Adam Samuels (adamsammy) wrote in rrinitiative, @ 2013-07-23 19:13:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam, adam and kyle, day twenty-one, kyle |
This Feels Like Goodbye
Characters: Kyle and Adam
Setting: Courtyard, just after 7am
Kyle was one of the first out of his room and into the courtyard when the alarm sounded. Swearing loudly, and dressed in cotton pants and a white t-shirt, he wasn't certain whether he should be rubbing the sleep from his eyes, or covering his ears. He hardly even realised that the door had unlocked before he was standing out in the dawn light and his bedroom door had closed and locked behind him.
Once he caught onto all those facts, he hesitated for a moment and looked around at the other people doing the same. That was when he saw the screen and walked towards it. He didn't need more surprises today. Yesterday had been one huge ball of shit. Today he looked like a mess: his hair was all over the place, he hadn't shaved, his eyes were red from hours of crying and he had the worst headache. Now what?
Adam had fallen asleep at his desk, mostly because he hadn't intended to fall asleep, but someone can only stare at a computer for so long before passing out cold. The alarm had jerked him awake, practically falling out of his chair before stumbling out of his room, only thinking to grab his test kit for his diabetes off his desk. That hadn't even been a thought, just habit. When the door locked behind him, his eyes went wide, going back to test it and finding himself not able to get into it.
There was a full minute of trying and panicking before he realized others were coming out of their rooms and he spotted the screen in the courtyard. He took a moment to bang on the door of Mazie's room as he passed, not even sure if she was still in there or not before he was jogging down to the lower level. Habit had him heading to Kyle's side, not even realizing he shouldn't have been there until he was too close to back off. His eyes scanned the screen and he felt his insides sink. "No...."
Kyle's head whipped round as he heard Adam's voice by his side. There was a moment where the artist looked confused and conflicted, and then he swallowed and looked down, taking a step away. He had seen the list, he knew what it meant, but, really - did it change anything? He figured anyway that Adam's disappointment was related to losing Wren.
It took Kyle moving a step away before Adam realized he wasn't supposed to be talking to him. Or whatever it was that not being friends meant. But Adam was staring at a screen that said he had thirty minutes to leave his room, his block and the top two people on his list of people he cared about. Following after Kyle on the step he reached for the other man's arm. "That's not what I wanted," he said, voice low pointing towards the screen. "Time, space, but not this."
Kyle couldn't look his friend in the eye. "I promise I didn't ask for this," he said, quietly. He felt like that needed to be said, given that it seemed that it wasn't just Wren that Adam was concerned about. Kyle wished that his emotions would stop running from post to post at every moment.
Even though Kyle wasn't looking at him, it was the first real look Adam had gotten at his face. The red eyes, the downcast look, the messy hair, none of it was good and inwardly Adam was panicking. "I didn't either. Kyle, this is the last thing I wanted. Not cut off from you." He'd hoped they could be friends again, even though Autumn had seemed like it wasn't something worth getting his hopes up for.
Kyle finally looked up then , and he opened his mouth to contradict Adam. To say that to be cut off from him was exactly what the other man had wanted. To not be friends anymore. But he couldn't. "You should go," he said, quietly, instead. "You don't want to miss the countdown."
Adam felt his eyes water, everything sucking him in at once. "I don't want to go Kyle. I don't," he said voice soft. "You'll both be here."
Kyle pulled his lips in between his teeth. It took all of his restraint not to pull Adam into a hug. He desperately wanted to, but it felt like it wasn't appropriate. "You'll have Autumn, and Mazie. They'll take care of you," he said, trying not to make things worse by admitting that he didn't want Adam to go either. "And - you have to. If you don't, they'll kick you out. I know you don't want that." I don't want that. Don't leave me.
Kyle might have resisted but with him saying that Adam had to go, Adam broke down and drug Kyle into his arms, holding on to him. He wasn't leaving without hugging his friend even if they weren't supposed to be friends. "It's gonna be okay Ky."
Kyle clung to the other man when he found himself being suddenly hugged. He hiccupped a small sob. "Of course it is," he said, burrowing his face into Adam's neck. "It's only the next block. Wren's lived over there for days. It's nothing at all really. Just a change of room." Only, with the way his door had locked, and the clear and obvious countdown, somehow it felt more ominous and final than that. Or, maybe, it was all just an aftereffect of yesterday and the terrifying feeling that everyone was abandoning him that had him feeling like this was very definitely a goodbye.
It didn't feel like a room change. Adam let his fingers twist in Kyle's hair, trying to keep him safe, reassure him. "I know," he said softly, mouth not far from Kyle's ear. "It can't be forever. I'll be back soon." This was why they were bad at being friends. This wasn't friends. But it was them and Adam hated letting it go. He had to move back after a moment, the damn countdown working against him.
Kyle let him go, let him step away, conscious of the time. Not wanting to risk Adam being late. A thousand responses ran through his head, each more needy than the last. He couldn't say any of them. "You don't need me, remember?" he said, without bitterness. He was still proud of Adam for that. "That's a good thing. You'll be fine. Keep in touch. If you... Y'know. I mean, with... Everything. If you want to. I'm just gonna... Leave that with you. And - I'll miss you."
Maybe Adam didn't need Kyle to be more than he was, but he sure as hell wanted him there and when face with leaving he felt like he needed his friend. He knew he had to go, but wound up taking a step forward again, head close to Kyle's forehead. "I miss you already." When he pulled back again he was wiping his eyes on his sleeve, trying to cover the tears that were slipping out.
"Maybe... Maybe it's a good thing," Kyle said, though it would have been better if he sounded at all like he actually believed what he was saying. "I mean, I know you didn't ask for this, but you did want space. And you were talking about moving blocks anyway," he pointed out. He glanced at the clock and winced when he saw the time left. Taking Adam but the elbow, he started to walk them to the elevator.
"I wasn't that serious about it," Adam said, letting Kyle steer him away even if he didn't want to go. He could tell Kyle didn't mean it either. After a few steps though he stopped them, pulling his arm out Kyle's grip. "Don't. If you go all the way to the elevator I'll never get on it. Go," he nodded back towards wherever Kyle was supposed to be going. He reached for Kyle's hand squeezing it once before giving Kyle a push.
Again, Kyle bit back a comment. He didn't want this parting - how not at all permanent he hoped it would turn out to be - to be on bad terms with bitchy comments. Still, it stumble for Adam to say he hadn't meant it, as of Kyle's world had been falling apart yesterday for no reason. Instead, he let go of Adam and room a step back. "You need you get out of here then."
Adam wiped at his eyes again and nodded. It was hard to do, but he found himself turning away and jogging to the elevator. He probably had time to just walk, but he couldn't go any slower or he wouldn't have made it.