A Cozy Bond Characters: Becka and Leandro Setting: The kitchen, the Room #2
Today had to go down as one of the most confusing and stressful days so far. It was completely different from a couple days ago when Becka had been left feeling so utterly confused and conflicted about Adam, and in some ways it was even more stressful than that had been. It didn’t help that her messages with Adam had left her feeling like she was missing a whole lot when it came to whatever had happened with him and Leandro. She wasn’t going to let it stop her from hanging out with Leandro tonight, though. No, she’d been looking forward to it so much ever since she’d got the thought in her head, and if she were being honest, she was sort of hoping that Leandro might give her more insight into whatever had gone down.
And so, it was a little before eight when Becka wandered down to the kitchen, wanting to get things set up before Leandro got there. She pulled a couple bowls out, then went into the pantry to scout out some toppings, bringing them back to the counter before getting the cold toppings and ice cream out of the fridge. Poking through the drawers, it didn’t take long for her to find the ice cream scoop. They’d make some sundaes and go hang out in one of their rooms, maybe watch a movie. It was simple, but she hoped it wouldn’t disappoint.
Leandro had taken some time to collect himself before it was time to go and see Becka. Part of him really wanted a drink but he didn't think it would go over well if he showed up smelling of liquor, so instead he sat in his bathroom, chain smoking with his feet up on the edge of the tub and watching as half a dozen crumpled napkins burned down to ash ribbons in the garbage can. Once he was done he felt much more together, his pulse easier. He changed his clothes to rid himself of the smoke smell, wearing just a simple hoodie, a pair of jeans, and the boots he lived in, and then headed down to the kitchen two minutes before eight.
When he blew through the kitchen door, he was whistling a broken tune and smiling again. "Becka!" he chirped, striding through the room and opening his arms big and wide. "Just what I always wanted!" He fell on the girl as if she herself was the surprise, squeezing her around the shoulders and nuzzling the top of her head.
Becka looked up with a small smile when Leandro breezed into the room whistling. At the embrace, she smiled more fully, relaxing into the hug as she laughed lightly. How Adam could not like Leandro, she didn’t know. “Oh hush, you,” she admonished teasingly as she pulled back a minute later. “Welcome to my little ice cream shop! I thought we could make a couple of sundaes and just go hang out somewhere,” she told him as she motioned to the bowls that already had ice cream scooped out into them. “Wasn’t sure which toppings you’d prefer, though.”
Leandro laughed and gave her a little swing back and forth in his arms before letting her go to check out the bowls. He felt a little guilty doing it, because he was supposed to be focusing on Becka now, but they also made him think of Kyle almost immediately. They had also been talking about ice cream, but definitely not in the way Becka was now. Leandro licked his lips to soothe the thought.
"Looks delicious, sweetie. I like them all. Let's just put everything on top. Gimme two scoops." He went around to the other side of the counter and leaned on his elbows, giving Becka a puppy-eyed look just for fun.
Because she wasn’t looking right at him, she missed any way his expression might have changed, pulling lids off jars and going to fish spoons out of drawers to dish things out. “Hmm, somehow I thought you’d be the garbage disposal type, but better safe than sorry. Well, that and I don’t know if you have any, like, nut allergies or anything,” she pointed out. She picked up the bottle of chocolate sauce and tipped it over one of the bowls, pouring a generous helping over the ice cream. After giving the same treatment to the other bowl, she closed the cap and set it aside, looking back at Leandro with narrowed eyes as a thought struck her. “And no pilfering what’s left of that,” she warned teasingly, though she wouldn’t admit that it was a playful jab at what he and Kyle had done earlier.
"I've been called that more than once," Leandro admitted, though not at all sheepishly. He reached over and stuck his hand into the sprinkles, getting out a fingerful and sticking it into his mouth. As he licked them off, he humphed a short laugh around them.
"There's only one kind of nuts I'm allergic to." His eyes rolled towards the ceiling dramatically. "The koo-koo kind."
If there had been some kind of jab going on, he actually missed it for once. Instead, he was busy taking his ice cream bowl and drowning it in candy. Sprinkles, peanuts, whatever was within his reach went on. He bounced excitedly on his heels a little, popping his lips along to the rhythm he made. "This is gonna be awwwwesome!" After he'd made enough of a mess, because it was still on his mind, he flicked his eyes up at Becka coyly and asked, "So... how was your lunch today?"
Becka just laughed and shook her head when Leandro snuck some sprinkles, as if she wasn’t busy making the sundaes, she’d probably have done the same. “Ah, yes, koo-koo nuts can just stay away, thanks,” she agreed with a grin. As Leandro took over adorning his sundae with toppings, she watched for a minute, feeling herself relax even more with his enthusiasm before working on her own again, also putting a little of everything. “Yes, it is!” she agreed, glad that he seemed happy with her little idea.
Without bringing her head up completely, she looked over at him through her lashes at that question. “My lunch, hmm? Or do you mean, how was Kyle?” she countered, dragging Kyle’s name out teasingly. She didn’t really wait for a response, though, just went on, “It was good. Things got awkward for a minute, but it was nothing that wasn’t smoothed out by the end of it. He seemed really happy, though.”
Leandro's mind focused in on one thing. Kyle seemed really happy. That made him grin in a ridiculous, boyish way. He knew what he'd done, sending Kyle off in such a disheveled state, and it was practically serving him to Becka with a bow around his neck. He was glad that Becka too seemed okay with it. He really did want to talk to someone, and it definitely hadn't gone over well with Adam.
"How'd it get awkward?" he asked, taking his spoon. He couldn't wait to start poking at it, but first he thought some whipped cream belonged on top. He grabbed a can off the counter and started making a slow twirl on top of the ice cream. "We've been spending a lot of time together lately and it's been fun. He's very smart, and good to talk to." Not that talking really summed up what they'd been up to that morning.
Becka wrinkled her nose at the question, remembering just how defensive Kyle had got when she’d expressed her nerves about meeting Meg. “Later,” she answered, not really wanting to get into it there. There was actually a lot she wanted to talk to Leandro about now, but she was still holding out hope that they might be able to have a relaxing, fun night. She pushed her bowl over to him to add whipped cream to hers as well as she started closing jars and such to put everything away again. “That’s great! I haven’t spent too much time with him yet, but I’m hoping we’ll hang out some more,” she explained on her way to put the refrigerated stuff away.
Leandro noted the wrinkle of her nose, but he did at least let it go at that. "I hope it didn't have to do with... well, tell me in a minute," he started, cutting himself off. What he meant to say was that he hoped it didn't have to do with himself and Kyle, since he wasn't yet aware of what else they'd discussed. But he did reach over and top off her ice cream with a good load of whipped cream, and then helped her start filing everything away in the right place. He reached over her head and slid the ice cream into the freezer. "Where are we going?"
Becka almost replied, but then thought better of it. She didn’t really want to talk about the Meg issue out in the open, and after overhearing Adam and Kyle talking yesterday morning, she was much more aware of what she discussed in public. “Hmm, figured either of our rooms would be easiest to relax without anyone else intruding on things,” she answered, though there was a note of question in her words, not sure if he would be okay with that. Though she realized that it was silly to think that with as easygoing as Leandro had proven to be so far. With everything put away, she went to grab two more spoons for them to eat their sundaes with and smiled at him as she picked up her bowl. “So, wherever,” she concluded, motioning for him to lead the way out.
Leandro just sort of shrugged, picking up his bowl to carry it. "Yeah, sure. We can go to mine. It's right next door." It didn't bother him at all, but he did think that with the sort of day they'd had that it was somewhat safer in his own room. For one, he had his bits of defense up, and for another, hopefully Adam wouldn't come looking to talk to anyone there. He did start leading the way, waiting for her to join him at his side. Fortunately, he'd been diligent about cleaning up after himself and it shouldn't have been too obvious what he was doing beforehand.
Leandro let them inside of his room, motioning with his free hand to the couch after he locked the door behind them. "Okay, here we are. So what's on your mind?"
There was no argument from Becka when he decided on his room, and perhaps she should have been more cautious, but she didn’t feel threatened with Leandro, and if they were going to talk about certain things, it would be better to do so where no one could overhear them. She was quiet on the short walk to his room, and she quirked a brow at the noise, glancing back after he closed the door to see the string of cans. She sat down on the couch, folding her legs and leaning back against the arm of it so that she would be able to see him easily no matter where he sat.
“Well, seeing as how I think entirely too much, there’s a lot on my mind,” she said wryly. “But you asked what made it awkward with Kyle earlier? Basically - I don’t know if you’ve met her yet? But he’s like friends with Meg and really protective of her, and I told him I was nervous about meeting her. He got pretty defensive about it. So, awkward, but we worked it all out, so nothing major,” she explained before scooping out her first bite of her sundae.
"Doorbell," Leandro said almost automatically. Everyone had the same reaction, pretty much, but it did help. Nobody would come in without him knowing, and the sound was loud enough to wake him up if it happened in his sleep. He followed Becka to the couch and slung himself against the opposite arm, lifting his boots and resting them on top of his coffee table, which seemed to serve more aptly as a footrest to him than to actually set things on. He leaned back enough that he could balance the edge of his ice cream bowl on his chest and start shoveling it into his mouth.
He tossed her a close-lipped smile at her admission, a bit of whipped cream lingering in the corner of his mouth. He licked it off before speaking. "If that's true, then you and Kyle have a lot in common. You two will be great friends. But yes, I've met Meg, and I know what happened to her. With Dominic and everything. I haven't gone to talk to her because I didn't think she needed to be crowded but it does concern me. I saw Kyle taking care of her earlier, too. It's probably going to be rough with her for a while, but can you really blame her?" Leandro sighed softly, using his spoon to paint the whipped cream down on his ice cream a little. "She's gotta be heartbroken. I would be too."
Becka simply nodded at the explanation, thinking it was a rather clever alarm system type of thing. Maybe she should do something like that for her room, but it would probably end up annoying her. She chuckled under her breath at the way he flopped down, though she was pleased that he seemed so comfortable with her. It was something she needed, to just have someone she could be really comfortable with and could be with her. There was so much tension and mistrust here that Leandro was like a breath of fresh to her.
“Oh! No, I can’t blame her at all. Heck, I’m pissed for her. But even before Dom left I was nervous about meeting her. It doesn’t really matter, though, cause I’ve met her now. I screwed it all up, I guess, but at least I tried? I don’t know, maybe I should have just left her alone like you’ve been, but I’m just worried...” She trailed off, not about to admit why she was worried about Meg, even if she didn’t really think Meg would do anything like that now. “And anyway, we met, and things weren’t going well, and then I thought they were, and we were having a moment, and then it just wasn’t going right at all,” she rambled a bit, finishing with a frustrated breath. She really needed to let it go, but it was still pretty fresh in her mind.
Leandro was very comfortable with Becka, all things considered. She was so cute and non-threatening, it was hard not to want to just pick her up like a kitten and snuggle her. Really, she was one of his favorite types of people, and a rare one at that. There had been girls on the block sometimes, but the dynamic was all off with the people he ran with. They stayed away, and rightly so, unless they were the tough type prepared to get into hard business with them. Those girls he hadn't treated any differently than one of the guys, and after a while saw them as just the same. So Leandro did trust Becka to a degree most others weren't privileged with, and he found a lot of pleasure in being amusing for her.
"You and Meg are really different people," Leandro agreed. "I don't blame you. I don't understand how it got screwed up, though? Did she not want to be talked to at all? I guess she has that standoffish thing in her attitude. She was that way a bit with me at first too, until I made it clear I was just a fan and I wasn't trying to creep on her or anything. She and Dom did some incredible things in their time, you know? They might have stolen a lot of money but it wasn't like they kept it all, they made donations to charity and stuff. I kind of admire that."
Nodding slightly, there was no question that she and Meg were very different people, but as Leandro continued to talk, Becka found herself sighing and wrinkling her nose. “Giving that money to the women’s shelter doesn’t discount all the bad they did either, though,” she countered gently. “That’s not to say I hate them or anything, cause I was really starting to consider Dom a friend before he got taken away. And really? How it all started, with her father? I wouldn’t have convicted them for that.” She looked down at her ice cream as she spoke, though her words rang true even if they showed how uncomfortable it made her. It wasn’t right to kill anyone, she believed that, but Meg’s situation... It wasn’t like they’d done it in cold blood.
“But anyway, how’d it get screwed up? I’m not sure, I guess she didn’t appreciate my telling her that it’s been hard for me being away from everyone who’s ever meant anything to me, but that some of the people here are helping to fill in some of those holes. Apparently because I had a good family and a happy life, I can’t possibly understand loss,” she explained with a note of frustration to her tone. She knew that she couldn’t fully understand what Meg had gone through, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t draw on her own experiences to try.
Leandro was quiet for a moment, just poking at his ice cream with the spoon. He seemed to like after a while to flatten it out and make his own twirls of it, streaking the chocolate through it in tracks. Normally he would have been on that particular thought pretty strongly – that it didn't discount the bad they did. Maybe, maybe not. Depending on who was wronged, sometimes they deserved it. He understood making a strong statement. But with Becka... like with Wren before, he didn't want to make that kind of effort to crush her world view. Instead, he just halfway smiled and focused on something else.
"Well..." he started quietly. "Those of us who don't have anyone to think about on the outside can get pretty... mmm... jaded about those who do. I mean, probably the one person who mattered to her was just dragged out of here and everything, so she probably wasn't ready to hear about anybody else right then. You know? It's kind of weird, but..." He trailed off a little, taking his eyes from his ice cream and looking up to Becka. "Sometimes when we're in such a bad way we'd rather think that at least somebody else in the world has it okay. That it's not just the same shit over and over everywhere. And we don't like hearing that there's nothing we can do. When you're in that state, it's like you could tear down brick walls with your bare fingers if you had to."
When Leandro got so quiet, Becka worried that she’d gone and upset him somehow, which was really not what she’d wanted to do at all. They were supposed to be relaxing and shaking off stresses, not adding to them. As he started talking, though, she just sat and listened, taking in what he was saying, feeling both annoyed and guilty by his words. More guilty, though, and it easily overpowered the annoyance. “I didn’t... I just wanted her to know that there were people here she could lean on, that’s all,” she admitted softly. “But it makes me so mad when people just assume things about me, like just because I’m a generally happy person, that must be all there is to me.”
Leandro wasn't upset. It was like talking about something oddly far away, even though the subject was more personal than he thought he could ever let Becka know. He had gotten accustomed to the detachment, though more often than he liked lately that barrier started to crack. To show her that he was okay, he reached over and put his arm around her shoulders, giving her opposite arm a squeeze.
"Hey, I know. It's okay. You did your best, and it's on her whether or not she accepts it. I guess she doesn't realize how lucky she is to have anybody caring about her problems at all." He offered her a smile then, just a small one. "Take a page out of my book, sweetie. When someone assumes stuff about you, or they don't like you? Fuck 'em. You know yourself, you know what you're capable of. That's all that matters."
The one-armed hug went a long way to reassuring Becka that she hadn’t messed this up, too, and she smiled rather weakly at him. “Thanks,” she murmured, nodding at the words he offered. “No one should have to be alone, especially not when they’re going through everything she is. But, at least she has Kyle. I think, beyond Dom, he’s the closest one she is to here.” And with as protective and defensive of her as he’d seemed, she really thought Kyle would be good for her even if she didn’t give anyone else a chance.
She smiled tightly at the suggestion. “I’m not so sure I’m any good at that, but I try not to let it get to me. So...” She paused, biting her lip. She wanted to move onto something else, but she didn’t think her next question was going to bring up any happier a topic, but she went ahead and plowed on anyway. “So,” she repeated. “You want to tell me what all happened with Adam earlier? Cause I told him I was gonna hang out with you tonight, and he had some not so nice things to say about you.”
For a moment Leandro leaned his cheek against the top of her head, trying to bolster her spirits back up. "You had good intentions. I know it. Even if it didn't work out." He was glad that physical affection seemed to work so well on her, and was glad as well that it was so easy for them to share it without anything awkward getting in the way. It even helped him feel a bit calmer, so that when she asked her next question he huffed a sort-of laugh into her hair.
"Really?" he wondered. "Well, that was just awesome of him. Yeah, things between us didn't work out so well." Leandro paused for a second, trying to think of a way to sum it all up. It had been a surprisingly complex interaction, one in which neither man had let their guards down. "I saw him struggling in the tool shed so I went to help him. We put up his new door. We were also in this kind of tense conversation about who I was making out with. He wanted to know almost immediately. I let him guess for a while and it was kind of funny. I thought we were playing. Then when I finally told him it was Kyle he started to get really weird and pissed off. Honestly? I think he was jealous somehow. Like Kyle is his friend and he doesn't want to share him. He was all blushing and even started to threaten me. He was like –"
Leandro sat up to illustrate on his own face how serious Adam had looked, sharp stare and all. "If you ever hurt him you'll answer to me! Telling me he doesn't like me and doesn't want me anywhere near him. I told him to shove it. Kyle wanted to be with me, so. That's that."
Becka shifted to lean a little more against him. Perhaps it was growing up with three brothers, all of which she was very close to, but she’d never had a hard time being friends with guys. It was just when they wanted more that things got awkward. She put the previous topic out of her mind for the moment, focusing now on listening to what he had to say about everything that had happened with Adam. And as she listened, her brows furrowed in confusion of why that would have made Adam get so bent out of shape about Leandro. She waited until he finished to say anything.
“Huh, that’s weird. Like, he doesn’t get all weird about my being friends with Kyle, which maybe that’s cause I’m a girl and Kyle’s gay, but... If he didn’t want to share his friend with anyone...” She trailed off, shrugging. It didn’t make sense, and it struck her as a bit odd. “Like, he wouldn’t even say anything at all about Kyle being with you when I commented on it. He completely shut me down about it. And he said you were a bully. Oh! And what’s with the whole shortstop thing, anyway? Cause he was all upset about that, but it still didn’t make any sense even after he tried to explain.”
Leandro shrugged a little, unsure of what to say. He mentally rolled over the interaction, trying to give it the most honest combing he could muster, even from his position of having been inside of it and knowing the feelings that colored his actions. When he spoke, he tried to do so thoughtfully.
"I mean... I messed with him. I did. I admit it. He started in on analyzing the marks on my neck so I called him a name. It wasn't that serious. I wasn't calling him "asshole" or something, which I felt like I could have after the conversation we had earlier. We weren't friends in the first place. I didn't like his attitude or how wussy he was being about everything, and I really didn't like that he was so unsupportive of you that he told you to shut up. That made me mad." He gave Becka another squeeze against his side. "But anyway, what happened with that is that he told me I had been busy making out or something, I asked him about it, and when he said he knew it I called him "shortstop" because he must have had some experience getting to making out without getting the home run. It was supposed to be... I don't know, dude humor funny. Dudes joke around with each other a lot rougher than they do with girls. That's just how it is. He's just really sensitive and it didn't seem like he could take it. And then he got really jealous about Kyle. Maybe he just hates me. Whatever." Finally, Leandro shrugged again, this time a little helplessly. If Adam was determined to hate him, what could he do? He certainly wasn't about to stop seeing Kyle.
That was a lot to take in, and Becka wasn’t really sure where to start in reply to it. “Maybe it wasn’t funny to him because I wouldn’t do more than make out with him.” That was just supposed to be a thought, and when she realized that she’d said it out loud, she blushed deeply and stared down at her bowl of ice cream. Not wanting it to be focused on, though, she plowed on, “And he only told me and Mazie to shut up cause he’s worried we’re gonna piss the Admins off enough to have us tazed and dragged out of here like Dom was. He cares about us, so he doesn’t want that to happen.” And Becka thought that was a valid concern, all things taken into consideration, not that it made the whole situation this morning any less wrong.
She smiled faintly then and nudged him lightly with her shoulder. “And anyway? Whatever he thinks - I still like you, and I’m happy for you and Kyle. Like I said before, no one should be alone.” She smiled a little more naturally as she realized something else he’d said. “And in case you were worried, I grew up with three brothers - dude humor doesn’t scare me,” she assured him.
Before Leandro could stop himself, he reacted to Becka's explanation with both eyebrows rising high, his mouth slightly ajar. "You--" he coughed before went too far, trying to find somewhere else to stare. His knee, the far wall, his toes. "Wow. I had no idea. Okay. That makes a lot more sense. I guess I jabbed a sensitive mark there. I honestly didn't know. But, hey. There's no reason why he should be upset with you for wanting to stop. That's kind of your choice, isn't it?"
Now that he had some momentum back, Leandro scowled a bit. "If he's acting like a damn baby because he didn't get his home run, that's on him. He should be thanking his lucky stars he got to touch you. Look, I caught this other feeling too. It's just a thing... I don't know what you'd call it. Just a gut feeling. I think he's kind of controlling of his friends. When things don't fit into where he wants them to it makes him mad. Like you said, he shuts down. I don't like it. I don't like that he'd try to control Kyle's love life like that. I have every intention of telling Kyle what he said. What if we get serious? And he thinks he's going to interfere?"
The idea was beginning to make Leandro feel rather grumpy. Not because he was afraid of Adam, but because it would be such a pain to try to repel him without doing things that would make Becka and Kyle angry with him. Nor did he want to be the kind of person who had to go and complain to both of them. That seemed excessive. All he managed for her slight relaxation was another trio of pats on her shoulder. "Well, good."
Becka’s flush stayed stubbornly in place at Leandro’s reaction and the words that followed. “Well, I don’t really think it upset him. I think my reasons for not having done anything before confused him and maybe did upset him a little. But, it is my choice, and random hookups might have been his way of doing things in the past, but I really don’t think I have it in me to just sleep with anyone.” She was oversharing, and she knew she should stop, but she’d always been bad at that.
As Leandro went on, Becka found herself wanting to defend Adam, because she really didn’t think it was like that at all, and she didn’t think he was taking her interest in him for granted. She tilted her head, frowning a bit as she considered his gut feeling about Adam. “I don’t know,” she began softly when Leandro finished speaking. She had some thoughts on why Adam might be that way, but she didn’t think she could really share them without talking about Adam’s past, which she just didn’t feel comfortable sharing. It wasn’t hers to share. “I don’t really get why he didn’t like you so much. Even with the joking. I just feel like there’s gotta be more going on there that doesn’t really have anything to do with you. What? I don’t know, but yeah...” she trailed off, shrugging slightly.
Despite Becka's discomfort, Leandro was glad she was talking about this personal issue a little. Though he kept it to himself, he knew what it was like not to be able to say no, and it wasn't a place he would wish on someone else. He idly smoothed a piece of her hair near her ear as she shared. "Yeah, sweetie. It's your choice. If you don't want random hookups nobody should be looking to make you. You're a great catch, so I hope he wakes up. He should be like..." He trailed off to make a dramatic face at the ceiling, his other hand clenching the air in front of him. "Consumed with the thought of making you happy! At least that's how I see it." When he broke off from his joke face he grinned and gave her a little nudge back.
"Anyway... I don't know, either. All I can think of is that maybe I intimidate him, or he doesn't like that I gave Kyle so much attention, but that still doesn't explain why. He's just very protective of him. Possessive, is what I told him. And he blushed horribly at hearing about me kissing him. Maybe..." Leandro bunched his brows for a moment. "Secret homophobe? Maybe he doesn't want to think about dudes doing stuff, especially not his friend?"
The easy affection seemed so very natural, and Becka felt so very comforted by it, enjoying the way he smoothed her hair back. It made her think of her brothers and Lucy, who really might as well have been her sister. “Awww!” she said, but it trailed off into a giggle at his dramatics. “I’ve never really had anyone try to be like that with me,” she admitted, her smile fading just slightly. “I never really gave anyone a chance to either, though. I have issues,” she finished with a soft, humorless laugh and shake of her head. The way Adam had reacted to her telling him about all that was still a disappointment to her.
Becka’s eyebrows rose and she looked at him at the mention of blushing. “Homophobe? Hmm, I hope not. That would be supremely disappointing.” She wouldn’t be able to stomach being with a homophobe, she knew that much. And wouldn’t that be sad, if for all the things she was overlooking to be with Adam already, if he was a homophobe, that would be too much? “My younger brother is gay,” she explained. “I don’t take kindly to homophobes.” Her expression was rather firm on that. There was simply no wiggle room on that point for her.
"Really?" Leandro wondered, looking genuinely surprised at Becka. "Nobody ever tried? No high school poet writing you sonnets or waiter who just can't stop arranging your broccoli into heart shapes before he serves you? Never ever?" He leaned against her with a little more pressure, as if to push the notion home. "Well, me neither! But I read it in Cosmo so many times it must be true, right? It sounds amazing. I haven't exactly been in lots of relationships, but if I was in one I should hope it'd be a really good one. You too, okay?"
He left it at that for now, thinking it was probably a bad place to add, 'and Adam doesn't seem like the type to supply that'. Not just then. Even if he was pretty sure at that particular moment that it was true. He'd had enough of that "dream-crushed" face from pretty girls for one day, and having neglected to soften his hand had already done enough damage he would have to sift through in his mind somehow. It wasn't always easy, dealing with people who were sensitive, emotional, real. Maybe that too was something to think about. Not everyone could be like him, hearing the worst insults and laughing back in the faces of his haters.
With that in mind, he coughed softly into his free hand and gave Becka a sheepish smile. "I understand. I'm sure it's not that bad... I'm probably wrong. I mean, I guess at least half the people he thought I made out with were guys' names, but I don't know if that's a reflection on me or him. I'm sure it's nothing though. He's probably just scared of everything, and no dude likes to admit to being scared. It makes them do weird things."
Becka shook her head, unable to hide just how disappointing it was. Because even as anxious as she’d been of being simply used and discarded by a guy just looking to get laid, she’d never actually wanted to be alone. That no one had ever deemed her worth trying to woo was a serious disappointment. “Yeah, okay. But well, I dated some, but never more than a few dates with anyone. And no one really tried beyond that, but I hope that someday we’ll both get good relationships. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a chance with Kyle,” she said with a teasing little grin. She wasn’t really even thinking that she’d get a chance here, not with the way Adam kept pushing her away every time she thought things were going pretty good.
She shrugged when Leandro said he was probably wrong. She wasn’t going to say for sure other way, because the more time went on, the more she was realizing that she just really didn’t know Adam at all. As much as she kept trying to get to know him, he just kept shutting her down. “Hmm, I don’t know,” she said neutrally. Suddenly she just really didn’t want to talk about Adam anymore. Talking about him was really not helping that plan to just relax and have a good time, though she did feel like she was forgetting to ask him something important. Oh well, it would come back to her eventually. “Sooooo, tell me more about everything with Kyle,” she urged him. “He wasn’t very forthcoming with the details!” she added with a little laugh, hoping that things would go to a lighter tone now as she took a bite of her melting sundae.
"Someday," Leandro agreed for her, nodding gently. He wasn't sure what he really believed, but it did make him smile to think that Kyle could do something special for him. He was a sweet guy, but they weren't really that far along yet, and he was still new to the idea of liking anyone. It just didn't fit in with what he knew about the rest of the world, and yet when he came across something he didn't know? Then it was just time to wing it.
He cast a sidelong eye down at Becka when she asked for details, then picked up one finger and wagged it at her. "Girl, are you asking for me to gossip?" He almost sounded chastising for a second, but only let it linger that long before laughing himself. "Okay, maybe. Well, we first met in person at the bar, but the first time we ever spoke was on the journals. He was all talking about art and showing me a sketch he made of Venus or something and it was very impressive. If I'd known then what I know now about how he works his art, I'd have called him on cheating. He's just too good. So we meet at the bar later on and I'm not sure it's him yet, but he's interesting and pretty so I hit on him, and then I found out it was him, so it all worked out. We started hanging out a lot, talking and drawing, and then this morning he managed to find his way into my bed."
Leandro paused to roll his eyes to the ceiling suggestively. "Not that we took it all the way though. We're just starting out. But I like that artist way about him... that thing that cuts right to the core of what he's seeing. It's a very different feeling, when something like that is focused on you."
Becka smiled widely at the question. “Yep!” she answered as he laughed, not at all ashamed about it. She kept smiling as she listened to Leandro tell her about how things with him and Kyle had evolved, thinking that she remembered reading their conversation on the journals and that Venus sketch. She really liked the way he talked about Kyle; it was clear just how into him he was, and she thought it was really sweet. “That’s great,” she said, ignoring the pang of something she couldn’t -or maybe wouldn’t- name. “And no need to rush things. Which, oh! That reminds me, Mr. Cryptic Comment. Everything okay with you?” She didn’t think she needed to elaborate on what she was referring to, but it hadn’t been difficult to connect the dots from the need for condoms to STDs.
At Becka's question, Leandro quirked his head at her curiously. "What do you mean?" he wondered. It took him several seconds of processing to connect to the topic to things they had said before, where they had left off in private messages. "Oh! Oh, you mean about being safe? Well, you know how it is... you don't always know a person's history. Not that I think Kyle is like that. He's way too careful to get into dangerous business. But I don't expect him to just trust me either." Glancing away, he shrugged one shoulder vaguely. "I haven't really done relationships in the past."
She might have answered him, but then she could practically see him connect the dots, and she opted to wait and listen to his answer. “Leandro,” she began in a soft, gentle tone when he looked away and shrugged. “You said that you wouldn’t wish that on him. I mean... Feel free to tell me it’s none of my business, but also... Remember what I told you before? That I don’t tell people’s secrets?” That seemed so long ago now, that first, short conversation she’d had with him on his survey journal entry. “And especially with anything medical - I believe very strongly in confidentiality.” And she could admit to herself that she just desperately wanted to be trusted, to feel like she had even just one true friendship here even if she’d only known Leandro a few days.
Leandro considered that for moments that seemed to stretch out into forever. At first he could not meet her eye, instead choosing to stare at his knees as if the gears in his mind were churning through mud. He took a couple of shallow breaths, and then his arm moved against Becka. His hand went to rest fully on her arm. He never shared with anyone, and he couldn't even fathom what it'd feel like. It felt as though he stood on the edge of a great tumble into some strange reflection of the world where everything looked backwards and frightening. But when he finally did come to bring his gaze back to Becka, the softness of her face seemed to melt so much of it away. It was harder still not to love her, to want to wrap up her sweetness like a treat to keep in his pocket. And really, when he thought about it to himself, he didn't know what he was doing in regards to this topic.
"I... well..." he stuttered to start. His toes snagged on that edge. His eyes closed briefly, and then he tried his best to let go. "I'm waiting on an HIV test from the doctor, Becka. Things weren't good in prison. And my... my health is bad. I'm prone to infections, and..." Instinctively, his free hand leaped to his chest, rubbing in a small circle. "If I got sick I'd probably fade pretty fast. So. I maybe didn't carry things as far with Kyle as I might have normally, if he'd not wanted me to hold off anyway." He stopped there, bringing his lips together in a somewhat pinched manner, betraying a hint of nervousness.
It couldn’t have been an easy topic, and so Becka waited quietly, her expression soft, open, encouraging. If he told her to butt out, she would. She wasn’t going to push him, because when you pushed someone like that, anything that came of it wasn’t real. When he finally started talking, she leaned forward to set her bowl on the coffee table before turning and giving him her complete attention. Only once he stopped speaking did she move again, leaning in to wrap her arms around him in a firm hug that was carefully not too tight.
“I think,” she began as she pulled back enough to be able to look at him after a minute, “that that’s not anything you should be ashamed of. You’re being responsible, and it says a whole lot of good about your character that you aren’t just rushing into things without taking these considerations. For what it’s worth, I know Cal’s going to do whatever he can to try to keep you as healthy as possible, and I know there’s not a whole lot I can do, but I’m definitely gonna try my best to help.” She could understand why he was keeping his health issues under wraps, though, and it made her feel like maybe this friendship that was growing between them was truly real.
After securing his own ice cream bowl onto the table, he dipped into the hug too with that same sensation of falling. Leandro's arms fell to her middle, holding her against his unstable chest for a long time. His face went to bury into the side of her hair, breathing her in. She was... she was kind to him, and the feeling was staggering. It almost made his arms tremble perceptively. Up close to his face like this, the raggedness of his breath was audible, a mossy grate low in his throat.
"Thank you," he said, for nothing in particular yet. Just for everything. "I just don't... I don't know. It's different if it's me. It doesn't matter if it's me getting sick. I always sort of thought there'd be a day for that anyway. But to think about letting it happen to someone else, especially someone who was good to me... I can't do it, you know?" His voice cracked just a little with emotion. "He actually sees me like somebody. It's so weird, and he can do it so easily. So I just... can't."
When Becka went to look up at him, his eyes were large and round, a little stricken. "Oh, I didn't tell him. I should have. But I was too nervous. I was too swept up. I didn't think I could just say something like that. But I should have done it before I even touched him. I don't know what to do now. I don't want him to be mad."
Becka nodded at the thanks, smiling softly at him. He didn’t need to specify what it was for; it worked as a blanket thanks. She looked at him with a sad understanding when he explained his thinking. “Yeah, I get that.” And it was just more proof to her that Adam’s assessment of Leandro was way off and must be colored by something else. What? She didn’t know, but whatever front Leandro put on to others, he wasn’t a cruel person. “You are somebody, and I’ll tell you, I like that somebody a whole lot so far,” she told him, smile going warmer.
Her arm gave his shoulders a little squeeze when his eyes went all wide like that. “Maybe you should have, maybe not. There’s always a little risk with any kind of contact like that, but honestly? It’s pretty minimal with just what you guys did. Unless you did more than mark up each other’s chests and necks,” she added, lips twitching just a little in amusement. She doubted that they had, but she couldn’t not say that. “As long as you tell him about it before you guys do anything more than that, though, I don’t think he’d get too mad. I mean, I don’t really know Kyle that well yet, but I can’t imagine it’s something that would be easy to say, and I’d hope he would understand that. Hopefully Cal will get your results back soon, though, so you don’t have to worry and wonder anymore.”
It spread a warm, tingling feeling throughout him to have Becka compliment him so, only serving to make him want to hold her tighter. Her touch was wonderfully comforting. She had made a good nurse, he thought. "Thanks," he said again, just because, then finally could stand to sit apart from her enough to keep up that gaze. Leandro's hands lingered near her elbows, unwilling to completely break it off. He smiled a little and added, "I like you too. It's... different. To have people tell me that. But it's not bad."
He tilted his head into a slow nod at the rest of what she had to say, soaking it in for understanding. "Yeah, I knew that at least. That I wasn't really going to hurt him just by kissing him. No, we didn't go anywhere below the waistband." He chuckled at that, using his thumb to give her side a little poke. "Or else I'd have a lot more to brag about." Then he grew quiet again, softly clearing his throat. "My thinking is though... I just... well, I hope he doesn't decide that it's too much to hang around someone who's... a risk. Not that I'd be surprised. Or blame him for anything. That's the story of my life."
The last bit saw his eyes grow a little cooler, but he fought it down by looking away for a moment towards the far wall. His jaw worked, and it was clear he wrestled with his own inner temptations. The bitterness could be like a siren at times, something he had to willfully ignore and often lost to. When he looked back, he said with a strong hint of seriousness, "Even though you don't know him well, you seem to think he's pretty good anyway. What's your judgment on him?"
The contact was nice. It was friendly and without any kind of awkward edge, which did wonders to help keep Becka comfortable with him. "Well, you should get used to it, cause you seem to be racking up people who like and care about you," she said with a smile.
She grinned a bit when he chuckled, swatting halfheartedly at the hand that poked her side. There was no reason to point out that there was still a little risk in kissing, if Leandro had an open cut in his mouth or something like that. The odds were still so slim, that she kept the thought to herself. "Leandro, if he's the kind of person that would write you off just because you might be infected, then he's not worth being around. Sick people are no less deserving of love and affection and friendship than healthy people." And oh, she would have words for Kyle if he decided Leandro wasn't worth his time anymore because of this.
Becka was a little surprised when he asked her what her judgment was on Kyle, and her brows furrowed in thought. "Oh, hmm," she began, taking a moment to sort out her thoughts. "I think he's a passionate person. I think he's very picky and judgmental of people, but that when he does care about someone, he does so completely and without much question," she said, thinking of how he'd jumped to Meg's defense so quickly. "He's very opinionated and not shy about sharing his thoughts, but I like that about him. I don't think everyone should agree all the time. Life would be boring if that were the case. And that he's talented really goes without saying, but he is. Have you seen his Manhattan project?"
The laugh Leandro made for at being told that people liked him was almost what could have passed for shy for him, if ever he knew the meaning of the word. "I don't know," he answered quietly, some measure of disbelief sticking in his voice. He didn't really want to dwell on it, moving quickly to the next topic. That one too made him shift in his seat, worrying his lip ring with his teeth.
"I guess, it'd be nice of him and all to have it not be a big deal, but if it was I wouldn't blame him. He's not obligated to be some kind of saint who can cope with something like that. If he would have a better life, you know... if he's thinking about some kind of future when he gets out of here, making a name for himself with that talent... well, then maybe he shouldn't." Honestly, that was probably closer to Leandro's expectations in the first place. He expected people to want to leave him behind, to look at him and see nothing worth keeping. He kept up a stone face for it, always exuding the idea that he was happy alone anyway.
But talking about Kyle seemed to break that down a little. He was still pulling his ring back and forth, a slight curl to the corners of his lips that said he couldn't help but feel something in there for it. "I like that he's like that. Maybe it sounds funny. A lot of people might say they wanted the most compassionate, accepting person who was just nice and shiny all the time... but I like his fire. I like that he tells me shit straight up. It's a lot more fun. I don't even mind if he's judgmental, since his judgment doesn't really seem off. I can tell those things about people, you know?" Here he swept his hand towards himself to illustrate. "If they look at me like I'm a piece of crap for how I look, then I know something about them. If they're scared of me, or think I'm a bad person. I don't try to correct them all the time, since for one they should work for it, and for another, what's the point? They're already prejudiced. He hasn't been like that though. He's always wanted to know more about me, and so have you. That's how I decide if people are worth my time." Leandro smiled fondly at Becka. "I have seen his Manhattan painting. It's beautiful. I saw the painting he gave Adam, too. I've never known anyone like that before, who can just... be that moving."
What Leandro was saying did make some sense. Some, but Becka still didn't think they were having the same thoughts on this. "I don't think you should just assume that being with you would stop him from making a name for himself. He's an artist, and you're like one big piece of art. And anyway, the way he jumped immediately to Meg's defense when I didn't even actually say anything bad about her tells me that he won't tolerate anyone questioning his judgment in being with you. And rightfully so, because it's no one's business but his who he's with. And, if someone doesn't want to take the time to get to know the person behind the hair and tattoos and piercings, then it's their loss." She'd started to rant a bit, obviously feeling very strongly about this.
Becka shook her head when he said it might sound funny, silently disagreeing with that. It didn't sound funny at all, especially for someone like Leandro who seemed to enjoy or at least have led a more chaotic life. She nodded, smiling when he explained that he could tell those things about people. "I think that's a pretty reasonable way to see what kind of person people are. And I know I've always tried not to judge people just on their looks. Like, with you, outside of here? I'd have looked at you and saw someone really extrovert and expressive, someone who likes to walk on the wild side and has fun with it. Lucy? My best friend back home, she was a lot like that."
She smiled a bit softer at his response about the painting. "It is really impressive, even in the unfinished state. I haven't seen the one he gave to Adam, though." She didn't know he'd done one for Adam. "But I got to see a bunch he has in his room right now. He started one that was supposed to be for me, but it turned out really... stormy, or dark or something. Like a Dorian Gray, so he's gonna keep it for himself for when he needs something to let out his anger or frustrations on or something," she explained with a little laugh. She didn't mind, really, and she wasn't going to be upset if it took Kyle a bit longer to get one done for her.
Leandro continued to smile warmly at Becka. He could feel that he was beginning to take a shine to her optimism, even if he laughed at it on others. Maybe they didn't do it right; they came off uninformed and naïve. She was brave, though. More like refusing to take no for an answer. Nevertheless, Leandro slowly shook his head. "That's not really what I meant. He does seem to like my "image", as he calls it. He says I've put it together purposefully and he wants to know why. How I chose it all. It'd take a long time to go through all that, but he's welcome to try. What I really mean is that... well, if my test comes back positive, I could..." He was trailing off again, his brows scrunching together sharply. "I could kill him by touching him. I think, if I do have HIV, I don't want to be with anyone. Even someone who cares about me. It'd be too much to think about all the time."
Having that truly sorted out in his mind sent a chill through his bones. He made himself a little smaller on the couch, folding his hands together into a small knot. That was a long, dark life to think about, and one that felt right now as if it was as likely as heads or tails in a coin flip. It finally weighed down the delight he had had a moment previously in talking about Kyle, turning the topic too cold in his mind. He cut it off abruptly. "Let's just talk about something else, okay?" He didn't know what, though, so he remained silent.
Becka hadn't been referring to Kyle specifically when she'd talked about how people responded to Leandro's appearance, but she just smiled when he talked about it. Her smile dimmed, though, when he finally came out and said what he was really worried about, and when he sunk into the couch more, she pulled her arm from around him, reaching over to cover his balled up hands with her own. "Yeah, we can, but first? I'm not gonna tell you you should still try to be with someone if the test comes back positive, because that is your choice and no one else can make it for you. So, just try to put it out of your mind for right now, at least, as there's nothing you can really do until you get the results." She gave his hands a squeeze and sent him a soft smile.
"So moving on," she said, though she didn't add anything to it for a long minute. She fished around for something else they could talk about, and when her mind landed on something that could work and was something she'd actually been curious about, she sent him an almost mischievous smile. "So, tell me about these silly plans of yours. You said something about a video camera?" she prompted him, hoping that it would put some of the light back in his eyes.
Leandro looked up as her hands came into his view, resting over his hands. He nodded once, turning his hands around to clasp onto them. He still appeared unsure, the anxiety of having said such a thing and thinking it at all clouding his expression. "Yeah... I guess so. Seems like the rest of the stuff we talked about would be a total waste, but... I don't know what else I'd do." He tried to shrug in a way that seemed casual, but he still couldn't press the alien emotion out of his system. It was forming a pit in his stomach that was very uncomfortable. He liked Kyle, and if he had to say this all again tomorrow, it would be one of the biggest disappointments he'd felt in a while. Secretly, he reminded himself that this was why he didn't get attached. Why was he being such a fool all of a sudden here?
He shook the thought away quickly and dove back into the new topic with bullish determination. His lips curled sharply, shaking her hands as if he was truly excited about it. "Fuck yeah!" he exclaimed to bolster his energy. "They gave me a video camera, so now nobody is safe. Well, as long as nothing horrible happens next time I have a chance. My plan is to make up crazy pranks that will shake people up, get them out of their comfort zones. People are so great when they're dealing with weird situations. It's another one of those things that I think tells a lot about them."
Leandro looked so anxious and unhappy with talking about all of this that Becka couldn't bring herself to say anything more on it, no matter how much she wanted to encourage him. She wanted to believe that Kyle wouldn't shun Leandro over this, but she just didn't know Kyle well enough, and she didn't want to give him empty assurances.
His response to the change in topic was just a little too enthusiastic, but she didn't call him out on it. Somehow she got the impression that opening up even as much as he just had with her wasn't something he did with ease, and so she would give him this. "Okay, so crazy pranks to get people out of their comfort zones, check. What kind of pranks? Nothing that would really piss someone off, I hope, cause I'm guessing there are some pretty intolerant people with no senses of humor here." It wasn't coming right out and telling him to be careful or to not do any pranks. There were just some dangerous people here, and she didn't want anyone to retaliate with violence and hurt Leandro.
With a flat look, Leandro clarified, "Obviously I'm not going to prank someone who will turn around and kick my ass. But no, nothing serious. Nothing that will cause bodily harm or, as much as I love it, destruction of property." He grinned again here, not knowing whether she'd realize he was being tongue-in-cheek and not really minding either way.
"There are some people here who seem game," he went on. "Like you, for instance. I could stand to see you laugh more often. Kyle, Carmel... There's this one outrageous chick named Mojo who'd probably be game and then turn it around in my face. She's a challenge. I like her. Oh! And--"
Leandro paused to shake Becka's hands again, as if she wasn't already paying attention. "We should prank the doc. We should prank him so hard." He gave a deflective shrug, as if that would make him look innocent in any way. "You know. To thank him for all his hard work. He could probably use a break too."
Becka felt a little guilty at that flat look and the way she relaxed a little at the assurance that he wouldn't do anything that would result in a violent retaliation. "Destruction of property?" she repeated, giving him a look, eyebrows raised a bit. She reached out and poked him in the arm to emphasize the point that that just wasn't a good thing at all.
She giggled softly, almost under her breath when he named her, grinning as he listed off people he could prank, quirking a brow when he talked about Mojo. She hadn't met Mojo yet, but the way Leandro talked, she could be fun and interesting. She did laugh when he shook her hands, giving him a more intense look to show him that he had her complete attention. When he did finally tell her his idea, she laughed outright, shaking her head. "No, that's a great idea!" she agreed when he seemed to try to defend it. "I think Cal's easygoing enough to get a good laugh out of it. And he does work hard and could definitely use a break!"
At being poked Leandro took in a breath and looked away, as if to say "guilty as charged". "It's very, very satisfying to break something. You should try it sometime. Maybe we'll ask for some plates and smash them just to give you a taste. The stress outlet is incredible, plus it looks kind of sexy." Naturally, that kind of statement required one of his characteristic winks.
His scheming brain turned on when he was encouraged, considering what he knew so far of the good doctor and his nature. Very even, that one, even under plainly inflammatory circumstances. Leandro was sure he'd said at least one thing that should have irritated Dr. Royce, and yet he never rose his voice and seemed annoyed. That was almost admirable, if it hadn't also been sort of scary and a little anti-climactic. It would take a lot to ruffle his feathers, but Leandro knew he was good. As it formulated in his head, devilishness gradually pulled his eyes narrow and tugged up his lips.
"I think I got it. He's gonna be tough, but not tougher than me. Tell me what you think of this..." He leaned in to murmur conspiratorial things into Becka's ear.
Becka narrowed her eyes in thought at the suggestion. “You’re incorrigible,” she accused at the wink, though she was grinning a bit. She wasn’t taking it as anything more than his usual joking nature. Maybe if they got plates specifically to break, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. She put the thought of smashing plates out of her mind when he leaned in to tell her all about his ideas for pranks, more than happy to focus on that. She hadn’t been lying when she’d told him this place needed more silly.