Kyle Van Allen (arty_kyle) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-09-15 15:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | day twenty-three, kyle, kyle and wren, wren |
Picnic Time!
Characters: Wren and Kyle
Setting: The Courtyard, Lunchtime
Kyle was definitely feeling more positive today, and it showed in everything about him. In the fact he had dressed with more care. In the fact that he had actually gotten a full night’s sleep and didn’t look half-exhausted. In the fact that he was smiling as he knocked on Wren’s door at around midday, practically bouncing as he waited for her to answer.
Wren was still having a little lingering troubled introspection. She had glanced at the cameras seeing Chester, Adam. She was feeling the ache of separation. She'd thought she would do better with it, thought that she would be fine, and she could be patient, but she felt the loss keenly. She wanted to tell people, but honestly didn't know what to say or if she should say it at all. She didn't want to worry anyone, after all. She didn't want to bring anyone down, either.
When the knock came at her door, she steeled herself, drew in a breath, let it out slowly, and opened up the door. She smiled when she saw Kyle there, though was mildly surprised. He'd been...well. Not great lately, and she knew she couldn't help. He wasn't telling her much these days. Still, she was happy to see him, and he looked much better, which made her feel a little better in turn. "You look happy today," she noted with a warm tone.
“Thanks - things are feeling better,” Kyle told her, aware that he’d never actually specifically told her about the fact that they were ‘worse’ in the first place. He knew Wren wasn’t an idiot though, he could keep things from her, not tell her about the stuff he didn’t want her to worry about, but she wasn’t going to simply assume that everything was okay just because he wasn’t telling her otherwise. She had eyes, and a brain. “I was hoping you’d have lunch with me.” He stepped back and gestured to the courtyard, where he’d set up a picnic blanket on the grass in a patch of sunshine. It was all already laid out with food. “I made lemonade…”
She looked out, then laughed a little, in pleasant surprise. "Of course, how could I say no?" she asked, immediately stepping out to walk over to the spread. "This is really nice, thank you." she said, appreciating it. It would help pull her out of her own head for a little while, which she was appreciative of.
“Well, that was the general idea - you not being able to say no,” Kyle admitted as he settled down on one side of the blanket. “It’s all vegetarian, but it’s also mostly made from scratch.” Kyle told her. He didn’t cook often - and this could hardly be called ‘cookery’ really, given that it was mostly salad stuffs with a few little extras and some cheeses - but he did enjoy it. It was another outlet for creativity, as far as he was concerned.
Sitting down, she took it all in, a smile on her lips. She drew in a deep breath, soaked in the sun, and let everything else go for the moment. "Well, thank you. It all looks wonderful." she said. "It's really nice to see you smiling." she told him. It wasn't her prying into things, but it was truthful.
“It’s really nice to be smiling,” Kyle responded. “Sorry about the last few days - they’ve been… difficult. How are you?” he asked, knowing that if he started in on his own things, he would just ramble on for ages. He wouldn’t be that self-centred ass.
"It's okay. I just hope it's cleared up." she told him. "And I'm...okay. Better now that you're here." she said, not wanting to bring the conversation down at all. Plus, it wasn't as if there was anything anyone could do about her feeling lonely and dealing with separation. Everyone was. And she was still concerned about Mazie, but that was a whole different thing.
“Better with me here?” Kyle queried. It didn’t take a genius to get what she probably meant. “I… It sucks, doesn’t it? Them being there and us being here?”
Nodding, Wren got her plate, and started in. "I spent a lot of my life without actual friends, save for Chester. I made friends here, and don't like being away from them like this. And Chester and I are still in the new stages of things. I miss them." She gave a smile. "Everyone I'm sure is experiencing this to some degree."
Pouring a couple of glasses of lemonade, Kyle nodded. “Adam and I have spent quite a bit of time on the phone,” he mentioned, casually. “And - okay, maybe this’ll sound creepy, but it’s not meant to be - but, the camera feeds show the other block, so we both tuned in to each other’s rooms as we talked. It… Was better than nothing.”
Taking her glass, Wren gave a soft laugh. "Chester showed me," she said. "We did the same, though weren't on the phone. Perhaps I should call him. I suppose I forget about that more easily than others. It wasn't as if we had phones where I grew up," she said. The compound didn't have those. There was a land line somewhere, she knew, but part of being inte commune at all was giving up ties to the outside world. "I'm glad you two connected, though."
“We did,” Kyle confirmed, twisting him lemonade glass round in his hands as a slight blush raised to his cheeks, highlighting the dusting of freckles there. He was unaccountably nervous, as though sharing this would make things more real. Or perhaps it was that he felt guilty for the part he had had Wren play in this whole thing. “I…” He looked her in the eye. “Adam and I… We’re...We’re going to try and make a go of it,” he said, waiting for her reaction.
Wren blinked, eyes widening slightly. Though at the same time, she was unsurprised. She caught the blush on his cheeks before he spoke, and of course he was rather bouncy today. She hoped it worked out for the best, though couldn't help but have uneasy feelings deep down over the matter. Still, she smiled, a response to his clearly happy demeanor. "I'm happy for you," she told him. "I really hope we can see the other block soon, so you two can properly see each other now," she said, wondering if Adam would tell her too. Or perhaps she could message him and tell him she was happy for him too.
“We’re going to be taking things slowly - really slowly. And, I mean, there’s him over there and me over here so that’s a given, but yeah - slow. And yes, it would be great if we could see the other block soon - for you too because - Chester and everything, I just…. Yeah. Thanks.” The word torrent came to an end almost as quickly as it had started, and Kyle took a sip of his drink so he didn’t immediately start back up again.
Listening, Wren gave him an amused sort of smile. "Go ahead," she told him. "Gush all you want, Kyle," she invited. She would listen. And he was just that kind of person. The one who when he did want to share, he really wanted to share. He was happy, and regardless of her twinges of doubt, she was happy for him. Hearing him go on and on about it would do her some good.
“I know - I know I’ve been saying all along that I didn’t want this,” Kyle acknowledged, feeling the need to explain that. “But, things changed. I mean - god, different things and different changes. It’s like… A perfect storm?” He rolled his eyes. “That’s probably over dramatic. But - I had all these reasons in my head, and they seemed to disappear, one by one. Until really I realised that I was fighting for the sake of fighting and the person who was losing was me. And I really do like him, Wren.”
As he spoke, Wren nodded along. "You don't have to convince me." she told him. "And sometimes, things fall into place, right when you expected them to fall apart." And sometimes the opposite happened, but she wasn't bringing that up right then. "I'm just glad that you two aren't fighting anymore, and that you seem truly happy."
Kyle bit his bottom lip. “I thought maybe I’d have to,” he admitted. “I’m sorry - for all the shit with this whole situation. You kind of got caught in the middle of it all, and I know that was at least in part my fault.” It wasn’t all his fault, Adam had played his own part, but Kyle had forgiven the other man for that and had no control over Wren’s feelings on the matter.
"You don't." she assured him. "And you don't have to apologize, either. I'm your friend. By my understood definition of the matter, being in the middle sometimes is just part of it." she said, smiling. "But I do know this. Things wouldn't have been like they were if you two didn't care about each other so deeply." It would have ceased to matter, after a point. She didn't doubt the depth of either of their feelings, or the strength behind them.
Kyle’s blush deepened and his smile returned. “Right. I… Yeah. So! Anyway! Tell me about you and Chester - I mean apart from the whole ‘I miss him like crazy, why are they doing this to us’ part of it all. I hear he’s spending time with Adam - that’s gotta be fun for both of them,” he teased, knowing how little the other two men actually got on.
"I've been worried about Adam, so I asked if Chester would check on him for me, and he's a good man. So he has." Wren said. "They definitely dislike one another. Which is unfortunate, especially since I think it's mainly due to Adam fundamentally not understanding how things were in my past, and Chester being a little...intense, sometimes, about certain things." she shared. "We're taking things slowly too, though I will admit sometimes I do want to be wildly irresponsible and concentrate on that instead of other things." She thought about anything else to add, then brightened. "I did like getting to be pretty at the masquerade for him. I've decided to try and make a change in that department, though I admit I've dropped it due to the fact that I'm nowhere near him now."
“You looked fabulous at the masquerade,” Kyle agreed, putting some food on his plate, organising it into a pattern without actually realising what he was doing. It was just habit. “But I get the feeling that Chester thinks you’re pretty without you having to make any changes at all. You are pretty without having to make any changes at all. You have a unique style. It suits you.”
Wren blushed faintly at that, but smiled immediately. "Thank you," she said. "For all counts. And you're right, he does think that. It's not only for him. It's for me too. I want to feel pretty," she said. "I want to spread my wings a little, I suppose. I got out of prison, and I've gone back to what I used to wear before, doing the same things I did before...I just want to explore a little, even if it's in small ways."
“You want to discover who you are now. Because things have changed and you’re not the person you used to be,” Kyle said - it could have been a question, but it wasn’t. There was an understanding in his tone. It was how he felt himself.
"Exactly." Wren said, thinking he put that a lot better than she had. It really hit the nail on the head. "Sometimes I'm a little worried, because I think he still thinks I'm who I used to be. But I hope he likes who I am now, or who I wind up being. This place is all about transition, and while I don't know that there's wild changes going on..." she trailed off. There were still changes.
“...You still need to know what they are.” Kyle shrugged. “Your man has to love who you are now. He can’t try and keep you as something you were when he first met you. I’m really glad you’re not trying to do that for him. And if he’s the guy you think he is, then I’m sure it’ll all work out.” Kyle was trying hard to stay neutral and non-judgemental about Charlie. He hadn’t spent much time with the man himself, but he had received two wildly differing opinions of him. And, under the circumstances, it was hard not to lean towards going with Adam’s opinion.
Even if he was attempting to sound non-judgmental, his wording was edging in there. She'd heard it before, from Adam. "Chester doesn't try to do anything like that. He is still playing catch up for the years we were apart, that doesn't mean he's trying to keep me as I was. In fact, he would likely rejoice in my finding myself and a new path. He always wanted me out of there in the first place. The commune, I mean. I'm sure it's just hard sometimes to really take it all in, especially when he was also just convicted."
“Great then,” Kyle said with a smile. “Sounds like you have a good support system in him. Or should do. Once he gets his head around it all.” He paused, then tilted his head to the side a little. “Just convicted?” he asked.
Wren nodded. "He didn't spend a day in prison. He was shipped directly here," she shared. "Which means there's a few other things he doesn't understand too, just because he lacks that experience. But yeah...so while everything happened to me a long time ago, and this was a refreshing change, for him, he just got a sentence, and was placed here. He doesn't talk about it that often, but I'm sure he's still keenly aware of the off kilter trajectory his life has taken."
“So he sees this set up differently to us. Do you think he realises how lucky he is? To have been sent straight here?” Kyle knew that not everyone had a bad experience in mainstream prison, but playing the odds, given the number of people he knew who had considered it hell, he was willing to conclude that Charlie wouldn’t have had a good ride of it.
No. He doesn't. Went through her mind, but she wasn't positive she could say that. It felt like a betrayal. There was a nearly imperceptible shake of her head though. "It manifests most in his opinion that if he protests enough, and bucks the system, he may evoke change. Which...those of us who've been there, know isn't the case. Here, it's possible, perhaps, but at any given time they can do whatever they wish. Like split us all up one morning with no warning." She took another drink of lemonade. "It actually makes me glad he's here and he didn't go there. He...would have had an extremely hard time, I believe." She could picture him just not learning. Metaphorically beating his head against the wall, waiting for it to give when it simply wouldn't.
Kyle pulled his lips in between his teeth in thought. “Probably,” he said, somewhat reluctantly, after a moment or two. “He’s not big enough to hold his own if he’s spouting out unwanted opinions. Unless he’s the master of some kind of martial art or something. Someone would feel the need to put him down. Keep him down.”
Wren had to think about that. In her mind, Chester was a strong person. And she could see him being able to come out on top, even if she didn't like thinking about him in a fight at all. But she could see his nature really clashing with others, and it causing terrible events. In the end she knew Kyle was likely correct, no matter how much she didn't want that to be true, and she averted her gaze. "I'm glad he wound up here."
“I’m glad we all wound up here,” Kyle agreed. “Even with the things they keep doing. With everything that’s not so great - I still am glad we’re here.”
"I am. Sometimes I don't understand the extreme animosity people have developed toward the Administration. Certainly, they do things we don't understand sometimes, but we were never told we would have full disclosure." She smiled. "I have friends here. People I want to be around after we leave. People who need to be on a beach somewhere with me." she said, clearly meaning Kyle.
“We’re all looking forward to that beach,” Kyle agreed. “But - personally? I understand the animosity. I hate the way they mess us around. I really hate the disappearances. The way that they took Dom - what that did to Meg? The way that I woke up one day and found Leandro gone? Being left with that knowledge that I could wake up tomorrow and you could be gone. Or Adam. I hate that feeling of loss of control. And I know I didn’t have control before. But I didn’t have control over anything before, so weirdly, it was easier to deal with. Now? Here? It’s like they’re dangling a life in front of me. Something normal. Yet I’ve always got that knowledge that at any time it can be snatched back, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just have to play along, and hope that I and everyone I care about, are doing the right things.”
Wren wondered if this was one of those times where she shouldn't continue the track of the conversation. If Kyle felt that strongly about it, like Chester did, like a lot of people did, then perhaps she would do best with keeping her own views to herself. She didn't want to set things on a sour note, after all. Normally she didn't ever feel like her sharing an opinion would be a bad thing, but as she spent more time with non-commune people, she understood sometimes it was better. In the end, she merely nodded.
Kyle noted the lack of response and shrugged. “Sorry - I can come on a bit strong sometimes. I just… I like who I’m becoming here. And I love you guys.”
"No need to apologize." Wren said. "I am just learning with this particular subject, or the tone, people don't want to listen to another point of view." she said. "I like being here. I feel it's the only place for me, at current. And I love you lot as well. I suppose I just come from a different place, and see things differently."
“We don’t have to have the same point of view, or agree on this,” Kyle said, easily. “After all, it’s how we feel about things. Which is really subjective. We both agree that we like being here. I certainly agree that this is the only place for me as well. I just - we’ve reacted differently to what they do. You’re far more accepting of things than I am. I’m more afraid of things beyond my control, and that colours my opinions. Honestly? I would probably be happier if I were more like you,” the artist admitted.
"Is that how you see me?" she asked. "Just...accepting?" After all, she hadn't actually shared her view, just stated that she didn't understand the animosity and that she was happy here, more or less. But she often wondered how people saw her, interpreted her.
“You seem to be,” Kyle told her. “I mean, you pointed out that they never promised us anything. Which, really, I hadn’t even ever thought about it like that before. Maybe it’s more that you see the bigger picture. Like with the whole stocks thing. Where everyone else was arguing and you just did what needed to be done.”
"While Chester was rallying for the opposite." she said. She took another bite, and washed it down before continuing. "I'm aware that I am not a center point." she said. "I am a part of things, and I have roles to play, but no one owes me anything. Not even an explanation. It doesn't mean I don't wonder where people have gone. Or that I don't feel as frustrated as others for some of the events. I'm not blindly accepting everything and nodding, unaffected. I just keep in mind that I'm not running things. I don't know what their methods are. People seem to constantly be asking why. But for all we know, asking why is part of the point. Or maybe surrendering control is, or banding together against a common enemy, or recognizing that we're in this together, and the more we rail against each other and the wind, the more tired we'll get, and we'll see it's accomplished nothing."
She took another drink. "But I'm not a shining example of what people would find desirable. I was a pivotal member of a cult. My view is often considered invalid the moment someone hears 'cult'. And perhaps they're right to do so. I don't know."
“I don’t think anyone’s view is ever invalid,” Kyle said. “I might not always agree with someone’s view, but they have the absolute right to hold it - and I don’t expect everyone to agree with me either.” He paused and smiled. “Well, aside from when Adam starts in on how he’s not good looking, but the guy’s just a fool, so we can discount that,” he teased. “But, more seriously - people always judge based on what they see and hear. People judge you when they hear that you were in a cult. People judge me on any number of things - what I look like comes up a lot. The duality between the reactions I would get when I presented myself as ‘Kyle the artist’ as opposed to ‘Kyle Van Allen, of the Manhattan Van Allens, don’t you know’. People often don’t want to hear views that don’t align with their own. But having views that are different is part of what makes the world work. It’s what keeps things dynamic, and interesting. Keeps us growing and evolving.”
"Which is a wonderful point of view to possess." Wren told him. She also smiled when he teased about Adam and his point of view on his own level of attractiveness, since he was entirely correct there. "I imagine had I not been living under a rock for my entire life, I would recognize the name." she added. "I understand what you mean. It's associations."
"You're also right. Everything is constantly in motion. I was attempting to tell Mazie about this. About being a part of the whole. I'm unsure she quite understood, however." She considered for a few long moments. "My view includes what people would consider 'creepy' knowledge." she said. "For instance...one of the fastest way to get people to become a cohesive group is to separate them from the outside world. Which they have done. Then doubled, because they've split us into two. When people joined the commune, they couldn't keep their cell phones. Most people didn't leave the commune at all, only select members did. I imagine they were ones Brian trusted to return, trusted to not become 'corrupted'. I know people are more likely to bond when they have felt wronged, and can relate to one another. I know people bond when they believe in the same things. When they feel they're 'right', and have that validated by others around them."
"That's not creepy knowledge," Kyle said. "At least, I don't think so. Especially not in this environment. Really, with us all in here like this, I actually think it's a really useful background to have. You can probably see, better than any of us, what might be going on and how things work."
"You probably wouldn't recongise the name," Kyle told her with a shrug. "Not unless you ran in East coast society circles. They're kinda insular. The family name isn't 'famous' - we're not like Hilton or Rockerfeller big or anything. But within that circle, who you are is just as important - sometimes more so even - than what you are." he paused before continuing. "That's not creepy knowledge. At least, I don't think so. Especially not in this environment. Really, with us all in here like this, I actually think it's a really useful background to have. You can probably see, better than any of us, what might be going on and how things work."
At the explanation of the name, she was just as blank at the mentions of supposed other famous names. “What was that society like?” she asked, curious. "What use do you see for it?" she asked
. "My being able to spot cult tactics, or my being able to see the value of them?" She wasn't sure either would help. Just like she imagined if she announced on the journals that they all needed to band together and smile and sing songs and hug and dance that people wouldn't really be okay with it all. Even knowing their goal, people seemed to have gone their individual ways, which was probably much closer to the real world than what she imagined they were getting at. Which begged the question, what were they getting at, really? Did they want them to behave more like a cult? Did they want them to just fit in and not do anything criminal for a while? She didn't know. No one did.
"Society was.... Constraining? Idiotic? Frustrating?" Kyle suggested, then actually tried to answer the question. "For those people who fit in, it was great, I guess. A lot of the time, it was about surface. Appearance. Doing certain things at certain times, in certain ways. And if you did that, and if you played by the rules, then it was like having a big family. There was a great support system. All these people helping you get the best out of life. But you did have to fit within the rules. Which was something I didn't do so well at. I wasn't a cookie cutter society boy. And I had no interest in being one either. I could play the game. I could turn up at the right events, hold the right conversations, be seen with the right people. But it was all an act - and it wasn't one that I would have been able to keep up. You can pretend to be something you're not when you're a child, and a teenager. But once you're an adult, the rules change. I would have been sidelined. Maybe not out entirely. Well, not until I pleaded guilty to murder. That changed everything, of course. That was unforgivable." The artist quirked a smile and rolled his eyes. "You though - what you can see is manipulation techniques. That's always useful. Where I'll maybe see them doing something, you can look behind that and see why they're doing it."
"It doesn't sound all that different from my life." Wren admitted. "Possibly the only difference is how one got there. But either way, there were still rules you followed. You still needed to fit in with the group, and that did mean you didn't do much that fell outside of those parameters. For someone like me that was easy, because I lacked a frame of reference, considering how young I was when I arrived, and the lack of outside influences. But I saw others struggle. And it isn't as if everyone who joined stayed forever, either. People came and went, and sometimes came, went, came back..." She nodded at his last statement. “I suppose that’s true.”
"You know, Adam pretty much said the same thing? That it wasn't that much different to how his life had been," Kyle commented. "I guess it's the same for most people. The players change. The expectations change. But the game is always the same. 'If you want to play in our sandpit, then you have to play by our rules'. I chose to leave the sandpit I was born into. Though I didn't really count on the ultimate cause of my exit."
"What did happen with you?" she asked. "If you don't mind my asking. I understand if you don't want to really talk about it. Some don't." Others did, but she'd noticed that people more and more these days didn't ask questions. Maybe they just didn't really want the gorey details. Didn't want to know that the person sleeping in the next room did fill-in-the-blank.
Kyle hesitated for a long time before he answered. He always had to be careful of what he told people. Only Adam knew the whole truth. He didn't, however, want to lie to Wren. "My roommate - my friend - died of a drug overdose and it was my fault," he said in the end.
Wren considered that, and his wording earlier. When he mentioned it in passing, he said 'pled guilty to murder'. Not 'murdered someone'. "How?" she asked. It was a very simple question, and he could answer however he chose. Though she did recognize this was quite the touchy subject, especially with how long it took him to answer at all.
Kyle looked down, putting his plate of food on the ground. He suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. He never was when the subject of Jeff came up. "I got him into drugs in the first place," he said, quietly. "Everything that happened to him - it was all my fault."
It actually made far more sense to her that this was the case, as opposed to Kyle actually killing someone. Just like Adam, whom she had always believed innocent. "Your reasoning for pleading guilty to murder is your feeling responsible for what you consider the initial event?" she asked.
Kyle nodded. "Something like that, yes. I couldn't live with myself. Afterwards. It's what I had to do - to be able to live with myself again."
Wren nodded, though also nibbled lightly at her lip. "Would you like me to leave this subject lie?" she asked. It was clearly his belief, and how he dealt with his own life, she didn't want to trod on anything.
Kyle eyed her a little, not sure how to read her reaction. "People... Generally don't understand my point of view," he said, carefully.
"I understand it." Wren said first. "Just...as a student of Fate, if one believes in it, there is no one thread that defines things. No one event that's the key. I obviously cannot say for certain what your circumstances entail, and won't pretend to know something I do not. It's just my experience that there's always much more to events. For instance, take me. Why am I here? I most certainly am not some drug kingpin, but that's what I was convicted for. Was it Brian? Am I here, as Adam believes, because Chester didn't 'save' me? Was it my mother's fault for handing me over to a cult leader when I was six? Was it her parents who did not provide a good home life?" she posed. "Why is everyone I ever knew dead? Is it Brian's fault, for starting the cult in the first place, and convincing everyone to drink poisoned wine? Are they dead because of him or because they chose to drink of their own volition?" She trailed off. "There are many things that can be considered. Though for you, I understand because it's what you can live with and what you cannot. If you see yourself as responsible, then you do. I'm certain if anyone would have been able to change your point of view, they would have done so by now."
"I don't know if I believe in fate," Kyle told her. "Though there certainly seems to have been something in your cards. What I believe in is balance. That's important to me. That things should work out. If I do something that I see as wrong, then I can't settle until I've made up for that. The people around me, mostly, don't see how that makes sense. For most people, as long as you 'get away with it' then you can ignore it. That's a point of view I can't understand. Even if nobody else knows what you've done, you still know. And maybe I didn't force that final hit on him, but he would never have been a user if it hadn't been for me." He accepted that as simple fact. He knew it was the truth. "What happened to you?" he asked, realising as she spoke that he didn't actually really know.
Wren understood that at no point would Kyle accept a different point of view. Or even get that it was entirely possible that someone would have gotten into drugs on their own, or through other influences. And it was more worth it to her not to ruffle things between them, than to continue to speak on the matter. So she dropped it, understanding the core concept, even if she didn't think all the math added up. Particularly because in her experience, Karma was ruled by the universe handing out comeuppance, not you. "The commune I lived at grew large quantities of marijuana, and apparently sold it, out in the world, though I didn't know much about any of that. Everyone else was dead, or gone, and I was left. I was prosecuted for the drug charges. Initially, they had attempted to charge me with murder, or wrongful death, but evaluations cleared me of those implications."
Kyle frowned a little, tilting his head to the side. "Why would they charge... Hold on - what do you mean 'everyone was dead, or gone'?" he asked, belatedly latching onto that. He wondered what had actually happened.
"Brian got everyone together, and had them drink poisoned wine. 'Fate' was meant to choose one of us to carry on. I was unaware that he deliberately gave me an untainted glass. Everyone drank, everyone died. He ran. Chester had already gone to fetch the authorities, because he had discovered Brian's intentions."
Kyle blinked. “Oh. Right. Wow. That’s… Why would anyone do that?” he asked, once he found a voice for his disbelief.
"Which part?" she asked. "Why would anyone talk their followers into drinking poison, or why would people drink poison willingly?"
“Yes, both - all of that!” Kyle exclaimed, realising that there was, in fact, more than one thing to be shocked at just there. “I mean… I… No. I don’t know. I don’t… That’s…” He realised that he couldn’t form words for what he wanted to say, and instead abruptly shifted to pull her into a hug across the picnic blanket. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, and to the people you loved,” he said.
Wren was letting him deal with things, not wanting to try and rush him. And then she was being hugged, which had her eyes wide, and she blinked, but she did hug him back. She gave him a squeeze, even. "I didn't mean to distress you." she told him honestly. "But thank you."
Kyle let her go, but still stayed sitting a little closer. He reached out and took her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “You don’t need to say that. I - It sounds like you’re apologising to me for what you went through. Thank you for telling me - I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry that I didn’t ask before.”
She gave his hand a squeeze. "It's alright. I didn't know what happened with you, either." she pointed out. "...to answer your question...I don't know, with Brian. I don't know if he truly believed his own ideals, or if he was stringing everyone along and we merely got inconvenient. For us...when the figure you understand as 'god' tells you to do something, you do it. It's the concept Adam doesn't understand. He thinks Chester should have saved me. He doesn't get that no matter what Chester would have said at the time...I was a believer. I was the Prophet. He would have had to knock me out and drag me out of there. It would never have worked."
“Sometimes you get so lost in your own head, for whatever reasons, that things that people wouldn’t normally do just become… It’s like they start to make sense,” Kyle agreed, quietly. “I think Adam… I think maybe he does know what that’s like. He just doesn’t know how to connect his own life to what other people have gone through. He - he has difficulty seeing things from any angle other than his own. So he judges people without taking context into play. And, he doesn’t like Chester, so he wants him always to be the bad guy, I guess.”
Wren nodded, with a light smile. "Agreed," she said, about his assessment of Adam. She'd seen it before herself. Perspective wasn't his strong suit. And she knew about Jeffery. In many ways, Jeffery was his Brian. "I think he also doesn't want to believe in a place where I was that far gone. Or he wants to believe that if he'd been there he could have said the right words. Or even that he doesn't want it to be true about me, so it didn't have to be true about him." she gave a fond little sigh. "And, he doesn't like him." she agreed. "I think his heart's in the right place, he's just...willfully blind on that."
“Adam wants to be the hero,” Kyle said, with a little smile. “You’re right - he wants to believe that he could have saved you. And if he could have saved you, then Chester should have been able to save you too.” He shrugged. “I think you’re right - about him not wanting it to be true about him. BUt it was. And if I ever get my hands on that guy…” He trailed off. He wasn’t a naturally aggressive person, but Kyle could break his rules about violence for Jeffrey.
"I will help hold him down while terrible things are done, so long as you promise to return the favor." Wren said, tone matter-o-fact for something clearly serious. She didn't usually get like that, it was so rare she didn't even know of another incident, but she most certainly felt that way about the boy who caused Adam's life to careen out of control.
“It would be my pleasure to work with you,” Kyle said, his expression turning to an evil little smile. He knew that neither of them would ever get a chance, which possibly was one of the reasons that he felt comfortable talking about things like this, yet still.
Giving a firm nod, Wren accepted that. One saving grace was if Adam graduated the program, he would be someone else. He should never face Jeffery again. Ever. It was for the best. Like she shouldn't ever face Brian again, and Kyle could start a new life, and Chester...she hoped would find a new calling.