wu_lo (wu_lo) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2012-12-30 02:12:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | carmel, carmel and wu, day nine, wu |
Confessions
Characters: Carmel and Wu
Setting: Block A walkways, late evening
Gradually, sobriety was coming back to Wu. He'd stopped drinking not long after his talk with Becka, staggering back to his room to pour the last of his bottle in with the other he'd kept. And once upstairs, once he'd stopped drinking? Everything started seeping into Wu's awareness again. He could feel a chill from the weather that had been clinging for hours, but only now caught his senses, and could still hear the steady staccato of rain coming down outside. In his stupor, Wu had no reaction to it that he understood, instead falling back on old instincts for warmth and comfort.
Which was why he spent the next few hours swaddled in bedsheets, sitting on his mattress and staring at the desk where his computer sat. He couldn't shake his talks with Wren and Becka, the idea that he owed Wren an answer, or that Becka had encouraged him to make some kind of list for what he may want from life, if his empire was beyond his grasp. And with as much time as Wu spent sitting there? Eventually the ideas began to take root, finally seeing him move from his bed to his desk, still draped in a blanket as he settled in and began to write.
When it was done, he felt foolish just looking at the list. It was a scrawl of daydreams and hopes that he'd be ashamed of in a fully-sober moment; the sort of thing Wu would do well to just burn here and now. But he didn't. He just stared, reading it over and over, eyes lingering on lines he'd crossed out in shame and private embarassment. Really, he must've read it twenty times before his stomach lurched and growled, reminding Wu that cognac alone couldn't sustain him. And maybe it was a good use of time to have sat there, because when he stood again? He didn't stagger, didn't sway. His head was still light, thoughts airy and unfocused, but his body was strong enough for now, strong enough to see him to the kitchen. And at this hour? Well, Wu hoped he'd be the only one heading that way as he slipped from his room and moved for the stairs with some quickness carrying him through the rain.
Carmel had spent much of the time reading this evening, until the light grew too dim and dreary to focus. She'd fetched candles from the spiritual room earlier, before the power turned off. She'd nearly gotten stuck in the elevator once, but it had jolted onward again almost immediately. It had been just enough to scare her and make her resolve to take the stairs until the power seemed more stable. Given she couldn't put out a big spread, due to the power being out, she set out some covered platters of lunch meats and breads and veggies, with a notecard warning to be careful since things would start going bad after a certain point.
She made up a couple of large sandwiches and rescued a slowly melting carton of ice cream, slipping it into a bag, and took a bag of chips as well before heading upstairs again. She'd been thinking of Wu on and off all day, especially since it had been such a quiet and lonely sort of day. Her game with Lex had helped for a little while, but most of the day had been spent alone, and lonely. She'd kept wanting to seek him out, having enjoyed his company every time so far--and perhaps the little flutter that seemed to hide, sometimes, when he was around, though she was far too pragmatic to let it rule her, though truth to tell she didn't let herself think about it hardly at all.
Now, though, it was late and she thought she could at least touch base with him. See if maybe tomorrow would be a good time for the self defense class. Feed him. She couldn't seem to help herself with that. She took the stairs, heading up to his room, wishing the rain would stop. She looked up, swiping a hand over her face as she emerged into it again, and smiled unconsciously when she caught sight of the person she'd been coming to see. "Wu!" she said, obviously pleased to see him.
If he had been pressed to name what he was feeling when Carmel spoke, Wu might've called it ire or displeasure. He would've been lying to himself, of course; it was anxiety, and the sudden confrontation of what he'd been dwelling on. The sudden sight of her, smiling in the rain and seeming genuinely happy to see him. "Carmel," he greeted in kind, oblivious to the flicker of a smile on his lips as Wu reached up to push his hands over his wet hair. He felt... odd. Engaged, aware, edged with something like anticipation to match the anxiety. "This weather is not meant for lingering, please," Wu insisted, gesturing uncertainly back the way he'd come, "Let me see you where you were headed."
She glanced up at the storm and shook a few drops of water from her curls, which felt a little lackluster in all the damp and humidity and rain of the day. Her smile grew in answer to his as she watched him run his hands over his hair and smile faintly at her. She was inexplicably pleased every time she drew a smile from him, for she knew somehow he did not smile much at all. "I was actually on my way to see you," she told him, stepping closer. She held up the bag she carried. "I, ah, wasn't sure if you'd eaten, and the ovens are off... so I thought I'd offer some food," she said, feeling almost shy for a moment as she looked up at him.
Maybe he didn't feel so odd, not as Wu began to recognize the turn of his thoughts. This was the cognac lurking in his brain, keeping his tongue loose and his words free, lining his perceptions with curiosity and some bit of willingness to indulge it. This? Was trouble. Especially as Carmel's smile grew wider and warmer, starting a light twist in Wu's gut just from seeing it. "This is very kind," Wu praised before he stepped back towards his door, waving for her to move with him, "And I will not waste that by letting your gifts become waterlogged." Plus, this way he had a moment to try and gather himself, though the floaty feeling in his head suggested that to be unlikely. "Come," he urged before moving down the walkway quickly and popping his door for her, "I will fetch a towel."
Wu disappeared through his door with those words, heading for his bathroom and staring at himself in the mirror for a handful of panicky seconds. Composure, he needed composure. Some part of him had to be, and it certainly wasn't his looks right now; with an open-chested shirt and cargo shorts again, soaked from head to toe. His room fell short too, with the remaining flowers bunched together around his bed aside from the chrysanthemums, which Wu had set to hanging upside-down for drying, and the sheets and blanket from his bed pooled by his desk, where he'd been working at his list. His wits, then, had to be more unified. "I had not considered the problem of preserving food without power," Wu called, breaking away from the mirror as he grabbed a pair of towels. "There will be much to discard tomorrow?"
Carmel followed just behind him, pleased to be invited along. Part of her had hoped to share the meal, but she would understand if he took it and sent her on her way. Though she was very glad it didn't seem like that was to be the case. She'd wanted some company, and his was at the top of the list these days. "Sounds good to me. I've tried to keep everything relatively dry," she said, slipping in the door tentatively, glancing around a little. The flowers continued to make her smile, that he surrounded himself with them. She still had hers all over the place in her room, for they were still pretty even though a few started to wilt.
"There'll be some, at least, unfortunately," she said, grimacing faintly at the thought. She hated spoiled food; it was such a waste. But she also refused to risk food poisoning, so she'd dump anything she had the least doubt about. "I brought a carton of ice cream, but the rest will likely have to go tomorrow, depending on how long things are down. All the meat in the freezer, if it's down too much longer. A few things in the fridge. I hate it. It's such a waste. I would have expected they have a generator or something on this place, kept separate off the grid. Apparently things aren't that apart from everything else, though." Which gave her more to think about, she supposed.
Heading back out to his proper room, Wu peeled off the Hawaiian shirt before returning, draping one towel around his shoulders and offering Carmel the other. “If help is needed, send word and I will assist,” he assured her, toweling off his chest and back quickly, heedless as ever at being unclothed in front of others. Whatever panic and doubt she stirred in him? It didn’t extend to this sort of moment. Still, it wasn’t as if Wu was going to spend this visit without a shirt, and after a moment to dry off, he pulled open the closet door and produced a white dress shirt, pulling it over tattoos and scars easily.
“Please, sit,” Wu offered with a hand drifting towards his chair, “Unless you are not planning to linger. This darkness does not lend itself to social visits, though you are welcome as long as you would like. I imagine many of us are simply waiting for the night to pass and hoping for a change tomorrow.” Which, he thought, was somewhat telling to say. “You have all you will need for this night?” he asked then. “Food of your own, water, blankets, light?” Wu lacked candles, though the dimness in the room was manageable now at least. It reduced Carmel to a silhouette with shifting details, likely doing the same to Wu. Which was a mercy for her, he supposed.
Carmel rested a hip against his desk, head tilting slightly as he walked back in. Though the lack of shirt surprised her, it didn't shock her--her sensibilities weren't so delicate as that. She unconsciously looked him over, not bothered by the scars in and of themselves, just the pain they meant he had endured, though she'd seen them before, when they worked out. She took the towel with a grateful smile and started with her hair, ruffling over it and sighing over how it was bound to start frizzing up in all this weather and turn into an unsightly mop no one was going to enjoy looking at.
"I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I lingered," she admitted, taking a seat in his chair and pulling the bag onto her lap, starting to dig through it. "It's been such a dreary day, and I could do with some company." Besides, despite the grayness and the soothing sound of rain, she didn't feel like she'd get much sleep tonight. It was yet another cycle, she knew. "I have a couple of candles, a bottle of water, and a few non-perishables, enough for tomorrow. I figured I'd find something to throw together for people tomorrow if I can. Worst to worst, I can get someone to light a fire and we can experiment with cooking over that," she said, stopping her rummaging to swipe back at her hair again. She probably should have pulled the mess back. "So, ice cream first before it melts more? Or do you want the sandwiches and chips and dip and veggies and such I grabbed?"
“My company is yours as long as you wish it. Weariness will not bring me low so long as I am your host,” Wu offered fluidly, surprising himself with how quickly that escaped his lips. “And I have not had ice cream in... twenty years, perhaps,” Wu mused with a thoughtful twist to his lips as he settled on the edge of his bed, idly rolling the sleeves of his shirt. “It would be interesting to have it again.” Not since he’d taken a child from the brothels to the markets routinely, really; and she’d grown up in those decades.
And he was getting distracted, he knew; lost in his own thoughts, and even more so when he tried to pull free of them and found himself watching Carmel again. There she was again, fingers in her hair as she smiled and talked of selfless plans and offered him more nourishment than Wu had seen to for himself in days now. Why did she keep seeking him out? “You have been well these last days?” he asked intently, “They are... precarious.”
The well spoken offer brought another broad smile to her lips. "Well, don't let me overstay my welcome, but I admit I'd like to stay for a bit." She liked his company, and it would perk up her evening to spend some of it with him. Her eyebrows went up and her eyes danced at that knowledge briefly, making her feel like a little kid as she dug out the carton of ice cream and two spoons, pulling the top off the merely soft ice cream. She stood and pulled the chair over closer to him, offering him a spoon.
She shrugged slightly, her curls bouncing almost sulkily from the damp. "I've been okay, I guess," she replied. "Nothing terribly exciting for me personally, though there was apparently a fire in the courtyard? I've been mostly keeping to the kitchen and the gym and all." She dug her spoon into the ice cream. "There are some rather odd and... awkward people here, these days," she noted. "I'm not always sure what to make of them." And she generally read people decently, so it made things a bit weird for her.
In all likelihood, Carmel probably had been a child the last time Wu’d indulged like this. Ice cream, like so many other things, was a frivolity that had brought him no satisfaction. It had been discarded with all the other excess in Wu’s career, but here and now? A taste of something sweet in life sounded good, and it was no surprise that it came from her. “Lack of excitement, this is often a good thing,” he pointed out as he took the offered spoon with some amusement in his eyes. “You have heard of the Chinese curse, I am sure: ‘May you live in interesting times’?” One of three curses, really, but definitely the most popular.
“I saw the scorches this morning, in the courtyard,” Wu confirmed as he dipped his spoon into the carton of ice cream and took a dollop of it, not eating just yet. “It is a sign of unease in one form or another. It must be dealt with.” Which he’d told Wren in some detail, and now had to hope she would follow through. “Who here strikes you as odd?” he asked, always looking to update his knowledge of the others here. Or he would’ve been, except that was when Wu finally popped the spoon past his lips.
He’d expected cold, of course, and sweetness, but there was some indescribable way both qualities and more fused into the solitary bite of ice cream. For the moment that he savored it? Wu smiled warmly, eyes crinkling at the corners with humor as he imagined a small hand gripping his suitcoat, and a timid voice calling him Uncle.
Carmel settled back into the chair comfortably once she was close enough to him that the carton could be held for the both of them on her lap, braced between her knees so they could dig into it indiscriminately. "True. I suppose I'm not looking for exciting, per se, but blandness and boredom aren't something I really want to fall into. It gives me too much time to dwell, plus, well, I don't know how not to stay busy most of the time," she said, making a self deprecating sound in her throat. She grinned a bit at the mention of the Chinese curse. "I have heard that, in fact. I don't remember where, but I've heard it."
She sighed softly as she took her first bite. Ice cream wasn't an indulgence she gave into a lot; she always said it went straight to her hips. She mmmed softly, eyes closing briefly before she swallowed and spoke. "It makes me uneasy. What if it had been the building?" she said. "I mean, I've talked to a couple of the arsonists in here, before all this, of course. Neither of them seemed prone to doing buildings-with-people, but I don't think this was Leo, and I just don't know. I really would rather not die in a fire," she said, that small worry slipping out without her really thinking about it. "Well, have you met Rusty? He's an awkward one, for one," she said. "I mean, I'm used to head strong, in my face prisoners. I've been called names, jumped, pushed around, pushed back since I went to prison. But the awkward ones, the loners..." she trailed off, not sure how she wanted to articulate it. It wasn't that she felt threatened; it was that past experience told her to be wary of the ones who were like that.
She looked up as he took his bite, and that expression made her melt a bit inside. He looked truly happy in that moment, and that warm smile charmed her in ways she couldn't quite describe. Her expression warmed at the sight as well, unable to look away from him for that moment.
To say Wu found it awkward to dip into the carton where it rested between Carmel’s knees was an understatement, but he wasn’t about to voice any concerns. These were the odd little touches that he supposed existed when people were comfortable around each other; which he’d never been on either end of. But he knew it for what it was, and was grateful for the trust, however it had formed. Still, he wished for thoughts other than the inevitability of shattering Carmels’ trust, and for once? Wu’s wishes were answered. He was half-drunk, warming up, smiling over better days and listening to the soft tones of the woman who’d somehow left an imprint on him. To him, there weren’t many better thoughts one could have.
“You must consider scale, when regarding chaos in this place,” Wu advised in a low voice, something that only carried between them as he dipped his spoon in again. “Those who maintain it will allow small acts, clearly. They wish to see our reactions, to coax us into speaking up and unifying, or perhaps fracturing. But acts that would destroy this place or doom many of us? To allow one, such as a building fire, is to ruin this entire program they have devised. And as a man who has held power, I know this as truth; those in control will always intervene, if they wish to keep control.” Heavier words, yes, but chased with another swallow of ice cream as Wu gave a flicker of a grin.
“Rusty. I have not met him,” he continued at length, going for another spoonful a touch more eagerly as he kept his eyes on Carmel’s darkened form. He imagined the details he couldn’t see, pairing them with the hints he could, and whatever was lost between reality and imaginings? Wu didn’t care, it was all worth watching. “But solitude is understood in a place like this. If you cannot trust your surroundings, why trust those who do? It could be argued that I am similar. Or was, for a time,” Wu conceded as he ate. “Persevere as you do, this Rusty’s resilience to trust cannot withstand such efforts. He will be better for it,” he complimented, lingering with an empty spoon as Wu shifted in his seat a bit, curling his other hand shut to resist some flicker of impulse.
Carmel's head tilted toward him, taking in his reply seriously despite not having a clear look at his face most of the time, except for moments when the light shifted just a little and she was looking up, directly at him. "It would be good to unite, though honestly I don't know who we would unite under," she replied, poking her spoon in the carton, swirling it around to get a good spoonful. He hadn't seemed to mind sharing so far, and neither did she. In fact, it felt comfortable to her, and it was a feeling to be treasured for now. Comfort with others was something that seemed so fleeting in prison. "They might not allow it, but what if it started and took off before they got control of it?" she posited. "Lost control, in other words. I mean, it leaves us facing the devastating consequences. And if this is some sort of secret study, are we really going to be on the fire fighter's radar?" she said.
She nibbled on the next spoonful of ice cream thoughtfully, head tilted toward his as she nodded in agreement. "That's true. I suppose I just remember this chick who was in my cell block. She was awkward and quiet and a loner, and she gutted her cellmate with a shiv for rolling her eyes at her one day," she said matter-of-factly. The incident had bothered her deeply, especially since at the time she hadn't been on best terms with her cell mate. For all she'd done what she'd done, and had a bad habit of holding grudges at times, Carmel wasn't an intrinsically violent person. At least, not without really good reason.
His words were very touching, though, and she smiled, reaching out to squeeze his arm in thanks. "I try with everyone if I can," she said. "At this rate I'll probably have a cooking class along with the self defense one. It won't be a bad thing, I suppose. I'll just have to go through the cookbooks and find good beginner's things to do." Though he probably couldn't see in the dark, her skin was faintly blushed from the compliment. His faith in her abilities meant a lot, he didn't seem to give such compliments very freely or often.
There was a great deal to say in response to everything Carmel was sharing, but the problem was how it all ran together into verbal mush when her hand settled at Wu’s arm. As if he’d needed it, it was one more reminder of how little space there was between them, and even if he missed the blush Carmel wore? He could hear a smile in her voice, as well as see slight shifts in poise as she sat across from him. “There are many risks we must face here, I believe,” Wu said at last, refraining from closing a hand around Carmel’s and instead dipping in for another spoonful of ice cream.
“Obvious ones of injury and death, silent risks of the pressure of isolation, and the poison of doubts that go unspoken. But also risks that seem treacherous if only because they dare us to believe in more than what has been,” Wu explained, feeling like the liquor that clung to him still made that all sound jumbled. He’d have to hope she was making sense of it. “You try, and these risks do not stop you. Those who will speak against coming together? They are unnerved by these same risks.”
Which included him, but right now Wu was feeling... emboldened. Like the list he’d written out and left on his desk was a foundation to work from, some launchpad he could admit to, even if it was just in the dark, and only to himself. “You will still seek assistance for the defense class, yes?” he asked then, surprising himself once more and shutting himself up with another bite of ice cream.
There seemed to be a pause before he finally spoke, one she wasn't quite sure how to interpret, but she didn't sense any negativity to it. She squeezed his arm again, thumb swiping over it slightly before withdrawing it only so she could better access the ice cream again. "There are, yes," she murmured in agreement, her spoon joining his again in the carton. She was glad she'd thought of it now, though it had seemed almost silly when she'd reached for it initially. But hey, her impulses weren't that bad, she thought with a smile around her spoon.
She tapped a finger to her lips as she considered his list of negatives and risks. "Those are true, at least to a point," she said. "I suppose I don't see the hope as quite as treacherous as you do in this," she said after a moment of thought. "But then, even in prison I wanted to believe in more. There's always something more, even if you're incarcerated. It's not easy to find, I freely admit, but possibility is everywhere." She took another bite, trying to find the words she wanted. "I mean, just look at nature... in some of the darkest caves, things learn to glow in the dark and grow despite everything." There were other examples, but this was the first to her mind.
After all, the one about the lantern fish she'd learned in a book just today was mildly creepy, and probably not as effective for all it was amusing in a fashion.
"They are, yes. But how to gainsay them, or prove them otherwise? We need to come together or this place will erupt into chaos, and the worst prison riot won't have anything on anything, considering what we have available here." It was easy to ask these questions of him, who knew how to lead; as easy to speak them to him as to Dominic, if not more so.
"Oh yes. I was hoping you would help me, and I need to contact Brady still, as well. I would have today, but with the computers going out before I got around to it, and the power out... well, I figured another day might be better," she said. "If you wouldn't mind, at least. I've forgotten a lot, and I need people to help demonstrate things and help out."
You have never used hope to break a man, Wu thought darkly in a quiet moment, watching Carmel eat. She couldn’t see the treachery there, because she’d never taken advantage of it before... And not for the first time, as he saw the vastness of their differences? Wu wanted to send her on her way, for Carmel’s own good. Maybe it was the last vestiges of drunkenness that made it easier not to, or maybe they only gave more voice to what he’d been thinking for days now. He didn’t want her gone, even if it was the wisest course of action.
“To take authority or recognition among those here, one must dominate,” Wu answered eventually, setting his spoon aside. This talk was one without room for sweetness of any kind. “Not physically, necessarily, though it may be needed. Whoever would lead will need to show their nerve, to make decisions that organize us, to marshal support for these decisions among others. They must show the faulty view of those who exclude themselves, offer humility in welcoming them if desired, and stop those who destabilize this place,” he explained methodically, voice firm and even, but quiet as he spoke in the dark.
“The fire, the laundry room, the messages on the terminals. The trespasses we are not given details of, but asked to dole out punishment for. Whoever would gainsay must have solutions for these, the trust and support to see them through, and the strength to concede their power once we are assembled,” Wu finished with a slight nod, a gentle shift in the darkness. He knew the road to the throne well, and even if the bumps may have been different here? The path never changed all that much. And in the wake of that heavier advice? It felt cheap, almost, to stress his help in the classes. Carmel knew he’d be there, Wu believed.
Carmel slowly twined a curl around her finger, the other hand turning her spoon in small circles in the container in the same fashion. She thought as she did so, for they weren't normal movements for her unless she was taking something in, and even then, not always. He had, as always, some very salient points, but she couldn't think of anyone who really fit the requirements he was listing. And ruling by committee, while having some merit, also had some major drawbacks as well. Perhaps Wu had the requisite traits he listed, for he obviously knew how it meant and he'd led people for a long time, but she wasn't sure he would fit with the variety they had.
"I don't know anyone who has that array of traits, really, except perhaps you, and I sense you don't want the job," she said, understanding in her voice for that. It wasn't a job she necessarily wanted, or thought she could do, either. Punishments that weren't food related weren't exactly her forte anyway. "So I don't really know what to do for this place. I thought for awhile, maybe Dominic, but with him gone, I don't even know. And with new people everyday, it's hard to keep up with them let alone integrate them all into everything."
“Others would not support me when they realized my methods,” Wu pointed out, leaving no illusions about how he might lead, or punish offenders. “And one person alone cannot lead in this place. There must be a sense of cooperation, of options when deciding a path to take. It must not be many, but must be more than one.” Which he’d told Wren, and she’d even seemed open to being some sort of advisor.
“Having others who are recognized as authority would ease the transition for new arrivals, as well. With them agreed upon, they become a source of what few answers we have when fresh members are added to our ranks,” he noted with another slight nod. It was important just to have stability of some kind, in his view. Things here were going to escalate the longer they had none, and whoever had already started it had no care for the administration. “Pose these questions on the journals first,” Wu advised, “Those who respond are ones who should be involved. Those who ignore it? Will learn quickly to speak up, if they wish to have any voice.” And that was when things would get contentious, he knew; the moment some in here realized their complacency had cost them a say.
Carmel nodded. She figured as much, and that wasn't exactly what she wanted either. She liked Wu, and she truly believed he could move beyond what he'd done and everything, or she wouldn't spend all the time she did with him. But she was under no illusions it would be easy, or that his past was full of goodness and light. "Yeah, on both counts. Like anything in life, though, none of it is going to be easy. Just look at what happened when the stocks came out," she said almost wearily, remembering that with displeasure. "Such a split in the group." She sighed again. "I wish I knew what I could do to help more."
She listened, tilting her head and nodding again. "I try to touch base with the new people, but if they don't come to the kitchen while I'm there, I don't always catch them," she said regretfully. And so many in and out and about. She was a friendly person, but it just didn't always happen. She tapped her lips and thought about it more. "True. That's a good idea," she said, smiling.
Wu smiled faintly, utterly without humor, and was thankful the darkness hid the expression. “There is little that can be done past urging others to speak up, and you already do what may be done,” he pointed out gently. Carmel certainly wasn’t a slouch, but there were so many people here, and most of them seemed happy with the distractions offered. “I will speak out as well, on the journals. Perhaps some call to assembly will finally be heard.” Probably not, but Wu figured he’d get less credence in person with his quiet manners and restrained airs. And if that happened? He’d be insulted, and things would go bad. “And if none other here will do so themselves, I will step forward to organize. It will be short-lived, if I do. But someone must.”
Carmel nodded, though she wasn't sure it was quite true. She could probably spend more time seeking people out, but she did keep really busy otherwise. She couldn't greet every person when they didn't know when people were suddenly going to turn up. That would be a nice thing, she thought with mild disgruntlement. But it wasn't like they could post someone there to see when someone was delivered. "I'll have to think up what to put so I can do it when the power comes back on." She should take a more active role. She was perhaps nervous about what might happen if she did so. "I'll help out. I have some experience with people at least... just not such disparate people."
“Disparate elements... this is more my dominion,” Wu assured her, the rest of the food utterly forgotten for the moment as he got caught up in their talk. Whatever vestiges of his drinking remained had banished his mood by and large, and eventually? Wu knew he would sleep deeply, the sleep of the exhausted... “We will work together, do not fear this undertaking. And perhaps it will be an example for the others,” he added, feeling almost courageous for even assuming that much about working with Carmel. It was foolish, he knew; words on paper that she didn’t even know existed meant nothing, but even committing them had emboldened Wu somewhat. And even if it never came to pass? He felt like improving things here, making them better for her... that was a substitute he could accept.
Carmel nodded. She could see how his skill set would lean toward disparate personalities. She herself was used to people who were at least good for a common goal such as the kitchen or a business. She had led her kitchen firmly but well, and her business had been very successful in part because of that. It might have been a while but the skill set was still there lurking. Though of course, she had had the option to simply fire someone if things got too bad; here, there wasn't that option. She did perk up when he said he would help her out. She wasn't keen on doing it all alone, not here where she could get into trouble again. Knowing she had someone to have her back was encouraging, even though she knew she didn't want to resort to violence with anything if she could help it. "That's good to know," she told him softly, reaching out to squeeze his arm briefly again. "I don't think i could do it alone, and I don't know if I still have it all to make a good go of it."
Wu smiled to himself in the dark, an expression evenly torn between his usual cynicism and a moment of something more hopeful that radiated from Carmel’s hand on his arm. The cynic thought she could use a reminder of just how toxic his help could be, but the rest of him? It found symmetry with Carmel, taking a whole other meaning in her words and applying them to Wu himself. “There is something I must say, if you intend to take this offer of help,” he told her then, his smile dimming as Wu set himself up for a moment he was already dreading. But it wouldn’t be right to carry this around otherwise; he knew himself, and knew it would color his dealings with everyone who might come into contact with her. Carmel deserved better, even if ‘better’ was just hearing the jumbled mess of anxiety that was Wu’s thoughts.
Her head tilted further, evident even in the low light of the room. She had no idea what he might be going to say. Part of her was curious, another part of her slightly wary. She knew some of what he'd done, but she was about forgiveness and new starts whenever possible, and she truly thought he could have a wonderful future if only he'd open himself to the possibilities. "Yes?" she prompted him gently, hand squeezing his arm encouragingly.
"There are levels of closeness, of confidence shared with another, that I have never known," Wu admitted in a soft, even voice, "And they are aspects I did not mourn for their absence, not when I knew complete control without them. They were... distractions, I suppose." Which drew a slow frown across his lips in the darkness as Wu just stared at the point of contact he could feel between himself and Carmel. He'd never wanted those distractions before, and now? Now they felt more important, less frivolous. "I think of you," he said then, intent on those words, "In a light that does not seem a distraction."
Wu's hands folded together, fingers threading in anticipation of Carmel's withdrawal; he'd need his hands occupied when she pulled away at that idea. "You are kind to a cruel man, you have no agenda to your deeds, your hesitation and worry are rooted in the idea that you cannot do enough when you do so much... you do not know how it is to be near you," he explained gently, "You are beautiful, radiant in a way that the word was meant for." And he was undeserving, that much was clear in the anxiousness threading through Wu, even if he kept himself calm and even.
Carmel listened as Carmel always listened to everyone, though particularly him it seemed, since she'd arrived here. He always had something interesting to say, though what was coming out of his mouth now, she was trying to understand. She thought she knew what he was getting at--distractions of the female persuasion, she thought, or at least of the romantic sort. Her jaw started dropping when he said that he didn't find her a distraction, however; she was very surprised that it was her that had caught his attention. There were many others here who she would have named more attractive and a draw to men.
She rolled the thought around in her mind and found it did not bother her like she suspected he thought it would, if his tone were any indication. Her hand tightened faintly on his arm, but didn't withdraw. Her jaw dropped just a bit more and she was grateful to the darkness for hiding both that expression and the blush that burned her cheeks. It would have been visible despite her darker skin, she knew. No one had ever described her like he was describing her now. She fervently believed that he could make a better future for himself, if he'd only see it. His words now made her think he could do it. That right now, at least, he thought those good things of her, was a surprise that made her belly flutter a bit. "I... I don't even know what to say," she admitted softly. "No one's ever quite said anything like that to me before." It was flattering and made her warm inside.
No one? Not even her fiance? Wu was incredulous with that idea, stunned that the world was so full of blind men and cowards, but not disbelieving of Carmel's words. More, he was disappointed that they could be true, even if it left him the honor of saying such things to her first. "You do not owe me any words," he assured Carmel first, when she admitted her surprise. "But if I am to assist you in this place; in guidance or training or simply cooking... I would have you know what has been unearthed by nothing more than knowing you, by sharing your company with me. If it unsettles you? I will withdraw, I will leave you undisturbed."
And it would, he assumed. Who wanted a multiple-murderer to have a crush on them? "But I am glad to have known you," he asserted softly, "And to have lost my familiar footing by knowing you. Confusion was never so welcome, and... to voice the want and humbling way of this? It closes the distance I often feel, the space that vanishes when you are near." Which, really? Was just outright eloquent of him, though it wasn't deliberate, just honest. And heartfelt enough, too, to turn Wu's hand over as he slid his arm back under Carmel's grasp, curling his fingers up around her own hesitantly. Hopefully.
Her fiance had told her she was beautiful, but not like this. Not in a way that made it seem like something more. Like she was the definition of the word, rather than just an example of it. It was flattering, and even more than that, it was incredibly touching. She shook her head at him. "It's not unsettling, not how you mean, I think," she told him softly. She didn't want him to withdraw. She didn't want to be denied his company. Especially since she rather did.. like him. Was intrigued by him. Was willing to see if anything went anywhere, even though the non-permanency of this place was so offputting sometimes. "So please, don't withdraw. I enjoy you and your company." And maybe even returned this crush, if that's what it really was, though she had a hard time expressing it.
Her fingers curled around his as they moved down, and her fingers squeezed his gently. She'd never been praised with this level of eloquence or sincerity, at least she didn't think so. Franklin had loved her, and she him, but he had not been eloquent like this. "I'm glad to know you too," she told him honestly.
There had always been (and likely would always be) some insidious treachery about Wu, at least in the way he treated himself. It was as if, knowing his crimes, sins, and trespasses, he simply couldn't allow himself to believe in something good. Not even when it was right in front of him, smiling and holding his hand.
Still, confessing what he had? Felt wondrous and freeing, and the return of sentiment was a truly unexpected addition. He would never act on it, of course; to imagine Carmel wanting anything of that nature was insane. Impossible even. Truth was that the one place where Wu lacked courage was there, in matters of feeling, and expressing that feeling. "Thank you," Wu finally said, "For listening. For your patience, and your faith." Both of which were crucial when he took the longest route pssible to make a personal admission.
Carmel hesitated for a moment before leaning in and pressing a brief, light kiss to his cheek before she could think too much about it. It was a gut sort of impulse and those were usually rather reliable for her. She didn't feel comfortable doing more, not yet, not when this confession was so new and she didn't know entirely how she felt other than she really liked him and wanted to continue with his company, see what might happen in the future. "Any time, Wu. I mean that," she told him quietly. "Sometimes other people have to have faith for you, I think."
It was the second time she'd done so, and unlike the first time? It wasn't wholly unexpected; in fact, it was even anticipated on a private level. Wu made no visible show of it beyond a light squeeze of Carmel's hand in his, and the looseness of his other where it had been a tense fist the first time, but inside his head? It was another step towards good feelings, ones he didn't know how to process or unravel, but enjoyed simply in their existence. There would be time later to pick them apart, find the seams, inject his own doubts... for now he wanted to simply feel them. "I may never understand why you do," he admitted in the same soft voice she was using, "But I will also never lack gratitude for your faith, or strength of my own should you need it." She wouldn't fail in this place, not if he could still draw breath.
It helped her a lot, on some level, to know that she could depend on him. His strength, as he said. It had the odd result of making her feel safe, even though she didn't like the violence he seemed to favor when it came to wrong-doing. But if something happened, he'd be there to protect her and help her figure things out, and it made her feel better about thinking of stepping up and forward to see what more she might be able to do to help. She didn't know if she could do it, but at this point no one else was making a concerted effort, it seemed, so she might as well. "And I'm grateful for that, in turn. I like knowing someone has my back in a place like this."
"We must watch each other, yes?" Wu agreed reassuringly, thinking that if no one did? He'd still be sitting in the halls, drunk. He couldn't buckle under his depression, even knowing the vast difference between thought and action on that score. But if these gentle women who had been imprisoned would invest their faith and concern with him? None of them deserved anything less in kind. Wren, Becka, and Carmel were all owed a debt. The roots of each might have been different, but the growth was the same, Wu realized. It was time to step up. "I will never be too far away when I am needed, I promise this much." Which, maybe it was an impossible promise, but he'd done the impossible more than once in life. And Wu didn't intend to stop just yet, not until the day his vendetta was settled. The fires fueling those plans would have to see him through this as well.
Carmel nodded in absolute agreement. She would have his back, and she knew he'd have hers. Her fingers squeezed his again, giving and finding reassurance, she thought. or at least, from her point of view, that's what she got out of it. "I know you won't," she said staunchly. He'd never given her a reason to doubt him. If anything, he'd been more honest than everyone here, not less. He admitted what he'd done and how he felt about it. Just as she had, really. "So I also brought some sandwiches. What sort do you feel like?" she asked, for she'd brought a couple of types.
And that was when Wu said something he couldn't even remember having said in... a decade? Longer? Who knew? "Surprise me," he replied with faint humor, not moving to withdraw his hand until he saw a note in Carmel suggesting the same. In his old life, surprises were potential for betrayal, assassins, police, and more. There had been no unplanned celebrations, no divergences from the strict guidelines Wu had imposed. Every meal, every stop in his daily life, every detail was planned. But right now? In the dark with nowhere else to go and a warm spot of company to hold off the chill outside his door; why not? It was a sentiment worth trying, even if it was just for tonight.
Carmel smiled, content in the darkness as she grabbed the bag she'd packed everything in to and pulled out one of the sandwiches, handing it to him, and pulling out another for herself. There were chips too,and a couple of cookies, for later. She was more than happy to just sit in here, in the shadows, with the warmth of him and his company. She might not know exactly how she felt yet, but she definitey enjoyed him and wanted to continue to get to know him. If something more came of it, well, she'd enjoy it while she could, she thought. She couldn't plan too far ahead in this place. It hurt too much, to keep losing people.