InsaneJournal

Who: Evangeline Sablier - Wren Henry later
What: Narrative - Daisy turns one! - And then Wren joining later!
When: Recently - Happy birthday Daisy!
Where: First a park and then a cupcake shop in Luke and Wren's neighborhood.
Warnings: None!



Evie loved to celebrate generally, but the timing wasn't right for a birthday party. Evie didn't feel like she could handle a party. And who would she invite in any case? She wasn't ready, but she also knew that it wasn't about her. A year had gone by, a whole year. Her baby was crawling at top speeds and walking around holding onto furniture and bumping her head all the time. She had a good set of teeth, she was getting chatty and laughed all the time. Her long brown hair was getting thicker and her big blue eyes were beginning to show more and more personality. There had been dozens of milestones in the past year, and Evie wanted to celebrate every single one of them. Daisy deserved it. Daisy deserved a mother who wanted to celebrate all of those things. And Evie had to be mother and father. So - she was trying to push all of her worries away and throwing herself into spoiling her baby on her special day. She'd bring cupcakes back to the house for the others but for the most part Evie was trying to be as low key as possible while still giving the day the attention she felt it needed.

Things were too crazy to think about parties, or going out, or really organizing anything at all. No one knew what was happening from one day to the next. Evie didn't even have a home. Maybe once she found a place she would feel more inclined to have a few people over for cake. Evie had never been one to live her life in fear but she was terrified. The weather mutation was getting to her, the alien attack, everything was so hard and she was feeling both alone and lost. Even as she walked Daisy through the park pushing her in the stroller she found herself looking over her shoulder waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. She'd lost so much - and nothing felt permanent. She remembered back to the days where she took risks, and wasn't afraid of anything, now all she could think was how easily she'd lost everything and now with Daisy - she dreaded to think she'd lose her too. Terrible things were happening to the people she cared about, the only family and friends she had, and she felt useless to all of them.

She wanted to feel stronger, but all she felt was the desire to be useful. She hadn't felt needed since Will, but she knew that wasn't a healthy way to think. She'd spent a long time working out how not to be so co-dependent. It was okay if she was living her life and not waiting for someone to need her. She knew people still loved her, she knew they loved her without needing her and that was okay. She wished she could focus on the healthy ways Will had loved her, when everything had gotten better. But her heart was working against her brain. As per usual. The last thing she wanted to do was impress on her child that she needed to be needed. That wasn't fair to Daisy to grow up like that. Of course Daisy needed her mother, but Evie was careful not to soak that up. That was one thing she could say she was doing right.

As they walked through the park Evie looked at the sky, and the white puffy clouds, she watched other parents with their children, the mothers and the fathers - she lived with Luke and Wren it was getting easier to see all the men with children in the world. But she wondered what they were thinking as she walked. She wondered if they had worries, she wondered if they were as scared as she was. She knew on the surface, she looked like a young mother, confident and well put together enjoying a spring day with her daughter. Everyone else looked the same - but Evie almost hoped they had worries too. Then she wouldn't feel so frightened.

Regardless of where her head was at the smile stayed plastered on her face as she pointed out squirrels in the park and Daisy clapped and babbled in the stroller. That day they'd played in the park, they'd fed the baby ducks and baby geese that were still in their cute fuzzy stage. Evie had talked to other parents in the park, they'd played with someone's dog, and Daisy had said "dog." It was a good day. She could make it a good day. As long as she didn't start a blizzard or a tornado in the middle of May she would be okay. Every gust of wind worried her, she didn't know if it was her and if there was something worse to come.

But not today. Not today on Daisy's birthday. The only thing that was still to come was bringing the cupcakes back to Wren and Luke's house. And who could say no to cupcakes? Evie crossed the street from the park and walked into the bakery. She ordered one cupcake and an espresso as she sat down at a table and gave Daisy a little piece of the cupcake and couldn't help the genuine smile that spread across her face while Daisy's eyes grew wide with pure glee from the cupcake taste. Daisy was definitely her mother's daughter.

Evie knew that Daisy was supposed to be enough, she knew that she was supposed to the reason Evie got up every day. And she was. God she really was. Every day Evie was blown away by the little person she'd brought into that world. But she worried that she wouldn't be enough for Daisy. Daisy deserved the best, and she got subpar at best - and no Will. Evie was determined to do her best, she was going to sign up for cooking classes once she found her own place. Just the basics. Daisy deserved real food. She was going to find a real job and become a real human adult. She had to. Rainstorms or not. But it was hard. Evie was depressed, and she knew it. But she had to do better. She would do better. Every day she said she would do better, and sometimes she knew she was. And others she knew were just bad days. But it couldn't be this day. So even as her eyes stung with tears that reminded her how long it had all been. Daisy was a year old. A year. A whole year. And now it really was up to Evie. Her father wasn't here. Her life was going to have to change. She had just never done it on her own before. But this time she wasn't doing for herself. She had to do it for Daisy.

"Joyeux anniversaire mon petit chou." Evie said and kissed Daisy's little nose and took a bite of the cupcake and let Daisy stick her little paw right into the frosting. Maybe it wouldn't be okay tomorrow - but it had to be okay today. And that was enough for the moment.