Upstate NY: Muerte and Eddie Who: Muerte and Eddie What: Walking, talking, smooching Where: Dirty Dancing door - Kellerman's Resort in upstate NY (Pt 2 of 3) When: After Eddie and Steph go for coffee and this discussion. Warnings/Rating: Some angst tossed in, but mostly the walking, talking, and smooching.
Him talking about his own death made the very bottom of her stomach go cold and hard, and she just stared at him, expression gone blank. She tried to smile at the thought of him 'going silly', but the smile was flat and didn't go anywhere near her eyes. "I'll think up something silly then." But she had to look away when she said it, somewhere far over his left shoulder, no eye contact at all. And she had a swooping moment of nausea where she wondered if that was where the catch was going to come - if the pain and horror was just going to be the fact that she was going to eventually have to be the one to take him from his life.
Even the soft warmth of his next words wasn't enough to get rid of that cold lump of pain in her stomach. She tried to breathe around it, but didn't have much luck. The snap that got rid of her sunglasses was a surprise, but it wasn't until the talk about social expectations of the 50s that she was able to focus even a little bit on something that wasn't the thought of Eddie dying. She swallowed hard and shook her head. "It's different here. This part of society at this point in time. It's this weird ignoring of what the world is actually like. And with all of the prejudices of your time cranked up a few notches."
The thought of him courting her finally brought at least a small easing of her apprehension. Especially as she tried to picture it. "If we actually lived here? With these people?" She looked out at the expanse of green that surrounded them. "Well if you still put me in my early 30s, I should already be married. If I wasn't, I'd be a spinster. We would probably have to be introduced by a mutual friend. You'd have to get to know my parents." She actually smiled a little again at that. "Group dates, or at least with someone else. Public places." She shook her head as she thought more about it. "Maybe we'd eventually go steady. But only if we were really serious about maybe planning to be married someday." She paused and then shook her head as she laughed. "But as old as I am, you could probably get me for a steal."
Eddie noticed the change, the chill that came over her when he talked about dying. He didn’t understand it at first. Death was just another part of life, something he knew was coming for him, for everyone and accepting that was a lot easier than fearing it. He wanted to stop in the middle of the path and make her understand, but there was no point. What she saw as pain and horror of taking him from this world, he saw comfort. Eddie always wanted Muerte to be the one who helped him cross into the next world, even now that he walked with her arm-in-arm. “I’m a lot smaller than you.” He said quietly, words oblique like an opal. “Gods didn’t invent humor, you know. Us small people did.” Gods could laugh, they could play. But, humor was born from pain, from mortality. Little people laughed about death to keep it from being scary. And, eventually? Accept it.
They were approaching the main area, bustling with happy vacationers and Eddie tried to imagine being like them. Gotham summers were sweltering, smogged heat that crushed down like a trash compactor. Gothams summers were fast cars with sticky hot seats, broken fire hydrants, laughing and screaming on the boardwalk. No, nothing like this. He tugged her to a gentle stop as the road divided between different places to go. “Meeting your parents would be an issue. Same with mine. And, we don’t really have any friends here, do we? Still, I find it strange the adults over their 30’s couldn’t spend their time however they chose. I understand the fragility of youth well enough. The scandal of it. But, once you’re old and broken, who cares?” The broken part was obviously directed at himself and said so flippantly it was clear he had just accepted it. Even if it wasn’t true.
“Well, I find their game tedious. And, hey wait did we ever figure out what door this was?” He kissed her cheek and then slipped from her hold, pointing to the various signs so she could shake her head or nod to where they should go. He pointed to the tennis courts and shook his head, waiting for her to agree with him. Once she did, he pointed to the swimming pool with a smarmy waggle of his eyebrows.
She'd never before had a problem with looking at a person and seeing the end of their life, accepting it as part of the greater pictures. It was who and what she was. But looking at Eddie, the one person that she'd connected with (even before this, the attempt at something more than friendship), thinking of no longer having him around closed the back of her throat in a very painful, vulnerable way. She wasn't used to it, and she thought she maybe finally understood (in a way she hadn't quite before) why so many people disliked her so much. Not for their own deaths, but for those of the people they cared for. She'd had to take her own siblings, but even that had been different than the thought of this. Instead of replying, she just linked her arm tighter with his, pulling the two of them closer as they walked. And it took a few moments, but she finally found her voice to try to tease: "Do you want to plan your own silliness? Is that what you're saying?"
She followed his tug as they drew to a stop in the path's split, eyebrows up just a bit. She pushed away other thoughts and did her best to dig out a small smile for him. "It's a little bit different for adults, if I remember correctly. I think the most scandalous things would be doing stuff in public," she gestured back up the path they'd come down, "and the fact that I'm here with you with no actual sign of commitment." She held up her left hand, the back of it out toward him, and wiggled her fingers. "That's what makes me a loose, broken woman." Her eyes at least sparkled a little at that.
"I'm not sure. Sometimes it opens here, sometimes in Cuba." The comment was distracted, as she began to look at the sign. She shook her head as well at the point to the tennis courts, but laughed at the smarm with the swimming pool. "I don't know about you, but I didn't bring a suit with me. Which either means swimming in my clothing or swimming not in my clothing." She held her arm out into the sunlight, turning the inside of her wrist upward to expose the nearly glow-pale skin there. "I don't think there's sunglasses dark enough to save people from the glare of me swimming not in my clothing." She smirked at that.
Eddie only winked at her when she suggested he wanted to plan his own silliness. It was like Selina said, Eddie had a plan for everything. Most days? He had two plans. Honestly he was just glad he could poke her into joking with him again. A gentle sort of nudge, not at all unlike the kind she gave him when he got too upset or wrapped up in his own trains of thought. They were good at letting each other feel things and then helping them back up when it was over. Eddie hadn’t experienced anything like that before.
He rolled his eyes at her bare hand. Him and marriage didn’t have such a great track record. The green man thought it was all kind of phony, honestly. Obviously, for other people it actually meant commitment and kids and all that nonsense. For him? It was a fantasy. It was playing dress up with a woman who already told him no. “I think they’re jealous.” He said with a humorous nod; sure of himself. “Or scared of things that are different. That’s probably more likely.” Eddie didn’t seem to mind that at all, even if he wasn’t going to go full Riddler around this place any time soon. A tiny bit of troublemaking never really hurt anyone.
Eddie squinted because Cuba? And then he shook his head because he couldn’t think of a movie or a book or a comic that could have been. Oh, well. As long as it wasn’t something like country club zombies, they’d be just fine. His hand stayed at the swimming pool sign and he grinned charmingly. “I bet you look great in not your clothing.” Eddie’s voice was low and flirtatious, obviously trying to get her to turn pink again. He gave another waggle of his eyebrows and pointed to the clubhouse sign.
Her joke wasn't the best, but it was better than letting her thoughts linger on loss and pain. She could push past it, at least for the moment, and do her best not to think about it again until later. Hopefully much later. It was easy enough when he was rolling his eyes and making her smile. "I know. But they care about stuff like that here. Proof that a woman belongs to someone." It wasn't like she had much of an opinion one way or the other, not from any sort of personal experience. Just the tightly held belief that everyone should be able to be their own person. At least humans. Humans were built that way.
"They might be both. It's a touchy time." She smiled at his nod, though. And then her expression narrowed, eyes on him. "What was that? That thought. What was it?" She might not have been able to see much of anything in this door, but she knew at least some of Eddie's expressions. And that one had been trouble.
And of course he lingered on the option of the swimming pool. She hid the (now almost inevitable) warming of her cheeks with her face twisted into a nose-wrinkling expression. "Don't make bets like that. I'm actually pretty horribly disfigured. In this whole general area." She indicated her entire torso (neck to thighs) in a wide circle in front of herself, palm facing inward. The expression has shifted into something that was almost a smirk (in fact, a hidden one - one that was doing its best to be covered up by false seriousness). The option of the clubhouse (moving on) earned a shift of her head from side to side, not committing to it one way or the other.
“No-thing.” He said all sing-song about what he had been thinking. “I’m just wondering how much trouble we can get into before getting more than a little slap on the wrist. Maybe some after-hours fun? Nothing wrong with that.” Eddie imagined that once everyone was asleep, getting up to no good would be easy and there were probably a bunch of other people here who did the same. “Aren’t you curious to lift up the mat to see what’s underneath everything?” Eddie asked ever so innocently.
He laughed at her claim she was disfigured and shrugged, lingering at the country club sign as he considered it. “Well, Rosie. There’s only one way to find out if you’re telling the truth or not.” Eddie gave her a sly look, gaze lingering on her hips a little longer than they should have before he snapped his attention back to the sign. “Is there a lake here? We could at least put our feet in the water. That’s not asking too much. Salamanders or not.”
The next expression she angled his way was unimpressed by his question. How much trouble could they get into? She suspected quite a bit, with him there and trying to be troublesome. If there was one thing she always tended to have faith in, it was his ability to stir up shit. "I have a guess of what's under everything." She may have never been in this exact place before, but she'd seen enough like it to guess. "I told you that the staff dances. They also get together in their rooms." She gestured over her shoulder, way back toward where the bungalows still sat, waiting for their seasonal occupants to return from their duties. "I don't know for sure about the guests, but I'd imagine there's enough switching going on at times. And just general secret misbehaving."
She played along with his sly look and the tease, even though her cheeks were still a bit pinker than they should have been. Especially at the too-long linger of his eyes low on her hips. She tried to play along, a campy gasp and palm pressed against her chest. "Why sir, I hardly know you well enough for you to say such things." Her eyes caught his and held for a second before she shifted them away, staring at the sign as she cleared her throat. "I'm pretty sure there's a lake. Or a river or something like that."
He held up what appeared to be the Vulcan hand signal and gave a solemn nod. “I promise to be on my best behavior.” Which, of course, wasn’t very good at all to begin with. He chuckled at the way she said switching oh god he really had no envy for the patrons of this country club. He’d rather live in a tiny little apartment with only the bare essentials and a library pass than all of this. It helped him feel secure in who he was instead of who he had tried to be and left a relaxed sort of expression on his face. If she kept her place in this door, he’d likely drag her out for some dancing or general misbehaving. They both knew this was a given.
A laugh at her campy gasp and he swept his hat off his head. “My apologies, miss. Still, you ought to know better than to tempt a man with promises of horrible disfigurement. How could I resist that?” He stepped out from behind the sign and walked next to her, holding his hat thoughtfully for a moment behind his back. “I think I’d like to see fresh water. Well, fresh for someone from Gotham, anyhow.” Eddie said and his smile was charmed, relaxed. He was usually so high strung, he had been when he walked through the door, but she helped bring him back down.
His vow of behavior only earned a side-glance of amusement. Yeah, she believed that not at all. She had no doubt that they (or at least he) would be getting into more trouble before they even left. A slight shake of her head and a smile that she was trying to not let show (not that she was very successful at hiding it). She knew that if she had been planning to stay in the door for any long-term sort of situation, his plotting might have worried her. But, as much as she enjoyed the temporary heat and sunshine, she knew that this wasn't a long-term place. Not for her. Sure, it was one of the places where she was human, and that made it a place for them to visit, but it didn't quite seem to fit. Even though they'd had discussions about the times when Eddie felt old-fashioned, she could see that this wasn't necessarily the place to be. And that wasn't even taking into consideration that being a woman in the 1950s? There were better situations for her to place herself into.
She wasn't thinking about that though, not in the moment. She was thinking more about continuing to play along with Eddie's play-acting, smiling at the way his quick sweep of hat made his hair fall forward and tempt her fingers to push it back. And in the warm day, drone of cicadas in the background, she didn't resist, stepping forward and reaching out fingers to push it back with another smile. The tone of her voice was sweet with her next words, fond as she shook her head. "Only you would be tempted by horrible bodily disfigurement. ...is it morbid curiosity or what? Thrill of the macabre?" The touch was easier than it had been, and she traced the shell of his ear before her hand dropped away again, leaving them still standing close but no longer touching.
"We're in rural upstate New York. The water's about as fresh as you're going to find." She didn't step back, but she looked over her shoulder and then back up at the sign, trying to place things on her (admittedly sketchy) mental map of the resort. And finally, pointed in the opposite direction of the clubhouse's arrow. "That way, maybe?"Eddie closed his eyes and smiled at her fingers through his hair. He leaned into it, opening his eyes for only a moment to see her toes nearly graze his shoes. A sigh, a happy little thing and he shrugged, looking up at her face. “Everyone has their kinks. Besides, I know you’re lying.” The riddled man winked at her. He knew that a younger version of him would have gotten antsy with this slow dance around each other. Most Gothamites (including himself and Stephanie) started with the physical and worked their way towards feelings. Muerte wasn’t anything like that. It was a relief, even if it would have confused the hell out of him before. Eddie was older now, patient, simply glad that now she was stepping towards him and running her fingers through his hair. Having to make every single move would have been exhausting.
“Hmm?” She made him feel so good, he forgot what the hell they were talking about. “Ah, New York. Water.” Eddie blinked a couple lazy blinks at her and then glanced up where she had pointed. A small shrug because he didn’t have a clue what the area around New York was like, or what upstate even meant, but he nodded when she told him the water wasn’t going to be stellar. “Oh, I’m sure it’s better than Gotham’s at least.” He leaned in just enough for their noses to scrunch up against each other and then took a step towards the direction she pointed.
“Did I ever tell you about my plans to change Wonder Tower into a Water Tower? I had spent months learning about water purification and how you could use shape of the tower to turn even the dirtiest rainwater into something you could actually drink. I had the whole thing planned out. Do you know what stopped me from going ahead with it? Riddle me this.” He lifted his brow and rolled his hand in the air like he wanted her to try and guess.
"You don't know that I'm lying," she replied, smile still there even as she did her best to look serious. The hand that had been in his hair gestured at herself again. "It's true. I'm all messed up under my clothes. Organs hanging out and half an extra arm and everything. It's all very nauseating." Her tone was dry, delivered with a single nod. But her eyes were bright, enjoying this - the back and forth, the mostly innocent contact. She was working in the strange grey area of having known Eddie for a very long time, but also feeling like she was rushing forward into things without thinking it through. It likely had to do with the governing rules still hanging over her head, the rules she was choosing to ignore. She was allowing things to happen in spite of those rules, and it made everything feel just a little more fraught, a little less cautious with each step forward they took.
Still, she liked that she could make his expression go a little distracted just by reaching out to push back his hair. It sent a warm wash of satisfaction through her, and made her want more of it. And she knew that that particular feeling was dangerous. She'd seen Desire push its fingers into people and pick them apart from the inside. She knew how it worked. It made the bright sparkle fade from her eyes, dimming them just a bit, but her thoughts weren't quite enough to get her to step back from him. So she stayed close as she listened to his one-time plans, and her brows inched up toward the brim of her hat at his riddle. She didn't hear it much from him, and it might have worried her to hear it now, here. But it was still calm, without the manic edge it could claim at times when he was pushed too far. And so she felt like she had to the opportunity to still be a little silly. "Giant robot bugs from space?"
Eddie held his elbow out for her and gave her an expectant look, all big brown pleading eyes for her to put her hand through the crook of his arm so they could keep walking. “Very close.” He laughed at her guess and shook his head. “Because I’m a rogue. I think like a rogue. What would I do if there was a giant, water purifying plant that distributed water across Gotham? Well, if I was Scarecrow, I’d pour some great drugs into it. If I was Ivy, I’d use the water to feed a super plant to wipe out half the town. If I was The Riddler, I’d cut off everyone’s water supply until they solved my riddles. Do you see? You can’t have nice things in Gotham. You can’t create a beautiful tower that will save lives and improves the health of the citizens. Even this Gotham can’t handle something like that.”
He frowned, but it was a fleeting thing. “If I lived anywhere else, it’d change everything for good. I don’t though. I only love Gotham. Even if I do really want to see some clean water and some trees every once and a while.” He shrugged. “Have you ever seen Gotham become anything besides what it is?”
It was easy to slip her hand along his arm, tuck it into the bent crook of his elbow. It seemed oddly formal, but at the same time right to walk with him that way. Her free hand crossed over her body to rest light fingers just above the inside of his elbow, holding them close as they started to walk. She nodded at the run-down of their rogues, what the would do with something like a water tower, and only gave a little hum at his own description. But her eyebrows went up again at his talk of leaving Gotham. It wasn't presented in a truly serious way (vacations were different than anything permanent), but it still made her think. Think again the thoughts about how different she was when she wasn't in their own door, think about how that changed everything.
When she answered his question, she was still distracted, so it only came out as a brief shake of her head. "Only for hotel shenanigans." And she didn't feel at all strange about using a word like 'shenanigans'. But her steps slowed just a hair as she looked up at him. She didn't stop, not entirely, but she slowed - like these were things that could only be spoken about at a slow rate of speed. "It's a break for you. Coming here. Right?" She pushed on before he could give a true answer. "You get a chance to not be quite as Gotham. But you're still you." The words stopped again, but not her feet, even though she wasn't watching where they were going. "But me…" There was a strange self-consciousness to her voice, and she made a face at herself. She didn't want to actually poke at that, so she just cleared her throat and shook her head. "Never mind."
Eddie didn’t see the purpose of the slow down and it almost made him trip (which would be a count of two for today, thank you). He was nothing but rogue grace, however, and recovered without so much as a jerk in motion. Instead, he slowed down with her, smooth as fresh ice, and looked down at her completely quizzical. “It is a break, I suppose.” His pace slowed even more because he didn’t completely like where she was going with this. Yes, here he didn’t have to wear the neon and the question marks, but that gave him the opportunity to be who he really was under all of that. Wasn’t something she wanted?
But, oh, she wasn’t really talking about him. Eddie slowed to a stop at that nevermind and turned to look at her. “No,” He said because he never not minded and shook his head at her. “Tell me. Do you feel- I know this is less than who you are, but it’s still you isn’t it?” He didn’t know and he also was fully aware that assuming he did know was going to be a big mistake. “Isn’t this what we talked about? This place lets you be the woman I know who watches me karaoke in our favorite booth, who brings me tacos. Who laughs at the things I say. Isn’t that who you are, too?”
"No, it is. It is me." She was all those things. She liked all those things. Those were the sorts of things that no one else really ever noticed about her, and to be able to indulge that, to be that person, it was terrifying, but it was good. But… "But that's not all I am when I'm there. There's so much more when I'm there. And there's… not. Here." 'Here' being not only this door, but she figured he would know what she meant. She made a face and sighed, frustrated at herself as she tipped her head back enough to stare up at the sky past her hat's brim.
"Shit." The swear was soft, breathed out for herself instead of anyone else. And also, in English. Her eyes closed and she sighed, and her next words were loud enough to be meant for him again. "There's no good way to say this. And I'm going to sound really… pathetic. When I do. Really pathetic." That warning given, she needed another few seconds to try to get the words together. Her chin dropped again, and while she didn't step away, didn't look down, she also didn't look at him, keeping her gaze straight ahead. "Okay. So. Yes, it's me, when I'm like this. But it's a lot… smaller than I usually am. I have weird panicky anxiety things and I'm honestly lost right now, I have no idea where we're going. I can only keep a fraction of the stuff that I know I know in my head at any given point in time. And I'm pretty sure I have a weird belly button. And I'm just… smaller. But you've always known me as bigger. So I'm…" She finally sighed, shaking her head as she gestured absently with her free hand. "I don't know. Checking in."
Eddie nodded. As much as he wanted for this, for them to work without her having to power down, he was grateful they had these doors. Otherwise, it likely wouldn’t be possible. Neither of them could even entertain the notion and the feelings he had for her would have to keep on going ignored. “I know, Muerte.” Eddie crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side because that couldn’t have been all of it. What they already knew was never a frustration, it was the things they didn’t know.
So, he listened to her ramble and he tried not to smile when she refused to look at him through part of it. Anxieties, only being able to do so much, feeling lost? That was something everyone who was human ever felt. His hand lifted up and he pushed his mouth into the palm of his hand to keep him from bubbling out a laugh, especially at the small belly button thing. Eddie waited for her to finish and then nodded. “Look,” he said, voice a little muffled from the hand over it. He sighed and dropped both his hands, letting them swing at his sides. “I don’t want to bruise your big, bad ego, okay? So, honestly? I like you here. I like all the weird little quirks you have and I’m sure if I get to see your belly button, it’s very cute. I like you small because I’m small, too.” He smirked and then shook his head. “I hate how vulnerable this all makes you feel, I hate the idea that you’re enduring anxiety just to be with me. But, I really like you.” He made a circular gesture around her frame. “I like this. You’d know if I didn’t. You know how mean I can get.”
Eddie tried for a smile and reached for one of her hands. “There’s a lot of bad stuff about me, too. And, it’ll be a lot harder to deal with when you’re human. You can be as lost or anxious as you want, Muerte. All I need is that you don’t push me away and you don’t hurt me because of how you’re feeling. You don’t do any of those things. You listen to me, you make me laugh. You’re so smart even when you can’t tell me what’s happening on the other side of the universe.” He shrugged and then looked down at his feet. “I just, I think you’re really neat.”
She caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye, pressing that hand to his mouth, and she sighed. "Stop, I'm serious." It only came out as a petulant murmur though, slipped in before he started talking. And then she listened. Really listened. And tried to not only hear, but to believe it. It felt like something else that made her small, that she needed this reassurance when she was so used to having a perspective that didn't need to be reassured about anything. She'd been truthful when she said that it was pathetic, her bringing this up, because that was the way it felt to her. Learning how to be human kept feeling like growing up, or at least what she assumed growing up felt like, and this part of being around Eddie was that pre-teen insecurity about herself and having feelings for someone else.
She gripped his hand tightly when he took it again, and she sighed. He kept talking, and each word helped her to feel at least a little bit better, even though she still felt like she was a wobbly top whose center was off-balance. But she glanced up and nodded about him being mean. She did know. She'd seen it directed at other people, had already had it directed at her. More than once. And maybe that was something else to add to her list of worries about being human - that she was a little afraid how it would feel if that same sort of thing would happen now.
The blush returned at the end of his words, and her fingers squeezed tighter around his. "'Neat'." She smiled as she said it, but shook her head. "You're such a dork." But she didn't move away, didn't want to. "Thank you," she whispered, still smiling, still fond, but she meant it. "I know this is weird. On every level. And I'm not making it any less complicated. So… thank you." And then, not caring if there were old couples around to glare at them, she stepped in again to hug him, stretching up with her arms over his shoulders, half on her toes so she could press against him.
Eddie rolled his eyes playfully at her tease. “You like that I’m a dork.” He murmured and smiled back at her something youthful and real. Eddie looked up as she stepped closer and immediately wrapped his arms around her, hat popping off his head as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He didn’t give a damn about his hat. Not one good goddamn. “I like weird on every level.” Eddie whispered, arms circling her waist to pull her closer to him in the embrace. He hummed out something pleased. Her holding onto him felt good, it felt right.
“Hey.” Eddie pulled back after a couple of long, long moments and looked her in the eyes. “Tell me when all of this gets to be too much. Promise? If you can’t do the human thing even if we had something planned or-” He could think of a thousands or’s, a thousand things that could go wrong. “If you’re having a hard time, just tell me. I know it seems like you might be putting the burden on me or ruining my mood, but you aren’t. I’d rather know than be left in the dark.” Eddie looked at her, straight in her eyes for a good full second and he decided that he knew she already knew that. It was just worth saying. It was worth showing his cards to her, showing how insecure he was about important things being kept from him.
She didn't respond to his accusation about liking his dork-dom. Not with words, at least. Though she did hum softly, something affirmative from the back of her throat. And then she was just quiet, eyes closed as she continued to breathe through her fading worries, not caring about his hat (or hers, which slid back far enough that even the small humidity-born tendrils around her face couldn't keep it on and it joined his on the ground), holding him close even in the summer warmth. And then she smiled into his shoulder, because she could tell (now that she was close but not distracted by kissing him) that he'd showered before coming through the door. That in itself made her cheeks pink, that he'd spent time thinking about how he presented himself before seeing her. She'd surprised him in his pajamas often enough that it was different this way. She rubbed her nose against the fabric of his shirt and hummed again. "It's because you're weird on every level." Another tease, the smile obvious, even if it was hidden.
She was reluctant to let the hug end, but she didn't cling to him when he pulled back - though she did keep her hands resting on his shoulders, just barely linking her fingers behind his neck, almost like slow dancing teenagers. It was far enough that she could look at him without actually letting him go. She was quiet, the lines of her face serious and not smiling, but her eyes were open and meeting his. And she nodded. And gave him a smile that was a little wry, but not bitter. "I can't promise completely, I don't think. I'm never infallible, really." Even in their own door - though at one point she had acted like she was. "I'll try. I will." She nodded, and tried be reassuring about it. And then, with her fingers still linked there, she rubbed her thumb carefully along the back of his neck, an attempt at comfort for that insecurity.
“Trying is plenty enough for me.” Eddie nodded and then immediately shook his head because he felt a little foolish about it. “I think everything that happened to me made me smarter about,” he cleared his throat, “being with someone. Sometimes my self worth is in the trash, but that isn’t your fault. I- I need someone to help me get back up when I get down on myself. That’s all.” The man who once had the biggest ego in Gotham had a hard time admitting all of that. Stephanie had made him feel worthless, stupid, insignificant and unloveable. All of that was hard to get over, harder still to try and understand why she couldn’t be there for him. But, people needed to move on, to grow. Eddie wanted something real after three years of keeping himself safe. He wanted Muerte who had always been a friend, who never made him feel like he was worthless.
“When I was in the other Gotham for a few years I-” Eddie started fast and his words started to dry up by the end. He shook his head and laughed. “No, oh god.” He knew that he’d have to tell her, that she’d at least look at him until he spilled the beans. The riddled man sighed and gathered his courage. “I used to wonder how you were doing. I missed you. I knew even if there was a version of you floating around that Gotham, I wouldn’t want to get tacos with her. She wouldn’t be the same. She wouldn’t be you. So, I just hoped you were doing okay here in this wacky place.”
She couldn't stop the frown that snuck onto her face as Eddie described where he was, as far as relationship and his own feelings were concerned. She remembered the days of his confidence, even when it snuck out in abrasive ways, and she knew that people were such creatures of habit that it must have been a huge thing that happened to impact him that much. And she could guess, knowing his past few years, what the huge thing was, and it made her sad. Not just for him, but for Stephanie too, and the things they'd been through together. It was a strange feeling to have as she stood there with her arms still resting on his shoulders, not exactly a good one, either. But she nodded, because even if they hadn't begun to push forward into this, she would have still wanted to help him in the healing he was still muddling through.
The rush of words was sudden enough that her eyebrows ticked up just a hair at first, and then even more when he stumbled to a stop. She stayed quiet, because she knew that whatever he was trying to say would spill out somehow once he started. She just had to be patient. And she was, and he did, the rest of the explanation following shortly. And with each new word of the confession, her expression shifted in glacial fractions. Subtle, and by the time he stopped, her smile was warm and pleased with a little mischief to it again. On someone like Selina, the twist of it would be called 'lush'. On her own lips, there was an angle of satisfaction to it. "Are you expecting a confession from me now?" The words could have been harsh, but her tone wrapped them in something a little amused and a little delighted. "Because I think saying something like there were times when I thought about you too, seems a little much of a thing for me to say right now." But that tone didn't stray from her voice, and the smile stubbornly stuck around as well.
Eddie gave her a defiant smirk and his chin lifted up a bit. Mischief and teasing giving him the chance to fall back into his most comfortable rogue attitude. “No, I simply wanted you to know.” He said, chin still up and tone haughty like she was assuming too much. “See, this is what I’m talking about when I say you’re mysterious, Muerte. Shrouded, even when a man lays his heart out for you.” His tone was light, teasing and actually quite pleased. He knew she at least missed him. He remember that laugh on the wind. “I was gone for years! Years, Muerte. You should frankly be honored that I didn’t forget about you or find some new goth chick that I thought was peachy keen.”
He pulled her close for a quick kiss and then took a couple steps back from her. “Wait, I didn’t do that right.” Eddie pulled her glasses out of thin air, put them on and then mimicked a familiar comic book panel. “Peachy Keen!” He snapped his fingers and pointed at her. “There. Nailed it.” Eddie swept down to pick up the hats and kept walking as if to say these are mine now.
She was glad that he could smile and smirk, that even among the maybe-too-deep confessions there was room for laughter and amusement. That was maybe part of why she and Eddie got along - that they both had at least some humor within them in all except the most dire of situations. "Oh, I'm sure I'm not that mysterious. I think you're just making a big deal about nothing." She shook her head then and laughed more. "And if I am that mysterious, there's no way you could've forgotten me. Even for all the goths in Gotham."
The kiss was over too quickly for her to give any sort of reciprocation before Eddie was backing up, sunglasses suddenly making a reappearance. And she knew what he was going to do in the seconds before he did it, no omniscience needed. "Don't…" She shook her head and put her hands on her hips, trying to be authoritative even as she tried to ignore the heat of her face and do her best not to laugh. But he did, and she groaned as the laughter slipped out. One arm crossed over her chest, the other with a hand covering her face, she didn't follow him right away, instead calling: "You just had to, didn't you?"
Eddie tilted his head back and laughed, all neon green and question marks and it was the most natural thing in the world. “You have no idea how long I’ve been dying to do that. Also, Mary Poppins? I’d watch Mary Poppins with you.” Eddie took another step back and then waved her hat out for her to take. “Heck, I’d even go see the stage production of it. I haven’t been to a play in forever.” He had a soft spot for live entertainment, of course he did. Spending his teen years at the carnival made him a fan of anything from sideshows to freakshows. If there had never been such a thing as rogues? He’d likely be some kind of magician like Zat (without the actual powers) or an actor. In fact, there was a version of him somewhere that had been an actor all along. Most of the rogues had been.
He waited for her to step forward to take the hat and his expression went a little soft, sweet. “I think Mary Poppins wouldn’t be a horrible spirit animal for you. It’s better than the jackal or coyote.” Eddie squinted, like he was trying to imagine her with an umbrella and funny flowered hat. The hat at least, he could see working for her.
Taking her hat from his hand, her expression shifted into something speculative. Movies - watching Mary Poppins with him - sounded like a good idea. And an older one like that would likely mean curling up on a couch somewhere to watch it, something that sounded tempting. But finding a live show to go to… that sounded good in a different sort of way. She found that the thought of either one made her smile, so she put her hat back on her head and nodded. "Surprise me."
The thought of her as Mary Poppins made her laugh out loud, a soft little chuckle. "I don't have the bag for it." Because obviously that was the sticking point. She went a little more serious at the talk of animals though, shaking her head. "There's nothing wrong with jackals or coyotes." Her head tilted just a bit as she studied him. She knew that Ra's called him 'jackal', and she guessed that it was probably meant in the present interpretation of someone self-serving and conniving, low and menial. Willing to do anything to gain an advantage over others. But she took a different meaning, and she wouldn't have him using it as a put-down.
Eddie couldn’t decide which he’d like more. Despite the scandal from today, their dates had all been pretty tame. He hadn’t even tried to cop a feel yet and that was very impressive for a man like Eddie. If they stayed in somewhere and watched it on tv, that would be decidedly more intimate than dressing up and going to a play. The thought of her curled up against him as he did his best Dick Van Dyke impression made his ears turn pink and his eyes go a little distant and he had to snap himself out of it. “I can do surprises.” He put his hat on before she could see too much of the pink.
Once she took her hat, his fingers reached for hers and tugged until she took his hand. Fingers threaded and hands clasped at his side, he walked close to her because he didn’t much care for distance between them. It was starting to get later in the afternoon, the sky turning a warm amber color and he wondered how long she’d let him hang around. “No?” He asked about the jackal and coyote. “Most of those stories end with the wild dog messing things up or getting out of a sticky situation by the skin of his teeth.”
She caught just the beginning of his ears going pink before that hat was back on his head, and her eyebrows lifted, curious smile on her lips. A quick squeeze of his fingers, and she couldn't help asking. "Do I want to know what you were just thinking about there?" Her free hand crossed over and up, and she pressed one fingertip against the side of his neck, in the hollow just below his ear. "Must've been something good." Another pause, thinking, and then her voice went even warmer with restrained laughter. "...About Mary Poppins."
There was no real deadline on when either of them needed to leave, at least not as far as she knew, so she just enjoyed walking along the path while holding Eddie's hand. It was calm and nice, and with the sun beginning to sink, its rays weren't quite so oppressive. "Mm. Well, Coyote's a trickster, that's true." She glanced over at him, and her smile was fond. "And that works sometimes. For you. But jackals…" Her thumb traced along the outside of his first finger. "You should google jackals and Egypt." Her smile slipped into something mysterious, because she was going to make him do the leg-work on that one himself.
A pleased rumble at the finger on his neck and he shot her a playful look. “What’s between me and Mary Poppins is none of your business.” He replied like she was asking for a very lurid secret. Voice low and eyes conspiratorial. “Besides, if I told you the truth, I think you’d likely implode or try to make a joke. I don’t want either, so I’m keeping the nice thoughts to myself. Thank you very much.” He nodded assuredly and tilted his head closer to her to encourage more poking and touching.
“I admit, I’ve always thought of Kipling’s version of the jackal. A crazed, pathetic coward who barely lives off the kills of others. There isn’t any greatness associated with him. Rather, he seems to represent a way no one should live.” Eddie shrugged because he knew he wasn’t any of those things. “Let’s see. The Egyptian tales, I assume you mean Anubis? The weigher of hearts? I don’t think anyone would intrust me with that.” He gave her a teasing look. “I think Anubis is more your thing.”
"Implode or joke? About nice thoughts?" Her eyebrows went up even farther at that, and she used the hand she was holding to tug him closer and poked gently at his neck again. She was grinning wide enough that the teasing was obvious. "You shouldn't be thinking those sorts of things about Mary Poppins, Eddie." But she laughed, and the poking became a few gentle little strokes of her fingertips before she let her hand fall away, down his arm and to his hand so that she could hold it in both of hers at the same time.
She made a rude noise at Kipling's interpretation, and shook her head. "You know, you don't have to pick the worst option that's out there to focus on." His shrug was met with a sigh, but she looked over to watch him as he thought about another angle to take. Anubis' name was given an affirmative hum, and a tipped-up smirk. "He is more my thing," she said, enough slyness to the words to hint at other meanings hidden there. Not very well hidden. But then she was freeing one hand and lifting it to trace her finger around her own eye, lining it and then drawing a curling path down onto her cheek. "So is Horus. The Egyptians wrapped me up in everything." She sandwiched his hand between hers again as they continued to walk.
Eddie shook his head. “Maybe Mary Poppins is code. Ahah, now every time I want to talk about Muerte in Gotham without having her overhear my thoughts, I’ll use Mary Poppins instead. It’s brilliant!” Eddie exclaimed proudly as if had come up with the best riddle he had ever thought of. He paused and gave her a faux look of surprise at who was standing next to him. “Oh, oh no wait. Listen, if you ever see Muerte, make sure she doesn’t know my top secret code. It’s important.” A serious look like if she spilled the beans, she’d be in real trouble with him.
“Kipling is fantastic beyond his opinion on jackals. I wish Ra’s called me a mongoose. What a noble creature.” He smiled something warm at her smirk and that sly second meaning. “You know, I can’t remember ever seeing you with the eye of Horus. In the comic books, obviously, but never in person.” Eddie wondered if going with the full Death gear was like being Riddler. He didn’t wear his green suit just for the hell of it, no there was always a reason. If he showed up to a mob meeting in all green, they’d know they were in trouble. So, if Death (strange thinking of Muerte with that name) showed up in her black tank top, boots, black pants and curl under her eye, was that an indicator things were going to go down?
Soon, the lake was in sight. It was a small thing, surrounded by trees and echoing the play and laughter of kids swimming around. Eddie tugged her hand towards one of the docks so they could sit and talk and smooch. “Horus is wrapped up in war, though. That doesn’t really suit the Muerte I know. And, Horus is a sky god, correct? Far away from those silly mortals. Even before I knew you, you were never, ever like that. You loved people, you got angry with some of the more silly ones. That’s not distant at all.”
"Oh, cooode." She drew out the word and nodded seriously, playing along with being in on the secret. "She'll never crack that one. You are truly the most brilliant mind. I promise never to tell that 'Mary Poppins' is actually something else." She did her best to keep her expression serious, but her eyes were bright with amusement. It could only hold for so long, though, before she needed to laugh, which she did as she looked away, taking a moment to poke her fingers carefully into his side. "Silly." The last came out quieter, as she shook her head and grinned down at her feet.
Her smile calmed as they continued to walk and talk about the Egyptian gods. And her. "It's different in the door now. There's always been a…" She frowned off into the distance, looking for the words she wanted. "Need to fit? That's not exactly what I mean, but… something like that. The door puts us here, and we have to take who we were and change it so that we can exist here without unraveling. And I didn't do that very well at first, but that was one thing I changed from the start. I don't even know if I can say why." She glanced up at Eddie, her gaze only half-visible past the brim of her hat. "Did you want to see me like that? It's not that much different, but I can look just like the comics do." She looked ahead again, the brim hiding her once more. "Not in this door, though. And you'd need to let me borrow the necklace. That's a part of it."
When the lake came into view, it made her smile, and it was easy to let herself be tugged along. Once they were to the dock, she slipped off her sandals and sat, letting her feet hang over the edge. The lake was high, and her toes just barely skimmed the water. Leaning back on her hands, she tipped her head back far enough that the sun was on her face again, especially once her hat fell onto the dock behind her. Eyes closed, the sun's warmth on her face felt good. Pale as she was, she ran the risk of burning in a very short period of time (and her arms were already starting to get pink), but it didn't stop her from sitting there on the dock. She gave herself a moment of it before responding.
"You think I'm not wrapped up in war?" She finally tipped her face back down and looked over at Eddie, quietly careful of the way sound could carry over water, because no one else needed to hear their conversation. There was something to her soft smile that was almost (but not quite) sadness. "You don't see that part, because you aren't in it. Gotham has its wars, but… not like some. I'm like I am around you, around the people you know, because I can be. If you were on the battlefield, it would be different. There would be the wings all around you as your friends and fellow soldiers were taken one on top of another." She looked out across the water instead of at him, and shook her head. "More and more, I understand why Destruction left."
He glanced at her affectionately when she called him silly. His fingers automatically squeezed hers and he couldn’t hardly wait until they could sit down so he could kiss her again. Talk of Egyptian gods and ancient things didn’t feel so distant with her. It must have been how people from the outside felt when they spoke to comic book characters. Oh this is real, this is almost something I can touch, even if the world of pyramids and sun worshippers was long since dead.
He liked that she offered to look all comic booky for him and yet he shook his head. “No, I was merely curious. I like the way you are. And, no that’s not just me being protective over the necklace.” A chuckle and then he shook his head again. “I always wear my question marks for myself, you know. There’s plenty of people who hate seeing it, who can’t help but be reminded of what I really am. I really don’t care.”
As they approached the dock he took both of her hands, walked backwards a few steps and tugged her towards the end. There wasn’t anyone else there (which was nice) and the water was calm and cool. Eddie stopped a few paces from the end and edged closer to her. “See, but you like it better when there isn’t any war. There’s versions of you that love it, that see war as a branch of your business. You’re different.” He watched the late afternoon sun wash over her shadowed face, he smiled at her shoulders turning a new shade of pink that had nothing to do with flirty things he had said. It was nice and he wanted to kiss her, but the mention of Destruction made his expression change like he was trying to control a thought. “What happened to him when he quit?”
She was glad when he didn't insist on seeing her exactly how she appeared in the comics. She hadn't sat down to read them, but she knew some of what was in them, just because reading them was part of who Eddie had become. It was a strange off-hand knowledge that came fuzzy even when she was in their own door. If he'd insisted on it, she would have, once they returned -- would have shifted her appearance enough to be nearly identical as someone could be to a drawing. But there would have been a little bit of a question in her mind - if he needed her to look like that for some reason. In the sun-filled retro moment, she could admit to herself that it tied into her earlier questions about her being smaller than they were both used to, and if that made her too different for him.
But he didn't insist, and that made her smile. It was maybe the same sort of thing that kept her from needing to see him in all his green question mark glory. She knew it was there, and that it was part of him. And if she maybe sometimes worried that he'd slip too far toward things he'd said he wanted to avoid again, it didn't make her think that he should stop wearing those suits. It made her think though, her question coming out soft: "Is there anything that makes you want it more? To wear them?"
The dock moved slightly in the water, shifting as they moved, but there was no sense that they were in danger of falling into the lake. The color of the sun tipped everything in gold, and made the moment seem just a little unreal. The quiet of Eddie's voice only added to it, especially when he said things about her that were true - that so few people knew. But he knew, and he was certain in the words, and it made her want to be closer. She didn't shift though, only replied with words that were even quieter than his. "I want people to live the lives they were meant to live. I know that means war for some."
It was almost like she hadn't realized she'd said something about Destruction, Eddie's question surprising her for a moment. But then she smiled, distant rather than warm. "He wandered. He liked to paint, so he did that. Spent time with Barnabas until he was loaned to Del. He just… was."
“I don’t know if I can ever describe the need to be a rogue.” Eddie said distantly about his green and question marks. “When I want to represent a part of me that I don’t want anyone to forget.” He smiled sheepishly at her. The Riddler wasn’t someone he was all the time, wasn’t even someone he was most of the time. But, it was still him. He wasn’t completely reformed because that would eventually make everything turn on its head. No, Eddie needed the neon green. He needed people to know it was still inside of him, that there wouldn’t be another Edward Nigma until he was dead.
He went quiet as she described Destruction stepping away from his place within the Endless circle. Eddie imagined a tough looking man, bright red hair and Scottish features standing in a quiet apartment painting. He imagined the man going down to the local grocery store and smiling at the people with lives a lot more fragile than they realized. Eddie had experienced something similar when he started to see people as people instead of dolls to throw around. “I get it.” He nodded and then brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “I’ve quit the super villain thing a few times, but it wasn’t until I just let myself live that it stuck. I remember having breakfast with one of my eyes and her daughter. For like fifteen minutes I forgot I was there to check on the death of Robin and Firefly. For that small amount of time, I was just a family friend having breakfast and asking about their week.”
And, there it was. The two sides of Eddie Nigma. Oh, sure he had plenty of masks, but it really came down to those two things inside of him. The man who wanted excitement, color and challenges and the man who wanted kind and simple human interaction. He wanted both even if that was too much to ask from the universe.
Her questions weren't meant to fully understand. She knew that some people had asked the same sorts of things in order to get to a source, in order to be able to root it out of him. That wasn't what she wanted, though. She was just curious. And there was a difference (she'd learned) between knowing something, and being told something. Knowing something came easy to her - all she had to do was turn her attention to it. But being told something - it gave her a different perspective. An understanding. She liked having Eddie tell her things because it gave her his point of view on a thing.
"It's a little different for him, I think. He wasn't like the rest of us. At certain points in the past, he needed to be there, doing his job. But it got to a point…" Her gaze went soft in the distance, as if she was seeing something on the far shore of the lake. "People got too good at it, I think. They didn't need him any more." And she knew what that was like. Oh, not entirely - people still needed to be born and to die. But she knew that if she wasn't there, like in this moment, or when she found herself back outside of the hotel, something continued on. She wasn't, in the truly strictest sense of the word, necessary. She could point at that and say, here, this is why I am the way I am now - hold it up for Destiny, for those few people she knew - but it seemed a sad sort of personal thing. Something to keep inside. So she shook herself, just a bit, and focused her thoughts on what Eddie was saying about himself.
She looked at him as he relayed the so-brief story, and though she didn't realize it, a frown began to creep its way onto her face. Line between her brows, she tried to recall that moment. She remembered Robin and Firefly, could trace that memory back to a rooftop and a sick realization that she was going to have to take. She remembered exhaustion and pain, but even though she tried, she couldn't remember what Eddie had been doing. She hadn't thought about that night for a very long time, and the remembering of it unsettled her. It took a moment before she waded back out from those thoughts, forcing a smile onto her face again and squeezing his hand. "People underestimate 'just living'. It can be really satisfying when you mix it in with everything else."
Eddie tilted his head curiously as her expression changed. He didn’t know what was going on in her head, what would take her away from the moment like that. And, he didn’t want to push. Her forced back smile didn’t seem to have any malice for him and so it wasn’t his place to dig if she didn’t want him to. Besides. The whole day so far had been a mix of soul searching, honesty and smooching. Eddie decided he wanted a little less heavy stuff and more smooching. “I agree.” He said and then looked back on the lake. The shimmering water reflecting a setting sun. “Let’s enjoy this little slice of just living. What do you say?” Eddie had intended on a smooch on the way to the dock, but the conversation had gotten a bit heavy and going in for one would feel like he was forcing it. See? Even a Gotham man could have a little restraint.
Instead, he tugged her hand to follow him to the edge of the dock. He let go, slipped his shoes off and sat down to roll his pantlegs up. “You know? I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed nature. Not like this.” Eddie looked out over the water and he let some more of Gotham fade. He let the riddles and question marks take a back seat, too.