)
	[sits down next to her so she has a person to lean against. No doubt your puppy is making sad noises about your distress too] But you realize you don't understand it... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 04:49 am UTC (link)
	[Oh, very, but Razzy doesn't want to hurt the puppy. But leaning is safe.] I tried before, but...I couldn't...that place is terrifying and horrible, why would anyone want to be there... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 05:08 am UTC (link)

Knowing you don't understand why is enough in this case. I'm not advocating that you simply let him do as he chooses unchecked, because it is bad for him to act as if his life has no value, but you need to temper your attempts to help him with the understanding that you don't fully comprehend all of the aspects of how he feels. And that means it's likely to have worse consequences than you can predict if you push your way without letting him have any choice...

Does that much make sense to you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:12 am UTC (link)
	... [Kiiiind of? It's a lot to take in and it's all confusing and still terrifying.] But then...what do I do? He...never seem to understand he has value... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 05:14 am UTC (link)
	We'll beat that into him somehow... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:15 am UTC (link)
	...isn't that pushing it still? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vaticanpieninja 2011-12-18 05:20 am UTC (link)
	[cough] Well, I mean figuratively. But I suppose it is, a little bit. However, he has a choice about whether he believes it or not. The way isn't to start on his largest problem, but to plant the right ideas in him so he'll come to understand on his own. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:23 am UTC (link)
	Plant the right ideas? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vaticanpieninja
2011-12-18 05:37 am UTC (link)

For example, convincing him it makes you happier when he looks after himself. If he can think of it as "I'm doing this for them" and proceeds with it, we've created a foothold on his issues and can work toward getting him to value his life, while having him do so willingly.

I don't think it's wrong to encourage him toward healthier ways of viewing things, but recognizing when to push and when to let him make his own choices is important. Recognizing when you're pushing too much of your own biases on him is also important. On smaller things it's all right to push a bit, but if he expresses genuine discomfort, pushing too much may lead to an unhealthy response...

You mentioned that someone from your world pushed you to something you didn't want to accept, but it turned out to be the correct course of action. That works well when a situation deals mostly with facts, but not as well when there are equally valid viewpoints on both sides of an issue.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	copyofaphantom 2011-12-18 05:52 am UTC (link)
	...but it does make me happier. [SHOULDN'T HE HAVE GOTTEN THAT PART YET....?] I'm not very subtle that I don't like seeing people I care about it. I....can try, but I'm not always good at noticing when things are too much. [.__.;;] ... [Oh, that last point....] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)